club hopping plan!!

so like as planned, im going clubbing tonight!! like fING cool shit.
cos after sucha long time, im finally hitting the club on ladies' night.

** oh yes it's ladies' night and the feeling's right. oh yes it's ladies' night.. oh what a night... **

but i aint going with my all-time girl, Haj a.k.a JEN... im going with Laura babe.
she's a new girl!! and we'll establish ourselves as the EAST SIDE CLUB CHICKS.

first stop : Bumble Beez.

the next other stops is yet to be decided upon.

but in the list :

- GOTHAM

- CLINIC

-MOS

like it's not yet decided so we'll just make sure that we'll go around boat quay and clarke quay.

yes yes yes. cant wait...

-love love love

tuesday with imran

nothing much today. i thought i would stay home to rest but i didnt.
i went to hIM's place.
watched some dvd

- lil parts of Benchwarmers. (changed to FD3 cos it was damn fING boring!)
- Final Destination 3
- She's The Man

(fyzah, you naughty ehk! you and ur intriguing mind. or should i say dirty mind!! haha.)

i reached about 2.30pm and then i left around 7.15pm to meet Su Ann.
she brought down her bf for the big sister interogation.
okay okay. im sucha B.
but hey, i think it is great that she always show me her bf right??
im always like the first to know about her special someone, except for her recent ex, raymond.
im soo happy she dumped him lah. great great great.

anyways, i feel comfortable with hIM.
he's not like the usual pervert guys who just gets so physical with me.
and im happy that he dont even do anything uncomfortable.
well, that's GOOD GOOD GOOD!!!
hahha.

okay, i want to go now.
want to sleep!!
im going to club tmr!!!

love love love

blogthings

second post for the day. (actually the first.)

The Birth Order Predictor

You Are Likely a First Born

At your darkest moments, you feel guilty. At work and school, you do best when you're researching. When you love someone, you tend to agree with them often. In friendship, you are considerate and compromising. Your ideal careers are: business, research, counseling, promotion, and speaking. You will leave your mark on the world with discoveries, new information, and teaching people to dream.

whhahahah.. fING cool shit... i AM a first BORN!!! wahahaha...

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

You Are A Pine Tree

You love agreeable company, peace, and harmony. Compassionate and friendly, you love to help others. A natural poet, you have a very active imagination. You are very soft on the inside - needing affection and reassurance. You can fall in love deeply, but you will leave if you feel betrayed.

ohkies... cool!!!

What's Your Porn Star Name?

Your Porn Star Name Is...

Honey Caves

IM A PERVERT!!!

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

Your Ideal Relationship is Polyamory

You want to have your cake... and everyone else's. Which isn't a bad thing, if everyone else gets to eat too! You're too much of a free spirit to be tied down by a traditional relationship. You think relationships should be open and free, with few restrictions.

i TOTALLY disagree! now now.. i'll take it again with my long-term thought. not the current situation the im going thru.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage

You've dated enough to know what you want. And that's marriage - with the right person. You're serious about settling down some time soon. Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to!

great. now it means im a marriage type. i guess this is what i am without the influence i am in now. hahha.

What Song Should You Strip To?

Your Stripper Song Is

I'm a Slave 4 U by Britney Spears "I'm a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it. I'm a slave for you. I won't deny it; I'm not trying to hide it." You may seem shy, but you can let your wild side out when you want to!

wahahaha. im really a PERVERT.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

You Are A Professional Girlfriend!

You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise! Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro. If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you. You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

Errr... i guess??? hahaha

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Spiderman

"I have always been standing in your doorway. Isn't it about time somebody saved your life?"

hahah. wth.. but it is nice to kiss like that. just that the guy wasnt hanging. lol.

stories

check this out..
fING cool shit...

Yellow Bentines

(ok, i dunno about you all lah. but i like the songs. =) )

today's story?

wells, im sooo fING absent-minded lah!!!

i really dont know what has happened to my brain system and all.

ok ok. let's start as proper.

destination = haig rd, blk 4.

return destination = pasir ris, blk 227

purpose = take back my shades and then xchange my contact lenses for a lower degree!!

