Discernment for Love

Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/love-chmy/3800147894/

It's not really a must to be with someone and to enter a relationship again. It's not mandatory for me to actually think of marriage, thus I'm not rushing into it. I just feel that marriage should really be kept as the 'one and only' phase of life. I always believe that there are that one made for each one, and that marriage will be what make it stronger. I can really see a huge difference now of how I see a relationship now than I see before. And as I see it, I understand why my past relationship that I thought would somehow, one way or another lead to the marriage, had to come to a halt. God is preparing me for something more, something He only know I will be needing.

Don't get me wrong, my ex-boyfriend, no matter how badly we ended, was a good friend, a good lover and a good husband to be, if so to say. However, there have been changes between us that occurred and thus it is where the incompatibility grew and thus the unhealthy defiling nature of human love emerges.The nature of our relationship, thinking back, actually proves to me that if it worked out till marriage, my relationship with God will not be established. And I was foolish because the relationship with God was the one thing that I should have known never to put second amongst other love. So I am thoroughly grateful how God allowed me to 'seek first the kingdom of God'.

Lately, my desire in finding the one is burning. But I'm putting it off, ignoring it, and dousing it with continuous establishment of keeping in mind healthy type of development of love, rather than seeking for the normal 'you like me, i like you, let's go on' kind of relationship. 

Serving in Church gives me the necessity to discern for the one. I've been practising discernment in guys since last year when I was dating Kenneth, my girl friend's guy friend. Where after discerning, God moves me to a 'NO' when I discern faithfully on Kenneth as it comes to the point of dating where I must decide whether to continue further or to stop seeing each other. So I listened to the 'whisper' I believe is God's, and later on in the months, understood why I was happy I ended it.

Then the next guy came, who had the marriage proposal which become the reason why we ended up being in a relationship. He is rich, son of a wealthy family, soft-spoken, spiritual, understanding, of age and we would have made it well, but after 4 months I had to empty myself of him because the discernment period gave me a feeble 'Yes'. So since that guy, I have not been seeing anyone.

I've a guy however, that God seems to be pointing to. BUT, yes a HUGE but is there. I don't think we're compatible. I have seek a extraordinary signs and each time I ask, it's a YES. So now I've stopped asking because I don't want to put Him in a test. Cos even if He points to him, I just don't know how it will all start, begin or even go forth. (Laughs)

I've taken a vow and have promised with my cell members as witnesses that I'm not going into a relationship without the thought of marriage. This is to avoid pre-marital relations, unhealthy mind-set and possession. I kinda, sorta know what I want but I guess it also seems still a bit too young for me that I want to look for a man to marry. Nevertheless, I guess I'd like to see my desires, and to discern for my vocation - if I want to consecrate myself to God or to marriage. I don't think it will be healthy for me to enter Blessed Singlehood as a lay person, so it's either I join the religious or to enter into marriage.

Oh well, I know within the months, I will have my answer. I'm excited actually!

The End of YISS

YISS is the Life in the Spirit Seminar for the Youth, held by St. Mary's of the Angels at Bukit Batok for 8 weeks. It has become a norm travelling from the East to the West for this commitment to learn and be transformed in Christ.

Today was the last week of the YISS, and it talks about the transformation to Christ. What exactly does that mean? No, it doesn't mean that we are made to God, be God and to command as God. The eight-week experience created new ways for us to affirm one another that we are going through the same type of battle in our daily life as a young adult. We employ the chrisms that we possessed and use it. Not to gain power or be prideful, but to be a living testimony of the power of God.

It creates for us the beneficial platform to be certain that there are people like us who loves God and in complete humility, we seek to create for Him glory from the works of our hands rather than to create it for our own use of fame, popularity or ego.

There have been many friends made, fostered connection and renewal of commitment with one another. I got to experience love from the brothers and sisters in Christ who, just like me, seek to fulfil God's love through the relationships we foster with each other. I begin to know in-depth people whom I thought I'd never get to do so. I also get feelings that allows me to discern the need for companionship, countability partners and of course, perhaps, friendships that last to the very end.

In the YISS at St. Mary of the Angels church, I thorough enjoyed the exposure of the Blessed Sacrament, the divine body of Christ at the Adoration placed in the Church. I couldn't stop asking why can't Holy Trinity have an adoration, even though I already know the answer.

(What is an adoration room? It is a place of worship, meditation, and acknowledgement of God's presence. Perhaps it is the room where in layman's term, you "make known your love" to God in the form of adoring the exposed Blessed Sacrament.)

Tomorrow we are having another activity as a youth community - the Tridentine Mass or a traditional mass that uses Latin and each prayers are sung.

