Christmas Updates

I know it has been long since Christmas.
But anyway! here are the pictures of my Christmas Eve and Christmas Day :)

xmas_eve_atJan

It was a nice get together, with a family who's really nice and of course at least a filipino household who tries to make it as fun as possible here in another country. It's always nice to have Christmas at Philippines.
You can really feel the spirit of Christmas, what with the surroundings up and about with people busy and happily awaiting the day of Christ!
There are the songs and the decorations and more!
It is where you can never be frowned upon eating more than you can.
And it is the days of keso de bola.
However, in SG, it might prove a little bit inconvenient to really celebrate to the max.
But hey, we do survived it and yea i still had fun.

Although, it feels mundane and thank goodness i didn't really cry this Christmas.
Tears almost dropped, but better than the previous years when i shed tears because i miss the Christmas i spent decade ago in Philippines.

Sigh.
I miss my grandparents and of course the rest of the family as we celebrate these special occasion.

Christmas Day 09

I missed them more when  my parents proved to be Mr and Mrs Scrooges.

So i headed out to meet my gf Eshani for Christmas lunch over at BaliThai.

Twas really nice :))

And then headed home for a small little supposed gathering at the last minute when my parents said that they cooked the usuals.

I was bombed really, and very infuriated but i manage smiles:)

Headed to Laura's in the night, and i was really late.

I came when the main party was over, but in time for sleepover.

After 12 i succumbed to the drinks, and Laura was actually a great bartender if you really want to get drunk.

But a bad one as well cos i had a freaking hangover that lasted me the whole day.

Was so weak and dehydrated despite the amount of water i downed to battle the effect of the alcohol.

But after that i was fine ;))

The coming year would prove to be very busy, but so far really nice and productive.

Today is the Eve and im quite uncertain how my day will turn out, but im definitely praying for a good one ;))

So good luck and have fun people.

Hugs.

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imy baby

i can't wait to see you soon!

The only way to love

The only way there is to love is to give. Not just the material things you offer to your loved ones but also the basic neccesities such as kindness and warmth. Top it up with affection and loyalty, and you get a nice gift.

In fact, nicer than the nicely wrapped Chanel or Gucci you've been wanting for all year.

We tend to forget how the spirit of Christmas really came about.

I almost did really, not until I read an email sent to me by Shenuka, a friend who I feel is a strong believer of the Lord, reminding her recepients not to forget the real value of Christmas.

We should commemorate the coming day as the holy birth day of the Lord Jesus Christ. You may not be a Christian but I'm sure you are not deaf and numb about the knowledge that he lay down his life for us human because of love.

Therefore, to try my best to remind myself about the true meaning of Christmas, I will lead my Christmas eve and day with much warmth and affection.
I'm not going to pretend to act Godly whatsoever, but I will try my best to be a better person, and hope that this habit will stay on for a long time:)

Let's have faith and trust in ourselves to do good deeds.
I will have faith and so should you all.

God Bless

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Delayed updates

OMG!

It has been a full week since i actually posted something.
And there are a lot that has happened in the matter of lifestyle and also, the love department i must say.

So since my last post, the following Monday was actually where i spent some time with Thomas.
It was just heartbreaking at first because we enjoyed the day, but we both know that the relationship is over.
For some reason, it kind of awakened more complicated stuff.
At that point i felt really uncertain and sad about the whole situation, but after a day or two since that Monday, i came to terms with the reality.
The arguments we had post that day of spending time, made me more attuned to the reality that i will never get through to me, and he would never come through in time.

So by Wednesday, i guess i put out the white flag and i really want to just give up.
Honestly, days before, i still wished that he would come to his senses and not come up with anymore excuses.
But it didn't come. Until that one fine day on Thursday.

I was both glad and still skeptical.
But despite that, i believed him.
I really felt his sincerity and i guess he came through just in time.
We had dinner and a little bit of shopping for his family's presents, as he's going back to sri lanka for christmas.
More or less that day, we were sure about getting back - but of course, not yet.
We both know that jumping into a relationship will not be wise really.

