The day

ten more days =) 


i can't believe i am going to have a REAL ANNIVERSARY, soon. yippee! (the 365th day)
things has been low since the many UPS and now, slowly and surely, we are going to stay in the UPS.
there are the 11 months that have been full of love, tears, and more love.
i don't ever want to leave the honeymoon periods that we are still enjoying.
i want to have many more affectionate years! till we are old and bare and barren and dry!


of course, it won't be easy!
and there will be so many more trials 
and i'm still weak but getting there...


love you darling.
you give me so much love that makes me love you more.
you strengthen me, and u treasure me.
i love you so much...
hugs =)


Today, met bf for lunch.
Went to Sakura and had lunch.
I had Thai Fried Rice and he has Crabmeat Fried Rice (WHICH COSTS $6)
and tom yam soup as accompaniments.
That crabmeat fried rice was NOT WORTH $6. it doesn't even have crabmeat!
it has ONE small piece of crabmeat.
YTF IS IT CALLED CRABMEAT FRIED RICE IF IT DON'T HAVE CRABMEAT!!
bf didn't want me to make a fuss, and he ate with fake satisfaction.

After lunch, went to Swissotel to get his pay.
Then after that, we went to McDonalds at Dhoby Gaut.
He had his fave cappuccino and i had oreo mcflurry! =)
then, he finally decided not going for training, so decided to catch a movie to kill time.
Checked the ticket price over at GV Plaza, and the movie on show,
but decided to go to THE CATHAY.

Otw there, we visited this Antique shop.
It was by chance, all the time visiting Plaza Singapura all my life here in Singapore, i didn't see that place!
And i must say, upon looking around, i chanced on something that caught my heart!

my heart fell to the ground, slowly but steadily...

as my eyes screened the items in that shop, my eyes lingered only to this one item.

it was a ring.

it wasn't just any ring.

around it, there was sapphire and quartz rings, but only this ring that isn't even a precious stone,

caught my heart, my eyes and my desire.

it was THE RING.

THE RING that i'm sure i cannot have... =(

why? because it cost $488... SIGH...

cameos are very special sort of jewels...

i would love to own one.

i didn't know that i would have such fascination for it.

and i couldnt believe that i still can't get over the fact that i can't have it =(

so i was looking for something that looks like that, but nothing.
most cameos depicts people and all those, and it comes in many shapes, sizes, image, color...
i guess, that's it.
i will suppress my wants for a cameo until the time comes that i can collect them.
i will never forget that cameo ring. SIGH...

so anyway, THE CATHAY then.
we watched the X files, wasn't THAT GREAT!
lucky only paid $6 for that. phew..
then after that, we sat at the istana park and talked...
we changed venue cos the place ended up creepy and had a lot of crawlies...
then sat at plaza singapura area, and talked again...
nice bonding...

=)
tmr, pp time!
and also, tmr meeting his friend, Eshani.
Let's see how she is... Hope she's not weird...

Dance

Yesterday was horribly great!
1. Had networking module and UT4.
2. After that, i had dance... which lasted from 5pm-9pm (it was suppose to end at 8.30pm)



Networking has never been my favorite and it gets very irritating most of the time.
Especially when the concepts get so hard.
For class, we had the freedom to choose our team.
Of which, i sat at the available seat. Which later got filled up with three of the people i like to work with.
Of course, later on, there was one more, Guan Wen.
The team was good in a way that everyone did something. And everyone is actually discussing.
Contribution of work and team work was obvious. So it made the problem easier to come by =)

UT4 was crazy! i don't even know half of what the hell the test was asking.
However, i knew about the internet protocols and the TCP, UDP connections.
All those networking shit is getting to me. But it went better than my Database UT4 =)
So it wasn't really so bad =D

Now dance. Tho i love it so much, i felt like i wasn't a trained dancer, nor i didn't have backgrounds.
I feel that way mainly because i find that i couldn't catch up with the routine as fast i as used to.
Like i have short term memory problems =(
It is really very weird knowing that last time, dance was such a breeze to me.
Then again, 2 years of not training - this is the result!
But now, i have a reason to really train.
Because, i will be a part of the dance piece that is held in November!
So exciting.

Zaini said that all of us in the team MUST have something that he saw in us,
that's why he chose us, among the many who auditioned.
And that we must realize what is it that is our strong point and must be proud of it.
The master of dance has good speeches going along last night.
And it helped...
I just hope that when the going gets tough, i'll always try harder.
And the one thing the seniors and the master himself said was, 

HAVE FAITH, Never give up.

Internalize and come to class like a sponge, throw away all the things that you know about dance, 
and refresh from there...
Only then will you learn to really work and learn with everyone.
And i guess, it also apply to other things.
He has said quite a number of things and yet, these few things are the ones i heard clearly.
I have something to work hard for but first, everything shall begin in me.

I should have a date with myself... haha =)
Have to change my lifestyle for the better.

Always just remind myself that i love dance and i am excited about the year end performance!

Well, i have to go. Ciaoz... and yes, i didn't go to school again.
I'm at home, calling in sick =D

made up

Why does love always have a catch?
Love is suppose to be with happiness, affection and of high regard.
Not with tears, hurt and of the lowest regard.
I was a huge believer of love but due to some circumstances, i have stopped believing.
Until i met him.. he showed me how loving was suppose to be.
Then again, not all things last forever.
And not all standards can be met ALL the time.
I didn't want to be hurt again, and yet i lay wasted.

I have been at the lowest for quite awhile.And so was he... It was because he was at his lowest that i left a certain distant.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i was to meet shenath at 2pm in Bugis.

so had to rush, and had to leave the above 'essay' to history, because it doesn't matter anymore.

i had left the feeling of hurt behind me when shenath and i talked about our problems.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So we met a little after 2pm, headed to our normal malay food house opp bugis junction.
Started our freaked argument while he was eating.
I didn't eat with him, i just had my normal teh katai.

Throw words here, words there, fucked up here, fucked up there...
And the rest were history...
It wasn't a good sight, nor even nice to hear when couples keep shooting each other!
But i bet all couples go through it. And that's what i hate the most...
So anyway, we made up at the same tower our we had our 'first date' LOL
It was very windy there and very nice.

So we talked things out and had the outcome to have peace.
He kept saying he love me and i did too, and he slowly got me back from the numb world i am taking refuge from.
His hugs was warm and it made me feel home.
I am a prisoner of his love... 
which i really don't mind, cos the only thing that is imprisoning me is the love the we are sharing and his strength in the relationship ...


we are okay now. really okay...
however, we have yet to come to a conclusive solution to this fight.
for now, i hope everything will be better.
soon, we will celebrate our anniversary...
dont know what we'll be doing tho... hope it'll be wonderful! =)

love you darling...

don't know.

Last night watched THE DARK KNIGHT.
It was really great! "thats what you call a movie" - bf commented.
I agree! I must say that Height Ledger was a wonderful actor. too bad he has to die -.-
The Joker character was really very impressing. The best acted villain ever!
Bruce Wayne's character was all right, very weird with all the rough voice and all.
It's quite weird pertaining the plot but overall, the movie was breathtaking.
Also, we watched it at The Grand Cathay!
It was really very nice, the cinema i mean.
It looked like those Opera house.

After the movie, we headed towards the National Museum.
But we passed it... We wanted to have dinner first and head back to it after.
Headed down further towards sakura and had dinner.
It was nice and i have a horrible thought that bf wants me obese! haha
He kept feeding me more than he's suppose too. Boo hoo. Haha

Felt lazy after that and i really didn't feel like heading down to back to the museum.
sorry fyzah, didn't get to watch your performance. another time, somehow! =)
Didn't meet up with Jobelle either, she went shopping again!
She's taking it out on her money! She's depressed about something. LOL she needs counseling. Haha
So anyway instead of heading back to museum, bf and i headed down to Esplanade after dinner.

.

.

.

