Night(s) of Fun

To get my mind of him i had to do something (to get out or get busy) to feel occupied.
Despite the fact that he does still hover around, having fun with my gfs are a good way of actually eliminating his undying presence. (Sometimes, it still went futile, but hey, i did have fun.)
Well, i can't help it. It's just been a few days since, no, it's a week already! Damn.

Well, on Wednesday i went for Ladies' Night with Naq.
We club hopped around Zirca, Rebel and Arena.
Naq has doubts about Arena but hey! She's a convert after that night!

Well, i promised fun. So i must deliver! :)

It was really fun because i kind of tested my self, and the fun analysis doesn't require random guys.
In fact, i was rather indifferent if guys come and dance up. Hey, been there done that...
So i know the best way to ignore them ;) Actually, it doesn't take much.
I find myself rather more magnet to the ladies on the dance floor, who are as much as i am wanting to have fun the best way possible.

That night, we were joined by 4 batches of ladies who find us rather unique and intriguing.
Hmm it must be the dancing :)
I can't wait till the next wednesday as we visit Arena again.
The All Stars are still rocking the house down and really, it's great.
The music, the steps and the songs!
It's wow, and so wow that Naq is taken! :)
Supposedly she need to reach home by 2am, she ended up reaching later than that.
Over at Arena, i met Heidi, the new singer, who looks like Janet Jackson, just slimmer.
Janice introduced her and we were dancing together, and goodness know why they poked my butt and wonder in amazement.
Flattering, but my face burns. Duh!
Haha, they're hot and they're checking and appreciating out my butt.
That's gotta count for something :) Hee

Here are the pictures of the night:

Naq+Jean1stWed

Arena beats Zirca and Rebel hands down.

I bet Naq enjoyed Rebel though.. Haha

There she danced up with this "cute" guy, and the "cute" guy has a company and he's itching to dance me up.

Well, i don't like that for now and honestly, i didn't like his look, so i ended up turning to the next girl behind me! Haha, and she was hot! :) And of course they got the clue.

Naq told them i'm not interested in guys, or something. Hahaha!

Alright, i'm not lesbo-ing k, i just find it rather fulfilling when we ladies dance together on the dance floor. And make the guys suffer just cos they can just look and not touch. Don't you think that's fun? Well, i do! :) Back to my old tricks, honestly, i'm loving it.

We went back and forth from Zirca to Arena, to finish up our drink coupons and then we settled at Arena actually. Naq gone crazy with the cutest guys she can find, and hey! it's my job for the night to hook her up..

Well, nothing much really, all she want is to take pictures with them. Haha!

So anyway, almost closing to the time we had to go.

There's this nigga fella, who looks like T.I., who came up to me ask me to dance, then pulled at my hand to motion his intention.

So i pulled back and i said i needed to go to the ladies.

He let go and apparently he waited...

cos when we came out again, he ran towards me and asked again. Poor guy. Haha!

He's really not the "once bitten twice shy" person. Hmmm

So goodbye nigga fella. Besides, i dun think i'd even feel comfy dancing with you. Perhaps if you'd have been Janice or Heidi. LOL

And that night, i drunk dialed.

Woke him up apparently, but he didn't seem to mind.

I don't know what he was thinking about me calling and stuff.

And i don't know what i was thinking and stuff, calling him. My guard was down.

I found out some news from him and honestly, it made me wonder why the hell was i still not guy-interested.

But he said that it was nothing.

Oh what the hell.

But despite that, i felt that i was calm, despite having known so.

And i realize that it's just a calm before a rain.

Because the next day i woke up, i felt like fuck.

Haha. Crazy and mad, i know.

I replied whatever he text me after our midnight convo, and i guess i spoke my mind.

So i asked him of his motive and if he badly want me to get over him, vice versa.

The playground is not going to be easy but hey, if it helps, why not.

But he refused and he did give good points as to why.

So i was relief that he didn't want it badly.
But for some reason, i smiled after i realized we spoke for 50+ mins on the phone.
Rare occasion.

I woke up late and i took my time. Didn't go to school Thursday (yesterday), which is horrid really! Damn.

Haha. At night i met up with Jasvin, to have sisha cos today i will be going off to my rest house in Malaysia.

It'll be a good experience. I promise pictures! :)

There should be a lot to do there - fishing, picking fruits, riding, hiking and stuff!

A good way to spend the weekends and who knows how many more days! :)

Here are the pictures i took with Jasvin over at Nasrin's:

Jasvin+Jean - Sisha Night - Thurs

I guess due to the smoke of the sisha, i felt damn damn damn sleepy and too headache.

I was fighting it all the way till i cannot stand it, we wen't home.

Thank goodness Jasvin's bf fetched her after that.

While sisha-ing however, he messaged me.

He asked me eventually if we can meet before i leave town.

I was reluctant and he was enthusiastic about it.

He persisted and so i gave in.

In a way, i guess the seeminly better convo we had for the week, made me accept seeing him.

