i miss making out

i miss making out!!!!!!!

fyzah you taik lah. why must make me thing of that!!!!! hahahahaha.
i dah deprived for how long sia!!! the last time i kiss a guy pon dah terlupa!!!
hug i remember who lah. but kiss i think... OMG. haha. i just ingat!! lol.
hahahahhaha. jahat sey kita... hmms tengok lah who's the next lucky guy...
jahat. ehk but you should try butterfly kisses!! haha.
btw i have a nice poem about the butterfly kiss lah...
here goes....

i started on the forehead,
to begin with respect.
i kissed on the right eye and then the left.
from there the left cheeks and then the right..
which leads to the mouth where passion arise.

** this one i know who is the last person i did this to... i will always remember this one.
esp the very tight hug. like as if we both know that we will part after that day.
that after that day is the last happy moment we have with each other.

(wahhh and all the songs played... haiz. but fuk lah really lah. like we know that we are going to part sia. the way you hugged me and the way you looked at me. haiz. how i wished i never went that night lah. cos that night was the night that spoiled our relationship. i know it's my mistake. haiz. tts why like now, i will only go clubbing if im with my future bf and if he is going to be picking me up after that.)

okay lah. fyz, i think i better find myself someone special soon... so can get back on track with the making out shit. hahaa. jahat. klah...

love love love

pregnant day

"CANT THE RAIN AND THUNDER GET ANY WORSE?urrgh. haha.. kalau jodoh tk kemana aishah.jux remember tt okay. u both will be okay, trust me. no worries, i'll always be here whenever u nd me. tt i promise u =)) gona gv my last shot on getting ur frenship bck on track wit him. love lovee aishah! take care okay."

Niz, thanks so much for ur wanting to help but i dont think there's anything much more to be done. he said goodbye, that's his choice. i have lots of things to think about. just send him my regards daily if that's all i can even do as a friend.
apart from that, there's nothing much. but i love ya dear!

okay people, so my day went well.
i had some family day out.. well, i woke up like late cos i slept late last night.
stayed up till 4am chatting with ezzy... but i ended up getting beaten.. so i surrendered. haha.
anyways, then my mum was like telling me that my dad wont be coming with her and my sis for her monthly pregnancy check up.
so i just had to follow her and all. but dad sent us there so like she didnt have to walk.
he worked the night shift so like he die die had to sleep.
we were like at the pasir ris poly clinic till 5pm when we got there like 2pm.
i cannot imagine like waiting for mum without doing ntg- just played with my sister.
anyways, she told me eventually that the doctor advised her to go to kk women's hospital straight away.
the doc was in fear of miscarriage cos of the suprisingly strong heartbeat of the baby.
he claim that when the baby is just like 3 months, the heartbeat of the baby wont be that strong!
like OH SHIT! then she called my dad and so he came to fetch us and then we went to kk straight.
the evaluation? the doctor who did the ultra screening at kk was shocked too!
haha. the baby is actually already 4 months plus already. it is big and really healthy.
hahaha. the relief man. my sister and i was like so happy.
since morning we just kept rubbing mum's tummy and talking to the baby.
so my mum was telling us that pls just lay off the excitement cos she suspect the baby can hear us playing around and all, so the baby got excited lah. wth! boleh gitu ehk?
ahahahhaa. at kk there was this cute baby boy lah. then like he was sooo cute and his laughter just makes me laugh and laugh too!
i cant help it. i really love children now. gosh gosh. haha.

anyways, i have to go now.. going to sleep early.
my dad, sis and i will be going to my school to collect my laptop and go for the configuration excercise lah.
i miss lotsa peeps now lah.. haha.
-daryl
-jas
-ryan
-nurul
-mami
-danial
-hidayah
-hajar

** basically the clique... need a reunion before all start schooling man!!!

darylkeith

then i guess i should have come back when u called on me

but im stubborn and i wanted to prove to you

prove that i can live without you

that i can find happiness with other guys

that you cannot be the only one for me

that it isnt fate that brought us together

that it isnt fate that gave me premonitions of you

that it isnt what we thought the reason that i can feel you

....

to just tell you this, even tho you might not even get to read

or to those people who know who he is, convey this,

i left you, you are mad, but know this,

my love didnt leave you at all.

i might have faked being able to resist you,

but my love is never fake.

that's the only that i can offer you.

and that's the only thing that still hope for you.

im missing you so so bad

maryjean

final!

all i ever want is to have peace, prosperity and nice warm friendship.

i never want to have chaos nor a broken friendship.

well, my friendship with Fyzah is reinstated but just as it goes, my friendship with hIM is deteriorated.

today, my purpose of meeting up with Fyzah is to get her to come clean with me.

to tell me that yes she did lie to me or so i thought...

she explained herself well and yes even though everything was conradicted, i remain sure that hIM never lied about anything, up till the point...

and then i guess it's what Fyzah thought all along that made everyone think that she lied.

i told her straight that why push all the blame to hIM.

then she told me, that all this time she thought that he was sincere that he like her.

she was confused why is it that he tells everyone that he didnt like her when he said all the things to her.

well, she showed them to me and i was shocked.

**and for the love of GOD, im not worked up cos of any feelings!

(* Niz, feelings dont play a part in this. basically, im a human being. and dont even think that i like hIM as like a like LOVE thingy. it's not that way with me. you can ask feroz. he's just someone special to me just as my best guy friends and my brothers.)

and no one sane human being likes being lied to. i just felt like, why lie?

so this Fyzah tells around that she might have gotten hIM's signals wrong.

i thought yeah maybe, then i read the messages. after that, i was like GOSH!

he told me that he made it clear to her and all that, that he told her he likes her as a friend.

but then she didnt think so that way cos she knows what he said to her and all.

so like to all, she is lying. so then again... ooops! i trashed the wrong person.

but yeah, she still kept things from me and she did play a part in all this.

we're cool now. and im sorry for what i said.

**sorry fyzah. and dont worry, we are cool... but me and hIM are over. yup yup.

(**Imz, any girl you talk that way to will obviously think that you do like her. you led her on. and yes im happy that you treated me way better than that. but as a friend, a good friend, im ashame that you did that OUT OF COURTESY. if ya get to know abt this and ur not happy it's ok. tell the person to read it to their hearts' content. but never ever go around thinking that i got worked up for all the wrong reasons.)

basically people, lies just makes the world a chaotic place.
i dont deny i never ever lie before.
im not a saint. but then when you are already caught lying, just admit!
remember in the courts of law, when a criminal pleaded guilty, they have a lighter punishment?
that's just how things go.
and also, never try to be a player when you know that you arent capable of being one.(winks winks. haha. fyz fyz. shame on you! jahat.)
plus, LIE ALL YOU WANT....
BUT NEVER EVER GET CAUGHT FOR EVEN THE SLIGHTEST MISTAKE.
**but i dont think a person who lies can ever really not get caught. all i know, i avoid lies cos im not good at it... denial maybe but never lies.

after today, i just want to press the refresh button and just pretend that nothing happened.

nothing at all... that i didnt find out more about hIM's nature and that i didnt even get lied to over and over again.

but everything's done. over, done, finalised, finished, end, sudah, akhir, tamat...