I guess we will take this break as a rebuilding phase.
Skeptical as i am, i need to believe that he is sincere about the changes he promised.
If he could show me a better us, i'd promise him myself.
However, as it is there are still a lot of work, a lot of thinking and a lot to do to fix us.
A lot of damages has been done and nevertheless we can't run away from that.

All we know is that there is still love and the dreams we have made together.

So anyway, here are the party updates for the 2 weeks :)


1. Butterfactory Anniversary night

*Chenelle, singer of chart topper hit "I fell in love with the DJ" came to celebrate Butterfact's anniversary.
Along with Australian rapper, Lowkee, who i kinda got to know.
He asked me to chill with him over at the Corpthorne Hotel, but i gave it a pass.
I just can't see myself really going so i chilled with Dinnish, Naq's good friend, instead.
That wednesday/thursday, i didn't sleep can! But i still managed to head to school. LOL
Talk about being hardcore, thanks to Papa who told me, more like DEMANDED, to go to school.

Butterfactory Anni

2.Obar/Arena Night with 5 groups = SELF SPLITTING
*going to need to remind myself not to go with more than 2 groups.*

It was hell fun but really confusing, and also crazy! LOL
So i split myself for 2 grp in Obar, 2 grp in Arena, 1 grp in between!

Group 1 - Naqiah and Billy
Group 2 - Eshani, Ranmali and bf, Tharsan, Vedika
Group 3 - Kumares and his guy friends
Group 4 - Jasvin and her ladies
Group 5 - Jan, Rajen, Thanya

Btw here are some of the pictures :)

ArenaObar

It was eventually quite fun, flying around two different area of clubs...!

Lol i just realized that me, naq and billy wasted $6 worth of cab for a 7mins walk! Damn.

Thanks Jan and grp for showing me the way :)

Saturday, hit DXO but it was darn boring.

Really BORING.

i had to start the dancefloor with a then stranger, Arlene, who got her own beats.

Asked her to the dancefloor and dance ;) 

Give or take 5 mins, then only groups of people who came to join! But thank goodness my move was helpful. Heh.

So anyway, this week will be sober and nice for me though, cos it's Christmas week!

And i intend to keep sober and clean off alcohol :))

Loves.

A new sense of reality

Well, i woke up thinking that it may not be such an awesome idea to dive into something that my inner voice is telling me not to do.
Nevertheless, im going against it - AGAIN.

I just hope that it will eventually not make me rooted and cause any emotional distress or problems to occur in this little world of mine.
Just one more day of school tomorrow and i'll be hopefully free from this despair i'm kinda succumbing to.

The 3 week long holiday, i wish, will definitely help elevate me from this quicksand.

Every time i feel scared of really getting eaten up, the more i try to wiggle my way out of it, only realizing that if i don't act against this quicksand, it might actually consume me faster than i want to.

Screaming and going crazy moving about in a quicksand is eventually not going to be a very wise thing to do right?

So for this new sense of reality, i will let this quicksand try to consume me.
I will just be patient and wait for the right opportunity to break free - fast and sure.

And when i'm out of the muddy quicksand, i need to find the ocean and wash up.
Wash up till im clean enough to continue my journey in life.
Nothing will ever get me down again - I HOPE.

To those who are and have been extending and arm (or branches) to pull me out of the quicksand, i appreciate it <3

Things will get better.
To those who are experiencing setbacks in your life, whichever part of it, just be patient and calm.
Trust that you'll eventually get out of it.

God Bless!

p.s. this is how a quicksand works in reality, now analogize it and understand what im trying to say from the techniques of saving your ass from being consume by a quicksand =)

Click Here

Time passes fast

I can't believe it's already the end of the week.
Time pass by fast - for real.
It seems just awhile back that it was Monday, and i have just posted.
Maybe it's got to do with me not sleeping on wed/thur days. Hmm
And now it's Friday, missed another Feature Writing module due to family obligations.