So we met, i waited for him at Wanna B's.

That's a new food joint to chill out in. Good music, and good service.

The menu shows enough delights to tell myself to visit the place again.

Meeting him yesterday, i realize that i must till keep away.

That i'm not ready to really face him and pretend to want to be friends, no matter how our convo went earlier in the day.

I still take personal some things, and i know that things he says still seem to itch me up.

Like which type of girl he will settle down since after us.
"Going back to my roots" - ST

It got me thinking, that even though i think that yea maybe his people are the best fit for him, I just cant fight the urge to just not accept that.

We spent years building our dreams - a family and a marriage like no other. And more..

So i guess being the girl, i find it rather harder to release the personal note of being attacked?

I don't know if you know what i meant but then again, maybe you do.

Hmmm...

So closing to his stop, he told me to take care and he planted a kiss on my head, and then silence altogether after that.

It was heartbreaking, in a non hurtful way.

The emotional analysis done in the meetup is actually a realization.

I have to know that being good friends with him is still definitely not something good for now, but it is possible.

Maybe in due time, maybe months/years, it will come.

So let's see how things go... meanwhile, i guess hi-bye is enough.

Or even better, keeping away from him to the maximum. (can't do it altogether because i'll still see him in class for psych... =.=)

Friday:

Heading to malaysia via ktm express.

Should reach the rest house in 5 hours.

Alright people, i've to get ready.

Leaving at 4pm! Ciaos! See ya the next post!

Blog Anew

Yes, i guess it's quite the time to actually relay that i have a new blog.
I will not be blogging here anymore, but i will keep this for memories.

When i get back from the hiatus season, i will release the new blog.
I've started posting there already but i am not really ready yet to release.
Another thing is that i wonder if i should keep the blog away from him.

Oh well, i guess i wont post here my new blog address for now.
I don't want me relaying how i feel and he reading it, making him feel fucked up.
I still love him, yes, but it's not feasible, anymore than we can and have tried.
It's not going to be easy, and i'm not young and naive anymore to find short term solace from anyone or anywhere for that matter.
Despite everything that had happened between me and him, i do love him and i won't deny that i do.

That'll be too proud and too foolish.
There's no point denying how i feel when i'm feeling it.
I have to stay strong and true to my words because that's about the only thing i can hold on to now.

I know he'll get over me and i will get over him, one day.
For me, i guess i'll always have a hard time to do so, because in any case, even if i have doubts about his feelings for me, i will always remember the good he'd shown.
It hurts me to hate him, and the abhorrence i'm feeling about everything about him and his ex just makes me feel stupid. Like i've been made a fool for 2+ years.
I know he still care and he still love me (to at least a mark down what i feel he feels about his ex), but i know i cannot give him the friendship he wants of me.

Why?
I'll never get over him if i remain friends with him. Not till i know and im confident i will never succumb or get stuck to emotions of what i feel for him, will i want to be his friend.
I can't and that's final for me.
Even tho i am tempted to think of his feelings, but truth remains that he didn't think of what i'll feel when he added back the one person who made our rship crumble slowly, but effectively. He didn't think of what i'll feel after knowing how hurt i was about his ex.

Also, to see or hear he'd have someone new or is bedding anyone else for that matter which will be none of my business really, will actually put a very huge pile of shit on me - that is since friends are not suppose to be mindful of whoever the other is seeing after awhile, after the break up

As of now, i guess and somehow i do feel relief that he has stop his pursue of friendship.
I appreciate that.
And despite my want to just run to him to feel better, it will not be permanent cos i will recall whatever hate i have harbored these few days.
I will recall a lot of things, which makes me really doubtful about everything we have had. Sigh.

In all, i do just want everyone to know that he's a good bf, but to the right person, and not just anyone else.

The right person is that someone who he never want to lose touch with and will even disregard anyone's feelings just so he can take care of that someone's feelings.
The right person is that someone who can be the perfect person for him, who can fit the world and who he can never say anything hurtful to.
That right person will be that someone who he can never find the heart to curse or to think so horridly of.
That right person will be that someone who he will respect ultimately with no doubts, who he knows he never have the need to feel insecure about.
Someone he can trust without any conditions and one he can have without the need to seek the comfort of friendship with exes or whoever else he may find on the cyber space.
That someone is that person he'll never be hot and cold with, who knows him deep down completely.
And i guess that someone is that person who is dependent on him, just as how he will be dependent on her.

And i know that kind of someone is just around the corner for him, and the moment he realizes and finds her, getting over me will be history.

Me on the other hand, well, im not so confident.