ahahaha. * should i continue with the other similar words to over?

okay,
to imz, i have said what i wanted to say before we ceased our connections...
you have been a good friend and think whatever you want to think but i was always there for you. and i do appreciate your friendship and all. thanks for everything.

to fyz, i have forgiven you... and i do sympathise with you cos i know how a girl will react to such case. i saw enough evidence to your plea. and im sorry for thinking straight that you lied.

i guess kite dah mesti nk kene cium ah ni?? hahaha.

niz, thanks for wanting to help out. i wasnt the one to opt for the goodbye. he wanted it so i give it to him. besides, he said that my cara of making up is different from his. apparently, i have to comply to his ways when im the one pissed cos of the lies? haha. i didnt see that coming.
i had thought of just having a day or two cool off period. but no.. he want it in a rush...
but i cant and wont comply to that.
mane boleh a person who's mad just comply with you on making up straight away? apela.
but yes, talian persahabatan kami sudah putus ( hees... eksyen sikit with the malay words eh? haha.)

dddddddd

if i ever have to regret, it's just that day i left you.

all the things that are happening to me now would never happen if i didnt leave.

all this drama will not even exist if i stayed on.

but cos things between us just pure ceased, i just cant go back.

im just turning back my head to try to see if your hands im familiar of are still within my grasps.

you are the ONE who knew me and who gave me his all...

im the one who knew you but i drive our love to the wall.

the thief didnt took the liberty to take the treasure chest when it is there just waiting to be robbed.

the thief had the key but the thief is complacent enough not to read the map to the treasure chest.

now the treasure chest is shallowed by all the plants and the algaes around it.

the thief, possibly, will never ever find that treasure box anymore...

cos it just disappeared from sight...

** i need you so bad now. but i will never run to you...

i will never tie you down with me again.

but i do miss the way we are still.

i can never forget ur warmth.

never. never ever.

d

love love love

to fyzah 3

and so i trashed her on my blog. like it isnt normal for me to voice out my unhappiness.
basically, im not afraid to show or say if im pissed off or just pure outraged.
but then again, i really am not a fan of girls in a quarell.
and also, due to a guy.
whosoever is at fault... i shall leave it to them.
the whole chapters are closed but i still think that my chapter with her isnt.
i think i maybe being stupid to just give her another chance to explain herself.
but then again, she is a girl and have been a nice girl friend.
just that this time, if she ever lie to me about anymore things at all, she's crossed out.
i dont know why im have so much patience for all this.
for letting her prove herself again, at this final time.
i can be really mean and freaking nasty, but it contradicts my natural all-so-nice-and-kind ways.
the sisters tells me to just drop her dry, torture her if possible.
they know im capable...
but then again, i think i have tortured enough girls in my years at st hilda.
im not the type to hate the person to such extent.
unless i really have to (winks winks)

so tonight at 8pm, i'll be meeting her at tampines interchange.
well, i maybe cycling there...
need to exercise! im certified FAT!
hahaha...
i dont know what else to even really talk about.
i guess i really just want her to come clean.
then we will see if there's anymore left for our friendship.

fyz,
i know that you did say that you want to save this friendship.
that you dont ever want to lose a friend in me.
but girl, the more you lie to me, the more you really will lose me.
just be frank and be straight and i will overlook anything else.
that's just how i am.
people think that if they hide things from me is somehow just saving our friendship/r'ship.
but no, im quite the opposite. cos i rather that you are honest and then you apologize.
if i see ur sincerity, it's a higher chance that i will forgive.
that's all.


anyways, i really cannot wait for school next week! =))
sun-tues (8-10) stay in SIT cypher camp.
wed-fri (11-13) "prison break" day camp

REPUBLIC BABE'S FREAKING EXCITED!!!
=))

to daryl

sometimes, i would wish that i never left that time.
i would wish that you are never apart from me.
i would wish that we still are together now.
i would wish for a lot...
but then it would mean that i just want to run away from all things.
all the things that are consuming me.
the things that are so itching me the wrong way.
i have to say that no matter what i do, i still have you in my heart.
that can never be taken away from me.
no matter how much you pull away.
no matter how much you control yourself.
but everything is done and no matter how much i try, i can never change the situation.
yes i met new people, i develop new ways and i have new habits.
and still i havent drive that feelings i have for you.
i like someone new but you are still the one who lives in my heart.
tears that drop have your name written in it.
all the memories that i cherish are you in it.
why are you so hard to forget even though you have hurt me so much.
then i think maybe it is because of all the things we shared.
of all the times that you were there for me.
of all the times you are ever ready to choose me over anyone.
i really miss you.i really really do.
it's hurting me that you are so so so out of my reach.
yes, being together is an impossible goal for you now.
but why cant we be just normal friends?
it hurts more not having you in my life than having to pretend that we can be really good friends.
im so so sorry for leaving.
i meant to do so, i just had to.
we need space to grow.
but yes, i know that i should have explained to you.
ive said goodbye loads of time, but failed.
i should have taken that hint that we should never say goodbye.
i didnt because i so wanted to prove to you that im capable of doing so.
but then again, im wrong.
as always.
you know i can survive without you, but always not for long.
im just foolishly in love and stuck on you.
i admit that to you and to my readers now.
but get this, im just letting out what im feeling now.
im not saying that you should consider being with me again.
no no no.. i just want to say, that my heart is aching for you...
for your friendship, for your presence.
im just so so sorry for the past...

**to the one who is still in me. the one who gave me so much pain and oh so much love.

to fyzah 2

firstly, i was shocked.
second, i was WTF!!! !%^#%%^$#&%!%!!!
after all the #$&%$*$*^$!!! i swear i will never ever lay trust upon someone who still lie after already lying to me.
AND WORST! after having my forgiveness???!!!

i cannot imagine how dumb you think i am...
how much you try to say that you are a friend.
WELL FUCK YOU UNDERSTAND!?
i dun give two flying fucks if you want hIM, but why still use edi?
YOU'RE TRYNA BE A PLAYER WHEN YOU KNOW YOU CAN NEVER BE.
dont you understand? i ALREADY FREAKING TOLD YOU that IM IMMUNE TO WHAT YOU THINK WILL HURT ME.
and that you are just hurting yourself going for the second best.
do you wanna know why i never went for the other guy? huh?
it's cos I NEVER GO FOR THE SECOND BEST.
NEVER.IF THERE'S ONE THING YOU WANT TO LEARN FROM ME?
dont learn my nasty ways or how mean i can be, but learn to
NEVER SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR LOVELIFE.
(Edi, if ever ya get to read this... and hate to break it to you... YOU ARE A SECOND BEST.)
you think it even matter to me that you are backing away cos you love EDI!
FUCK YOU AGAIN!!
why love edi now huh BITCH?
when it was you who keep saying that you cannot love him cos you already like hIM..
that your feelings for hIM will never ever revert back to edi.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT? i didnt even have the heart to tell edi to drop you.
it would have been easy to avenge myself you devil.
it would be easy to make your worklife and even your future social life in TP a living hell.
do you know how many friends i have there? do you know that?
oh yeah, i heard you quit at 2HOT. it was only last night that you are still OKAY about staying.
WHY LIE TO ME WHEN I HAVE ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT WE ARE COOL.
the least you can do is to just FUCKING COME CLEAN THE SECOND TIME AROUND.
and by the way, i guess fate knows that you will be doing all this shit that's why he gave you a hell of shit with your dear cico... oh i get it, maybe this isnt the first time you do all this shit?
but i still wish you good luck with edi.
GOOD LUCK. SO THAT HE WILL NEVER EVER LEAVE YOU WHEN HE SEES YOUR TRUE COLOURS. COS HE WILL...
gosh. and hIM is right, you have to try harder if your trying to make me hate him and all.
yes he did have his fault in all this shit.
BUT HE CAME CLEAN WITH ME.
TELL ME NOW, WHO IS THE BETTER FRIEND BETWEEN YOU AND hIM?
IF YOU STILL INSIST IT'S YOU, then you can FUCK YOURSELF DRY.