1.) supposed to take cash from my dad to top up my ezlink. (forgot)

- only when i have boarded the bus and i tapped the ezlink card then i remembered.

so i had no choice but to just take out some coins and make do with it... then i realise that i need more fare to take the mrt. i left some $7 from last night's optical purchases, so then i didnt really mind just getting the standard tix.

so well, that's how i got along the travel.

2.) ALMOST forgot to drop by the library to return my overdue books via the book drop.

- but at least i did. and then the whole shit of the day started.

3.) was on the phone with my mum. so then i was not aware of anything else. i forgot that i was carrying a small plastic bag containing the lenses and the optical receipt.

TO THOSE WHO MAY HAVE FOUND IT

PLEASE RETURN IT BACK

MY CONTACT NO. IS ON THE OPTIC RECEIPT

DO A GOOD DEED

THANK YOU

okay 4.) so as from 3. i forgot all about it. and i only realise that it wasnt with me anymore when i was in the mrt reaching paya lebar!! like what the hell lah.

- and i did what i could to make sure that it is returned to me. i contacted the library cos the plastic bag might have entered the book drop (fING sutpid lah)

then i also reported at the whitesands customer sevice officer, and then the mrt staff as well. those are the three suspected places where i dropped the thing.

5.) as i had to use the standard tix for the travel. i had to obviously return it to get the deposit right..? and then you know what?? i already was at the opposite road with nurul when i realise that i havent done the returning of the ticket. gosh. (once again, fING stupid.)

and guess what my return travel to pasir ris right? i forgot to do the depositing shit again. gosh!!

6.) then when i was with nurul, she asked me for the lighter. it was in my hand, and i was frantically searching my handbag. (fING stupid) gosh.

okies. im going to conclude the whole stupidity.

CONCLUSION

1.) SOMEBODY must have been really thinking of me... fING make me go absent-minded for NUTS.

2.) maybe im subconciously thinking about too many things!

3.) SOMEONE CURSED ME TODAY

4.) KARMA TOOK PLACE

5.) FATED

okays.... then the solution?? yes yes...

1.) sleep earlier and sleep more

2.) eat more greens that i have been eating

3.) stop thinking too much about things.

4.) NEVER TALK TO MUM WHENEVER IM CARRYING A SMALL PLASTIC BAG

5.) GET NEW CONTACTS!!! OR just stay on with a damn specs i bought!!!

now, proceeding with the rest of the events...

nurul and i went to blk 4. entered the house that seemed still welcoming, as usual.

then greeted king kong!! hahaha. ok, kukong lah... cos he called me a cuckoo after knowing how absent-minded i was today. haha...

niwaes, we stayed there for a while. finally saw aunty chanel!

missed her man. she smiled great when she saw me. then she was glad when she heard that i passed my Os.

oh wells, she has been like a mum to me lah really.

i remembered crying with her when we went to visit dude at the remand. haaz...

she has been really great to me. and she treated me like a daughter... =))

then later, i cooked some prata for me and nurul. the curry was awesome.

it has been quite sometime since i cooked something at blk 4. haha.

but i still like kukong's kheema... very nice!!!

btw dude was around. but he was asleep.

the funny thing was that, he got up with the comforter on him,

like "superman" according to nurul and "dracula" according to kukong.

then he walked to his mum's room, said something about the italian job and then he walked back to his room and slept again.

fING funny. i think he was sleep walking or something. lol.

anyways, i chatted with hIM for awhile.

i really dont know why but i cannot find things to talk with him about.

at first there are like quite a lot to say...

then like lately, there isnt any. sad sad sad.

and anyways, we are okay about the yesterday's revelation of Niz liking him.

like i said, i dont know why, but i dont really care what she feels for hIM.

and like i said, everyone is entitled to their own feelings to like somebody.

if they like you back then that's a bonus... if not, move on!