I'm too fussy and it takes a whole lot of a man to really be my man.
It takes a certain amount of trust, faith, love, responsibility and respect, to be able to really accept me for me.
It must be someone who does not judge straight-away and who will listen to no one (not even his own assumption) but me, because he'd have enough faith to know that the moment i gave my heart and my all, i'm for keeps.
Who and what i can do is something that man will be expert about, and will never accuse me of anything he think that i will do.
That man is someone who need no comfort or even be emotionally inclined to any of his exes, who will be faithful, and emotionally preserved for me.Well, there are a lot more in the package.
But that package no matter how great, must always begin with friendship.
As i've learnt that now, that no matter how long you can last but if the solid foundation of friendship isn't there, the relationship will always be based on the shaky connection of boy-girl relationship.
I know i may not be miss universe or miss perfect so i really don't think i'd find anyone in this world (damn i'm in trouble), let alone this country or continent to fit me completely.
But nevertheless, i know that man need not fit the world to fit me, because in any case, that man need not fit anywhere else but my world.

What i have to offer and what's in store will definitely be worthwhile, especially if we ever come to marriage.

SIGH.

So enough blabber. I'm sleepy...

The final post i will do is the collection of pictures Hidayah had taken for me and him, as a note of farewell of this blog.

Another blast/ Uneventful day

It was IT Security Mgmt today and u can pretty much bet that i didn't really made much effort to do the hands-on practical - just not my field of interest -.-
So all i did was understand the concept and take advantage of the knowledge.
Which kind of help, but im sure Deborah was looking for something more than theory.
Honestly, i really cannot be bothered! Sigh

The day got worst when i received a request to meet up.
Yep, the ex text me in the morning and asked to meet.
Honestly, if i'd follow my heart, i will.
But i had to make sure i keep to my mind, and keep in mind what has been done.

The night before, he text me too.
And somehow i thought i'd be better the next morning when i realize that we were in sync with the emotions, but i just can't forget everything. Sigh

Even tho i felt touched and i teared at whatever he text me last night but truth remains.
I just cannot get it right in my head to believe that he really didn't have anything for his ex.

Actions speak louder than words, in the context of love, if not all.
And the amount of effort he had done all through the years just to keep her abreast, makes it all harder for me to believe that his love for me was real.
I doubt everything now and our past relationship. Plus, i really loathe this feeling of hate.

I hate the fact that i hate him now.
I just can't fully function with hate.

Sigh Sigh Sigh

So i told him what i thought about the request, and i told him how i truly felt.
How i loathe the both of them, only i can imagine, and there's no way to relay that to him well.
He's still going to live in denial about what he feels about her.
And he's just going to say that it was not her but it was i who ruined it when i didn't call him first.
No matter what he says against what i've interpreted, i can never believe anything he says again.
It's not just for me, but i believe it'll be for the better, if not the best.

So then he blasted me again with all the hurtful things he always come up with.
The curses and the mean wishes of whatever really just motivates me to just forget about him completely.
And every time he says something, it acts as my fuel to the hatred i feel.
If he'd got the balls to admit everything, i guess i'd forgive him.
But he keeps running his contradicting stories, and it makes it so unbearable. Darn!

Sigh.

Was suppose to meet the cousins today but i ended FYP meeting too late, so couldn't catch 2012 with them.
So headed home and played with Zak.
He makes me smile all the time, lately.
He's the only real source of happiness i feed from.
The power of children... Sigh.

I hadn't done much besides lying around and fight the tears since i got home from school.
Though i end up giving up trying
I guess there's a quota limit to the amount of tears a person can release per day.
But anyway, i still cannot stop this emotional madness, so meeting bestie at central in awhile.
I haven't eaten since morning, and i guess i'd better eat something later... Sigh

Weekend Happenings

Friday was both emotionally trying but thank goodness i managed to pull through.
I got stuck somehow but i am delighted now that i've pull myself out of the rut that the ex lover had almost dragged me into.

Friday was also a big irritating but NICE night out with Naq.
Irritating because i kept thinking about someone in particular, and honestly, it was due to that thought that made me succumb to my impulse expenditure.
Naq and i were like saying we don't want to spend so much, ya-da-ya-da, but then we ended up still spending $30 each to the minimal -.-
All thanks to sisha and the arabian drinks from Nabin! OMG! but the Laban Wardah was awesome! +.+

Since the happening was at night, my Tribe being a useless camera tool didn't help out much. I only manage to take a shot of Naq (enjoying halo-halo), and so the rest of the pictures are still with her. Boohoo!
It was such a nice chill out night with Naq, where we talked about everything!
Like gossips on sex, scandals, gays, guys, and also definitely about ourselves :)
We went home separate and i took a lonesome but nice ride back home.
When home, the ex text asking me to tell him if i was home as he doesn't want to worry.
So alright, i responded and we kinda talked okay, until i got mood out when he kept telling me to quit smoking so much. Blah-blah-blah

Yep, i've kinda started a phase. I call this a phase because i cannot be long-hooked with fags because i dislike it. And so i really don't know why i've picked it up again -.-
I guess it felt like a company of my tears and it kinda make me forget that i haven't been eating.
Well, it ain't a healthy habit and so does everyone says.
I appreciate their support and encouragement, but know that soon i will get over this phase.
But not now, not soon.