p.s. i am not angry that you like hIM or why he even did say that he do like you too. that's the part when he confused me. but then i realise why...
im angry because you lied to me ONCE, then claim to come clean with me, and then LIE TO ME AGAIN! and then push all the blame to hIM, like you didnt play a part in all this.
just have a good luck to your life now okay.
i truly wish you well for pissing me off you dirty pussy.
now, FUCK THE HELL OFF MY BLOG!

anyways, this is for the girl that this bitch has claim that had backstabbed her...

Niz,
whatever i have heard about you from this bitch, that's the past.
about finding out about all this shit yesterday and telling Im all that there is, that's a job of a good friend. you are a good friend to him.
i redeem you. we are okay. i know people makes mistake.
and i mistaken your intentions last night.
you see, hIM and i already have some peace, after all this lame commotions.
and then i thought you are going to make it worst.
up till i really found out who's the one lying.
whatever it is... you turn out to be a better person than that lying bitch.

hugs,
mj.

**oh sorry fer the profanities.

love love love

inspiration chunk from mr clarke

Well Being / Inspiration
How Do You Make Love Stay?
Daily Inspiration
By Dr. John H. Sklare
Friday, March 23, 2007

Love! It can be the most wonderful feeling in the world or the most torturous emotional state known to mankind. But the latter is not the approach I want to take today. Instead, I want to talk about the good kind of love, the kind that lifts your spirit, fills your heart and changes you in the most deep and profound way. If you are fortunate enough to have found that kind of love, how do you make it stay?

That reminds me of an old Dan Fogelberg song titled “Make Love Stay.” In that song, there’s a line that goes, “But mystery’s a thing not easily captured and once deceased not easily exhumed.” The mystery of love is elusive! Those who actively seek it always seem to walk away disappointed, and then when you least expect it, that special someone seems to just show up. My message today is for those of you who have found that special love – why not make today the day you recommit to making that love stay? Don’t take it for granted and expect it to always be there because, as the lyrics suggest, once it’s gone, it’s not easy to get back. Love is like a garden that needs to be nurtured and tended to. An unattended garden will soon lose its beauty and die – and the same is true for love. How do you make love stay? You work on it every single day!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

this is what i got in my hotmail inbox.
then i thought, damn it's harder than it sounds! like so totally hard.
sometimes when it's there, you wont even know that you are taking that love for granted.
the only time that you get to know about your own mistake is when things go wrong.
someone once asked me, "can you even live just by love?"
then i remembered my reponse was, "no, of course not.but it makes life much worthwhile".
so now as i think on it, im glad that i did answer it that way.
anyway, i have much to say at my affliated blog.
go on CLICK THIS LINK ...

there are more to say about other things besides love.

i wont be able to really talk about love much lately.

that is because im not involve with some Mr MJ...

yes yes. i am not yet ready for another relationship.

i know it's been like what, 4 months since i left daryl.

but that's not the whole thing.

it is because i think i feel tiresome of the rough waters i had with him.

so im not ready to really jump into the potential choppy to rough waters again...

i prefer just watching the ocean of love and just stay out of it for the time being.

i just want to foster friendship until like the time comes and i see who is there for me.

who is sincere enough to be really there for me...

i am leaving you all for now.

do check my affiliated blog for some other stuff i have written.

tag at the board if you have things to say further.

=))

love love

perseverance,dedication,concentration

i was typing away on the SISTERS BLOG , telling them to start sketching their goals in life.
then it hit me that i am right right to tell them to do so.
ever since i started having some difficulties(of which i wont touch on), i realise that working towards your goals just makes you feel secured.
having goals to look forward to just makes life more bearable..
that is because you know what you want to see at the end of the tunnel.
it coincides with the saying, YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.
i do believe in that.
i didnt have the expected o levels aggregate score at all and i didnt land myself in a poly which my teachers greatly recommend for me.
i didnt get the desired points that the teachers has set for my standard.
im not saying that im a genius or anything, it's just that more of me was expected.
but i let that expectations down.
then so i realise that expectations and goals is never the same.
before this revelation, i used to torture myself due to the expectations set on me.
here are the expected points of mine of each subject during the o levels,
English - A1
Maths- A1
Science- chem A1, Phy A2
POA- A1
Social Studies-B3/B4

now look at my actual results,
English- C5
Maths- C5
Science- B4
POA- C6
Social Studies- C6.

see the difference? i do.
this is the result of having too much expectations to think of.
this is the product of not having goals!
because expectations show nothing of goals.
it shows mirage on the road.
it shows no light at the end of the struggle for the o levels(tunnel).
this shows that expectations doesnt ignite perseverance, it just tire people out.
expectations should just be set according to the goals that we are working towards.
and so i teach you PERSEVERANCE here.

i didnt have enough encouragement that could enlightened the struggle i felt.
instead i got too tired of the expectations that i hardly even realise that my dedication for my studies was slacking.
i wasnt consistent at all.
also, the teachers have too high a standard for me that they didnt see the laziness that has developed.
instead, they saw someone who is just being too complacent.
in fact, i think they didnt even see that i lack motivation.
but the blame should never be put on them.
it was me to be blamed for. i didnt put on enough dedication into my work, that's why i lost out.
that's why im learning and so i teach you DEDICATION here.

with all the lack of motivation being the product of some emotional distress,
i was on the verge of really breaking into pieces.
i was already fragile at that point but then i didnt break apart.
and i didnt break away from the one who made me so fragile.
i didnt think, i keep feeling and it caused me so much hurt to keep feeling.
then i realise that i have to just put my brain to use.
that it is best to stop listening to Ms Heart for the time being.
i was out of the path that i should be walking on.
instead i wandered out of the pavement, walked into the dangerous road of love.
i almost died when i got hit by one of the cars that drove past.
and so i learn that CONCENTRATION on that goal will be much useful than just having perseverance and dedication alone.
so i teach it here...

so good luck sketching your life.
live up to your goals and dont be swayed from your ambition, no matter who you are with.
remember, they are not worth it if they are the obstacles to your goals.
but if they are there to give you motivation and respects that you need your room to achieve your goals, always give them your time when you have it.
even just a single sms a day, at least let them feel that you havent push them aside.
yes, goals and careers are very important but that shouldnt be the reason why we push love away when it wont harm us.
just make sure that nothing sway us from that goal, doesnt mean that i must sway ourselves from being emotionally happy.
ensure only that when you start being emotionally distress, think on it and then release them and break away if you cant work things out.
also, i suggest you both have your space away from each other to see how much you still want to be with them.
the thing is, anticipate all things!
good or bad... just anticipate.