even though i know that she isnt the type who gives up easily then so be it.

hIM and i are just friends but i have talked to him about him and her.

that if there ever is something going to go on with them, let me know so i wont be in the way.

cos as a girl i know she wont like it.. given the rumours that we are together...

and that's why in yesterday's entry, i said that we both nearly blow our tops at each other.

cos he was pissed with what i said and all.

he was telling me to think proper what i say and all...

oh wells, sorree... esp if i doubted you...

now then about boi.

yes yes. we are in contact again after the whole "didnt gave him the answer" period.

and then now, we are friends.

when i told him that i went to dude's place again today, i really hoped that he wont flip.

and good that he understood.

then now he mistook that me telling him things about me and dude last time

means that i have feelings for dude again.

so i told him.

if i say HAVE, DONT HAVE.

if i say DONT HAVE, HAVE.

so how??

then later we talked and come clean with our emotions.

about everything.

and then he finally told me about his love for his ex.

yes yes yes.

that he realise that until now, he just cant let go.

that he just still LOVE her.

i was sooo AWWWWW.

i am really happy for him.

now at least i would not have to think about making him think wrongly about me and him in contact again.

i didnt want him to think that i am chatting with him becoz i want him.

like i said, i still dont want to settle.

not now... and i hope i dont become a spinster.

hahha. okay.. let's seal this...

SEALED

a smile on my face is not the happiness you think you see,

a frown is but an expression i portray.

these words are just words trying to go somewhere,

with sentences that formed trying to find its way.

the tears i cried in the wee hours of the night,

they fell endlessly, it seemed to me.

these tears are but the love that escaped my heart,

like the part of love that hurts,

leaving the part of love that loves.

i cried again when it hit my mind.

i cried again as here i am.

stuck in the pit that we had dug.

that if we get lost in this memory lane,

we'll always be stuck if we dont give in.

but then we both have developed the strength,

to ignore that push that fate come to bring.

miracle

pause the song at the CURRENT EARWORM section and then play this...

++ a walk in memory lane. to those who knows what this song signifies .... to those who dont... this is the first techno song that i have heard... yes yes. ++

and this has got nothing to do as what the lyrics sings... just that this song has a meaning to me... it was playing at the time when i was most happy.
++ salihin always annoys me with this song... hahaha.++

expect the unexpected

i dont know how to start the whole entire story for today.
everything went to schedule... except getting my specs at some optical shop at haig road.
haha. but it was fING cheap. multi-coated lens and a nice frame for ONLY fING $68.

I GOT SEDUCED. so i bought it.

then i bought a 3 months clear contact lenses (Biomedic) - an american brand. i used to go for Ultraflex- a German brand. but this Biomedic lenses' cool shit!! it has UV protection, costing only $32.... and then ...

I GOT SEDUCED. so i bought it.

okay, im starting to feel soo freaking seduced. hahaha. the specs' really worth it. even nurul agreed with me. yes, she was out with me. and i cant wait for the collection!!! hahahaha...

let's talk about things besides today just yet. cos it was today that it came out...

this is to niz,

if you even come to this divine blog, i hope you get the hell off my page as soon as you read this.

omg. i cant believe you lah... you talk about fyzah in your blog as if you're fuking clean. fuking never caused her fuking harm.. fuking nvr interfere in her fuking relationship. you fuking stop doing all this shit lah i tell you..

i am fuking disappointed lah okay. i thought you're fuking better than what you show yourself to be.

i fuking wanna fuk u up lah okay... you come soo fuking clean when you're even fuking not...

im even sooo fuking ashame to even count you as my friend. i heard a lot of shits lah okay, but after the whole entire trashing fyzah at your blog, you going as if you're fuking clean, just took the toll on me. go to hell with that hypocrisy lah.. even bir says you're a fuking hypocrite... i dunno lah huh... you lead your fuking life that way, you mark my words, your life will nvr ever be fine again lah if you're doing all this like a fuking hobby... i dun nid to do anything also... good luck to you lah.. you dont need to know who the hell i am beneath my preety make-ups and quiet looks... cos if you ever even know that, i really dont know that the hell you will see.... niz, i can be freaking nice and outgoing with you.. even like a sister... you've seen me fuking nice to you.. you seen me fuking never take sides one... but fuk lah.. you just stop lah..