I got in bed by 4am and i woke up to a Saturday morning of family day event fun organized by the events company i am doing freelance with.
Met Laura at 8am and thank goodness Darren and Raymond didn't make much fuss.
The job scope was to be game marshal.
My duty was to take down scores and tabulate, but apparently, it had to do much more than stand around cheering the family on -.- I had to run around the muddy lanes.

Here are some pictures :)

Showcraft EVN family day Eastman Chemical

It was overall a fun day! I got home all tired due to the lack of sleep.
And thank goodness for Darren who took care of the staff's welfare gotten us breakfast, else id gone without food the day entire day.
Yes, i forgot to eat my lunch.
Earlier in the day, the ex contacted me, and still talking about his wants of establishing a friendship.
Of which, i was definitely still reluctant.
After Saturday when i consulted with Laura, i've thought that whatever happens, i have to keep away from any other form of intimacy, as it will not be fair for me, being a girl who will definitely get entangled to emotions, and thus will be an anti-catalyst of moving on with my life.

I relayed my thoughts to him that evening and he said that he doesn't want a permanent separation but he'd want to establish friendship FIRST which honestly, we didn't have.
I was like, "WHAT!?".
I kinda have no need for confusion so in any case, i guess i didn't pretty respond to that with any more questions. At that point, i felt my guts backed away. Sigh.

I fought the urges to question him further about his statement and to comment how contradicting he has truly become. He's just playing with my emotions i guess. He tells me that he still loves me and misses me etc. But i keep feeling that somehow he just need me to be his friend to get over me. But i work quite the opposite, i'd want to get over him first and then only i can try treating him as a friend. So how now brown cow?

Sunday was quite alright i guess.
Met up with Juliet, a party props supplier i met over at meetup, who wants me to be her contractor to organize birthday events etc. I'm currently awaiting the events specifications.
It's been quite awhile since i actually organize birthday parties. Hmm, wish me all the best aites! :)

After that met the cousins and my old 2hot peeps who used to work for my aunt's business.
Met at Istanbul area, at this point i've run out of my bad habits and ive asked Bir to get me a pack which he outrightly refuses telling me "It's for your own good".
Well, Azmi couldn't refuse me so i still got my bad habits going... Hmm
After the small reunion, i got home and i just had to know the answer to a suspicion that has been bugging me.
And correct as i can be, the ex has added back on FB the one reason for us to get shaky.
Like seriously, i was mad not because he added her back at the context of friendship with her.
But he totally disregarded my feelings, and not even thinking of my the repercussions to his action.
He knows that we have had problems which is her as a cause and despite having deleted her as a prove that she meant nothing to him, he totally went back on his words.
Come on! It was a fucking wrong move really.

So then i guess i decided, there's no point really.
I was right that he ruined things and he framed me to initiate a break up just so he could add her up again.
Lovely and a very nice itch really. Well, he can say whatever to deny and contradict everything, which he is all that he's good at really, but i will never believe him again. Not ever.
So much for professing his undying love for me. Guys, really cannot be trusted 100%.
Remind me again why i stayed 2+ years with a guy who cheats emotionally? Well, i chose to be ignorant. And as much as i loathe him, i loathe myself too for tolerating his contacts with her when i didn't form solid contacts with the ex before him, who he constantly feels insecure about. Sigh.
He just cannot fathom how much his action totally contradicted his position.
And what's worst? He compares my worth and values to her! Also, he blames me for everything.
I have cried my last batch for him. As much as i can help it, i will never let another one drop for him.
Not for any more guy for that matters.

Today i didn't have school.
I got out of my house and went around Pasir Ris to Tampines to cash out my cheque which as futile, as my boss has closed the cheque so i had to drop it in and get it only after 2pm tomorrow! Yawns.
The fight continued today and lasted till the afternoon, only settling down after he found out i have retaliated by adding my ex-boyfriend who he was obsessed about.
So he can add his and i can't add mine? What a sore loser!
Everything and every little thing he says which contradicts make me really think he's a fucking liar.
And as it is, i'm feeling hatred for him.
I hardly hate anyone my whole lifetime of living, but he and his ex definitely won first place.

I rest my case.
I don't want to have anything to do with him ever again, and i've fully decided on that.
I'm going to keep by my words and i hope that this is the last time i've to painstakingly talk about him.
Even after my trip out of town, i am pretty much settled on my decision.
I don't think i've much reason why not. Unless, i go softie again.
I hate hating people, which is why, i don't end up hating anyone for good. Just not built for hatred.
But i guess this is a different context altogether.

So long, goodbye farewell, Jeanath.

Blog Anew

This is a new blog to cater to my singlehood after jeanath of 2 yrs 3 months.

Due to it (jeanath) being a mixed name of both me and my ex bf, shenath, i decided it

would only be good having a separate blog account now that we are not together.

The transition of friendship is still quite shaky.

