im going out tmr with Salmon.
haha.. oh i love calling him that.
too bad baby cant come. =P
me and salmon will then have a wonderful pool challenge.
shucks, i can guess im bound to lose!
i practically have rust on my hands when it comes to pool.
hehe.
well, anyway... i gtg do my blog template now.
i hv taken some really camwhoric pics and it will then be my blog pic.
hehe. i love taking pics... plus, i really fell aww... haha.
love 'em tiara!
btw, i dont know if to feel awkward or creeped out.
i saw him peek at me again.
hmms. weirdo...
anyways, ciaos fer now.
love,
jean.
p.s. get well soon baby.
dont say i am not concern. hehe.
hugs.
There are three things that walk with stately stride–no, four that strut about: the lion, king of animals, who won’t turn aside for anything. - Proverbs 30:29-30
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
class madness
my GOODNESS
we are having the longest break of the day.
and we are watching Eye 10.
i freaking screamed!
and then we all are laughing madly.
we are having the longest break of the day.
and we are watching Eye 10.
i freaking screamed!
and then we all are laughing madly.
current situation : mad concentration.
the status of madness : mild.
the status of madness : mild.
ANYWAY, sahidah and nisha has been on my nerves from just now.
(i know you two know what im talking abt!!)
idiots lah they both.
of all things to see, it's all the damn obscene shit.
and all the nonsensical things.
yawns
anyways, i have to like get the hell outa my class.
have to meet my parents and then head to ica.
okay then.
ciaos.
^oh, here are some pics^
(i know you two know what im talking abt!!)
idiots lah they both.
of all things to see, it's all the damn obscene shit.
and all the nonsensical things.
yawns
anyways, i have to like get the hell outa my class.
have to meet my parents and then head to ica.
okay then.
ciaos.
^oh, here are some pics^
this is the babe who started the movie fiesta
lol. this is emo wanna-be girl
now. this is scary
aww sweet couple.
this is the way we watch movie in class. hehe
nisha nisha. u idiot! haha
ahhhhh!!!
lol. this is scary
Monday, May 28, 2007
trash and hunk
so like there are two sides of stories yesterday 27/05/07 - good AND bad.
(it's a long entry, do forgive me - with pics)
so let me start by the bad :
i quarreled with mum and it was a real bad one.
it was so bad that i packed my bags with clothes and it hasn't been really unpacked.
but i stayed home as i am now.
anyways, there are many other reasons as to why i wanted to run off.
i have a place to run to still and it is still him.
but then after some thinking i realized that i am thankful and utterly grateful,
that i couldn't find myself to be there anymore.
i couldn't find the reason as to why i felt as such.
and also, i realized that i have to stop myself being a burden to him.
as long as i can help myself and there are many other people to turn to,
i will not go to him.
not because i dont want to look for him and ask for his concern anymore,
but because i feel that i dont want to be asking for more of him.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
dear to you,
there was once i still recall,
when we were trying to get things clear,
about being a burden, about me looking fer thee.
there is that moment i almost cried on the phone,
of what i heard and i found out,
that you'll still be there,
and that you will still be around.
you were saying how you know that i cant survive without you.
and so that is what im trying to do, to survive without you...
not because i dont want to survive and be with you,
but because i need to be stable and strong on my own two feet.
and so i left you cos i needed to be strong to survive with you.
no one can teach me that apart from myself.
but thank you for everything.
mungkin nanti kita akan menjadi lagi...
jika kita masih ada jodoh...
jikalau sahajah...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
so i havent spoken to my mum yet.
im in school now and i dont know how it will go at home later.
i would say it's like another moments of utter silence.
i cannot apologise because what she has brought up is so out of point.
she jumps and picks on whatever wrong she can see,
not even thinking hard of the good things that i have done for her.
(so thanks mummy, for always looking for my wrongs.
someday you'll see i shall be your only aid.)
there seems to be a great sour in our relationship.
i shall just be waiting for a time that she's the one who gives in.
and try to stop her foolish pride.
i can say my mum is the best yet but she has the most unreasonable and foolish pride yet.
she see me as JUST-A-DAUGHTER.
okay, so i was home till i finally decided to get out of the room(refuge).
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so yeahs, before i went out, Boi got me to call him.
then later on when he found out that im going to run to the ex,
he was adamant that i dont.
he was suddenly half angered. i was confused and so i asked him why is he acting as such.
so then what i asked got me all entangled.
and so i thought i was just a friend to him.
i didn't think that he still wants to go on with me.
all through i told him that i am his friend cos i didn't want to hurt him.
i didn't want him to put it to me why i cant give him my 100% love.
i told him the truth that i am still stuck in the past.
i was really honest with him.
and i feel that i might hurt him.
so i told him to think about it, if he's ready to gamble or not.
and so my answer to him when he asked of me?
read on further...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
this is the start of the good side of the day ... hehe
so i went out with jan to destress - camwhoring, hunks finding, ikea "OMG"-day.
anyways, we made friends with this filipino hunk looking. =)
*pare, pagnakita mo to sorry ha. featuring ko lang so blog ko.*
okay, let me summarize how we all met , he was approached by this LIVE THE DREAM ppl.
then suddenly, i got aware that he is a filipino, so ended up talking with him in tagalog.
then later on it led to hanging out and starucking.
but he really remind me of my uncles - esp his eyes.
he has the Bautista eye features.
so i just have to asked him if he's a Bautista or NOT. haha.
okay, the result of all hours chat at starbucks?
*he is my aunt jackie's fren. aunt jackie is my mum's close fren. hahhhaha. wow.
and he's lifeguard at wild wild wet, downtown where aunt jackie works.
GOSH! haha.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
close of chapters abt him.
then jan an i went to ikea and all.
haha. so here are the pics i promised!
the bed at ikea damn soft!!! haha.
(it's a long entry, do forgive me - with pics)
so let me start by the bad :
i quarreled with mum and it was a real bad one.
it was so bad that i packed my bags with clothes and it hasn't been really unpacked.
but i stayed home as i am now.
anyways, there are many other reasons as to why i wanted to run off.
i have a place to run to still and it is still him.
but then after some thinking i realized that i am thankful and utterly grateful,
that i couldn't find myself to be there anymore.
i couldn't find the reason as to why i felt as such.
and also, i realized that i have to stop myself being a burden to him.
as long as i can help myself and there are many other people to turn to,
i will not go to him.
not because i dont want to look for him and ask for his concern anymore,
but because i feel that i dont want to be asking for more of him.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
dear to you,
there was once i still recall,
when we were trying to get things clear,
about being a burden, about me looking fer thee.
there is that moment i almost cried on the phone,
of what i heard and i found out,
that you'll still be there,
and that you will still be around.
you were saying how you know that i cant survive without you.
and so that is what im trying to do, to survive without you...
not because i dont want to survive and be with you,
but because i need to be stable and strong on my own two feet.
and so i left you cos i needed to be strong to survive with you.
no one can teach me that apart from myself.
but thank you for everything.
mungkin nanti kita akan menjadi lagi...
jika kita masih ada jodoh...
jikalau sahajah...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
so i havent spoken to my mum yet.
im in school now and i dont know how it will go at home later.
i would say it's like another moments of utter silence.
i cannot apologise because what she has brought up is so out of point.
she jumps and picks on whatever wrong she can see,
not even thinking hard of the good things that i have done for her.
(so thanks mummy, for always looking for my wrongs.
someday you'll see i shall be your only aid.)
there seems to be a great sour in our relationship.
i shall just be waiting for a time that she's the one who gives in.
and try to stop her foolish pride.
i can say my mum is the best yet but she has the most unreasonable and foolish pride yet.
she see me as JUST-A-DAUGHTER.
okay, so i was home till i finally decided to get out of the room(refuge).
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so yeahs, before i went out, Boi got me to call him.
then later on when he found out that im going to run to the ex,
he was adamant that i dont.
he was suddenly half angered. i was confused and so i asked him why is he acting as such.
so then what i asked got me all entangled.
and so i thought i was just a friend to him.
i didn't think that he still wants to go on with me.
all through i told him that i am his friend cos i didn't want to hurt him.
i didn't want him to put it to me why i cant give him my 100% love.
i told him the truth that i am still stuck in the past.
i was really honest with him.
and i feel that i might hurt him.
so i told him to think about it, if he's ready to gamble or not.
and so my answer to him when he asked of me?
read on further...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
this is the start of the good side of the day ... hehe
so i went out with jan to destress - camwhoring, hunks finding, ikea "OMG"-day.
anyways, we made friends with this filipino hunk looking. =)
*pare, pagnakita mo to sorry ha. featuring ko lang so blog ko.*then suddenly, i got aware that he is a filipino, so ended up talking with him in tagalog.
then later on it led to hanging out and starucking.
but he really remind me of my uncles - esp his eyes.
he has the Bautista eye features.
so i just have to asked him if he's a Bautista or NOT. haha.
okay, the result of all hours chat at starbucks?
*he is my aunt jackie's fren. aunt jackie is my mum's close fren. hahhhaha. wow.
and he's lifeguard at wild wild wet, downtown where aunt jackie works.
GOSH! haha.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
close of chapters abt him.
then jan an i went to ikea and all.
haha. so here are the pics i promised!
i was drinking alcohol. haha.
we were having camwhore sessions.
there - im drinking . he isnt! idiot. haha.
at tampines mall
with this local actress. sorry. forgot the name =)
LIVE THE DREAM? no. im underaged. =(
jan and me - camwhore major
camwhoring - pls dont be surprised
jan said i looked slutty. really meh? no wat!
i want this in my room!
okay, i wanna get comfy. lol
the bed at ikea damn soft!!! haha.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
okay, so about my answer to boi?
it was a YES.
i don't know if i did the right thing.
i still think that i dont want to hurt him.
i should not have right? but i guess i should not deny someone the right to love me.
if he really do, i might love him back one day.
(hidayah, i know you dont approve, but i guess it's no harm.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
dear baby,
i dont know how long u can stomach gg on with someone
who is not even in love with you.
but since u said that you are prepared to try and handle whatever consequences,
then we try. but pls dont tell me and slap it to my face that i play you out or something.
cos since the very beginning, i have been honest with you...
and thank you for understanding.
hugs,
me.
okay, so about my answer to boi?
it was a YES.
i don't know if i did the right thing.
i still think that i dont want to hurt him.
i should not have right? but i guess i should not deny someone the right to love me.
if he really do, i might love him back one day.
(hidayah, i know you dont approve, but i guess it's no harm.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
dear baby,
i dont know how long u can stomach gg on with someone
who is not even in love with you.
but since u said that you are prepared to try and handle whatever consequences,
then we try. but pls dont tell me and slap it to my face that i play you out or something.
cos since the very beginning, i have been honest with you...
and thank you for understanding.
hugs,
me.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
fuking day
let me start by saying that my dad just spoiled my mood as of a few minutes ago.
i feel like screaming my lungs out but i stopped myself.
fucking unreasonable lah.
reasoning out with him about is sooo frustrating.
can he just like put himself in my shoes!
as a teenager! i have to proudly say that i have been controlling my expenditures!
and then let me start secondly saying that i hate it when people push blames unto me.
i am tremendously ashamed to know that even adults take that as a last resort to push shit
on youngsters face just to make themselves feel better.
and so im here, bitching about those kind of ppl.
fuck lar.
anw, i was at home all through today.
and now im sooo pissed that im blasting songs.
rock, metal, goth, rnb, i cant fucking bother.
shithead day.
outa here.
bitch day.
ciaos
i feel like screaming my lungs out but i stopped myself.
fucking unreasonable lah.
reasoning out with him about is sooo frustrating.
can he just like put himself in my shoes!
as a teenager! i have to proudly say that i have been controlling my expenditures!
and then let me start secondly saying that i hate it when people push blames unto me.
i am tremendously ashamed to know that even adults take that as a last resort to push shit
on youngsters face just to make themselves feel better.
and so im here, bitching about those kind of ppl.
fuck lar.
anw, i was at home all through today.
and now im sooo pissed that im blasting songs.
rock, metal, goth, rnb, i cant fucking bother.
shithead day.
outa here.
bitch day.
ciaos
public announcment
short entry :
Went to get a Universal Adapter for my lappy cos i lost my acer adapter.
LUCKY it was cheap. so got it at $29. thrown way $$ cos of my carelessness.
NISHA AND JAN were hilariously retarded.
love them.
We walked ard arab street scouting for i dunno what!
then i brought them to the TOP.
we camwhore and then end up getting ourselves fucking tired.
Nish was having bf probs. Jan and i were like consoling her.
End up we all laugh like mad ppl.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Most important announcement!!
LOOK OUT FOR A NEW WEBSITE.
IT WILL FEATURE ALL THE RETARDED AND THE LATEST 411(HAPPENINGS)AROUND.
TO WHATEVER THAT MATTERS LAH.
it will be up soon.
just look out for it either in the blogspot or livejournal.
BUT WATEVA, JUST LOOK OUT FER IT.
ciaos
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so anw, today was great.
just too tired to detail it out.
yawwns.
bye.
muahugs,
jean!
Went to get a Universal Adapter for my lappy cos i lost my acer adapter.
LUCKY it was cheap. so got it at $29. thrown way $$ cos of my carelessness.
NISHA AND JAN were hilariously retarded.
love them.
We walked ard arab street scouting for i dunno what!
then i brought them to the TOP.
we camwhore and then end up getting ourselves fucking tired.
Nish was having bf probs. Jan and i were like consoling her.
End up we all laugh like mad ppl.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Most important announcement!!
LOOK OUT FOR A NEW WEBSITE.
IT WILL FEATURE ALL THE RETARDED AND THE LATEST 411(HAPPENINGS)AROUND.
TO WHATEVER THAT MATTERS LAH.
it will be up soon.
just look out for it either in the blogspot or livejournal.
BUT WATEVA, JUST LOOK OUT FER IT.
ciaos
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so anw, today was great.
just too tired to detail it out.
yawwns.
bye.
muahugs,
jean!
Thursday, May 24, 2007
ghost show
we are in one of the room in the library where we are screaming like nuts.
jan's going AAAHHHHH!!!
and i was going Noooooo.... aaahhh!!
nisha's just laughing!!
we are watching, "Jangan Pandang Belakang."
omg! and yes, im still the school now.
im not going to MOS party tonight.
i have to visit it another time or during another party.
besides, i dont want to see him there. so yeahs.
okay, now me and jan cant even concentrate. lol
we are doing our own thing just to stop screaming! lol.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
okay, better get back to the show..
ciaos
muahugs
in class: bored
Im in the class, in the midst of class presentation, and i still manage to take this pics and even get the pics of my other classmates. lol. btw, dong's speaking now. the faci is looking way LOST. like totally. i wanna laugh but i have to stop this madness.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
arrgh. i still havent really know if i wana go for the Hugo Boss Irreverance Party @ MOS.
laura babe is soo gonna knock me dry if i dont go.
but then again, i have a prob!! arrrghh! shit lah. i have to try to resolve it.
if i cant then too bad. i have to not go.
and also, im like half-hearted to go to mos.
cos i dowan to see him.
hais. i dunno lah.
anyways, i have to decide very soon!!! hrs only are left!! arrgh! haha.
so ciaos for now.
muahugs.
arrgh. i still havent really know if i wana go for the Hugo Boss Irreverance Party @ MOS.
laura babe is soo gonna knock me dry if i dont go.
but then again, i have a prob!! arrrghh! shit lah. i have to try to resolve it.
if i cant then too bad. i have to not go.
and also, im like half-hearted to go to mos.
cos i dowan to see him.
hais. i dunno lah.
anyways, i have to decide very soon!!! hrs only are left!! arrgh! haha.
so ciaos for now.
muahugs.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
arrgh. today
today, i felt so heavy and was damn tired.
so i didnt go to school, so got up, told mum and then i slept again.
i had trouble going back to slp, i wanted to go to school.
didnt want to miss any of my classes but heck, i was too sick.
lucky mummy didnt get mad at me, lucky me!
anyways, so i rested till i feel quite fine, then had my lunch.
then mum tricked me! she got me to paint the bottom panels of the walls of my house!
imagine? the whole house!! had to, i cant expect her to do it herself right, she's pregnant for crying out loud!
so i was sooo tired further! then after that i watch my favorite soap operas.
shucks!! i hate endings lah! my favourite teleserye (tv serials) is ending on friday.
gosh... hais. i love that serials lah. i have to say goodbye to it soon=(
so after watching tv, i just wanted to sleep! haha.
btw jan and nisha, i think i spoiled the diet today! syet! i cant stay home lah!
so now im here typing away. i love what i did to my blog. ntg special, but i at least manage to do what i have been wanting to do all the time!
have my pics up on my blog! yay.
gosh. so tmr is cognitive processes. i hope i can actually even get thru it.
i am starting to feel so pissed with the school's systems. hais.
i hope i graduate from rp with good results. need not have flying colors!
haha. cos i dont think that i will! lol
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
dear mr cupid,
i think im ready to fall in love again.
i have dumped that hope of the ex, and the fear
of loving again.
come show me another boo to love.
and may we last and be happy together.
so mr cupid, do your job.
but if it isnt what The Most High has fated,
then it's okay, im not in a rush.
loves,
mary jean
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
currently listening to : Give it up to me by Sean Paul feat Keisha Cole.
current mood : shitty, tired. fucked up.
current doing : chatting with boi and my classmate plus blogging. got irritated by boi so i blocked him.(if you're reading this, boi. next time i sign in, then i unblock you. next time, dont irritate sick ppl!!)
intended move : post this and then go to sleep!
so ciaos.
muahugs.
loves.
so i didnt go to school, so got up, told mum and then i slept again.
i had trouble going back to slp, i wanted to go to school.
didnt want to miss any of my classes but heck, i was too sick.
lucky mummy didnt get mad at me, lucky me!
anyways, so i rested till i feel quite fine, then had my lunch.
then mum tricked me! she got me to paint the bottom panels of the walls of my house!
imagine? the whole house!! had to, i cant expect her to do it herself right, she's pregnant for crying out loud!
so i was sooo tired further! then after that i watch my favorite soap operas.
shucks!! i hate endings lah! my favourite teleserye (tv serials) is ending on friday.
gosh... hais. i love that serials lah. i have to say goodbye to it soon=(
so after watching tv, i just wanted to sleep! haha.
btw jan and nisha, i think i spoiled the diet today! syet! i cant stay home lah!
so now im here typing away. i love what i did to my blog. ntg special, but i at least manage to do what i have been wanting to do all the time!
have my pics up on my blog! yay.
gosh. so tmr is cognitive processes. i hope i can actually even get thru it.
i am starting to feel so pissed with the school's systems. hais.
i hope i graduate from rp with good results. need not have flying colors!
haha. cos i dont think that i will! lol
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
dear mr cupid,
i think im ready to fall in love again.
i have dumped that hope of the ex, and the fear
of loving again.
come show me another boo to love.
and may we last and be happy together.
so mr cupid, do your job.
but if it isnt what The Most High has fated,
then it's okay, im not in a rush.
loves,
mary jean
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
currently listening to : Give it up to me by Sean Paul feat Keisha Cole.
current mood : shitty, tired. fucked up.
current doing : chatting with boi and my classmate plus blogging. got irritated by boi so i blocked him.(if you're reading this, boi. next time i sign in, then i unblock you. next time, dont irritate sick ppl!!)
intended move : post this and then go to sleep!
so ciaos.
muahugs.
loves.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
total day
today went fine but as i was like heading home, i became soo emo.
gosh. i need ppl ard me more. it was after i said goodbye to jan, nish and jo.
arrgh!
seriously lah. i need to even try stop getting whacked by the memories.
but then it is true that a person who has truly given her heart to another,
is left broken and bare more than the receiver of that heart.
so before we end up giving our heart, see if we can trust them.
but seeing can be illusional.
then again, if you feel out for that person,
it aint reliable too. cos why?
feelings can be misleading?
the penetration of that arrow to the heart wen we fall in love has two effects,
we bleed for love or we're bleeding cos it was truly painful.
i experienced both. haha.
then i dont know why i dont really feel bothered now.
yes, i still have that love for the mr.
but then, to me it seems that either i know there is more to now
or is it just plain to see that i have turned numb?
i have some messages!-------------------------------------------
THE SISTERS : I LOVE AND MISS YA ALL.
MR: you're an idiot for ignoring whatever emotions you have. and i tot you were so much better than any others. you disappointed me... but thanks fer the memories dear. loves.
RPfrens: JEAN's a lil POSSESSED! hahahahha. (jan, do your job! :P)
------------------------------------------------------------------
im currently on a diet! haha.
im going on a weekday food control and weekends of fitness leisure!
**one month trial...
and guess what? im feeling hungry now!!! arrghh!
haha. gone case lah!
yawwnns. cant wait for the weekends. lols
muahugs!
ciaos
gosh. i need ppl ard me more. it was after i said goodbye to jan, nish and jo.
arrgh!
seriously lah. i need to even try stop getting whacked by the memories.
but then it is true that a person who has truly given her heart to another,
is left broken and bare more than the receiver of that heart.
so before we end up giving our heart, see if we can trust them.
but seeing can be illusional.
then again, if you feel out for that person,
it aint reliable too. cos why?
feelings can be misleading?
the penetration of that arrow to the heart wen we fall in love has two effects,
we bleed for love or we're bleeding cos it was truly painful.
i experienced both. haha.
then i dont know why i dont really feel bothered now.
yes, i still have that love for the mr.
but then, to me it seems that either i know there is more to now
or is it just plain to see that i have turned numb?
i have some messages!-------------------------------------------
THE SISTERS : I LOVE AND MISS YA ALL.
MR: you're an idiot for ignoring whatever emotions you have. and i tot you were so much better than any others. you disappointed me... but thanks fer the memories dear. loves.
RPfrens: JEAN's a lil POSSESSED! hahahahha. (jan, do your job! :P)
------------------------------------------------------------------
im currently on a diet! haha.
im going on a weekday food control and weekends of fitness leisure!
**one month trial...
and guess what? im feeling hungry now!!! arrghh!
haha. gone case lah!
yawwnns. cant wait for the weekends. lols
muahugs!
ciaos
tuesday madness!! arrgh
arrgh. im currently in class now, on nisha's lappy listening to my other classmates ramble away with all the probability shit that is my topic for today!
im starting to hate one of my members!!! haha. like serious!
i mean yes, he is soo freaking smart in maths and it's supposed to help us cos today's topic is mathematical probability and we are learning a somewhat complicated way of permutation! A MATHS work just suck me dry. i cant even understand the words coming out from that Dong's mouth.
he's like too far out. and he suck at giving orders. he dont like wat ur doing and but he just cant even try to do it himself since he is unhappy with our work.
arrrghhhhh.... (nisha's going tst-ing, sahidah's going mad with the graph, sean is like saying DONG IS WRONG, dong's trying to teach nisha you cant even understand anything! cody is getting restless, and im like doing nothing cos i practically give up.)
qoutes :
NISHA: SO IS THIS THE ANS.
DONG: YES.
NISHA:ARE YOU SURE?
DONG:YAYA!
-------------------------------------------------
im just hearing everything out.
now cody is trying to help save the day, YAY!
nisha's going "CAN SOMEBODY PLS HELP ME" **fake sobs**
then there goes again DONG's voice with his China accent...
(ive ntg wrong with China ppl, but ARRGHHH. this DONG's irritating.)
------------------------------------------------
Saturday, May 19, 2007
week summary
so since last Sunday, i have not posted. sorry... i cant find the time to do so.
i also dont know what i have been doing that i dont have anymore time for even a short post.
anyway, Monday, i didn't get to actually help Qiqi out about her bf problem.
i was suppose to meet his shifty bf. then again, i cant make it to meet him. so it didn't happened.
he found out too that we were just testing him. however, she took him back.
i guess it really is true of the saying, "Love is blind". because of love, we refuse to see the right thing to do. the right way to do it. but then again, if the heart speaks, nothing can stop whatever.
i know this of course. i have experienced this and i have not even gotten over that.
talking about this, he smsed on Tuesday, asking me what was it that i wanted to say and could i just tell him over the phone. how was i even to tell him on the phone, when i cant even call out and i can feel that he isnt alone... it is important to tell him ONLY. it will complicate things if other people actually just end up knowing about this. at least i want him to know first...
anyway, moving on...
so came the weekends and all through came saturday, went with parents to the Changi beach.
i brought lappy and i didnt intend to really swim, but i did.. my sister was so noisy!
she was jumping over my dad's back. so i actually wanted to try to lift her up. then i worst thing was that, i almost broke my shoulder blade! haha. she was freaking heavy. lols.
instead her jumping over me, she was like slammed into the water instead. lol
anyways, i had fun with the family =) then after the beach, we went to the village and had hot drinks as the weather was really cold. then later, me and my sister was like so greedy we ate again after eating the food my mum brought to the beach. haha. (see the reason why im gaining weight by the days.)
okay, before the outing, he called my dad's phone in response to my message earlier, that i have almost forgotten that i sent. so i was like too speechless. then he asked me why what's up with the message and all. so i told him lah, (more to stuttering! damn this idiocy.) when can we meet? gosh gosh. i hope it be soon. and i hope that i can form what i wanted to say. anyways, i think he dropped the hp when he read my message, even i will drop it if i receive it. lol (hints:it's a secret) haha. i hope he dont go showing to his guys.. (it's so gona spoil that secrecy. haha.) hms. anyways, nurul has told me about what he and jas has talked about. but i feel there's more to what nurul knows.
i dont know why... anyways, how now brown cow? how do i form the words? (hints:it's not I LOVE YOU)
today that i finally end this post is Sunday. lol
today, went to church. the gospel today was so reassuring and also, what the preacher said today about love, was like an answer to my inner questions. even the gospel today was like an answer to my prayers. hmms. i know you'd freak out if it was you, but im used to all these.
(i know that im not suppose to go to churches, but what's the fault when you wanna hear the word of GOD - stop the biasness. whatever religion you are in, you're still under one GOD)
after 'churching', went to meet my parents, to go to my mummy's friend's wedding.
i left my friend and headed there by 1plus.
then when something came to my mind. gosh, it was like only yesterday that Aunt Shidah was like still a young working adult when she and my mummy knew each other. now she's like married!
then suddenly told my mum, wow, later it will be mine, hidayah, hajar, nurul and ling's turn to wed. she said yeahs.. time flies.
then what daryl predicted for me came to my mind. (he said that between me and hajar, i will get married first, even by 24, i'll be married) if it's true i hope i marry that right person.. cos i dont want to marry for a divorce.
so anyways, i told my mum, i cant see myself in this kind of wedding reception, the malay traditional. yes it's nice and wow. but i have a wedding fantasy that i would want to happen.
(hint:i want the person who baptized me be the one who bless my wedding) haiz...
i wonder. my granny will all be happy but my mum wont. hmms.
just this morning, i tried to reason it with her, what if i marry Prince Harry, takkan i wanna force him to convert to my mum's reigion when my heart can accept his religion. hahaha. plus, i wanna WALK DOWN THE ISLE!!!!! hahahhahahhahaha... oh wells, maybe i should do a secret marriage. lol
okay anyways, it's still a long way. hmms. so ciaos for now.
ima stop the fantasy. lol
(whatever you read here, stays here i hope)
loves.
i also dont know what i have been doing that i dont have anymore time for even a short post.
anyway, Monday, i didn't get to actually help Qiqi out about her bf problem.
i was suppose to meet his shifty bf. then again, i cant make it to meet him. so it didn't happened.
he found out too that we were just testing him. however, she took him back.
i guess it really is true of the saying, "Love is blind". because of love, we refuse to see the right thing to do. the right way to do it. but then again, if the heart speaks, nothing can stop whatever.
i know this of course. i have experienced this and i have not even gotten over that.
talking about this, he smsed on Tuesday, asking me what was it that i wanted to say and could i just tell him over the phone. how was i even to tell him on the phone, when i cant even call out and i can feel that he isnt alone... it is important to tell him ONLY. it will complicate things if other people actually just end up knowing about this. at least i want him to know first...
anyway, moving on...
so came the weekends and all through came saturday, went with parents to the Changi beach.
i brought lappy and i didnt intend to really swim, but i did.. my sister was so noisy!
she was jumping over my dad's back. so i actually wanted to try to lift her up. then i worst thing was that, i almost broke my shoulder blade! haha. she was freaking heavy. lols.
instead her jumping over me, she was like slammed into the water instead. lol
anyways, i had fun with the family =) then after the beach, we went to the village and had hot drinks as the weather was really cold. then later, me and my sister was like so greedy we ate again after eating the food my mum brought to the beach. haha. (see the reason why im gaining weight by the days.)
okay, before the outing, he called my dad's phone in response to my message earlier, that i have almost forgotten that i sent. so i was like too speechless. then he asked me why what's up with the message and all. so i told him lah, (more to stuttering! damn this idiocy.) when can we meet? gosh gosh. i hope it be soon. and i hope that i can form what i wanted to say. anyways, i think he dropped the hp when he read my message, even i will drop it if i receive it. lol (hints:it's a secret) haha. i hope he dont go showing to his guys.. (it's so gona spoil that secrecy. haha.) hms. anyways, nurul has told me about what he and jas has talked about. but i feel there's more to what nurul knows.
i dont know why... anyways, how now brown cow? how do i form the words? (hints:it's not I LOVE YOU)
today that i finally end this post is Sunday. lol
today, went to church. the gospel today was so reassuring and also, what the preacher said today about love, was like an answer to my inner questions. even the gospel today was like an answer to my prayers. hmms. i know you'd freak out if it was you, but im used to all these.
(i know that im not suppose to go to churches, but what's the fault when you wanna hear the word of GOD - stop the biasness. whatever religion you are in, you're still under one GOD)
after 'churching', went to meet my parents, to go to my mummy's friend's wedding.
i left my friend and headed there by 1plus.
then when something came to my mind. gosh, it was like only yesterday that Aunt Shidah was like still a young working adult when she and my mummy knew each other. now she's like married!
then suddenly told my mum, wow, later it will be mine, hidayah, hajar, nurul and ling's turn to wed. she said yeahs.. time flies.
then what daryl predicted for me came to my mind. (he said that between me and hajar, i will get married first, even by 24, i'll be married) if it's true i hope i marry that right person.. cos i dont want to marry for a divorce.
so anyways, i told my mum, i cant see myself in this kind of wedding reception, the malay traditional. yes it's nice and wow. but i have a wedding fantasy that i would want to happen.
(hint:i want the person who baptized me be the one who bless my wedding) haiz...
i wonder. my granny will all be happy but my mum wont. hmms.
just this morning, i tried to reason it with her, what if i marry Prince Harry, takkan i wanna force him to convert to my mum's reigion when my heart can accept his religion. hahaha. plus, i wanna WALK DOWN THE ISLE!!!!! hahahhahahhahaha... oh wells, maybe i should do a secret marriage. lol
okay anyways, it's still a long way. hmms. so ciaos for now.
ima stop the fantasy. lol
(whatever you read here, stays here i hope)
loves.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
today
so today, i went to work. aunt called on me.
missed all the 2hot staff! arrgh. now i wonder if it is a mistake that i stopped working there!
salmon, roz and sya... i missed them and their nonsense! haha.
so just now we were so hyper and so playful! haha.
but at first, i almost felt like killing dan, a new staff there actually. he was working after i stopped.
so anyway, we are so pissed with each other. he have major temper problem! like for real!
then we kinda have a profanity moment! he seriously gets on my nerve.
but then again, do you know what? we got along quite fine after as the day passes on.
we are like either raging mad or laughing non-stop. so anyways, it was fine.
salmon was retarded and so was roz. they were like making me suffer! haha.
so i was like tickled here and there. then there was this "butt-check-out" moments. gosh!
and who's butt was the subject? lemme see, MINE.
haha. i cant believe it, i love my butt. hahahahaahhahaha.
so anw, i left the cafe by 6pm. so anw, i was soo late for the mass!
i was so pissed cos of the bus waiting time. freaking shithead.
anyways, i have concluded my chapters with him.
to those fans of us, im sorry that it will have to end.
i should not think about him any more. sigh. i have to make sure that if all has ceased permanently, i should not call on him... anymore. it hurts me to say but i have to force these feelings away.
besides, i dont think he even love me anymore. **accepting the harsh fact!haha.
well, i dont know how harsh it is. i do say it, but i dont feel it's truth.
like really. hmms. i think it's just me...
okays, i gotta ciaos.
school tmr! loves.
missed all the 2hot staff! arrgh. now i wonder if it is a mistake that i stopped working there!
salmon, roz and sya... i missed them and their nonsense! haha.
so just now we were so hyper and so playful! haha.
but at first, i almost felt like killing dan, a new staff there actually. he was working after i stopped.
so anyway, we are so pissed with each other. he have major temper problem! like for real!
then we kinda have a profanity moment! he seriously gets on my nerve.
but then again, do you know what? we got along quite fine after as the day passes on.
we are like either raging mad or laughing non-stop. so anyways, it was fine.
salmon was retarded and so was roz. they were like making me suffer! haha.
so i was like tickled here and there. then there was this "butt-check-out" moments. gosh!
and who's butt was the subject? lemme see, MINE.
haha. i cant believe it, i love my butt. hahahahaahhahaha.
so anw, i left the cafe by 6pm. so anw, i was soo late for the mass!