i leave you all now here.
think on it and remember, have goals that are achievable eventually.
it will make you more happy if you have worked your ass to achieve something!
have a great day.
till the next entry then...
take care.

love love,
mj

the other blog

i think im being sucha blog addict or something.
nahh.. somehow i think it is normal fer a person like me.
i love to talk and talk and talk... never ending.
okay, so since like i can be pretty emotional and too full of words to sae,
i have established a new affliated blog where i will write more of random stuff.
so like this blog will be for the daily stuff.
and if there is some subject i have raised at AFFILIATED BLOG
then i will make some announcement here... and then i will attach the link or something.
oh ppl, you will know what to do aites.

anyway, i enrolled today.
and YES! im officially an RP babe! then there this 'Prison Break' camp.
like hell! i really cannot wait for the 16th April.
ok, even for the 8th April too...
i will have this Cypher Camp. yes yes.
my week will be like be full of camps!
im so freaking excited!! YAY!
this camp will last till the 11th.
and guess what? the 'Prison Break' camp is on the 11th! so like no real break fer me!
hafta recharge my dying batteries.
yes yes.
ciaoz people.

love love love

to fyzah

they say that feelings that are real can never be avoided.

feelings that are avoided consumes.

feelings is exquisite. it makes us be who we really are.

it shows us the path of life, and it simplifies every complex details of life.

when we have or give our feelings to another person, so to speak, we have taken fancy of them.

so if that comes in conclusion, we can say that it should be wholesome if reciprocated.

if it isnt, then it is a non-wholesome feeling.

that is, if we like someone but that someone do not return it.

in some context, the problem doesnt lie in that kind of situation...

it lies in fickle-mindedness and the whole availability affair.

also, it lies in the words coming out all wrong.

we tend to misjudge people. the way they interact with us and the way things happen.

it is just up to us if we pick up the signals they provide.

sometimes, we get the signals wrong.

e.g. we think that they like us back when it is not so, or we think that they dont when they do in real fact..

sometimes, we get the whole idea all wrong, up till the point where we find out the real truth and so make ourselves freaking stress up all cos of the miscommunications...

with miscommunications, friendships go haywire and everything just fall to pieces.

but life is good because there are people who looks to friendship as a very important relationship.

i am a strong believer of friendship. i know without friends you can REALLY rely on, you have nothing.

cos what makes you think that your romantical attachment is someone who you can really rely on more than your friends? how confident can you say that relationships will last.

and when you're not happy in your relationship, who do you turn to?

arent they whom you call friends?

that's why i dont really believe in girlfriends fighting over a guy.

or bestfriends getting angry at each other cos they like the same person.

the thing is that, the guy or girl who is the peak of the triangular affair should make his choice!

the two parties shouldnt fight at all cos if the guy end up leading both on, what's the point?

the GUY's not worth it!

so unless the guy makes up his mind, make it clear to the other, everything will be in havoc..

no what if the peak is fickle-minded.

what if he/she cannot make up his mind who he wants?

what if he/she thinks he/she likes A when actually it is B he thinks about most of the time?

"what if?", there really are a lot of what ifs and nothing is solved with just 'what if' ...

okay, i have a good guy friend and a good girl friend. i like guy and we are really close and we yeah, it was all great, until somehow he got to know how fickle-minded and insatiable i am.
we arent hitting it off because i have no intention of getting emotionally trapped again.
no no no. my experience with daryl was enough.
i dont want to be hurt deeply again.
i dont want to lose anyone special again.
never. i lost daryl due to our relationship breakdown, and it trips the hell out of me.
i never want to lose another one who has the potential of being special to me too.
so then girl end up liking guy.
girl didnt think that i knew way before she even form it in her head that she does.
dont ask me how i know. i JUST know.
so from then on, i was ready..
i observed, i analysed.
i saw what was coming. i anticipated it.
then when it was finally clear to me, when i am positive that it is true that girl has confessed.
i wanted to know what guy said.
guy told her he do like her... but in a way, it's his mistake he didnt get it clear what he meant.
that's what i wasnt happy with him about.
in fact, i was much unhappy with guy than i was with girl.
then until a part where it hits me..
is girl evil enough to actually say nasty things just to get him?
is she is, SHE WILL NEVER EVER BE MY FRIEND ANYMORE.
okay, anyways, fate turns the table to me.
fate destroyed the wall of where all this secrets hide behind.
fate ; it is something that is never alien to me.
i met fate when i met daryl. that's the truth.
so fate will always be ready to help me. that, im sure.
when the chaos starts to build due to the secrecy and lies that guy failed to tell me.
i completely moved back. what kind of good friend will lie to his/her good friend?
when both of us have said long ago that we will be honest with each other...
then guy pulled me back, explained himself and i listened. cautiously...
girl thinks that im angry with her. i say im not. why should i be...
when i meant it when i say that NEVER EVER GO TO EYE CANDY (her otr dude) IF YOU DONT WANT HIM.
but girl did. if you did that cos you think you're guilty and you dont wanna hurt me, then im sorry because i bet you just have hurt yourself.
when i hardened my emotion, even if i see someone die right in front of me, my tears will never fall. so tell me, do you think that i have enough sympathetic feelings to be sad for?

to whom this may concern,

yes, a good friend tell but you're a human and you dont know me well yet.
i understand that you cant control your emotions.
everyone is entittled to like somebody, i just hope that in order to have hIM,
you didnt say anything nasty against me.
GOD knows gal, so you dont need to explain to me.
i can never tell you to stop your feeling for him.
i can just tell you that you had stepped on my toes.
i let you go cos it dont hurt as bad as you think.
i even told him, "since she want you, go! and IF you want her, go!"
and that's what i tell you now.
i dont ever want to come in between.
even him and HER, i told him the same thing.
now that you're with edi. good luck.
and take care loads.

good nite to you.

mj.

connected

okay, people, my internet connection was sooo off for a few days. im now currently using hajar's laptop. im sooo envious that she already have her laptop. i have to like freaking wait for a few more days for mine to arrive. i have no more patience to it! haha. pls pls pls, i want my laptop soon!!!
anyways, im at hajar's place now on her 2nd deck bed, while hidayah and her are on the first deck. we are all watching scary movies 4.. gosh gosh. hahaha. and im like typing away while watching. haha. no biggie.

okay, i gtg. laptop batt going flatt...