I don't know how i can be friends with him, although i have liked the thought because really, we're just dying staying in the relationship.

However, the way words exploded that just got me in pain and every time i think of them, i just don't want to ever see or speak to him again.

He explained himself and we talked things out, but honestly, it ain't good enough for me.

There is a tinge of hate that i really need to release, and i have to do it.

Nevertheless, it's fine. I will need to get out of Singapore for a few days hiatus.

It will be fun and it will relax me i hope.

There are a lot to do at the rest house and also, there are some other towns to see at Malaysia.

The next posts will consist of the consolidated events i have attended or some social bonding of the late.

So welcome www.bookof-mj.blogspot.com

Issue about blog name

Okay... here lies Jeanath 7 August 2007 to 18 November 2009.

As for now, i'm not really ready to part with this blog yet.
But i will, very soon after i come back from my scheduled trip out of town.
Yes, i've to leave for awhile, as for the time being, i just cannot fathom handling all the hatred i'm feeling.
I need to breathe and so that's what i've got to do.
I want to release my hatred and anger at whatever he said, and come to terms that this is for good.
I don't need to be angry and disappointed for months only to realize i still want him.
I'd have to learn to stop loving him, and he'll do a jolly good well i'm sure.

Besides, i'm not his fit.
And in this case, neither is he my fit.

I don't know how long id be gone, i've scheduled a 4-5 day hiatus, but it might be gone longer.
When i'm back i'd be well synchronize in living my life to the newest perspective i can muster.
As to better put it, the separation is for good, and i want nothing to have to do with the other party.

I guess he's right when he said we can never be friends, as we were only made as lovers.
And so it's true.
I don't even want to see him, nor speak to him anymore.
I want to thank everyone for their sympathies and the comforting words of "i'm here for you".
I'll be better in time.

Good night!

It's not over

It's over.

I've cried.
It was hard tears, i feel as if my heart will pop out.
Hard tears that made me feel as if id stop breathing.
There was a pull at my heart while i cried that seems as if every gasps of air was my last.

It was hot tears.
Angry, disappointment, regrets and more.
I detest the feeling.
I dislike feelings... Never really liked it.

I'd rather really be heartless so i won't feel anything.
I'd rather be alone so i won't get hurt.
Well, i guess now i can live that.
Yes, now i'm going to lead life lone.

Which will be good i hope for now.
So i can focus on the many things i should be doing.
To study well and do whatever.
Oh damn i'm tearing again...

Guess i really didn't need help from bestie to remind me to make sure i
feel fucked up now rather than 2 months later.
I just cannot understand how everything ended like that.
But i guess, unknowingly we shared THE last hug goodbye.

So be it i guess.
Goodnight.

P.S. I cant type anymore, im blinded.

Consolidated Happenings

Decided i'd just stay up a bit longer to do this post, besides, been a few days since i did one.

Alright, so picking up from last Thursday then.

Did i mention that the whole week, i absent myself from school?

Partially on hiatus and partially due to family obligation.

Well, i rather enjoyed the small break but now i feel really reluctant to face school.

Because with it comes FYP = Programming, and although the modules are bearable, my first come back to school after the week's break, i'll be having Business Finance test.

Boohoo!

(for some reason, i love this pic. i see love in his eyes)

Friday, was a nice chill-out session for Jeanath.

That's tequila chill-out session to say the least :)

We stayed the night at the beach and thank goodness for the shelter, because it rained!

It was really nice spending time with him at that moment, and at the right temperature too.

The feeling of wholesomeness bode a little bit too much for keeps - as it is it seems to last until the weekends only... Sigh!

Nevertheless, i am hoping that we get out this rut, 'cos really, it's been too long.

It expends the good emotions and both just get left out half insane.

I cannot really say anything anymore, i just feel that everything is so contradicting.

Nevertheless, i'm trying to be patient. Let's hope the heavens have better plans.

On Saturday, had a nice catching up with Jar.

It was kind of impromptu actually, both of us seems to be thinking of the same destination - ORCHARD!

Well, i had to collect my orders, she wanted to do window shopping.

So we met - same place, same late =) Haha, yes! As always, Jar's late...

Anyway, here are the pictures of the night!

  

  

Brought her to Lucky Plaza as i needed to collect something from my landing shop.

Then i brought her to the Pinoy Cafeteria i recommended in my past post.. and she loves it!

Her facebook caption on the picture above when she's enjoying the dessert was :

"pilipino dessert : halo-halo, so much better then local ice kacang"

And it's the truth! Oh the food is great too :)

On Sunday, didn't go out despite having the plan that me and nurul will be heading to town.
A LOT of changes of plan and so both of us ended up deciding not to meet.
But change of plan again, so we met at night at central.
I had to wash off the disgusting taste of maggie noodles in my mouth (the outcome of having it straight in 2 days to avoid chicken)
So i had char kway teow... NICE NICE!

