Contiue

The silence discontinued.
Talking resumed and it feels good that we are okay again.
It is horrible to feel so disconnected and it makes it more awful to be so near yet so far.

Fight = marriage. How far do you agree?

In a way it made me laugh how he could be humorous about fights.
He's such a clown sometimes. love him lots...
Anyway, i guess he's still under probation. Lets hope he really honor what he compromised.
I have faith in him... Love you loads Shenath Dias

Okay, i know i promise you guys pictures, but i really doubt i have time to wait for the pictures to upload.
Blogger should allow bulk upload, so it'll be faster. (if it's already available, pls pls pls tell me how to!)
Anyway, i will upload pictures tomorrow, i have to get ready for work now!
Shift is from 3-11pm today.
I'll be very depress later, i'm already feeling it now. Yawns

Haiz

Thought things wont be sour for long, then it started yesterday.
Alas, sweet things can end up causing nausea eventually.
It ain't that everything should be perfect, it shouldn't be perfect so that it will eventually be.
But, i hate quarrels, fights, whatever...
-.- makes sense? if not, just read on...
Well, what else isn't obvious?

Yours truly had a row with the bf -.-
And ya'll, who are in a serious rship, will know how that feels...
For me, it's another moment to 'just run and vanish since he isn't happy'.
To him, it's another 'i wont let go and you should know it' moment...
How can i elaborate how i feel?

I appreciate his perseverance.. (GOD i love his perseverance)
But sometimes, it comes off all muddled up.
The things he said discouraged me and it make things seem quite blurred.
Same goes to me, the things i say seems to have blurred his logic that he has interpreted my words to something too radical and too exaggerated to my view.
It made me wonder if i'm that horrible.
It didn't make me feel better nor happy.
It made me terrified that i can actually have my man think that i want to change him as a whole.
That was the least, if not absent, in my expectations.

Last night, i realize that i might just have been asking too much....
Maybe i deserve his treatment, then again, that would mean i'm succumbing and choosing to ignore what pinch my emotions.
There are just things that people need to change for...
Even if he thinks otherwise, i have changed my ways in terms of our relationships.
I have tried to fit into him. At least i am trying my best to not do what he dislikes cos he says it does bother him.
It is important to me because he's my man.

Then again, not always time quarrels are resolved straightaway.
I rest my case thats all i need say.
I don't want to feel as if i'm purely the one at fault so i'm just not going to mind anything.
That's what i feel, and since im the one feeling it, then IT'S MY PROBLEM to deal with right?
So yeah. If he wants to settle it and be okay asap, then i'm cool.
If he want to dwell in it, then i'll wait....

But you know what sucks?
When he's there with you and yet, you don't know what the hell he's thinking about.
or at least you do know what he is thinking about but he denies or you just cant prove it,
cos he choose to remain silent.
Thats what sucks.
Hate this feeling...
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE IT.

Anw, something lighthearted now.
Last night was the last showcase of Momentum (dance fest showcase)
we(me and izzi) got the BEST SEAT. front row!
credits to ASHLEY (: great tix!

So 10 schools participated.
and i got to see the dance groups present in RP.
they are great and of course, i must say i give the 'AWARD' to modern dance group.
outside RP, i must say that Hwa Chong Institute was great. Ngee Ann too (:

next post will be some pics collected from the past few days.
1. wed - watched bf match
2. other pics
3.momentum pics

Bored

So i'm now in the lecture theater 'listening' to the speaker pertaining networking.
Currently, multimedia isn't getting my full support today.
Here's why:
1. I'm sleepy and initially didn't want to come to school -.-
2. I don't how macromedia flash really works
3. My faci is a substitute (reminds me of carven so i can't take him seriously) LOL
4. Shenath has to pull me into this lunchtime talk about networking.
5. I'm having troubling remembering how to do an animation!

I don't think i'll stop complaining about today. So i'm just going to stop short -.-
The last two days of home freedom was great.
Enjoyed it a lot :D

Anyway, i dragged myself off bed when i should have just stayed home!
Then again... It didn't seem feasible with bf with me. Boo hoo!
Lately, i have been feeling sooo not up and about.
I don't know if motivation is running out for me, or it's just that im getting far too lazy :(
I need sleep. That's all i guess.
Today, momentum is going to be on show.
but im in a dilemma whether to go or not.
poor izzy have to trouble her to find friends to go with.
i don't know man, tmr im also having Networking UT.
Need to study. boo hoo!