I bet it's the unwillingness to bid adieu to the connection made with the Emmaus who organized the YISS. Hehe so be it, I guess :)

Honestly, I can't wait to attend and be a part of the congregation being it a day of Corpus Christi. It's another special day for us Catholics.

Much love to you readers. Mwahs!

Transformation in Christ

There have been many changes in my life which I give complete credit to Christ. No matter how different, how difficult and how little by little the changes is made obvious to many, I know that the Lord has been preparing me for years, for this. And I'm utterly grateful, that despite everything that has occurred in my life, I stay in His midst. Despite all my iniquities, I am welcomed, blessed and given the grace to be made worthy to serve Him.


So far, the learning points of my life still make up the wounds that are seemingly still fresh. That no matter how much I try to assure myself how strong I am, I falter at near proximity of sin.


I fall at near proximity of recounting and recalling the things I've done, and the things that I've failed to do in the past. For my grandmother, for the rest of my family, for my relationships, and friendships. I do my best to secure a place of serenity by keeping busy. 


But it's when I enter the Holy Day that I recount all my failures in trying to establish good relationships. I learn from my past to ensure I don't put down my armour, that I don't trade my views, my faith, my family for anyone. Yes, suffer but be happy and gracious to take on suffering, just as Christ did.


We humans are not God, neither can we even try our best to be. For no matter how good we are, we are never even going to be close to Him until we realize that love is what will keep Our Father who art in Heaven assured that we are worthy to be His Children.


Christ came to summarize the 10 Commandments to 2 set of powerful (and very difficult) commandment to sum up the latter:

 ³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’^[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

To love one another doesn't just proceed from superficial actions, words, deeds. For God sees what's in the heart. Even though we say good words to our brothers and sisters, we sin too when we don't love them from our hearts. Sure, there are difficult people we encounter, however the judging is done by Christ, and not us.

I lead the view, "Bless those who blesses you, and pray for those who curses you". It's a difficult and bitter medicine to take in. If there is one thing I don't think I can ever remove from me, it's the need to complain, whether or not I mean it by heart. Most of the time, I just need to share my complaints to someone, to make someone understand why I'm feeling like this, and to make sense why exactly do I feel as such.

The love of Christ is exercise the more I accept insults, curses, blames and criticism, graciously. However, being a normal human being, it's VERY VERY VERY difficult. Only through His Grace are we able to reflect the lives of the Saints, we Catholics honour and hopes to live by. But the moment He lets you be showered with Fortitude, you will be taken aback. Yes, you will instinctively react according to your human nature, however it's His Grace that will enable you to fight against your own human nature.

It takes a lot for me to call unto Him straight before going for the KILL.

Nevertheless, whatever happens, it's not the perfection we have that glorifies Him. It's the constant tries and number of ways and means we try to get up from our fall. For we are made in sin and so in sin do we live by. But in Christ, we denounce sin. And as we denounce sin every moment of our time, we acknowledge that we are weak on our own, yet always and forever strong in Christ.

Continue to get up after each fall. Keep away from where you feel you will sin. Always choose Him above all else and you will realize that whatever and wherever He leads you, it's the right path... the ONLY path to real happiness.

Have a wonderful time ahead! God Bless!

A new sense of reality

Well, i woke up thinking that it may not be such an awesome idea to dive into something that my inner voice is telling me not to do.
Nevertheless, im going against it - AGAIN.

I just hope that it will eventually not make me rooted and cause any emotional distress or problems to occur in this little world of mine.
Just one more day of school tomorrow and i'll be hopefully free from this despair i'm kinda succumbing to.

The 3 week long holiday, i wish, will definitely help elevate me from this quicksand.

Every time i feel scared of really getting eaten up, the more i try to wiggle my way out of it, only realizing that if i don't act against this quicksand, it might actually consume me faster than i want to.

Screaming and going crazy moving about in a quicksand is eventually not going to be a very wise thing to do right?

So for this new sense of reality, i will let this quicksand try to consume me.
I will just be patient and wait for the right opportunity to break free - fast and sure.

And when i'm out of the muddy quicksand, i need to find the ocean and wash up.
Wash up till im clean enough to continue my journey in life.
Nothing will ever get me down again - I HOPE.

To those who are and have been extending and arm (or branches) to pull me out of the quicksand, i appreciate it <3

Things will get better.
To those who are experiencing setbacks in your life, whichever part of it, just be patient and calm.
Trust that you'll eventually get out of it.

God Bless!

p.s. this is how a quicksand works in reality, now analogize it and understand what im trying to say from the techniques of saving your ass from being consume by a quicksand =)

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