Another blast/ Uneventful day

It was IT Security Mgmt today and u can pretty much bet that i didn't really made much effort to do the hands-on practical - just not my field of interest -.-
So all i did was understand the concept and take advantage of the knowledge.
Which kind of help, but im sure Deborah was looking for something more than theory.
Honestly, i really cannot be bothered! Sigh

The day got worst when i received a request to meet up.
Yep, the ex text me in the morning and asked to meet.
Honestly, if i'd follow my heart, i will.
But i had to make sure i keep to my mind, and keep in mind what has been done.

The night before, he text me too.
And somehow i thought i'd be better the next morning when i realize that we were in sync with the emotions, but i just can't forget everything. Sigh

Even tho i felt touched and i teared at whatever he text me last night but truth remains.
I just cannot get it right in my head to believe that he really didn't have anything for his ex.

Actions speak louder than words, in the context of love, if not all.
And the amount of effort he had done all through the years just to keep her abreast, makes it all harder for me to believe that his love for me was real.
I doubt everything now and our past relationship. Plus, i really loathe this feeling of hate.

I hate the fact that i hate him now.
I just can't fully function with hate.

Sigh Sigh Sigh

So i told him what i thought about the request, and i told him how i truly felt.
How i loathe the both of them, only i can imagine, and there's no way to relay that to him well.
He's still going to live in denial about what he feels about her.
And he's just going to say that it was not her but it was i who ruined it when i didn't call him first.
No matter what he says against what i've interpreted, i can never believe anything he says again.
It's not just for me, but i believe it'll be for the better, if not the best.

So then he blasted me again with all the hurtful things he always come up with.
The curses and the mean wishes of whatever really just motivates me to just forget about him completely.
And every time he says something, it acts as my fuel to the hatred i feel.
If he'd got the balls to admit everything, i guess i'd forgive him.
But he keeps running his contradicting stories, and it makes it so unbearable. Darn!

Sigh.

Was suppose to meet the cousins today but i ended FYP meeting too late, so couldn't catch 2012 with them.
So headed home and played with Zak.
He makes me smile all the time, lately.
He's the only real source of happiness i feed from.
The power of children... Sigh.

I hadn't done much besides lying around and fight the tears since i got home from school.
Though i end up giving up trying
I guess there's a quota limit to the amount of tears a person can release per day.
But anyway, i still cannot stop this emotional madness, so meeting bestie at central in awhile.
I haven't eaten since morning, and i guess i'd better eat something later... Sigh