So anyway, from the last post, nothing much really happened.
The biggest event of the week was of course the nice little gathering the Bitchifive had for Nurul's birthday!
Altho it wasn't much of Bitchifive because Jar didn't come.
It was just foursome, Nurul, Lyn, Hid and I over at Mosicafe for dinner.
The ladies shared a Special Mosi Combo with pitta bread, which was mostly chix,
so i had to have a separate dish.. I had fish and chips instead.
And then it was Nurul's dessert treat - M&Ms Moment at Wanna' B.
Got her in that, but hey, she happily accepted. LOL

The album contains of the Tuesday birthday dinner for Nurul.

Best'sBday

Second is the Butter ladies' night. A place i find is rather OVER-rated, but nevertheless twas fun =)
We queued for about 40 mins, and i guess it really is a very popular place.
However, i gotta pass my verdict, that despite i was with great crowd, i'm still loving arena =)

Can't wait to go there the coming Wednesday!
BUT, i'm going to put a MAJOR condition.
That i will not be going for ladies night this coming week IF the days' before are not productive.
Productive being, that i have been studying and making sure i'm completing my fyp duties.
Yes, tough condition, but hey, i've got to instill discipline eh... Barfs.

Alright, so pictures are not in yet, so anytime i get it, i will put it up.
Which i can predict to be out only by next week because Naq is always late to doing that.
It's friday and i'm home, and no plans. Lol

Im actually planning to sleep in. Very tired still.
Didn't sleep after butter cos i got home at 7, just in time to get a shower and head to school.
Yes, i survived. But the moment i hit my bed, goodbye world. haha
The plan for that thursday night was so definitely not meant to happen.


Let's see what happens next week...

Weekend Fun

Saturday

I woke up feeling negative on whether or not my friendship with Jan is actually possible.

So i had to be frank with him, and told him how i felt.

I'm glad to know he still care, and that we need time to work things out.

I went for his production, Dancing Through Seasons, with his mum, brother and uncle.

The show was spectacular, of course, very catty and really bold.
I spotted the obvious great dancers, 1 hot mama and 4 hot gays.
And i was wowed by this break dancer who did a freaking superb headspins for quite a long time.
Jan said his name's Ahmad i think. Haha, name's so old school huh.

I bonded well with Jan's mum and uncle.
Jan's mum and i really don't need to get formal again etc, she likes me and i like her.
No matter the old squabble etc, she understand and we really catch up.
I told her how happy i am that Jan and I are somehow back :)

The album for this post consists of my Fri-Sun happenings...
Saturday was quite omitted because i forgot to bring the digicam when i met Naq.
And my handphone is a lousy camera tool at night in a place without good lighting!
Well anyway, enjoy.

DEC4-6

Hung out with Naq to have lunch after the production.

Billy (naq best friend) and Yvonne (her gf) came down too cos they fetched Naq from work.

I had lunch with Naq at Tong Seng, which i never realized had a second floor.

We were there chatting and chatting, hmm mostly making fun of Billy.. Making him come out of the gay closet.Haha... alright, he isn't gay, just that we girls wana think he is. LOL

After Tong Seng, headed to sisha... Sigh

I don't know why the hell i had to go to Al-tazzaq man.

At first i was just having nice times making fun of Billy and talking kinky with Naq, and smoking sisha madly...

But after awhile...


BOOM!

memory bomb went off.

Naq was raving about her love for *someone* and i, well, i was listening to sad songs thinking of you know who. Haha


BAD VIBE man.

Crazy shit.

I scolded Naqiah for even allowing me to go there. LOL

I guess goodbye Al-tazzaq for the time being... Damn.

So we headed off to Wanna' B, stopped to see scarf here and there.

Got the 2 vendors from 2 different shop excited for goodness sakes why,

and telling me they'll sell me the $10 scarf for $6 and $5 respectively instead.

Since i was out of bucks, i declined despite the great offer.