Anyway, i guess i will be going ):
So i guess tmr will be another sleepy day -.-

Random as always

I have been sitting in front of the lappy for quite some time.
I don't have anything to write abt... At least no real subject to write on.
Who cares!

Anyway, I'm at home since like 3 pm.
Let me tell you my day today -.-

Today was Database System Module, took my time to get up in the morning.
Why? Cos i really cannot get along with the subject.
I am losing my interest to come to school for this module.
I think I'm going to have to repeat this shit module. (then again, i really doubt i will let that happen)
Honestly, i really thought Database was alright, but circumstances has made me change my viewpoint -.-

Okay, so i reached school at around 930am.
Was suppose to have Thosai again, then bf and i had a miscommunication, so end up having deprived off Thosai :(
Forced into class by the bf, and then off the day went.
By the end of meeting 2, i really lost it! I cannot stay in there anymore.

I ran! yipeee! (i am already expecting an F. and also, a letter of complaint against my actions.)
Honestly i ain't that stupid to really keep having shit grades just because i didn't like it.
But i have to wait for the perfect time to get a move on myself to swallow my pride against Database.

I'm fighting a one sided battle....
It's never going to work out with me and Database.
But that doesn't mean i'm going to give up!
Networking is getting alright... So far, i think it's not such a bad subject anymore :)

Well, im going off in awhile when Nurul wakes up and call me to meet.
We're going to Haig Road to eat our all time fave 3-in-1 MEE GORENG!!
Bf was not in favour of me going, boo hoo!
But i know he has faith in me that's why he let me go. Love you lots darling ;)
He's having training today. So have to wait for him...

Cheers tonight! :D
Still wondering whether to buy can or bottle... lets see.

Oooh yeah, yesterday night was fun :D
The movie was great.... ;)
Indiana Jones was a fantastic MUST-SEE movie.
Wonder if bf got to concentrate. LOL
Okay ppl, toodles!

Dilemma

I was reading the free morning news paper on the way to school.
It has a headline that made me think and assess the current twin disaster affected countries.
As you all may have heard/read/know/experienced, Asia was hid by a twin disaster of Earth and Water.
- Cyclone Nargis that hit Myanmar
- Earthquake that hit China

It seems rather shocking how two disasters can occur one after the other...
I was a passive listeners to these countries, i didn't grieve nor felt anything.
Until i read the papers today, i realize the magnitude of these disasters.
After a self disappointment, i continued to read on.

After which the subject the writer of mypaper put across to everyone came to me as a realization.
The content was about donations coming from Singapore to China seems to be more than that to Myanmar.

The issue?
MYANMAR IS THE POORER COUNTRY OF THE TWO AND THAT CHINA HAS MORE THAN ENOUGH TO SUPPORT HERSELF. ($3 trillion worth of funds)

So why are people giving more money to the wealthier one?
I felt disappointment at such biasness. That's what i felt and how i see the situation.
I criticize the action but within my 50 mins journey, i realize why these action happens.

Analogy:
I have two friends, A and B. I have forged a very strong bond with A as we have known each other since young. In Poly, i met B and we share the same interest and are close. We have a good term but we were only close in school. Then one day, both A and B had some personal problem that requires my help.
As humanly human that we humans can be, I was more affected when A undergo her problem.
Why?
Closeness and strong bond.


**Think of this way, what would you have done. If your best friend and your normal friend requires your help. Which one will you turn down if you cannot help both?

With this i leave you to decide.

summary

Been wanting to write an entry but due to time constraint i wasn't able to continue from my previous entry.
Anw, from last post, Shenath and i managed to do whatever we have to do on time.
Did Java UT and then we were off to clarke quay.
From there we headed down to Bugis, initially to get myself the pink heels that i was eyeing at Bugis Street, but since it wasn't there anymore, got myself a pair of 'jeweled' gold flip flops.