you just shut the hell up and all...

if you read this and you fuking wanna find me... you know where lah ok? im just stating my unhappiness here. i dun even want to talk to you after today... sorreee. you ruined my view on you lah.. fyzah is fuking quiet ready... all the things you did to her you fuking never take into account is it... she fuking have the right to backstab you lah huh... so just back off now lah... haiz... (and congratulation for making it in my blacklist)

i seal this story close. (fyzah, whatever it is, you've gained me by your side. and so you gain my sisters too. so whatever it is, just dont ever disappoint me lah at all...=))

and all that i said was something that im really pissed about.

++ sisters, feel free to ask what the hell is happening. i think you will love this topic. ++

i asked hIM about the other things that i read about in the trash's blog.

about the last paragraph and all...

i mean i dont really care about what she feels for hIM lah.

everyone is entittled to their own feelings and all. i understand.

then he told me things about all this. we nearly blowed our tops at each other but then eventually things got better. i hope so that it is...

yes im doubting and i cant help it.

and so, i surface the doubts... it will clear in due time.

but whatever it is, whatever rumours that goes out to the public that im with hIM, i dont care lah.

we couldnt be bothered what everyone thinks.

we know what we are to each other and that's quite enough.

now now, rewind to the earlier part of the day...

went to haig rd. blk 4... got me walking in memory lane...

it was those bittersweet memories again.

those time of which i was stuck on the dude.

i was loving every bits of him. the good and even the bad.

hahaha.so emotional.. haha.

and that was in the memory lane which i walked through just now.

grand uncle and nurul really just have to make me feel soo OFF.

he was doing some juggling with the bottles of absolut vodka.

everything went on like a blur.

we didnt speak to each other. never even looked for a whole 5 seconds.

it was like we're going to die if we even look at each other.

so it went like that and so i was like that.

then.

(jeng jeng jeng.)

then nurul told me something that he talked with her about.

she was so shocked and taken aback with what he said about me and him.

i thought what could it be.

then she read it out to me.

haiz.

didnt believe it, so i saw it for myself.

almost dropped the phone.

si dia tu betol tk betol xia. ppl, he didnt ask for me back.

so dont jump in the pool ppl.

then the past just fING slammed back in my head.

but it doesnt matter now... at least for now...

everything has happened and all.

regrets. regrets.regrets.. he will never do that... unless he really does mean it.

i regretted too.

i do honestly..

to you dude,

it was nice to have seen you after sometime.

but lots changed and lots have been gained and lost.

time eats up everything. heals everything.

but time cannot heal scars and make them disappear.

time cannot make you forget the love that was there.

time can minises all the urges to do things.

but it cannot stop the push of the heart.

if you meant what you said to nurul...

i will gladly tell you something... if ever come a day that you ever want to hear it.

but i'll be your friend... i just hope that your metamorphosis isnt irreversible.

never play a player

nice right??haha... i got this at some random website... and i really like it... see it at my profile ppl.also, i have edited my profile. i find the layout really cool.credits to lizzie.. the layout author of my profile =)haha. so go go go go!!CLICK HERE

about my days lately...

wells, everything have been going fine until something come to surface.

something come to surface in the midst of my complacency.

and i am ashame to admit that i let my complacency get me fooled.

i didnt think of the possibilities that whatever that is clean upfront may not be so when you check it thoroughly.

there are many things that i fool myself about.

there are things also that i have learn in the game that i have played so far.

i really cannot get fooled so much as get myself drowned in a pit of complacency.

yes, complacency is the enemy of mine these days.

ARRGHH..

it is sooo sickening to really make myself accept it...

i cannot CANNOT cannot let myself be buried in that habit anymore!!