At Wanna' B's we had M&M moments.

Superb dessert for sharing! Try it..! (see the only ice cream i took picture of in the album)

Headed home after that...

The effect of al-tazzaq lasted through the night too... Sigh.

I hate sleeping alone when it's cold.

Sunday

Headed to church and the sermon was all about making way.. moving along and ahead... forward etc.

I took that as a sign and i listened well.

It also contained that i should release the junk in the house(heart), the hate, the grievance, the offense etc...

So that God can come in and reside in it...

I aim to do that by new year... and by then i should have gone on ahead, steered clear of the dark clouds and making the journey right.

I have more or less new year resolutions done up in my head.

This time i'm going to write it down so that i will remember them!

Afternoon

Meet up with Eshani for pinoy lunch...

I don't want to keep thinking about it, but it just seem to come to my head. 
Sigh... just can't believe it... oh well...

We ate like pigs and crazy.. haha!
I mean u can see the amount of desserts we got. Damn...

Later on Sandu came and we three headed to cineleisure for a movie.
Nothing was really great to see but we settled for Zombieland.
Twas funny and disgusting! Haha
Sandu was cute... She's worst than me in terms of screaming and the adrenaline rush. And i thought i was bad. LOL

Later aft the movie, she had to leave so we dropped her off to the bus stop.
Then Eshani and i headed to TF where she got the cute flowery top in the album.
As a present, she got me that little black dress. It was all on sale! Lol
Thanks sweety...

After walking around Orchard Central from TF, we headed home.
65 was quite fast and i guess since i dozed off i didn't die in the bus... hate bus rides really.
I turned in later after supper and then felt guilty i haven't studied for ITSM exam on Tuesday! Yikes!

Will do it today, just want to nap first, mug and then sleep till the afternoon, and go to battle.
After that, dinner with the Bitchifive! Loves.

This is it

I spent my day doing what i really want to do, and i felt good.
I gave some time to my siblings, Ana and Zak, playing soccer with them.
It tickles me at how my brother, who's only 2yrs and 3 months, has learnt to dribble a soccer ball along the long stretch of corridors, within a few minutes of my instruction.
I felt happy at his accomplishment and i felt happier that the three of us bonded well.

The last two days of having stayed in the whole afternoon baby sitting felt really wonderful too.
Like yesterday, when i brought Zak, Ana and her bff, Jannah to the park to ride the bike and run around the big playground.
I fed from that happiness despite having a lot of things in my mind.
They provided me with the strength to keep my head together and i love them for that.

So after spending some time with the kids, i stayed in solitude in my room, till i got the urge to continue with my plan to enjoy the night by the beach.
I took with me my handy scarf so i can use it to lay on the sandy shore.
Before heading straight to the beach park, i headed to the Platinum Lounge.
I didn't even feel a kick though -.- nor even felt warm.

Damn useless and waste of money...
Continuing, i sat by the beach and as songs played in my ears, my whole 2 years plus of relationship flashed before my mind's eye. The memories acted like the smoke against my eyes, and you know the outcome.

I lay on the beach, looking up at one star, then the next star appeared, and then the next thing i know, the sky was littered with more.
I relayed to them through my emotions whatever i've felt and i'm still feeling.
It was low tide so i didn't bother to really 'talk' to the sea...
But the moment the tide starts coming in, i know the sea wants to listen.
And so i told it the same things i told the stars.
It felt nice and i knew the best thing to do next: call tita sol.

I had to talk to her. She'll know the answer i seek.
I didn't need to tell her much besides finally admitting to her that i'm riding solo now.
My clan will know by tomorrow, and i just need to call the grands to officiate it...

Tita Sol relayed to me things that truly made me realize a lot of things and make me come around.
It's really liberating, despite my fears but it gave me the reason to be positive, truly. Cos i know things now that i didn't know or wouldn't know if i didn't call her.