We talked about Jar and Safwan's latest 411.
Like seriously, i am utterly disappointed. And to think i comforted him thinking that it was Jar going wild again. UGGH
Talk about being judgmental, and for that, i made known i was sorry.
Nothing much else to talk about except for complaining of school, exams, each other's boyfriends etc...

Well, i am envious of Nurul's new phone! But i'm still on the upperhand cos my hp is QWERTY! :-P

Tomorrow will be my first day back to school, and i will be having IT Security Mgmt,
after that will be Business Finance test and then? FYP meeting for coding! DAMN.
School life sucks of seniors -.-

Toilet Paper Control Suggestion

I was passing through Downtown East Resort, Pasir Ris a few days back.
It was the day baby and i had some chill-out session over at the park as i have mention within one of my previous posts.
So before heading back home, i had to use the toilet.

The toilet was the one just by the Macdonald's, opposite Wild Wild Wet water theme park.
It wasn't the first time i used this particular P toilet but some thing only caught my eyes now.

It brought me to realization that i approve so much about how the management has opted for such a toilet paper dispenser. It disallow, if not completely, stop unnecessary excessive usage of roles of tissue unlike the function of a normal tissue dispenser.
It gives users control over the number of sheets they need to wipe whatever they need to.
I think it is a very good way of at least reducing production of paper.

With advantages comes disadvantages, of course. There is the need of a quicker turnover of new tissues.
As you can see the dispenser is quite small in size, therefore only able to house a decent amount of sheets per one quarter of a day, if i'm not mistaken.
Maybe Kimberly-Clark can create longer dispensers that extend upwards on the wall of the toilet dividers.
In due to that, they can at least cater for half-a-day usage, if not more.

Anyway, these are just suggestions.
I do hope that more company or public toilets adopt such measures taken by Downtown East Resort.
Kudos to both Downtown East Resort and of course, Kimberly-Clark.

Sideline job and food galore!

Rushed down to Hilton Singapore for one-day-one-hour sideline Polaroid photography temp job. It's for the events company i'm still working for weekly during school day off.
I was paid a not-so-bad amount really.


Actually, i have asked silently to Him if a monetary opportunity can happen because i really need to pay off some thing. I truly thank God that something like this happened.


All i had to do was wait for the crowd to increase in number, get them snapped and just hand them their Polaroid takes. Really simple! Not much effort done, eventually the images do turn out pretty fine. I guess everyone actually enjoyed being photographed.


I spoke to the event's photographer, Nick, who shared with me how much is market pricing for photographers. I was really brought to realization at how low i was actually charging for my portfolio shoots. Then again, i find that i still needed more experience and practice. So in December when baby will be busy and "away" from leisure's reach (due to his further studies), i will busy myself with upgrading and increasing my knowledge in photography and graphic design. 


I haven't been in tune with these lately and i have hopes to ensure i stick to these passion :)

Baby met me at town today after his FYP meeting in school. We met up at Far East Plaza.

Memories gushed at me the moment i neared the mall, entered it and windowed shop.

Damn i missed my girls. The then bitchifive, who are always together, always greatly connected. Sigh

With that, along came the ache of not having been able to shop. It's like being a woman but not having your blessed parts of womanhood - quite alike for men who are but lacks the vital organs of what proves them men.

There are just some things students like me lack in doing now.

And the worst thing? I saw a pair of peep toe flat boots, canvas material at the first shoe shop at Far East Plaza B1. Going for only $29.90.

It's not even expensive, and yet i have to keep frugality in mind! (breathe... one, two, three)


Baby pointed out that the shoes might not be good enough a material. I agree.
Partly thinking of ways to feel better and partly because he might be right.


So, negativity out and hello food!


Baby suggested going to lucky plaza, pinoy cafeteria for dessert.
I opted for dinner too. Hungry!
So we had the items in the picture above.


We shared a 2-dish meal of Pastel Chicken and Beef (Apritada or maybe something else).
For dessert, we had Ube, Bread and butter, and Ube + casava cake.
Yum Yum.


Baby love pinoy dishes, and the dessert too. If you're in the mood to try something different, you can head down to Lucky Plaza, Orchard. Go up to fourth floor and turn left from the escalator, downwards you'll see Ayam Penyet restaurant. Just along that lane, further down the left, all the way to the end you'll see a very informal cafeteria.


Don't expect formal dining there.


Ask for budget meal costing $5
It includes rice, with two dishes and a can or bottle of drink of your choice.


If you're in the mood for cold dessert, i recommend Halo-Halo.
You'll never regret it. It's awesome! :)


It was nice spending time with baby but there were things on my mind still.
A part of which wonders if he's enjoying himself too, another part of which wonders if i can just let loose of thoughts.


~next food galore venue, Taj Lanka for sri lankan meals!
ive tasted some already, just can't wait for the formal introduction to baby's cultural food

Misdirection

Have you ever felt so sure of you the day's outcome, and then within a minute, it has vanished?
Have you spent a nice time with your loved one, ignoring a nagging feeling that - maybe - they might have not enjoyed the day like you did, so that you can carry on feeling happy having spent that day well - or thought so?
Have you ever felt so misled by the day's happening, that it just makes you all foggy and misty, thus causing the alarm system to go off.