NEVER ever.

wells, the game of life is really hard to handle.

but i am happy that i can play this game with much ease and comfort.

yes, even though at times i hurt myself emotionally, i still have enough will to keep myself going all the time...

when i said getting fooled, i didnt mean literally that im getting fooled.

well, the other party thinks that i am...

but tooo bad....

maybe this advise that i will give is something that all you people should keep in mind...

NEVER PLAY A PLAYER

(this is what i learn, so this will be what i teach)

nothing

im not working today.
really bored. im waiting for time to pass by fast.
i may be meeting IM tonight. go vivo and then take my watch from him.
i left my Guess? watch by accident at my work place.
good thing my manager was still there and then so i told him to hand it over to edica.
i dont know why edica. (he's fyzah's mr eye candy... wahaha...)
maybe cos he has done me and fyzah a great favour.. right right fyzah!?
hahaha. ok. anyways, i told edica to hand my watch over to IM.
then later i be meeting him... yep yep...
nothing much to do at home really. im fucking having my monthly cramps!! arrgghh!!
damn pain lah... :(

no attica tonight. no mood. no hope of entry for hajar.
so yeahs... see when i have the full mood to club. like so bored already...

dilemmas

and the dilemma of liking the person continues...
i just want to make myself free of dilemmas.
i had just freed myself off the dilemma of being with my 'beloved' ex bf...
and now, dilemma has found me yet again...
this time is not whether i want to leave or stay with the person....
but it's whether i want to develope my feelings for a person.
i know i know... like who the hell am i kidding...
i cannot force myself to stop feeling for somebody.
even to at least pause the feelings...
just because i dont want to lose him...

i dont even know exactly if he also feels the same way as i do.
im taking a friends-first approach. and im going along his pace.
im taking his momentum... but as im seeing it, this will all lead to the same thing....
he isnt hard to like... i have to really admit that. haha.
but then i have to get rid of my other FISHES i have so far stuck in my net.
now that's another dilemma.. as ive notice.... life really is full of dilemmas!!

confession of the heart

have you ever wanted to really like somebody whom you just cant?
someone whom you feel that you cannot lose... making this the reason in which you cannot go on and confess the way you feel towards the person?
day in day out, you deny and push aside the way he makes you feel and just think of the other possibilities that he cannot like you as much as you think.
you make yourself contented that you both MUST just be friends.
you make yourself feel that whatever he sees you as MUST just be as friends.
you are afraid to let him know that you have a tinge of feeling for them...

all because YOU ARE AFRAID TO LOSE THEM IN THE END....
because as they say, all good things come to an end... even nelly futardo sings that. haha.

no more beating about the bush... yes, i feel that i want to like somebody but i just cannot...
i just dont want to lose him as my friend. i dont know... haiz.
okay, and you know maybe he just sees me as a friend.
that he likes spending time with me.
i mean friends do spend lots of time with each other anyways.
so yeahs... haiz. man, i cannot stand this... sometimes i feel i should just back away...
gosh!

name meanings

ok, i have nothing t do really. so when i saw the name finder-name meaning site, i clicked on it...
and then i obviously find the real meaning of my name...

Mary means THE PERFECT ONE, BITTER, WITH SORROW. haiz. haha...
ORIGINATED from Hebrew name Maria... it has an ethnic backgrounds of Irish, Scottish and English/Welsh.

Jean means GOD'S GRACIOUS GIFT.
A unisex name of Hebrew/French origin....

haha.. wells, at least it has a good meaning... haha. besides the bitter with sorrow thing...

ohs also, i also nabbed a picture from one of my old friends, kumaran. from his friendster profile that is... and it suits what i have in mind about NOTHING LASTS FOREVER.. yep yep...



anyways, i have not really decided whether i will be going clubbing tonight or not.
today, our spot will be at MOS. and anyways, im going with Amy and her friends. yep yep.. i shall see how it goes if im going or not... lest im going, im bringing some clothes! haha...