A mixture of feeling overwhelm me. It always happen when we're going to have a row about something.
True enough, it did.
I could feel something from Shenath that i didn't like.
Something very impatient and very much threatening to come out.
In my head, i wondered if he was suppressing yet another set of anger about what i did or said.
It didn't erupt up till later. I am not going to elaborate further over here.
I don't even want to think about it anymore.

I just can say that i didn't like the things he said and the way he say it to me.
It is very hurtful no matter how much i try to not feel it personally.
Somehow, it make me wonder why is it he loves me for.
Cos from all he said, i don't find any reason why he is going on with me.

However, last night, i didn't ask for a break as a solution as i use to.
I didn't but it made me feel that he did. So i told him okay, he's officially single.
(if that's what he really want)
But then he responded that he didn't want it to be over.
That he has already made up his mind about staying with me.

in my head, i wonder why he is staying... i don't like the things he said. 

i have my feelings and he's destroying that. if he didn't mean what he said, then okay...

but all i have to say was it hurts...

i love him. so much more than he thinks he know.
it hurts me more than it seems whenever we have our fights and of course, i doubt that he knows it.
i am cold and emotionless sometimes, but he doesn't know me that well yet.
i guess it is the right thing what i told him last night.

i love you shenath thomas dias

-hearts-
we need to take things slow and get to know each other better.
but of course, we are still together and we're going to do the getting to know, together...
i hope he's up for it and i hope there's still the Him saying "i'll do everything for you, darling..."
i'm in love with him and i have already decided to stay with him ever since i gave him ME.
i'm staying cos i love him, but if he end up destroying my love for him then i'm sorry.
i can only do with so much hurt. the more hurt i feel, the more courage a get to leave.
but i guess only time will tell.
as of now, my plan is to marry him after a year or two after graduation, and have his kids...
but let's see how much love can conquer everything... i shall try to believe in love again...

Enjoy!

THERE!! I've finally tweaked my blog skin - nicely..
See the difference? I like the way animated wallpapers are... 
Makes the background seems LOUD despite it being dark -.-
i stole the background from random blogs. sabby taught me... she naughty naughty girl. hehes

I skipped school. AGAIN!
Well, not really. I did come for class up till the end of the first meeting.
I knew i wouldn't be staying straight after the facilitator let us choose our own team.
WHY? Cos i really feel out of the water having to choose my team mate.

If i were to chose, i would pull in;
1. Jasvin - She's a good influence. Makes you want to study. Haha
2. Angeline - She knows her stuff, and makes sure you do ur work!
3. Wei Yi - He has a thumbdrive and he makes a good punching bag for angeline.
but it didn't happen... so yeah. haha....

OKAY. So the REAL reason is this >>> NURUL HIDAYAH BTE MOHD ADZHAR came to RP.
To see me! and cos she didn't want to go to work.
So both of us kamcing together and we skipped! =)
She met her old girls and we sat at E1 canteen laughing our heads off non-stop.
It made me miss my alma mater. sigh...

We are currently waiting at the library for my good bf (who stayed in class) to finish his presentation.
We're off for a movie! The Dark Knight! Yippeee! (but it's still tentative, might have to do PP)
But dear nurul isn't going to be watching it with us
- she and hafiz has planned to go together.
I guess it'll be just me and bf today... SEXAY!
BUT... PP is lingering in my head and i'm rather torn

I am quite amaze that i am still rather hyped up now at this time.
I barely at 4 hours of sleep. I'm getting sick of 'insomniac behavior' and it's taking its toll on me!

HELP!!! PLEASE LET ME SLEEP!!!

i need the sandman to blow me sleeping dust and lay in wait till i fall asleep... into a deep deep sleep!


Last night, spent the night drinking and going nuts with bf's Lankan friends.
I disapproved of the plan initially but it was rather enjoyable.
I promised to compromised and i'm proud i tried my best.
At least both of us enjoyed...