take care all...
love love

at east coast

it has been planned, tho not as proper, that the clique have a reunion.
the venue was at east coast.
the clique as in ME, nurul, ryan, daryl, danial, jas.
yes, that's the wholesome clique.
two couples two singles... just that now, it's just 6 good friends.
tho i have to protest that it is just 4 good friends.
daryl and i... NOT even in the really friendship terms.
i dont even think that we ever will be lah...
anyway, it was suppose to be a picnic, with all the members present. (daryl and i were forced!)
with all the picnic snacks laid out on the supposedly big mat.
on the contrary, only four came (me, nurul, daniel, daryl), ruffles, mineral water and F&N orange laid out on the sand cos we dont even have enough space on my red blanket like mat. =))
daryl sat on the hump of earth above the sand.. danile joined him throwing stones at some sand.
then as two monkeys that they are, threw stones at me.
daryl did too... a motion of peace? haha. doubt so...
i think he's just resisting to throw at me the biggest stone he can lay his hands on and thus causing my death! =))
such tragical situation to think of! mary like you gotta stop!
okie anyway, the day was too much of relaxing... all we did was lie down on the blanket, play boggle and then daryl just have to set the sleepy mode!
im still amazed at how he can sleep anywhere he pleases...
but before that when we all still havent caught the lazy bug, daniel and nurul just have to have the opportunity of teasing me and daryl.
i really cant help but laugh lah!
hahaha. anyways, it was also of the way danial tease that made me so tickled.
he was rummaging through daryl's wallet and he found the wallet card that i gave daryl on last year's valentine's day.
ok, it really is very sweet that he kept it until now.
but i guess now that he was caught with it, either he will dispose of it or he will just stop putting it in his wallet.
but whatever it is, i guess our friendship still can have a chance.
or i guess there really isnt... cos maybe daryl and i are just not friends material!
like what say you people?

my romance with him is already past, i have no particular prospect in my love department with him (maybe with someone new!) and i have new goals in life now. i wont let any guy ever come in that way. not even my old love, present candy man, new mr right now... whatsoever.. i guess i have to thank daryl for giving me all the heartache he gave because as of these moments, im much emotionally stronger...
thanks dude... no matter how much you claim you hate me, i know that you still care... even just as a friend. and that's what i want... nothing else.

** jas was like "GOOD GOOD. at least daryl and mary did talk here and there. there's improvement!" gosh jas. first you break us up, now you wanna push us back. headaching. lol.

going from that subject...

about me and hIM = utter confusion!
havoc in the mind.
we are friends as always.. =))
just that as of today, when he defend his actions this past few days, i feel indifferent.
somehow that is... i didnt think much about this and that this past days.
i have sobered. i have flown to a place higher than where the sea will reach me.
i told him some stuff and he explained here and there.
i dont know where it might lead.
i have no rush. im still happy being single.
im much excited to start school... im much taken in by the new goals of my life!
i just cant wait for my LAPTOP! hahahaha...
i told As that i cannot wait for it, for my school!
for everything lah.....

and then!

then there are the times that i lie on my bed thinking how will things happen.
things that i dont even think will even develop that way that i think it will.
sometimes if i have a stick, i will smoke it although i know that it will not bring any good.
sometimes i wonder if i end my life, will it be better?
will my life be much happier?
but no, im much too optimistic to even brood about calling death to me.
im much stronger even in face of many problems.
i turn problems to dust with what i have around me.
family, friends and many more.
sometimes, i get so tired of everything that i just want to lie down and just lay on my bed till everything pass me by.
yes, it is something really nice to think about but then i hate being lazy!
im not lazy by nature but it is really eating me up.
if i even think of my old me last time, i will admit that i have really grown lazy.
plus! i procastinate a lot more than i used to.
tsk tsk tsk.. horrible.

anyway, i really appreciate that i have bounced back from some recent events that had me so heavy burdenned about.
for two days i thought it over and over.
then it hit me that it is inevitable...
so i really just have to accept it. i have to learn once again to just let a special being go.
i have adapted to it already so i am not surprise that it only took me only a day to console myself and really just close my eyes, breathe deep and smile again.
i have tried to make ammends but it didnt help so i guess i just have to make sure that a distance between us have to be established.

now, i cannot wait to jump start my gear for school!
i have told as over and over that i really cannot wait to start school.
he was like wth. i know that later i will somehow be so bored of it that i will tell him that i cannot wait for the holidays!
yes yes. but i really am more looking forward to the enrolment next week!
my dad will be purchasing a laptop for me!
i really cannot wait. i really hope that i do get what i want this year.
i have solemnly promise to myself that my studies will come first this three years.
three years will pass by and i know that i will really be successful.
i have to be, i must!
my future depends on it. i cannot afford to be distracted and emotionally stressed.
emotional distress can kill my enthusiasm. so totally no-no=))
but i really just want a nice companion.
im really quite lonely lah... haha. but i really hope that if i ever get someone special this year.
i will only really go on if he can guarantee me that he will never give me stress!!
hahaha. well, well...
im late for work. so cioaz for now.

love love love!

when your missing someone

I Miss You!
Daily Inspiration
By Dr. John H. Sklare
Friday, March 9, 2007

I was having a conversation with that special someone in my life the other day that raised an interesting thought. She had been away for a couple of weeks and we were talking on the phone when she said, “I miss you.” I immediately responded with, “I miss you too!” After we hung up, I thought about what it means to “miss” someone when they are away from you. The truth is that “missing” someone tells you a lot about your relationship with that person. If someone is away and you don’t miss them, don’t really notice or worse yet enjoy your life more, that definitely tells you something about the state of your relationship. If, on the other hand, you feel a bit lost and lonely, that tells you something else.

Missing someone serves as a reminder of the important role that this person plays in your life. It may very well also be one of the telltale signs of love. Missing someone is one of those intangible measurements that tells you what’s in your heart and provides an objective appraisal of the state of your relationship. So if you find yourself separated from that special someone in your life today and your heart aches a bit from missing them, just smile and know this: If they miss you as well, you are very rich indeed and have something that money can’t buy!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

THIS IS SOMETHING THAT I HAVE RECENTLY RECEIVED IN MY HOTMAIL ACCOUNT.
WELL, IT IS SOMETHING INTERESTING SO I POST IT HERE.
THIS IS ALSO SOMETHING THOSE PEOPLE SHOULD READ ABOUT..
I HOPE HAJAR READS THIS... HAHA.

*TODDLES*

when your missing someone

I Miss You!
Daily Inspiration
By Dr. John H. Sklare
Friday, March 9, 2007

I was having a conversation with that special someone in my life the other day that raised an interesting thought. She had been away for a couple of weeks and we were talking on the phone when she said, “I miss you.” I immediately responded with, “I miss you too!” After we hung up, I thought about what it means to “miss” someone when they are away from you. The truth is that “missing” someone tells you a lot about your relationship with that person. If someone is away and you don’t miss them, don’t really notice or worse yet enjoy your life more, that definitely tells you something about the state of your relationship. If, on the other hand, you feel a bit lost and lonely, that tells you something else.

Missing someone serves as a reminder of the important role that this person plays in your life. It may very well also be one of the telltale signs of love. Missing someone is one of those intangible measurements that tells you what’s in your heart and provides an objective appraisal of the state of your relationship. So if you find yourself separated from that special someone in your life today and your heart aches a bit from missing them, just smile and know this: If they miss you as well, you are very rich indeed and have something that money can’t buy!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

THIS IS SOMETHING THAT I HAVE RECENTLY RECEIVED IN MY HOTMAIL ACCOUNT.
WELL, IT IS SOMETHING INTERESTING SO I POST IT HERE.
THIS IS ALSO SOMETHING THOSE PEOPLE SHOULD READ ABOUT..
I HOPE HAJAR READS THIS... HAHA.

