2months

Today I was specially squirmy. It started from yesterday and I went by the days without a clue as to why the waves of emotion sets in. It is a horrible feeling, even though I've been surrounding myself with positive things - family, friends, work and quotes - I still find it hard to really move my mind off of him.

Well, I am in a mind debate. Why do I want to close the door on him when he still want to care and offer his solace to me. Why push away the one person I actually still love and who might just be someone I can still rely on?

But then, there's always a but.

I don't want to be anyone's baggage. I don't want to lag his process of getting over me nor do I want to reject his offers of help when he can see I need it. Even though I have the conscious of not taking advantage of him, I still feel like I shouldn't allow him to be 'responsible' of me.

I don't like it. I don't want others who don't even know or even bothered trying to know me, to think that I'm just taking advantage of him, because that is and has been the last thing I could ever do.

Anyway, today is apparently 2 months since we broke up. 6th July 2010.

I want to believe that time will heal it all, but now presently, I don't. It's been 2 months, and I'm really still feeling like there can be a miracle, that he'd wake up, accept and come clean off whatever mud he threw over my name. Or to the point, live up to what he calls love.

But then again, let's face it. Maybe really, I'm just not his cut and neither is he? But see I know how great he could be and how much we both could grow with each other. I know how I can still have him if only he is willing, and also if I am willing to stop avoiding love's call.

But then I believe that love shouldn't require you to force a change to your loved one, that you should accept them for who they are and what they can be - isnt that what I've been fighting for in my past relationship with him? Ugh. So maybe, yea I guess it turns out he isn't the guy I fell in love with anymore. And maybe just as well, I'm not the woman he thought he could love.

Sigh.





I bought this for some reason to commemorate my singlehood, and then got home to realize that today was my 2nd month single.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

My week (end June-start July)

Monday brought me to a gathering that I have planned to support as its organizers are my close couple friend.




The idea is to meet like minded people to share their thoughts and opinion about a particular raised topics and it becomes a platform where everyone enjoys and be a part of something, to get to know more people and to network, meeting people from different walks of life and work in various industries.

Tuesday was home session. I decided to get home early, spend some time with the family and get to be earlier to recover from my growing tiredness. It wasn't really helpful. I didn't get to sleep early as I wanted.

Wednesday I met up with the ex and having talked and exchanged thoughts, I realized then that I'm not ready to face him as I still love him, but nevertheless what he affirmed was something that I know really changed my hopes. It's not a bad thing. It hurts but it's really very helpful.








Thursday still rather injured due to the meetup with the ex, I decided to try something new and really just go to a meetup in this art studio. I brought my bestie and we did a painting together. Rather horrible but really nice feeling to have had so much fun.

Friday was movie date with bestie. We watched Knight and Day... It was freaking hilarious, tho I find some parts rather monotonous and boring, I still give it 4 stars because bestie and I had fits of laughter that lasts for long minutes!!



Saturday spent time with the family doing groceries, lunch treat and some games at the archade. After which I joined my current best gal buddy for a business opening launch of her colleague - The Traditional Javanese Massage.









Now I'm home lying down in bed typing this, fighting the urge to sleep cos I don't want to miss the length of Saturday. I've got nothing much to do but to wait for the rain to stop and see if I'm meeting bestie again later. I've to tutor lil sis first tho.

Tomorrow is Sunday and I know that it will come to an end fast and begin another long week this the weekend - which I do anticipate :)

Don't get me wrong, I love and still am loving my job. I just feel less motivated lately cos I'm still waiting for confirmation and the hope in the rightful income I should be getting... And till now 4 months passed and im not informed if they increased my probation period and cos of what?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone