about love

i love the fact that i know that i still love the one that i still loved before.
i know it sounds crazy but i would have to say that i am happy that once in my lifetime, i know the real meaning of how love was suppose to be.
that it isnt meant to be selfish and it should always be something that brings positivity to you.
no matter how memories saddens you about that of love, no matter how emo you feel.
love is something that still puts that smile on your face even tho you both know that you cant go on... anymore... at least for now.
for my case, i do feel certain emotions that i cant get rid of, i just feel that there are many other ways to express that feelings, even from afar.
i must be crazy still loving my old flame. but he is more than a flame. he was my pillar who took me away from my darkest days.
he was the one who brought me to tears but yet, he was the one who saved me from more tears and more aches.
he was everything that i hated and he was everything that i loved.
so go figure about why our relationship come to end...

but that is the past.
no matter how much he still hold that spark in my heart, i will be happy where he is most happy.
if he is happy away from the girl who delibrately hurt him and who chose to be ignorant to his feelings, then i will understand. he has hurt me too that is true, but i must admit that no matter how unaffected he was, i know that he felt something.
but if ever one day he still calls out for me, i will try to make it out for him.
this time though, things will be much better. BUT, that will be IF it ever happen.
for now, my concentration is for my studies and then my friends.
memories are just things that will make one reminisce about the past - either to release sorrow or to just smile about.

=) this is somehow the things that goes through my mind.
now you ask if there is other guys in my life, no, not really.
the guys in my life are just mere friends. somehow, i havent seen another idiot who is willing to tolerate my nonsense. haha. at least not yet.
there are those who wanted to try but i just cant find myself to accept them. i dont know why.
my godmum told me that she knew it is because of the ex. then again i think... and then i wonder.
maybe... hmms. but most probably, i guess i just need to have something in them that i can really be attracted to... hmms.
i dont know... hmms THE EX-FACTOR... hahaha.

=)) well, as updated, i have to end here.