Rrrrrriiiiiiinnnnngggg!

And the next thing you know, the vaults and the walls to your priceless possession starts shutting down again, even before it starts to fully stay wide open.

If you haven't, tell you what, think of the time that you thought yourself the most happiest, and then while walking home, you got run over by a huge lorry. Everything else was intact except that you saw one of the most vital organ missing -  (No not your balls, nor your bosoms) your heart.

~id rather have a bad day than have a happy day that turns out to be a bad day~

but then again, what does it matter to an already beaten soul.

The Southern Vampire Mysteries

Did i mention before how much staying in (home) too long might drive me nuts?
Top it up with programming an online mathematics tutorial and i can really end up a goner...!

So lately for a month or so, i haven't been working in the weekends.
I have taken a big risk actually, but hey, i'm still surviving (financially) - with frugality in mind.
But it's the boredom that's killing me!

Anyway, due to boredom as well, i have succumbed to reading, watching movies and the inevitable life of programming.

Reading was most fun actually. It's a pastime i'll never outgrow.
And i have a great recommendation actually!

Author: Charlaine Harris
Books: The Southern Vampire Mysteries / Sookie Stackhouse series
Genre: Romance / Fantasy Fiction about Supernatural beings, centered on Vampires, Shape-shifters (interpretation of were-animals), telepaths, fairy and more
Accompanying TV series: Trueblood on HBO

The setting is very much fictional but it is present time and not so much on futuristic era.
It indicates how supernaturals, mainly the Vampires, have come out and exposed themselves to co-exist with men after a Japanese discovery of Trueblood - a synthetic blood - that can sustain and give the nutrients Vampires needed to survive. It reduces or eliminates the need of having to feed on humans.

The author has creatively spun a nice web of romance and fantasy, on the account of perspective of Sookie Stackhouse, the protagonist of the novel. Charlaine Harris should have been discovered earlier, but i'm glad i found her just in time! She's still under contract of writing for 2-3 more books - which i really hope to catch up with - provided i find it in the library.

If you have time and really want to pick up on reading, this series of novel is the best way to start.
All the best! Enjoy!

The list of the books to source out:
(taken from wikipedia):

1. Dead Until Dark (2001, ISBN 0-441-00853-4)
2. Living Dead in Dallas (March 2002, ISBN 0-441-00923-9)
3. Club Dead (May 2003, ISBN 0-441-01051-2)
4. Dead to the World (May 2004, hardcover ISBN 0-441-01167-5, 2005, paperback ISBN 0-441-01218-3)
   
   
   • "Fairy Dust" from Powers of Detection (October 2004, ISBN 0-441-01197-7)
   • "Dracula Night" from Many Bloody Returns (September 2007, hardcover ISBN 0-441-01522-0)
   
   
   
5. Dead as a Doornail (May 2005, hardcover ISBN 0-441-01279-5, April 2006, audio book ISBN 1-4193-3730-0, paperback ISBN 0-441-01333-3)
   
   
   • "One Word Answer" from Bite (2005, ISBN 0-515-13970-X)
   
   
   
6. Definitely Dead (May 2006, hardcover ISBN 0-441-01400-3, audio book ISBN 1-4193-9326-X)
7. All Together Dead (May 2007, hardcover ISBN 0-441-01494-1)
   
   
   • "Lucky" from Unusual Suspects (December 2008, paperback, ISBN 0-441-01637-5)
   
   
   
8. From Dead to Worse (May 2008, hardcover ISBN 0-441-01589-4)
   
   
   • "Gift Wrap" from Wolfsbane and Mistletoe (October 2008, hardcover ISBN 0-441-01633-2)
   
   
   
9. Dead and Gone (May 2009, hardcover, ISBN 0-441-01715-0 / ISBN 978-0-441-01715-7)
10. A Touch of Dead (October 2009, hardcover, ISBN 0441017835 / ISBN 978-0441017836)
11. Dead in the Family (May 2010)

Oh Darling!

Lyrics | We The Kings lyrics - Check Yes Juliet lyrics

Oh darling, i love today. Despite having better days, i think today was extremely special.

I will remember this day and i hope you do too.

It's not an official day to remember, but i think that today (6-7th November 09) we told and displayed to each other how we felt.

From the time at the pantry to the time at the park, i have never really felt you the way i have today.

Either i didn't appreciate you enough or i succumb to whatever dislike i have felt for you.

You're someone i know i should trust and rely on. But i guess not now, at least not fully.

I trust you enough but with limitations simply due to the reason i have told you.

I know you understood and you see my view, i thank God for today giving us such a wonderful time and a good conversation.

It's not easy to swallow something that is very awful, but i guess you're right - we either work it out and move on or we don't until we are both pissed and decide that we have had enough.