i was so pissed cos of the bus waiting time. freaking shithead.
anyways, i have concluded my chapters with him.
to those fans of us, im sorry that it will have to end.
i should not think about him any more. sigh. i have to make sure that if all has ceased permanently, i should not call on him... anymore. it hurts me to say but i have to force these feelings away.
besides, i dont think he even love me anymore. **accepting the harsh fact!haha.
well, i dont know how harsh it is. i do say it, but i dont feel it's truth.
like really. hmms. i think it's just me...
okays, i gotta ciaos.
school tmr! loves.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
hmms
what the hell... Okay, since the last post i wrote, it was still crazy in the class.
then after i wrote something over my msn, BANG stopped gazing. but i cant help but noticed
at the point of time, he was like shy with me.
but it dont matter. i guess that's just it, im intimidating... :P lol
Okay. i have something to say, boy thanks for still being there for me,
but then again, im sorry but i cant be the one to give you the love you need. dont worry a girl of your dreams will drop by soon okay? never fear. love ya my friend.
and to abg kesayanganku, jng kau fikir yg adik tak terima segala kasihmu sebab adik
tak mahu, tetapi kau tahu adik tak tahu macam mana membalas balik kasih yang adik tahu kau boleh beri. lagipun, adik menyayangi orang lain. adik tahu kau faham tapi adik mahu membagi tahu lebih terang. saya sayangi abg tetapi saya tak boleh memberi kasih sebagai perempuan milikmu. adik pasti tahun ni, abg akan jumpa perempuan yang akan memberi semua yang dia ada padamu.
i noticed that there are many things that clouds my mind about some issues that i cant very much just let out.
tmr i have was called for work by my aunt. i didnt expect to still be called upon.
well, i need money anyway, so i hope i can convince her to hand me my cash after work :)
i hate overspending! and i hate losing money.
anyway, there is a major issue preplanned for this Monday. i have to make sure it happens because i am to not let kiki down :) guys like those are meant to be whipped in the ass and have their dicks chop off. **OMG! i know haha. im horrid. sorry boys.
talking about friendship now, i was shock at the sudden move of nisha to apologise. (this nisha is my classmate and not the girl in my previous entry)
why apologise? cos she admitted not liking me and that she was talked behind my back...
well, i know she did for already how long. but yeahs, it dont matter to me cos i cant be bothered.
but since now she apologise, and she does it again, then im sorry to say that she will need not say sorry. haha. ima horrid girl.
but yeahs i accepted her sorry, why shouldnt i? im fine with it, no harm done anyway.
i miss my girls. sigh... i miss the boys, i miss the clubs, i miss the kisses, i miss the hugs, i miss the love, i miss a lot of things! and of course, i miss him... sigh.
sometimes i wonder if just plain stupid or what still pinning for him. but i dont really, sometimes only lah. but i still wonder! am i really just plain stupid? haha.
oh yeahs. i have some announcement : im representing this co. they are organising a trip to Kota Tinggi, Malaysia. It is at $85. All equipments are provided. Just bring yourself and a 1 day of change of clothes. It will an adventure trip so be prepared. Those interested, do let me know. You can tag me and leave your email or to those you know my hp no. let me know okay?
then after i wrote something over my msn, BANG stopped gazing. but i cant help but noticed
at the point of time, he was like shy with me.
but it dont matter. i guess that's just it, im intimidating... :P lol
Okay. i have something to say, boy thanks for still being there for me,
but then again, im sorry but i cant be the one to give you the love you need. dont worry a girl of your dreams will drop by soon okay? never fear. love ya my friend.
and to abg kesayanganku, jng kau fikir yg adik tak terima segala kasihmu sebab adik
tak mahu, tetapi kau tahu adik tak tahu macam mana membalas balik kasih yang adik tahu kau boleh beri. lagipun, adik menyayangi orang lain. adik tahu kau faham tapi adik mahu membagi tahu lebih terang. saya sayangi abg tetapi saya tak boleh memberi kasih sebagai perempuan milikmu. adik pasti tahun ni, abg akan jumpa perempuan yang akan memberi semua yang dia ada padamu.
i noticed that there are many things that clouds my mind about some issues that i cant very much just let out.
tmr i have was called for work by my aunt. i didnt expect to still be called upon.
well, i need money anyway, so i hope i can convince her to hand me my cash after work :)
i hate overspending! and i hate losing money.
anyway, there is a major issue preplanned for this Monday. i have to make sure it happens because i am to not let kiki down :) guys like those are meant to be whipped in the ass and have their dicks chop off. **OMG! i know haha. im horrid. sorry boys.
talking about friendship now, i was shock at the sudden move of nisha to apologise. (this nisha is my classmate and not the girl in my previous entry)
why apologise? cos she admitted not liking me and that she was talked behind my back...
well, i know she did for already how long. but yeahs, it dont matter to me cos i cant be bothered.
but since now she apologise, and she does it again, then im sorry to say that she will need not say sorry. haha. ima horrid girl.
but yeahs i accepted her sorry, why shouldnt i? im fine with it, no harm done anyway.
i miss my girls. sigh... i miss the boys, i miss the clubs, i miss the kisses, i miss the hugs, i miss the love, i miss a lot of things! and of course, i miss him... sigh.
sometimes i wonder if just plain stupid or what still pinning for him. but i dont really, sometimes only lah. but i still wonder! am i really just plain stupid? haha.
oh yeahs. i have some announcement : im representing this co. they are organising a trip to Kota Tinggi, Malaysia. It is at $85. All equipments are provided. Just bring yourself and a 1 day of change of clothes. It will an adventure trip so be prepared. Those interested, do let me know. You can tag me and leave your email or to those you know my hp no. let me know okay?
Thursday, May 10, 2007
wow day
Yaw.
Well, today was fun really.
I cant help it but to just be hyper the whole day.
Faci Agnes commented on my fast recovery. Gosh, if she only know that im still sick inside.
I duno how to say this but im not just physically sick but i think that im more to emotionally and spiritually tired.
Okay, out of that now.
Crazy hell today really. Kelly, my classmate was like so out of the straight mind! she was trying to shuffle the playing cards with one hand, then her face was so distorted! :)
Me and Chai Luan were like laughing madly!
Then later Li Wen was like having major eye contact with me. I thought she was like inviting me for a staring down battle. haha. then when i asked her, then later she told me, "ohs no! you look so pretty today" *suck my cock, HELP!! hahahaahaha...
Anyway, then there is this BANG in class. I seriously dont geddit.
**he know who he is, i cant seem to dismiss the fact that the eye lingers too much into the doors of my soul... it's like too revealing! haha.
okay aniway, so i went home with qiqi, nisha and yat. Then we have to separate as they are going to celebrate yat's birthday. So off i went. Then.... there i saw B :) he was looking good.
I think he is a straight metrosexual serious. :) Anyway, we exchanged hugs like wow. I missed hugs! Like the way he gave :) Anyways, i guess i should really stop putting a foot in him getting a chance to hang with me... :)
nice to hug someone after sucha long empty times.
:) okay, now watching maging sino ka man now... ciaos
Well, today was fun really.
I cant help it but to just be hyper the whole day.
Faci Agnes commented on my fast recovery. Gosh, if she only know that im still sick inside.
I duno how to say this but im not just physically sick but i think that im more to emotionally and spiritually tired.
Okay, out of that now.
Crazy hell today really. Kelly, my classmate was like so out of the straight mind! she was trying to shuffle the playing cards with one hand, then her face was so distorted! :)
Me and Chai Luan were like laughing madly!
Then later Li Wen was like having major eye contact with me. I thought she was like inviting me for a staring down battle. haha. then when i asked her, then later she told me, "ohs no! you look so pretty today" *suck my cock, HELP!! hahahaahaha...
Anyway, then there is this BANG in class. I seriously dont geddit.
**he know who he is, i cant seem to dismiss the fact that the eye lingers too much into the doors of my soul... it's like too revealing! haha.
okay aniway, so i went home with qiqi, nisha and yat. Then we have to separate as they are going to celebrate yat's birthday. So off i went. Then.... there i saw B :) he was looking good.
I think he is a straight metrosexual serious. :) Anyway, we exchanged hugs like wow. I missed hugs! Like the way he gave :) Anyways, i guess i should really stop putting a foot in him getting a chance to hang with me... :)
nice to hug someone after sucha long empty times.
:) okay, now watching maging sino ka man now... ciaos
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Mistakes?
I dont know if it was right. I dont even know if it was wrong.
It pisses me off to the part where i just want to press refresh and just try to forget all.
I know that i still love him but i guess i am just wasting my time.
It's like im the only one trying to pull him back and then im the only one even trying to see things clearly.
I feel as if what im trying to do is getting no where. I'm getting tired even of thinking about it.
I'm just so out of place. There are many times that i felt so high up and then he just bring me down so low.
I know it was my fault for just leaving him be but i left him because just need to be left be.
I said to myself that i can survive without him, but then again i just end up needing him more months after.
I am ashamed of myself. I realize that Love is truly uncontrollable.
I WANT to get over him and to just love him as a mere friend, but I CANT.
ishk! Feelings and MEMORIES are so hard to rid off.
Whenever i tried to push it away, it makes it much harder to pull through.
And im not seeing the right point of pulling through anymore.
But what i did days before, i dont know if i was mad to do that.
Also, i dont know why i did or say what i say.
I hate that... !!!!
I need a miracle to make this through.
I need a way to say goodbye without not being such a bitch again. haha.
but yes, indeed, i admit it that i do love him oh so much... still.
no one can take that away except Fate and Time... even i cant force it away..
going off now... ciaos
It pisses me off to the part where i just want to press refresh and just try to forget all.
I know that i still love him but i guess i am just wasting my time.
It's like im the only one trying to pull him back and then im the only one even trying to see things clearly.
I feel as if what im trying to do is getting no where. I'm getting tired even of thinking about it.
I'm just so out of place. There are many times that i felt so high up and then he just bring me down so low.
I know it was my fault for just leaving him be but i left him because just need to be left be.
I said to myself that i can survive without him, but then again i just end up needing him more months after.
I am ashamed of myself. I realize that Love is truly uncontrollable.
I WANT to get over him and to just love him as a mere friend, but I CANT.
ishk! Feelings and MEMORIES are so hard to rid off.
Whenever i tried to push it away, it makes it much harder to pull through.
And im not seeing the right point of pulling through anymore.
But what i did days before, i dont know if i was mad to do that.
Also, i dont know why i did or say what i say.
I hate that... !!!!
I need a miracle to make this through.
I need a way to say goodbye without not being such a bitch again. haha.
but yes, indeed, i admit it that i do love him oh so much... still.
no one can take that away except Fate and Time... even i cant force it away..
going off now... ciaos
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
love its
retardation days of karaoke sessions is really fun.
voice nice or not, it dont matter really... i cant be bothered!
i just love the sessions! loves
like seriously the tv series that i have been watching lately.
and i soo in love with the characters... arrgh. so wow.
a new fren, a fellow flip also watches this. gosh.
im like happy that i got to know a real filipino.
the one who is proud of her heritage like me...
school was retarded as usual.
i really dont know what to say to my faci... if i talk lil he gives me a B, if i dont he still gives me B. How?
but it dont matter lah. i still say that i can do with a B for this year.
i seriously screwed up my Week 3.
I got D fer Sci and I got C for cognitive processes.
:D
cos i left both halfway.
one cos i was sick and the other cos i was freaking bored. :P
okay, anways, i wana go.
oh and yes, he deadma me! tst. haiz. so much fer trying!
voice nice or not, it dont matter really... i cant be bothered!
i just love the sessions! loves
like seriously the tv series that i have been watching lately.
and i soo in love with the characters... arrgh. so wow.
a new fren, a fellow flip also watches this. gosh.
im like happy that i got to know a real filipino.
the one who is proud of her heritage like me...
school was retarded as usual.
i really dont know what to say to my faci... if i talk lil he gives me a B, if i dont he still gives me B. How?
but it dont matter lah. i still say that i can do with a B for this year.
i seriously screwed up my Week 3.
I got D fer Sci and I got C for cognitive processes.
:D
cos i left both halfway.
one cos i was sick and the other cos i was freaking bored. :P
okay, anways, i wana go.
oh and yes, he deadma me! tst. haiz. so much fer trying!
Sunday, May 6, 2007
the day i saw him again
OKAY.
I'm guilty of still having butterflies in my stomach.
I cant understand why everything has changed so much just because i want to prove that i can do well even without him.
Arrghh.
Well, i have... but then 7 months later i just end up wanting him again. HOW?
then now, he have someone else with him... or so im told...
haiya! then now, our world is sooo much different... much more than it was when i was in my ending phase with him.
Then i just want him back again! arrgh lah!
hahaha. but yeahs. it is fine with me already... somehow i have accepted that he and i are just miles and miles away now. even if we see each other again, we are just so far! i can practically feel the difference!
but when i was with him just now, it was cool :D
he was idiotic i tell you... haha. but retardedly cute.
and i miss him so... shithead.
then he and rain was like so vulgar than usual. end up kukong joined them in the vulgarity fiesta! haha.
i always enjoy my time with them three. lol
then i think again. wow.
after even having sour relationship with him, im still with 'em..
so just now earlier, i went to a friend's place for some prayers.
and then headed to blk 4. then kukong was drinking some herbal stuff.
rain was getting ready to go out. he, was getting ready to clean his entire room.
as i was saying about the vulgarity fiesta! that's when it started.. kukong got retardedly and amusingly vulgar after the two were making too much complaints that they cant find something!
haha. anyways, then they end up picking fun on me! idiots. kukong joined in lah.
hahha. so much for being sick, i still got picked on! haha.
anyways, i want to sleep very soon. im still watching triple X.
vin diesel is hawt... sizzling!! hahaha...