His friends are nuts!
They can drink galons and still be normal.
I'm quite happy i didn't hit the ground after a few shots. Phew!
Means im getting back on track. But still not as bad as the bf =)

Oh and yes!
I must say, i am really happy that bf is happy.
He's going to be staying with his brother and sister-in-law - the closest he has of a family - at one of the nicest houses i've seen!
Costing 900K, it is a big deal to be asked to be under its roof!
Plus, it will be newly renovated. So all the best to the bf.
But good things comes with a catch... He have to comply to rules.
Rules of which bf is very much going to fulfill - sacrifices needs to be made :)
He will be moving in by next month! =)
And it's at tampines and only three stops from my house! cool eh?

Okay... i have to go okay. Bf has arrived.
Have to wake nurul now tho.
So hear from me soon!
Take care!!! HUGS

personal shopper, me?

For some reason, i am figuring out how to tweak my blogskin again.
I have recently changed it to this skin and now i am wondering what i should change again.
I want my skin to be more colorful but sometimes, my moods ain't that colorful either so i'm thinking twice!
Let's see... Whatever it is my blog will always be just me =)

I'm in the library right now, typing away.
I came to have lunch with Shenath and to do my Database UT.
I didn't attend class and i know i should have, but i really don't feel like it. =(
Also, i came to school because of dance, but as it is, i don't think i'm going today (again!).
Maybe next Monday onwards. I need  rest from it all. Work has really sucked me dry!

I'm not going to work and study in a week straight anymore!
I'm just glad that work with Patterns is over for now.
I guess i'll see them again for the next Bazaar.
Hmm, then again, i really need to find a new retail job.

I like dressing up people, that's one thing i realize.

Anybody wanna hire me as your personal shopper?
I'll do it great, for just $500 a month!
I'll do;
1. Shop till i drop (for you) - of course with your own money!
2. Get you the most fab outfit you can ever own
3. Get you designer items on discount! =)
4. GIVE YOU THE BEST OPINION EVER!
5. Honestly tell you if you look horrible in what you want to get. - hey im critically honest k =)

Ok okay... I'm dreaming.
But i need a new job! And i know waitressing job is not entirely exciting.
I like a job that is freelance and is very enjoying! =)

I want to be a personal shopper!!! =)

Will update again soon. Pictures and all.
Now i have to go to class for my test. HUGS

REMEMBER:
I WANT TO BE A PERSONAL SHOPPER FOR NOW.
and yes, this is a phase...

Video Sharing

Kudos to Azy babe - was looking through her blog and i saw this video.

This is sooo sweet man.. my heart goes out to this video.

Work was fun today. Surprisingly i lasted the whole shift that i stated.

I am in need of dire rest and i am getting the vibe that i will only really get it this weekends.

However, that will also be for a short while only.

I have work at the cafe as already stated by  WeiLing(Manager).

It's okay. At least not the boutique, i will miss trying out clothes tho!

Took quite a number of pictures today.

but my apologies!

i wont be able to upload.

have to go to lala land....& uploading time is a killer!

SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP TIME!!!!

=hope you enjoy the video like i did!=

Reason to work!

The 5 best outcome about work is that you get;

1. $$$

2. to know people (disregarding the backgrounds and quirks)

3. freedom from parents

4. work experience!

5. (And when u work at boutiques) to try out those expensive clothes during off peak period!

The fifth is definitely one of my favorites, second to the first outcome i listed =)

Money minded much but it's true. The harsh reality that life can curse/bless us with is being 

MONEY MINDED

Yesterday, I worked from 6-930. Had to reschedule due to UT4 - JAVA.

The test sucks big time. (I did it in paper) 

I think I'm the only idiot who dare do JAVA test on paper, without resources on hand. shithead!

Everyone in class questioned and of course half of them thinks I'm crazy for even coming for the TEST.

Oh well, I tried right.

At work, the usual happened, just that, I'm automatically in charge of ensuring the paper works are taken care of.

We took till 10 pm to get the whole stock counts down because the stocks are bitching us - they wont tally!

So anyway, after the whole thing is done, I'm half dead =(

Woke up today dragging myself off to the toilet (as usual)

Then later today, i have to rush to work again!

Money money money - the main reason to work.