I realize too that in a relationship, despite one being at fault, it doesn't mean that the other did not play a part.

In any case, as long as both are in the relationship, the fight is caused by the mistakes of both party.

I guess darling, we need to instill in us something like an apology session for the mistakes we have done.

I've guided you through about that, and i hope it gave you a nice feeling? :)

No matter how big or how small the mistake it, sincerely apologizing might abolish more negative emotions than expected.

There is more to us than just the turbulent moments, and as the days passes by, i find myself falling more and more for you. I do try to fight it but darling, i'm not winning.

You're someone i cannot fathom without despite me insisting i could.

I know how much you love me darling. Oh, i do.

And thank God that we have found each other.

I love you, very much.

<3 shenath thomas dias

It's not over

I just cannot fathom life without you.
I can tell you how much i can do without, or even run away for a long time.
But i cannot really keep you off my mind.
No matter how much i think i can hate you, it just get crushed to nothingness.

There are some things i can never swallow and a few injury that still hurts.
It caused me to bleed, and i feel that this hemorrhage will never cease.
I want to tell you so much what causes me to feel as such.
But i can't, simply because i have been hurt far too many times.

No point to vocalize, no point to be emotional.


Ironic isn't it? I'm emoting now.
I can't help myself.

~it's not over~

Lake Louise, Alberta

Soaking, originally uploaded by jurek d..

Another reason why Canada is such an enticing place to be.
Really lovely!

Picture from flickr by jurek d.
The photo is named "Soaking"

Interesting Quiz Results

Didn't attend Business Finance mod today.
Surprisingly, i slept like a baby til 2+pm, and i still wanted more.
(12hrs of sleep, damn that's a record for me lately.)

Nevertheless, i had to get up some time soon to do up my Social Behavior article, which finally is done.
So that means i can sleep well again tonight, just in time for tomorrow's editorial mod!

Anyway, just wanted to share two quizzes i found really hit me well. Like WOW.

Quiz #1 - What kind of mask do you wear?

Jean completed the quiz "What kind of mask do you wear?" with the result Purity.

Your mask is purity. You are always trying to be true to yourself. You don't care what others think is right or wrong, you always use your own judgment to decide. You often ignore the millions of rules people are trying to place on the way you should live your life, because you know they are meaningless and that you are a good person. Your intentions are usually pure, whether it's wanting to do something nice for someone, or just take some time for yourself. You understand that pure isn't perfect. You get angry, jealous, mean, sometimes stubborn, but you are who you are, and your mask isn't trying to hide it; it's just helping you get by the life you love and enjoy. .

Quiz #2 - What's your biggest weakness?

Jean completed the quiz "What's your biggest weakness?" with the result Jealousy.

You envy others, but you are also confident about yourself. But sometimes you wish you could be confident about yourself without the masks. You clean before people come over, even though you are typically a mess. You dress up or wear revealing clothes, show off your tan, tattoos, and body, because you feel like it will get attention and make you feel worth something. Sexiness is something you value, but you really want to be admired for your heart. You want someone to see through the masks and love you for you, but you sometimes don't know who that person is and you fear opening up to someone because you don't want to be hurt. You wish you could be like someone else, trade places just for a day, to see what it's like to be perfect. You like lists and getting things done, but you rarely finish them. You want to be loved, so badly, for who you are and you're just waiting for the right person to show you that it's okay to rest in who you were made to be, and not who you are always trying to be.

I never thought a quiz on FB can actually hit me on the right spot.

~swallowing broken emotions.... slower than expected~

Bruise, Cowardice, Embrace

Anyone who can touch can hurt your or heal
Anyone who can reach you can love you or leave you



"I bruise easily" by Natasha Bedingfield

Everyone can pretend they are great, they can wear a mask to hide from the world's prying eyes.
We can go day by day always surrounding ourselves with people to feel less lonely, but is that really the motive of being around people?
Or are we all just cowards who need presence of others to stop tears falling from our eyes.
Do we seek others' company so as to feel stronger, feeding off them unknowingly.

Are we really strong people we hope the world to see?
I'm sure we can go day in and day out disregarding the presence of the mask that help us go through the day with unscathed emotions and indifference.
Over time, the mask becomes us and it takes a special type of people who have been around you or who are patient and observant enough, to understand why we wear such masks.

Are you like this? Can you openly admit to someone you are, if not to yourself?

If you can't admit this trait to yourself, you're a coward.
What is much worst is that you are a coward to deny that you are indeed a coward.
A pitiful state to be in.

I know i have led this life.
I'm going to have to lead it again.
To prevent hurt, pain and the reality of suffering.
All i have to know is that i always need to be practical and reasonable to myself.

Leading such a life again doesn't mean i'm going to stop loving or whatever.
Leading such a life might actually avoid unnecessary negative vibes.
Embrace your cowardice act, get in touch with it and eventually, learn to deal with it.

~riding the low with style~