:D
cioaz fer now.
loves.
I'm guilty of still having butterflies in my stomach.
I cant understand why everything has changed so much just because i want to prove that i can do well even without him.
Arrghh.
Well, i have... but then 7 months later i just end up wanting him again. HOW?
then now, he have someone else with him... or so im told...
haiya! then now, our world is sooo much different... much more than it was when i was in my ending phase with him.
Then i just want him back again! arrgh lah!
hahaha. but yeahs. it is fine with me already... somehow i have accepted that he and i are just miles and miles away now. even if we see each other again, we are just so far! i can practically feel the difference!
but when i was with him just now, it was cool :D
he was idiotic i tell you... haha. but retardedly cute.
and i miss him so... shithead.
then he and rain was like so vulgar than usual. end up kukong joined them in the vulgarity fiesta! haha.
i always enjoy my time with them three. lol
then i think again. wow.
after even having sour relationship with him, im still with 'em..
so just now earlier, i went to a friend's place for some prayers.
and then headed to blk 4. then kukong was drinking some herbal stuff.
rain was getting ready to go out. he, was getting ready to clean his entire room.
as i was saying about the vulgarity fiesta! that's when it started.. kukong got retardedly and amusingly vulgar after the two were making too much complaints that they cant find something!
haha. anyways, then they end up picking fun on me! idiots. kukong joined in lah.
hahha. so much for being sick, i still got picked on! haha.
anyways, i want to sleep very soon. im still watching triple X.
vin diesel is hawt... sizzling!! hahaha...
:D
cioaz fer now.
loves.
Friday, May 4, 2007
sick
i usually last till Friday night and then i get weak till i cant get up, so i just end up lying on my bed and not even with enough energy to get up!
but this week i it took its toll on me one day and a half earlier. hate it!
i read my previous entry again and i realize that somehow i forgot to note that i do love that ex flame until now, but it is as a friend. it wont be fair if i have to say that i love LOVE him. (you all know what i mean)
well, i thought about it. if i have to keep having him in my mind and that he is the only one who i think i can love, i think i wont end up with any other guy! ahhaha.
gosh. i think i wont mind giving another guy another chance this time. gosh.
this time though, if i ever have the time for love now...
**now im feeling sick again! got to go. ciao
but this week i it took its toll on me one day and a half earlier. hate it!
i read my previous entry again and i realize that somehow i forgot to note that i do love that ex flame until now, but it is as a friend. it wont be fair if i have to say that i love LOVE him. (you all know what i mean)
well, i thought about it. if i have to keep having him in my mind and that he is the only one who i think i can love, i think i wont end up with any other guy! ahhaha.
gosh. i think i wont mind giving another guy another chance this time. gosh.
this time though, if i ever have the time for love now...
**now im feeling sick again! got to go. ciao
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
about love
i love the fact that i know that i still love the one that i still loved before.
i know it sounds crazy but i would have to say that i am happy that once in my lifetime, i know the real meaning of how love was suppose to be.
that it isnt meant to be selfish and it should always be something that brings positivity to you.
no matter how memories saddens you about that of love, no matter how emo you feel.
love is something that still puts that smile on your face even tho you both know that you cant go on... anymore... at least for now.
for my case, i do feel certain emotions that i cant get rid of, i just feel that there are many other ways to express that feelings, even from afar.
i must be crazy still loving my old flame. but he is more than a flame. he was my pillar who took me away from my darkest days.
he was the one who brought me to tears but yet, he was the one who saved me from more tears and more aches.
he was everything that i hated and he was everything that i loved.
so go figure about why our relationship come to end...
but that is the past.
no matter how much he still hold that spark in my heart, i will be happy where he is most happy.
if he is happy away from the girl who delibrately hurt him and who chose to be ignorant to his feelings, then i will understand. he has hurt me too that is true, but i must admit that no matter how unaffected he was, i know that he felt something.
but if ever one day he still calls out for me, i will try to make it out for him.
this time though, things will be much better. BUT, that will be IF it ever happen.
for now, my concentration is for my studies and then my friends.
memories are just things that will make one reminisce about the past - either to release sorrow or to just smile about.
=) this is somehow the things that goes through my mind.
now you ask if there is other guys in my life, no, not really.
the guys in my life are just mere friends. somehow, i havent seen another idiot who is willing to tolerate my nonsense. haha. at least not yet.
there are those who wanted to try but i just cant find myself to accept them. i dont know why.
my godmum told me that she knew it is because of the ex. then again i think... and then i wonder.
maybe... hmms. but most probably, i guess i just need to have something in them that i can really be attracted to... hmms.
i dont know... hmms THE EX-FACTOR... hahaha.
=)) well, as updated, i have to end here.
i know it sounds crazy but i would have to say that i am happy that once in my lifetime, i know the real meaning of how love was suppose to be.
that it isnt meant to be selfish and it should always be something that brings positivity to you.
no matter how memories saddens you about that of love, no matter how emo you feel.
love is something that still puts that smile on your face even tho you both know that you cant go on... anymore... at least for now.
for my case, i do feel certain emotions that i cant get rid of, i just feel that there are many other ways to express that feelings, even from afar.
i must be crazy still loving my old flame. but he is more than a flame. he was my pillar who took me away from my darkest days.
he was the one who brought me to tears but yet, he was the one who saved me from more tears and more aches.
he was everything that i hated and he was everything that i loved.
so go figure about why our relationship come to end...
but that is the past.
no matter how much he still hold that spark in my heart, i will be happy where he is most happy.
if he is happy away from the girl who delibrately hurt him and who chose to be ignorant to his feelings, then i will understand. he has hurt me too that is true, but i must admit that no matter how unaffected he was, i know that he felt something.
but if ever one day he still calls out for me, i will try to make it out for him.
this time though, things will be much better. BUT, that will be IF it ever happen.
for now, my concentration is for my studies and then my friends.
memories are just things that will make one reminisce about the past - either to release sorrow or to just smile about.
=) this is somehow the things that goes through my mind.
now you ask if there is other guys in my life, no, not really.
the guys in my life are just mere friends. somehow, i havent seen another idiot who is willing to tolerate my nonsense. haha. at least not yet.
there are those who wanted to try but i just cant find myself to accept them. i dont know why.
my godmum told me that she knew it is because of the ex. then again i think... and then i wonder.
maybe... hmms. but most probably, i guess i just need to have something in them that i can really be attracted to... hmms.
i dont know... hmms THE EX-FACTOR... hahaha.
=)) well, as updated, i have to end here.
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