Then since i wasn't satisfied with not getting the pink heels that i so wanted,
i had to look for another item of lust -.-
EARRINGS - got 8 for $10 (SUPER CHEAP)
Bf chose 8 earrings for me. The way it went was so hilarious and cute at the same time :D
It was as if he was choosing for himself.
I constantly left him by himself to roam around the area for other options.
So cute when i saw him picking those earrings and asking the vendors opinion.
Sometimes taking the earring and putting it on against my lobes.
I don't know what i find cute and hilarious in that, but it tickles me -.-

Anyway, so we had dinner at this malay hawker opposite Bugis Junction.
The vendors there are sooooo weird.
They looked at me so weirdly, like as if they wanted to eat me up or something.
Twas nice. After dinner headed to the National Library.
Was suppose to do RJ there but then when we reached the study lounge we were told to go cos it's already closing.
So proceeded to Hans cafe instead.
Bought Chocolate Nuts(Ice cream) and earl gray - for sharing with Bf.
Then he said i was wasting money... blah blah blah -.- In the end, we still went back happy.
I thought we'll have another row for that. guess not...

Worked on Saturday and Sunday.
Twas tiring! The day went by so slow.
Sunday(today) was supposed to meet Shenath's mum but there was a major alteration in plan.
So phew.... my meeting with her was delayed.
Actually, i don't really know why i'm even feeling scared to meet her.
I shouldn't be -.- but i guess Shenath has become an important part of me that it scares me if his mum disapprove...
Anyway, lets see how things go.
I just feel that it's cause his mum is traditional and conservative.
Makes me feel that if i ain't conservative enough, she'll take him away from me. LOL
This is madness. yeah i know, shut up jean!

For another thing, family minus me, are going to Segamat :D
Go figure...
I'm getting sleepy.
Anyway, pictures as follows are what i have collected so far yeah.
View em with patience :D

Poem: A story, A vow

Title: A story, A vow
Written by: Jean Bautista (Me!)

How do i describe this feeling,
That envelopes me with warmth;
How did i come to this point,
When I'm never strong with love.

You give me hope i never knew,
And everything fall into place;
It's a vow of my love,
And my witness is Him above.

I'll care for you and give you love,
I'll stand by you have no doubt;
I'll give The Love That Never Dies,
Just show me eternal love in your eyes;

Darling from you I just want love,
And loyalty to strengthen us;
I'll be yours forevermore,
Just don't ever betray my trust!

Wrote it for him - Shenath Thomas.
Giving it to him in awhile when he meets me for lunch.
It's a reply to his poem that he gave.
The very first poem that he wrote for me.
It's so sweet.
And so i felt in the mood to write him a reply :)
Anw, skipped java today, i got late again.
Didn't see the point in coming anymore today.
Had breakfast by myself at the coffeshop.
Been long since i had Thosai.
Called nurul to tell and tease abt our old school moments.
Late for school = skip + eating Thosai (:
Anw, i have to go now.
Going for lunch and meeting Shenath.
-Somethings going down today-
:)
JAVA SUCKS!
JUST TODAY...

Drag Day

Woke up early for some reason, ready to get up and be hyper.
The moment i did that, i wanted to fall back in bed and sleep a thousand years.
My eyes grow heavy with every minute that it stays open.
I'm quite surprise at how long i have hanged on since 6am.

Transport system is never ever reliable. Totally suck the peace out of me!
First major blood sucker - bus 3
The driver just sat there and the passengers didn't move in.
So that idiot just stay there and hoped that the passengers will move in.
EITHER that or he really want to squeeze in every people in the bus.

Second major blood sucker - train heading to jurong east.
I thought it would be a rather smooth ride but then it prove me wrong when the train undergone a trip in the system and moved like a funeral procession -.-
It stopped before Yishun station and then after the station.
Waited in vain for a few long minutes and only then we were off.
That's when i was late.

WHICH MADE ME MORE PISSED.
Woke up early for nothing.
SMRT should really check their system. Especially when heading to Yishun.
8 out of 10 times i travel in the Red line bound to announce, "Due to a technical problem, this train will stop in Yishun"

Today's module as stated in the previous entry is my favorite one.
However, my sleepiness got to me and i really performed the lowest.
Also i had to leave due to some java revision i have set with Shenath.
Which i now doubt will happen.
I dont think i can teach him in my state.

I want to go now, need to rest my eyes.
Good day!

Academic

It's a few minutes to midnight and i'm still up.
I wake up at 6am every morning and i still cant kick the late nights habit -.-
That's why i always end up complaining abt my eye bags and dark circles.
Anw, tmr will be doing my fave module - Web Multimedia.
All i know is that it gets harder every week.
But i like the way it gets to me. Challenging yet fulfilling.
Database and Networking will never be any part of me.
Java is alright but still very weak at it.
Lets see how my academic goes.