The only and the most effective motivation a person like me can hold on to.

I'll stop talking now. 

Pictures !!!

Of course, another designer item for me to try! this time long evening dress.

ABS by Alan *something*, a label from Hollywood.

(Worn by Christina Milian and Aguilera) Which i really do not know if it's true.

So far, i guess it is…

front view

back view

This black one is by Trina Turk, an American designer, loved for her prints.

But this is not prints ain't it. But i like it cos it's very simple yet classy.

A Tom K Nguyen, a vietnamese designer who relocated to South California or something.

I once thought he was a Japanese.

What i like about him is the way his designs are. Very bold and artistic...

Okay peeps!

I'm still broke so no way am i going to afford any of this.

PLUS! I don't have an occasion to wear the evening wears.

Maybe in another few years time =)

Events

To summarize the days of Friday and Saturday and a lil bit of today at work, here are some pictures!

Enjoy!

Thursday - Sister's Birthday. She turns 9! :)

analissa bautista bte hassan

ana and friends

coffee cake! *im 'allergic' to coffee!*

yikes!

 Ling and Jeremy - Will they end up together?
 .
 .
 .
 .
 .
THIS IS THE MIDNIGHT OF 19TH JULY.

Shenath Thomas Dias finally turned 21 =)
Time to be a MAN



...stuck bday candles into ben and jerry's ice cream tub.
and wished him all the things i can promise him.
and of course, kissed to seal the deal...
=)

Saturday, 19th July 2008.

Celebration of Ashi's 2nd Birthday (falls on Shenath's Birthday) 
 

 

THE REAL BIRTHDAY BOY! =)

with JEAN'S FORCED BIG SMILE.

and a goofy face!
.
.
.

INITIALLY, SURPRISE TEAM WAS SUPPOSE TO GATHER AT EGYPTIAN RESTAURANT.

THEN EVENTUALLY, THE PLAN GOT MUMMIFIED.

NURUL AND HAFIZ WERE the only ones LEFT UN-MUMMIFIED.

SO THANKS DUDE AND HONEY BELLE!
.
.
.
.
-

then since moroccan restaurant kicked the bucket, we dined at Ambrosia Cafe

the ambience is really nice but it's quite expensive

the food is great tho.

will definitely visit again!

  

smoked seesha at haji lane's egyptian restaurant.

which was spelt as "EGYPTION" hmms?

so queer...

THEN OF COURSE!!

HERE IT IS!! RESULT OF BAZAAR (WORK) BOREDOM.

TRIED ON CLOTHES!

FROM DIFFERENT DESIGNERS...
.
.
.

from butterfly *something*

 

 

Lewis Cho...

 

  

and EVA FRANCO.

MY favorite!

all costing above $300!

SO JEAN, YOU CAN DEFINITELY DREAM ON!

Random

Let me just start by saying GOOD MORNING!
I am not in my highest spirit but I'm striving to be in a good mood.
I have been negative, pessimistic and black far too long.
I miss being positive, optimistic and colorful!

I don't know where it went, i don't even know why i lost it!
It's very very very disheartening but i ain't giving up.
Not now, not ever =))

It's like those days that you finally realize something that you
were becoming that is very much not what you had earlier strived on to be.
Sometimes, it can become something that can fake as a new developing character.
Something like the 'Venom' in Spiderman. LOL!
Therefore, i have to put a stop to this.

So i begun my day with positive thinking and despite negativity overwhelming me,
i realize that i could use my cold nature to be cold towards negativity and use to to my advantage.

OH GOSH JEAN! SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!

I know that's what you people are saying. LOL
I know i know... Im sorry. I really don't mean to confuse the lights out of you.

SO MOVING ON!
Nuranalissa Bautista Bte Hassan has finally turned 9 years old! =)
She's going to have her party at home with mum-cooked feast.
Can't wait to eat!
Im abstaining from snacking so as to have a proper dining Feast! =)
Have to get her birthday gift. Which i really think will be a necklace. (Bf and i will be sharing)
Then for tmr, Jaden's birthday will be held at the function hall of the condo.
And of course, we have to get another gift.