*TODDLES*

quizes!!

You Would Choose Love

Money may buy a little happiness, but not the happiness of true love. You rather have a true soulmate than a private jet. And while many people may claim they would choose love too... You're one of the few who would really do it.

Would You Choose Love or Money?

You Are A Good Friend

You're always willing to listen Or lend a shoulder to cry on You're there through thick and thin Many people consider you their "best friend"!

What Kind of Friend Are You?

beginning and ending, co-existence

everyday, the sun comes up the horizon and brings light to all.
it acts as the start of a new day and it can never be replaced because the beginning is always essential to every ending.
day in and day out, every ending comes after the beginning.
without either one, there will never be both.
but as i think about it, co-existence is something that everyone undergo in their life.
humans, animals, plants... they survive cos they co-exist with one another.
even with the sun and moon, they co-exist.
the sun can never reflect its own light to produce the night sky.
without the moon, there would never be the period called NIGHT.
also, without the sun, the moon can never ever shine in the night.
scientifically we know that the biggest mirror ever is that moon.
it reflects the sun and thus produces the disc up there in the night sky.
now, i want to deduce this entire paragraph.

basically, im talking about beginning and ending, and co-existence.

about the beginning and ending, i am saying all that because someone i have thought that i have learnt to care for, is really moving away from me.
im feeling the distance that he has put between us.
i am quite used to it. he isnt the first so im not grieving.
i have learnt to let go of that one person who i loved the most, who i sacrificed for a lot.
this time, i will never ever pine for the presence of someone who motion this distance due to something that i have sought ammendments for.
the previous loved one whom i just mentioned i learnt to let go didnt accept my motion for reconcilation too.
he seem still wounded from all that has happened between us.
he still harbour hatred and anger against me.
me who isnt the cause he and i have to break apart.
it was he who made me do so.
i was the one who lost out a lot in our relationship.
but then there comes co-existence...
you see, without him being that way to me, i would not be strong as i really am now.
i have always been strong but not in terms of fully recovering from a failure in the love department.
the previous loved one has made me realise what i should be, what i can be.
i thank GOD for that experience with him because another guy whom i have quite recently started liking is moving away from me because of something i did.
i was in the wrong, i admit.
but partially, it was his fault too.
he didnt make me feel that i am something more to him.

anyway,
this recent guy, he mirrored me.
i felt his existence in my life made me realise how the guys feel whenever i mistreat them.
it made me realise that a simple gesture can stir guys' emotions.
as always, even if i am out with somebody i see quite special, i will be on the phone, either answering smses or just attending to a call that can be delayed.
i didnt see that it is something hurtful or it can even stir some uneasiness until when i met this recent guy.
i appreciate it... GOD i thank you.

in my own possible insane way, i have been recently leading a life not base on my principles.
but it is based on my experiences.
especially in the love department...
i have somehow forgotten to commit and to date one person at a time.
i admit recently i have been serial dating.
everyone is doing it, i know.
however, i still feel that GOD has given me too much signs to abandon that new ways.
after the part that recent guy moves slowly from me, i realise that i should just see one.
i am doing that now. so it is a motion to a start of the old new me.
i hope that heaven shines down upon me with sweet smile.

with love and hope... i deny deceit and betrayal...

love love,
mary jean

THROUGHOUT

ok. so the whole entry yesterday still somehow affects me.
like the whole shit of life changes one's perspective in life, as always with me.
confrontations help, in some ways...
i really dont know much about where it might lead and how it will get to that destination.
life is sooo unpredictable and so wonderful at the same time.
i cant help but be awed by the ups-and-downs of this rollercoaster ride.
as the days past, i learn a lot about what other people feel through the people who are with me...
who are AROUND me... who i care for and who i hold dear.

so lately, i havent been telling you what are the other things that sustain me from falling into pieces...

Monday ( 12.03.07)
well, i met as. went to bukit timah nature reserve.
went hiking and it was totally hilarious.
he has the same exasperated expression i gave when daryl brought me to the peak of the hill.
hahaha. the staircase was so high up.
when we saw that a small child was like climbing up on his own,
we were like... WE CAN DO IT!!!
after showing him around, we went to town.
gone to eat at Sakura... and then went to wisma and hereen.
as is a flesh imp dude. no shirts suited to his liking so we cioaz from there.
after that went to maestro bistro had milkshakes and floats.
then later went to esplanade... hear some jazz mini concert from the roof terrace.
the ambience was nice... but i really did wish that i was there with a boyfriend.
at least like the feeling and the ambience is like valid.

Tuesday ( 13.03.07 )
went to east coast with hIM, roz, fyzah and bro bo.
had a great day. football, swimming, running ard like mad, going nuts...
yes yes. that's like one of the things we did..
then i felt so ticklish when hIM went into the water to lift me on his shoulders.
UNSUCCESFUL SHIT lah. haha.
he lah.. dunno how to enter properly. lol.
sounds so wrong... but yeahs.
it was fun shit.
after east coast, went to bro bo's condo.
went to gym- i cycled and ran, then the guys did their muscles stuff.
i cycled until dont know where lah. ahha. hIM was like saying i look cute jogging.
wth. got liddat meh.. hahaha. jahat.
niwaes, after that swam around lah.
fyzah, roz, bro bo didnt come down with me and hIM.
so they like stay up at the condo while me and hIM went to swim and relax at the jacuzzi.
cool shit lah. quite fun. then later bro bo joined us... and then followed by the rest.
after the whole day out. i had a whole night in with hIM. watch some vcd.
i got somehow sick lah. so like was so tired and all. guess what.
both of us wanting to watch the vcd, fell asleep.. hahha.
he were like on the floor with all the pillows. haha...
ppl, dont think nonsense k. his uncle was at home okie! haha.

Wednesday (14/03/07)
went to temasek poly to reactivate my jae appeal account that got decline cos my dear sisters entered the wrong birthday.
THANKS EH?? FOR GETTING MY SPECIAL DAY WRONG.
niwaes, i got BUSINESS COMPUTING at REPUBLIC...
not the best school but i like the course.
almost jump up and down. hahaha.
msged all my concern party! hahaha. =))
then yeahs... happy!
then took my specs and then saw kukong and daryl...
saw daryl oso for a sec. shut the door straight when i found out it's him and not aunty chanel.
anyway, didnt spend time too long cos as was waiting for me.
nice dude! last minute ajak oso boleh. good good.

Thursday ( 15.06.07 )
went east coast again with hajar.
fun shit.
played football, meet people, play volleyball. fun shit.
i will miss her so much lah. she's going to ngee ann poly.
wish her luck!! =))
i wish myself luck too!! hees..