ARRGH

first of all, i want to wish all you chinese folk a HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR.

anyways, mum's being a tutu.. seriously.. i fucking cannot stand her fucking mood swing and her fucking reasoning of things... gosh.... haiz.. i cant wait to start school and to be more away from home. really man... like wtf lah.. haiz... so much for wanting to lengthen my time at home... i just cannot stand her lame shit lah... i mean i do love her but this is sooo freaking different... im so ashame to even think of moving out of my house lah... i have nothing without her financial support and that's the worst being such a pampered child as i was growing up.. having all the material support family provides and then the complacency i nurtured as i have everthing within my reach. this sucks you know...
when i was growing up i have everything... money, nice house, nice clothes... comfortable people around me... who loves me... either cos they know that im a daughter of someone who has money or really because they care... yes, that's how i feel growing up... money talks as they say anyways... haiz.... and that's why im always wary and anticipating betrayal. that's the reason that i dotn really seek vengeance when someone betray me.. and so far, i can only count having betrayed.. i count myself lucky.
honestly, i prefer my life in which i dont have much to offer to anyone so that i know that they love me for who i am instead of other malicious thoughts.
my biological dad was his own way of being the boss around my estate in the Philippines. he is the man of the place at the area i grew up. last time when i was a mere child, i enjoy the privilleges of it, then as i think of it now, im quite ashame of it... due to his ways, my life was the ransom of it. i forgot how it went. what i remembered was being thrown over the shoulder of my big lady neighbour, i think her name's Ophelia, who was always instructed to look out for me. i realise that only years later... anyways, i remembered that she was running away from someone. someone she was telling that is after me cos he was angry with my dad, which makes him a threat to me cos he was my dad's enemy...
haiz.... all this happened when my mum was on a a holiday to china. and my dad was away on some business shit. wells, that's my life last time... then my dad and mum separated for good and she remarried and then now.. im here in singapore. yep yep... =)

very interesting right.. haha.. haiz... but i wish sometimes to ask for my dad's financial support... but nahh.. haiz.... i dont even have his numbers anymore. my grandmum and granddad cannot even get to him thru his extension number. wtf lah.. then give fer fuk.. cant even get connected... haiz.. nvm....
ok ok.. my mum's being a tutu again. i gtg ...

i smoked a stick as i await the bus that will bring me to the mrt station.
then i came thoughts in my head that i know that i will have to share here in this blog.
i realise that as i await the arrival of the bus there are many things that it associate with my life, our life.

day in day out, i ride transport of whatever sort and knowing where it leads but it takes me to the systemic route that it follows, even though there are couple more shorter route as to how to get to my destination.
in a way, i also realise that instead of riding this bus and letting a driver go on and on in his own route, why dont i be the driver myself. indeed, this is a very unrealistic way of seeing things... unless i want to be a bus captain myself, which i will NOT ever.. no offence to anybody...
anyway, the bus that i take daily is the bus of life. i

i feel squirmy

i met Jet on the night of Valentine's Day...
but like i said before, i just want a semi-friendly day/night out.
i went to vivo, then i met him after his work.
he got out late as there were loads of customers.
it's Valentine's Day after all.

as i walk past couples, i saw loads of the ladies carrying boquets of flowers.
the last time i received a boquet from a guy was on my birthday last year, from Azman.
so sweet lah... haha. accompanied by the flowers was this HUGE tasmanian devil stuff toy.
haha.
then my 14th Feb 2006 memory came to surface.
i almost laughed out i must admit. then those bittersweet memories of daryl came by no doubt. but then after spending time with Jet, i must admit that he has the ability to make me take my mind off these things, without even knowing that he really does.
but i did tell him parts of my ex flames here and there.
Jet is really a great friend. yes, a friend. and i dont want to lose a friend like him. never ever...