Taught Shen java just now..
Was practically nagging at him at Starbucks@MarinaSq.
But i'm glad some things entered his brain... phew.
Another round of java tmr then.
For now, toodles!
Good night.

Love

Yesterday, we went over to Shenath's bro place.
Saw Javon, the new cutie in the house.
And of course, Ashi.. Boyfie's nephews are adorable.
Just like my dear bro Isaac (",)
In fact all babies are adorable!

Anyway, the main event yesterday was following Shenath's bro and his wife, to the new condo.
We viewed the whole place.
It was a four room condo whose layout is really quite nice.
900K - twas worth it.
Boyfie and i started our imaginations. All sorts came to mind ;)
Especially amidst the living room. Hehe
Ok! After that, had dinner back at Shen Bro's place.
After a couple of sitcoms, we went off.
It was a nice emo day ;)

It made me think a lot about my future with him.
Seeing the way he was with a baby, made me smile to myself and think what kind of father would he turn to be..
Viewing the new house made me wonder when will we live with each other.
I know it's all exciting now and later in the future it might turn out nasty.
But i know it will all work out the way we really want it to be.

I believe that couples who wish for the same thing to happen, will get their wishes.
No matter how incredible it may be.
It takes two hearts - two true hearts - to actually make something happen

The saying goes, "It takes two hands to clap".
So in whatever matter, a couple decides their fate according to their desires.
If they both wish to work things out, then it will work out fine.
Then again, not all the same two individual will ask for the same thing on their own accord.
And the will cannot be done if they consciously do - overdo - it.
It must come from the heart.

One advice:
Always do things that your hear validates, never be afraid to tell your partner how any of their doings make you feel - be it happiness or sorrow - just let them know.

It has taken Shenath and me to roughly know each other JUST ONLY to a certain extent.
We have spent 9 months together and yet, there are more to know and to learn.
9 months of everyday communication, hugs, kisses, anger, love, frustration, affection - and still i feel that we still need to always talk things out.
A lot of arguments was made about our differences and i feel that it's normal. Duh!

I ask myself, will i be willing to take any of the things that i dislike about him, in the future?
I say NO. I won't settle for the average! - This was a thought that still lingers.
So i realize it is my job to remind him of his standards and get him to work things out with himself.
It is also my job to know that my standards are still there and my man is treated right.

So then i assessed myself and asked myself this: Has he accepted everything that he dislike about me whole heartedly.
In honest evaluation, i seriously doubt it.
There is two things that i know he cannot stand.
1. I'm stubborn
2. I do not accept man authority over woman
So why is he still with me?
I LOVE HIM AND HE LOVES ME.
But what happens if love fades, will love really fade?
There are thousand and one questions in my head.
And from the above thoughts of whether I will be willing to take any of the things i dislike about him, my answer now is - YES.
If love is present, love will prevail.

Something from the tv to wrap it all up;

QUESTION: A couple in love so deep but can't find a term to agree on. When will it the time comes when enough is enough?
ANSWER: Never.

My opinion: It is never easy to keep holding on and fighting off the horrid feeling of an argument.
Some of you like me take leaving and running away the only option to release heartache.
Some of you like Shenath take talking things out the way to come to an understanding.
It takes the latter to pull in the former type of people to get their rship working.
But those words above always keep me holding on.
That indeed, there will never be a time when enough is enough for a couple who truly love each other.

Now i take my leave.

Back

Im at a place that i aint really suppose to be ;)
But as always im here.
To give us fun, joy and laughter :)

I actually dislike boyfie's friend like hell.
He's being such an asshole.
I cant stand him and neither can he. (goes both ways i guess)
But he acts like a stupid pussy. Like as if he even have one...
Like as if he even had the right to... such a crap bull shit!

Anyway, cos of him. I'm actually quite put off staying around.
But boyfie tells me not to bother about that idiot.
He understands and boyfie gives him the same treatment.
Not that i revel in seeing boyfie and his friend to be on such a bad term.
However, both of us really do not know why he's becoming like that.
We don't bother him and we always can't be bothered to even bother about him.

I guess he's just like that.
I bother to stop cursing him cos it's going sideways. lol
Talk about backfiring.