Currently... waiting for the afternoon...
going for the MOVIES!!
BLOOD AND CHOCOLATE!!!
CANT WAIT!!!

words

faith wearing thin and there's nothing much to be done to the step that i have taken.
i cannot accept the fact that what im feeling now will be what leads me to an insane dilemma.
i hate to admit the fact that i am really liking someone so much...
and it hurts to think that it will all be over due to my stupidity.
i hate to admit it over and over again to myself that i did a foolish mistake.
that once again im going to have to try to psycho myself from liking someone...
i feel strongly for hIM but i have to admit the fact that fg has really distracted me from hIM.
fg is really a good distraction. i really have to admit that.
im really being a wonderful bee yotch really.
but how do i move away from fg and then reassure hIM that i want him instead...
or have i lost him already? i have no clue... arrrggg..
this whole situation really makes me truly in touch with how guys feel.
the things that i do to them, hIM make me realise how stupid i can really be.
hIM makes me realise what kind of mistake there is on how i treat those guys i have dated.
hIM shows me myself. hIM is like my mirror... is that hIM's purpose of entering my life?
REVELATION? is that it? then fuk that ... ! i have finally find someone who i wanna be with and now, it has made stuck in this pit of insane dilemma. im not even sure if what i feel is really what is meant to be. fg is really a wonderful person. i must admit.
but how do i weigh my emotion and decide.
GOD give me light...
my motives and purpose now is my ways before. i am not a serial dater. i never was.
i was the one who commits dutifuly to my other half.... i never ever want to hurt him and whoever is special to me.
but now? i land myself in this stupid moment. im even ashame to say that i am what i am now.
arrrggghh!!


i hope it isnt too late to alter the things that has happened.
pls forgive me... i have been wrong to do what i did...

Some some

what is love to me now?
it is still something that makes me feel squirmy inside, but it is somewhat an irritant and a distraction.
it has begun itching me in the wrong form whatsoever.
not that i dont want to be in love anymore, but the thought of losing the person you start to care for the most will be just another passers-by in the street of life.
Life is to be enjoyed and to be led with much fulfilment and happiness.
We should be happy and not sad most of the time.
Tears fall no doubt but we should never ever let sorrow rule our heart and mind.
I have begun my quest for romance again after the 3 months break. I somehow have someone who can be there for me whenever i really call for company, that is if being with my friends is not enough. But it is, i am happier with my friends rather than sharing intimacy with another person. Intimacy breaks my wall and i really cannot bear to let my emotion run wild anymore.
Not after what happened to my relationship with Daryl. It will always be the same pattern for everyone. After i realise that all, really, everything do come to an end... even the love that have blossomed well whither and die due to some incidents because we humans get tired of doing the same thing over and over again... watering and building up the love that we feel for our other halves just gets too tiresome for most of us. The big mistake? We should not treat our love as flowers. But in reality, we always do... I did.
Love is a cultivated feeling, a friendship that we share with someone special that has evolve to something better.
Love should be well attended to. To me, i have a theory that there is that one person who we can really love and give ourselves fully, no matter how egoistic and cold we can be. There are that souls who are bounded to meet... yes, im talking about soulmates.
As they say, love has many imitations... Lust is one of them... as well as our blindness to the superficial thing... we humans can be such stupid creatures when it comes to love. even the most intelligent beings on earth can land themselves in a pit of insanity with LOVE.
I can say that even though i help solve other people's emotional and relationship problems, I can never really ever do so for myself.
I can you guys how to treat your lady and i can tell the ladies how to treat their man right.
I can tell a couple how to make their relationship last.
I can get a broken up couple to be friends again..
BUT NOT TO MYSELF. never ever to myself.

But ive learnt how to psycho myself.
Now, i have learnt to let things go easily.
And i have gotten rid of that hurt i felt against Daryl.
i have learnt to let go of the most special person in my life before.
But we can never be friends... he made that clear to me, even though he was the one who made me leave him.
I just sad that he dont want to be friends.
Sad that i can learn to forgive him but he cant...
But it's okay, my friendship's always here for him to accept anytime.
Also, i think im really starting to like hIM. shux!!
haha. but then im in a huge dilemma now.. shit shit....

-till next time-

LATELY

okay, there are lots that has happened lately.

well, the most important news is that my application for the poly courses i chose were failures!!
that is really sad but i have appealed and im just hoping that 13th march will bring a much better result.
it's my points that pushed away the diploma course that i so wanted.
TOURISM MANAGEMENT... now im considering taking it at MDIS.
the problem is that i havent tell my parents that the course fee for a foreign student such as me will cost $6000-$7000.
Even if they agree im soo going to feel so bad if i dont do well for it.
i have appealed to Republic Poly. the campus that i really didnt even dream of entering.
but this is the last resort. i have heard from people that Republic Poly is not really that great.
that it is a lousy Poly. that really is a sad case... i didnt imagine landing myself in this kind of situation. im usually offered one of the best opportunities. but i just have to make do with this.
if i really land in RP, i will just make the most of it. so far, i been feeling really optimistic, TOO optimistic in fact. i must admit that my perspective has changed drastically this few months.
i really do think that it is the way to survive heartaches and disappointment.
i learn to let things go easily. that's why i really dont feel much disppointment when i receive the unsuccesful application shit. hidayah was so BOMBED. gosh.
anyways, at RP i have appealed for BIOTECHNOLOGY, BUSINESS COMPUTING, INFO-TECH..
so we'll see how it goes there.
if i get one of them and it didnt suit to my way of doing things. that after the 2nd or 3rd year of doing it, im still not able to comply to its specified industry, then i am going for the 7 months tourism course at MDIS. i have somehow planned what i wanted to do.
i already voiced my decision out to my mother. i questioned her about the financial situation of it.
i told her that if i go for a diploma in tourism at MDIS, i still want to continue it to a degree.
the dimploma + degree course cost about $35000 ++ with a 3 yr duration. so like now im so seduced to just go for the MDIS shit. my mum said that if i really want and i can do well at it, that i still can further my studies, i shouldnt worry about the money... well, i know i need not worry but i still will feel quite pressurized.
my dad said that if RP still rejects me, we will consider MDIS.

this time even if i get RP and the course that i like 2nd ONLY, i will still do my best. i will give this diploma by best shot that RP will just be a name that schooled my potential... i am capable of great things, it's a matter whether i really want to do it- this i really know..
i shall try to adapt. im good at it so i dont see the wrong in doing it for my future. =))

okay now, enough about the academic...

like what they said, fun plays one of the important key to leading a life worthwhile.

i have seen movies and clubbing lately this past days.

GF is the best!!!

well, he really is nice lah.

anyways, we have seen Norbit and Volver together.

next week we will be watching Blood and Chocolate.

cool shit!! =())

i cant wait!!!

anyways, last night i watch 300 (some epic movie) with Fariz.

then went clubbing again..

the other night, i went to club with Vicky, GF, his kuzin and the kuzin gf.

went to momo.

i had a wonderful time tho the music didnt suit my vibes.

no idea why.

like so no mood lah.

haha.

but GF is good to me =)) haha.

okay... last night!

clubbing was soooo not the way i anticipated.

i didnt enjoy myself.

i was quite angry about it lah.

ARRGH.

rather not talk about it...

anyways, laura, thanks for the Jack Daniels invites!

see ya again next week!!

=))

okay, im soo going to end now.

IM FAMISHED!!!!