wells, we got down at simei and then took a cab, first dropping him at his place and then eventually to mine. we talked about some things that we have noticed that our colleagues has been noticing. and then my aunt and uncle. i do in a way make us low profile as possible but then i really dont know how things get out there.....
haha. even then the driver asked about my relationship with him. OMG.
haha. the driver asked me how to exit from his housing estate, then i told him i really have no idea. he was like asking.."how come you dunno, never send you sayang home before ar?" hahaha. wth. lol. then he asked me if he's my bf and all. then i like duh i said NO. haha. then on and on we chatted...

well, last night i went out with Jet again. there was a miscommunication at work.
i thought that i was working yesterday and all. but it was not so. then i worked for an hour or so, then Jet got out of work at 7pm and so did my other colleague, Vicky. good thing vicky went out with us cos i really dont need it to be obvious that i get out of work with Jet.
then vicky starts to ask me about who am i liking at work or who's my admirer...
like goodness... really lah... lucky she bought the story that we are just very very good friends. hmms.
(it is true what... right?)
anyways, when Vicky went off at 8pm, we went to eat...
after eating we went to some beauty store. lol.
then i recomended him facial creams. haha. he was complaining about his dark circle.
hahaha. then he bought some face and neck cream and then he got me the facial wash i wanted to buy. haha. (thankz bebeh)
then just now in the morning, he smsed me saying that his face felt so soft..
HE LIKES IT.... wahahaha. omg. =)) ssooo cute lah.. haha.
wahh and im so jealous lah. he change his phone! confirm must see later..
ok then i gtg get ready for work...

valentine's day 2006 poem

2nd post of the day....

2007 VALENTINE'S DAY POEM

a day to love, to be yourself,

with someone real who can make you feel,

that you are special in every way,

be it a lover or just a good friend.

last long this day with laughter and joy,

no matter where you are may love come forth,

may you embrace its power so strong,

dont fight it cos you might be wrong.

good or bad this turn to be,

never regret that love has touched thee,

smile your best and look up high,

GOD is there dont ever cry.

never say that you're all alone,

cos like i said HE wont be gone,

HE will be that VALENTINE,

you're not alone so pls dont whine.

so go be merry this wonderful day,

never fear when Cupid comes your way,

find your amour and let them find you,

so then you will know who will be your boo.

+ ante amor no temer+

*of love dont fear*

JET/IMRAN

i went out with jet, jen and roz today.
i was late as usual when i met jen... this time it's not my fault. the damn bus 3 came late lah.
i was on time but the bus wasnt. haha. so of course we were damn late in meeting the other two.

okay, that's not impt.
wells, we went to Bugis and we shoot some pool at pool fusion. it's nice there.
i went to the 2nd floor and i saw the big comfy sofa. wasted we werent playing upstairs...
anyways, the three of them trashed me at pool. im very rusty.
jen is the breast lah!! woo hoo!!
roz and jet got invited by a Singh man who was playing/practicing pool alone.
i think they put up a brave defend against the old man. anyways, jen and i really were rusty.
her standard was lousy as compare to her skills before.
and mine was utterly atrocious lah. like really man!! haha.
** maybe jet can play more with me since that's his favourite pastime. ahaha.

oh yeah p.s. fer this paragraph, jen thinks jet looks like the rock. wadahell. and then jet can ask me sumore should he count that as a compliment. hahaha. kecoh..

when jen's boy FRIEND came by, they hung out till they have to go for early dinner and then to night safari.
i was the P.I.M.P. of jet and roz just now when she left.
then we really joke around like crazy fools. omg.
they were really outrageously retarded and awesome... hahaha.
then they both acted like my bodyguards. i think they can pass lah.
roz was doing his job better than jet tho. whahaha. cool shit lah both of them.
then all the way till the end of the day out, roz called me putri (princess) .. and then jet too. gosh.
but i love it. wahahaha.