She told me to come to her again to give status report, and she gave me the timeline.
I'm glad to have her and i guess i never truly appreciated her until now because i didn't really take her seriously. But now i had to, cos i accepted her, and what she can do and what part she plays in my life.
We never really truly got along, but when needs like this comes, she always come through.
My entire clan do.
And honestly, i'm strangely amused how they stand to their policy all through despite the many drama.

I have to let go of doing myself damages and she warns me that if i do that, i'll only seek trouble.
It's imminent, and i need to make sure i take care of my well-being or i'll land myself on something nasty.
Therefore, i guess the phase of bad habit truly has got to stop. Best (nurul, my bff) has warned me too.
And i guess it's just about time that as this pack finished, it's going to be the last.

After giving me those advises, she told me to go home and not hang around the beach emoting. Haha

So anyway, I'm going to end it here..
I know you guys are half confused at whatever i'm saying as it is somehow encrypted. (sorry..)

But so to summarize what i'm to do:

I've the strong green signal to really hoist the anchor off my ship, land it to the solid ground, and begin the repair. Then, set sail and let the ship bring me to the land that is rightfully belonging to me, instead of just staying in the wrecked ship, feeling heart-broken and damaging myself with the bad habits i can succumb to. And as i set sail, there's no steering back.

Read between the lines or just take it as it is i guess. It depends on how your brain works really :)
I know Best will hate reading this, she calls this treasure map talk. haha

I'm back and living.

Hello everyone!

I'm back! (actually since tuesday.. just didn't have the time to post.. heh)

Here is the album(s) containing the 700 (or less) pictures!

Segamat - Nature Getaway

Segamat

I feel restored and honestly, i have had a rude awakening these few days.
It feels ugly really, but i guess whatever knowledge that came to me, i guess it's a good catalyst.
I felt really disgusted at what i'd learnt, and hurt, yes, but nevertheless, i guess i'm good.
And i know i'll be better.

Starting today!

I cannot imagine that despite what i'm feeling, happiness just slammed me in the face.
Jan Rick Mascarina and i have hopes of rebuilding our friendship.
I've always hoped for this day that we'll be back again, and finally after a long hard struggle, he's given the green light to be cool with me.
I didn't expected him to 'run' to me and hug me. It all happened so fast, i was only brought to realization that Jan hugged me after it happened.
And i can't help it, i just needed to hug him again, and he do too! Awww!
And well, i didn't just let him off like that, heh.

I told him i want to head to JB and i want him to come! Heh.
We have to sit down and really have a full heart to heart.
I miss him a lot and i'm glad that he's back, and not in the withdraw outer space from me.
I know that this time around if we ended up together again, no matter who im going to be with, he's not going to be sacrificed.

Okay, fyi, jan was - and im still hoping, is - my bgf.
We have had a falling due to my relationship with thomas, and i regretted it deeply.
I just hope that this 2nd chance will help us well.
I can't wait for us to hang out!

I hope this ain't a dream  -__-

Anyway, i celebrated Syak's bday in a little unique way..
I got him that designer dessert over at Artbites, got a candle on the ice cream cake and let him blow out the candle.
The ice cream cake was totally unique because it's apple or peach coated, the real fruit i guess, and then inside is the ice cream cake. Awesome really.

I realized that he's the first person i bought that cake, when all these times i'd have wanted to buy thomas that.
Well, whatever i guess.

I'm still in school, though i didn't go to class.
I caught up with a lot of other people, and i'm actually going to be tight about my fyp now.

WE HAVE NO MORE TIME!
like death is coming to consume me thinking about it.

H-E-L-P!

Next big event: BEST's bday!

Goodbye My Lover

Here are some of the pictures that is within the album of the then Jeanath

The full pictures are at the album link at the end of the post

Finally, the album link
Goodbye Jeanath, to those who have been supportive of us from last time, thank youWe're just lucky we have actually lasted this longThings will be better - for me, and for him
God Bless

Jeanath-Album

photographed by Nurhidayah Osman Edited by M Jean Bautista