CIAOZ!!

song recommendation

fING cool song. credits to Hidayah girl. =))
finally know what song this is. heard it over the radio but i still dont know what's the tittle of it till today. lol. fING dumb lah. =))

gosh gosh. anyways, im like somehow counting down to the POSTING RESULTS. =))
i cant wait to know what course i am going to be doing for my dimploma. i really hope i make the next three years GREAT and of course, WORTHWHILE. =))

okay then. going now. wanna nap before work.
soon i have to come up with strategy and eat vitamin supplements.
my energy levels' really way off. i stay much awake at night than i do in the day.
like seriously =))

song recommendation

fING cool song. credits to Hidayah girl. =))
finally know what song this is. heard it over the radio but i still dont know what's the tittle of it till today. lol. fING dumb lah. =))

gosh gosh. anyways, im like somehow counting down to the POSTING RESULTS. =))
i cant wait to know what course i am going to be doing for my dimploma. i really hope i make the next three years GREAT and of course, WORTHWHILE. =))

okay then. going now. wanna nap before work.
soon i have to come up with strategy and eat vitamin supplements.
my energy levels' really way off. i stay much awake at night than i do in the day.
like seriously =))

Ladies Night.Dinner.Drinking

ohkie. i havent update about my outings these past days.
now im just going to have to summarize 'em for the benefit of you ppl.

okay, i spent ladies' night with Laura babe and her friends, Nadia and Hannah.
i met Nana at bumblez. so she joined us there.
ohkies. we went to...
1.) bumble beez.
2.) clinic
3.) MOS ( it was a flunk. i'll tell you all why in the next few details.)
4.) Gotham Penthouse
5.) back to bumble beez ( where the drinks finally took it's toll on me. )

it was quite happenning but i didnt get to dance as much.
i missed Jen. haha. for me i love to dance around in the club. Laura babe didnt really danced much... yeaps. so like Jen's absence was greatly felt. =)) she's like my all time clubbing/dancing bitch...
sound so les. but yeahs. (to haj, rmbr bumblez that time?? "sorry im married!!!??" lol.)
** haha. i actually am quite fond of telling the despo guys that im married... **

okies... the DETAILS.
1.) bumblez.
- laura and i sat at the bar. watching the bartenders do their juggling. cool shit.
then saw nana sitting by herself too. so, i asked her to join us. saw many familiar faces there. so did my rounding of saying hi... ray was there. kinda nice talking to him but later on found out he's such an ass! haha. ohk nvm. btw. at this point of time i had in mind... THAT I WAS MARRIED AND I HAVE A HUBBY AT HOME. AND IT'S hIM. lol. i mean i did promise hIM that i wasnt going to get myself drunk. and im proud to say that i kept it! haha. ohkies. then, when laura's friends came already. we went to sit by the dance floor. i and her girls danced for a while. then we headed to MOS.

2.) clinic.
- we took a detour. got kinda lost. so when we saw clinic then we just enter. the place was cool shit but i didnt really felt the atmosphere. the bouncer lady who checked my ic was like reluctant to let me in cos my foreign ic didnt have a photo on it. so like she cannot really verify my identity, so i was like YOU CAN ASK ME ANYTHING. so i told her where i live, what's the race written there, when's my birthday. told her my postal code. whatever she asked then i answered. gosh. FOREIGN ID DO NOT HAVE A DAMN PHOTO ON IT. gosh.
wth. (that goes to melvin. MOS bouncer ass)
ohk. so as i was saying i wasnt really feeling the place. i guess it was cool. mayby i'll visit it soon again. to feel the atmophere around me there. yes yes. next week!! but got to see if i can convince vicky to go clarke quay instead of ST JAMES! i dont get it with st james. even hIM wanna go there!! like wth.

3.) MOS.
- i said it was a flunk cos i DIDNT get to enter!! IMAGINE? ME. 19 this year. GOTTEN REFUSED ENTRY TO MOS. like wtf. and wtf is my ID for. i was so pissed lah. THE NEXT TIME I SEE HIS DAMN FACE. I WILL MAKE SURE THAT I SLAP THE DAMN PHOTO SHIT ON HIS FACE. HIS NAME'S MELVIN BTW. fING ass.
made some call. fuking useless too. sad sad. but then we gave up. DJ was too late to do anything. gosh gosh. at the time that he got back to Jas, we girls were already feeling the mood of ...

4.) gotham penthouse.
- cool shit. the bouncer saw Laura and he didnt even bother seeing our id. you go girl! anyways, at this part. hannah wasnt there with us anymore. she left when we were making our way to MOS. uh huh. we drank there again. then we danced for awhile. and then made our way to...

5.) bumblez. AGAIN.
- at this time. i was feeling fING woozy already lah. but like i said that i wont get drunk i maintained it there. but then i thought i wont drink at bumblez already.. predictably, i did! haha. so like really felt fING dizzy. my head aches like nobody's business. so i had to rest my head!! gosh gosh. but mind you, i wasnt drunk. i was fING HIGH only. =)) ray saw my situation so he told me or was it nana, to get me to lie down and sleep at the VIP lounge. uh huh. i am really grateful to nana for sitting by me =)) Laura babe was real high... Nana was keeping an eye on her.
i slept till the closing of bumblez. then nana woke me up. =)) i was fine again. i think it was already a habit. yep yep.

later then nana and i separated from laura and nadia.

nadia was insisting that it will be fine if i go home.

when i assured that she's not drunk then COOL.

they went to Chillie. i think..

i went off. ray smsed to wait.

then i did for awhile. then he took so long so i told nana, i wanna go off.

she didnt have anywhere else to go and so i told her to come crash at my place.

yeps.

just a grateful gesture cos she took care of me when i was freaking dizzy.

i dunno. im a sucker for returning great gesture of kindness.

=))

i reached home at 4plus. talked to asri till 5am. then i slept.

i smsed hIM when i was otw home.

he's sucha slpy monster and i know he ws already sleeping so yeahs.

didnt really expect a reply.

then i woke up to send nana off. and then later i slept back.

had to go for dinner later in the after.

yep yep.

5 course dinner special.

MAIN EVENT

mary's NOSE was RED,

fyzah had to tolerate her sneezes,

due to THE DAMN FLU.

the dinner started at 6.40pm. and guess what time we ended? 9 pm something. lol.

gosh gosh. we really took our time. btw, the courses was of MEXICANO tastes. =))

what was served ? hmms.

1.) two buns with salsa(i think) dips.

2.) bean salad. all types of bean was there. except mr bean. (lame shit) orange sherbet was next.

3.) ok, then... hmms, jalapeno( gosh i forgot) soup. ahaha. mexican shit again. lol

4.) hees.. the main course. i had chicken and lamb stew. fyzah had seafood... dont like seafood so yeahs.

5.) dessert was apple cinnamon cheesecake some cookies.. and we both had tea.

wanted to meet hIM.

but i was LATE. =((

hahha. he told me already not to be late but then i WAS.

hahhaa. yep yep.

anyways, didnt get to like meet hIM.

okay, end of today.

okay, today im like tired from work.

cos we had drinking stuff.

me, gary, fyzah and azmi.

and now im still on the phone with nurul and jas.

was quite put off msging hIM.

dont need to know why.

i will know why soon.

uh huh.

btw, i just want to extend my greeting to someone who was special to me before.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARYL KEITH.