PLUS for Shenath... OMG
Im seriously running broke.. AGAIN! As usual. Haha
Anway, i got to go.

JAVA lesson today!

relationship quiz

I was randomly checking bulletin post over at friendster and since i am kind of a pantang person, i'd just do this here.

- Relationship Quiz -

YOU OPENED IT... NOW YOU HAVE TO DO IT

OR YOU'LL NEVER BE WITH THE PERSON YOU

LOVE... BE HONEST... DON'T CHICKEN

OUT...

1) Single, Taken, Naked, or Flirt?

.. TAKEN.

2) Are you happy with that?

... Yes. And we're practically married. haha

3)wud youh kiss ure ex..

... NO.

4) Have you ever had your heart

broken?

... DUH! In the most idiotic way ever.

5) Do you believe that there are

certain circumstances where cheating

is ok?

... wtf? of course not. but cheating will

be okay if he cheated FIRST.

6) Have you ever talked about

marriage?

... Yep. 

7) Do you want children?

... Definitely.

8) How Many?

... Wanted 7 but maybe 2-4 is enough. ;)

9) If someone liked you right now,

would you want them to tell you?

... not my choice. but dont expect anything to happen.

10) Do you want someone you can't

have?

... Thought so, but i wanted my bf, and i got him.

11) Have you ever been in love?

... I am in love now.

12) Do you believe in celebrating

anniversaries?

.... YES. It one of those ways you can assure

each other that you are remembered in a special day.

It's like birthdays.

13) Do you believe that you can change

for someone?

... err i don't know. i try. but usually, they end up

changing for me, and it sucks and great at the same time.

14) Is it a good day?

... Yesterday was great.

15) What would you say about your most

recent ex?

... Treat your fiance the best you can. Take your marriage vow seriously.

16) Does your ex still have feelings

for you?

... I dont think so. He's going to be married next month.

17) Do you believe in long distance

relationships?

... NO WAY.

18) Do you believe in love at first

sight?

... ERR LUST AT FIRST SIGHT. Love later.. haha

Light at the end of the tunnel

Miscommunications has gotten to us lovebirds.

The day went on like shit up to the point of nothingness and as always with me,

i find that breaking up is the only option left to solve everything.

But then again, i was wrong.

I find that today has given us a different perceptions on matter.

I am grateful that he isn't letting me go.

But sometimes, i do feel weird with what might happen next time.

What if he suddenly just leave, unexpectedly? OMFG

Well, like my usual mindset - QUE SERA SERA (Whatever will be, will definitely be)

When class ended, i met him.

Didn't know where to head to at all, didn't even have a plan in mind.

All i knew was that he insisted on coming out to meet me was cos he wanted to comfort me.

I appreciate and was moved by his notion, however, i hardened my heart.

I don't really know why i did so, but i felt that i just wanted to.

We argued and debated with mixtures of sarcasm and opinionated attack on each other.

One shoots and the other blocks, then the latter shoots back and the former defend... 

and the cycle went on...

So anyway, things went on this way on the trip from Sembawang to Cityhall to Sakura Restaurant...

Then later on, we visited the Cathedral and sat there.

I prayed for everything i could think of.

I prayed for everything that matters to me...

I felt better, even though i still kinda felt cold towards him.

We stopped our useless debate and he hugged and kissed me.

It took me a little bit more to warm up again.

Then later on, when i warmed up, that's when we had the most fun!

It was really fun and he couldn't stop telling me how happy he was today as the day ended.

I am very happy to have made him happy.

And i guess, my prayed have been signaled upon.

I rest my case...

My heart will cease some doubts that i've always hold on to...

Enough words, let the pictures do the talking! =))

hanging out at esplanade after church session.

]

On the way to Merlion at Fullerton area

FULLERTON AREA (OR FULLERTON ONE?)

- AT STARBUCKS-

BACK TO ESPLANADE, FINALE OF PRANK TO NURUL

BEST PICTURE OF THE DAY