Anw lately, there have been a lot that has gone on...
I GOT THRU MODERN DANCE AND HIP HOP AUDITIONS.
I did not expect to get thru the audi for hip hop.
But i did. (Happy yet caught up in dilemma)

This Saturday, there will be THE boot camp that will determine the initiation to the IG(interest group)
It so clashed with the Modern Dance Gathering that i was lookin forward to go to.
But as apparent as it may seem, i had to go for the boot camp. HAVE TO.... :(

Okay so after that news, i'm glad and saddened by the fact that i know which subject i do so good at and which one i do so BAD at.
- WEB DESIGNING is still the best.
NETWORKING SUCKS... AND SO IS DATABASE.
Object oriented is not as bad as the two. I can get it better.
Boyfie is the opposite...

OKAY ANYWAY, IM GOING NOW.
WANNA GET SOME SHUT EYE.

crazy

Before i proceed to do my Professional Profiling research, i want to recount my fun day yesterday.

Well, i skipped school.
Went to see Shenath and then had lunch.
Spent some time on us.. ;)
And then headed out for a movie.

First stop was Swissotel at Clarke Quay.
Waited at the lobby while he collect his bucks.
Then trained back to Dhoby at Plaza Sing.
Got the tix for Ironman the movie for four - me, shenath, safwan and jaja
The other couple took their own sweet time coming.
So me and shenath went to grab something to eat at BK.
Twas nice having Turkey Bacon after such a long time :D

Everything went well yesterday, phew....
The movie was fantastic - it's not over rated.
It has both seriousness and hilarity mix in it and the plot was great.
We didn't realize how long the movie was.
It was worth the $10 tix price.

Sad thing and a good thing too, was that the other couple had to sit separately from us.
We sat at the first row of the cinema. Both couples at each end of the row. lol
So at least me and shenath had an alone movie time :D
After the movie, we hanged opposite Giraffe.
Went crazy eventually.
We piggy backed the guys and had a race which Iron Hajar CHEATED in.
So that's why i lost. haha - next time we shall re-race. whatever that means. haha
twas fun. and then another race came up.
We race walked to the traffic light junction. i bet people around us are calling us mad in their minds.
It was great to have another crazy couple like me and shen. haha

So then headed back with him.
Slept like a pig and he was futile in his attempts ;P haha
serves you right for watching too much tv.
Okay, anyway i have to go.
Need to at least do some research.

Ohhh yeah today was crazy.
me and shenath.
haha as usual :P
i admit am becoming a nag. all thanks to him!
haha darling, you know what i'm thinking now okay. haha so pls........ not another time!

okay, going now..............
sorry no pictures ;(

Its dayz

Haven't been able to blog regularly.
Either there wasn't much time to do so or I'm damn lazy...
But these few days since my last entry, there was a horrible news that reached me.
It was on last Monday the 28th that i received the news when i was in my Modern Dance audition.

A SHSS mate Yuan Xiang was fighting for her life and it seemed that she wasn't able to win it.
She held on for another day and then the next i heard was that she has passed on.
I went to see her in th ICU the night i received the news.
She wasn't close with me but i saw her face in my head because she was one of those girls who was really nice and innocent.
Very friendly and i guess that no matter how horrid i can be to anyone in SHSS, i wasn't at the bit horrid to her due to her nice demeanor.

Another SHSS death.
It was unbelievable. I hope she is peaceful and that GOD has taken her into HIS arms.
- Yuan Xiang, you will never be forgotten by those who knows you. Take care and be blessed.

Well, it is rather depressing to hear another death.
It's quite scary because both deaths came from the same class.
I sympathise with my girls, Jaja and Hid.
They were very friendly with her and they had good relationship with Yuan Xiang.
I hope my girls are feeling okay now.
Today is the last day of Yuan Xiang's wake and she will be cremated by noon.
I wanted to see her at her funeral but something stops me.
I do feel bad not going but i guess it will be alright.

Anyway, on a lighter note. Modern Dance Audition was fruitful.
I got in! I though i will be rejected and then become a SHSS DANCE PRESIDENT shame.
It didn't happen.
But i bet it does on the Hip Hop Dance Audition.
That day i was sooooo sleepy that i wasn't grasping the steps right.
During the audi itself, i was soooooo crappy cos i even forget how the steps go.
but of course i filled in some steps. haha
Of which was last century moves. It doesn't matter.
Lets see how i fair.
I will update if Hip Hop takes me or rejects me.
For now, i have to get going.
I will be late again!

Good day.