we ate at the Food Junction is it?? haha.. dunno the name.
jet and i had fishball noodle and roz had a rice meal.
then we had all our semi dirty jokes and open conversation lah.
gosh.. jet ask me which one would i prefer, a guy who wears BRIEFS or BOXERS. haha.
** to all... NO PREFERENCE. (as long as u have a nice butt) wahahaha...
+jet, what kind of question is that??+

after eating, we went to walk around the Village for 30 mins as jet have a TR to manage.
i cant wait for his programme to end this april lah! then can go more places with him.. haha.
niwaes, like what they both said that i should wait till April before going night safari or wherever places, cos this April there will be more animals! wahaha. right........ like wth. (but i am quite anticipating it +')
we took a cab at the Junction to Simei and then roz and i hung out while jet sadly had to go home.
we drank and 'air' ourselves at simei point there. (hidayah, dont be mad. i only had 3 sticks)
then he had to leave so i headed home.
when i reach home i did whatever and then i napped.
when i awoke, i phoned jet and then we chatted till an hour or two ago...

he asked me to meet him tmr. haiz. i really want to. you know hang out with him.
but then like i dont know if hidayah will mind if we forego tmr's day out. haiz. dunno. it was too late to call her.
then i called jen, she said that she will only be able to meet us at around 5-6.
haiz, all this has been planned lah but not as proper.
the five course dining plan is held from 28th feb-3rd march. and jen said that they both thought it is tmr.
haiz... i really dont know how they even communicate with me lah. never even listen properly.
dunno lah. i know im not like officially dating jet(i think) but i dont mind spending my Valentine's Day with him.
if that would like replace my 14th Feb 2006 memory. haiz. at least this will be with another guy.
i have other dudes who asked me for a date out. but like i dont even feel like going on a ROMANTIC outing.
maybe just a semi-friendly one... like with jet?? haha. ok look, stop thinking wrongly ok.
**we are just friends lah. okie?? +')
what i like about him is that he is alright meeting me up with my friends. (how nice...)
gosh... i kinda fearing of crushing on him... nnooooooooo... hahha. i dont know.
i dont know if it will be wrong. but hhhaaiizz.. honestly, it just seems really nice to be out with him.
i admit here that yeah i dont mind trying things out with him. but i dont want to spoil our nicely establish friendship.
and im clearly stating here that I LIKE HIM A LOT as a FRIEND. ok?? +')

haiz. i want to meet him tmr.. but yeahs... the sisters.... :( / :)

registered

been tired from work that i didnt get to post...
work was fun lately, no doubt.
the anxiety about Jet is more or less settled.
Im meeting him...

wells, there isnt that much to say except that i have FINALLY registered.
**as a filial daughter wannabe (lol), i have placed TP as my first choice, tho my heart aches and long for SP.

sooo, the choices ARE ....

1. Hospitality and Tourism Management (TP)
2. Tourism and Resort Management (SP)
3. Intergrated Events and Projects Management (SP)
4. Leisure and Resort Management (TP)
5. Business Information Technology (SP)
6. Business Information Technology (TP)
7. Property Development & Facilities Manangement (SP)
8. Biomedical Science (SP)
9. Biomedical Science/Biotechnology (TP)
10. Business Administration (SP)
11. Information Technology (SP)
12. Biotechnology (SP)

and now the anxiety starts again... i hope i get to a decent enough course..

**Singapore Poly i hope?? hahaha.**

something about IM

ok, there are some pointers that i want to make clear here.

I DONT LIKE SHARING MY PROPERTY.
ONCE I LAY CLAIM, TOO BAD, THAT PROPERTY IS MINE.
AND ONCE YOU TOUCH IT, YOU'RE GONE.
AND YOU WILL WISH THAT YOU WERE NEVER EVER BORN.
I LET THE PROPERTY GO WHENEVER I PLEASE AND NO ONE CAN MAKE ME DO THAT EXCEPT ME.
SO TRY IF YOU MUST TO TEST THE WATERS AND STEAL MY PROPERTY,
BUT I ASSURE YOU...

THAT PROPERTY IS ALWAYS MINE TO KEEP...


hahahaha. im sucha B.I.T.C.H !!! and i love it. ok, there's nothing much here in my pointers.
i mean really.
it is just the fact that when i hear about other people i know and care for just get taken advantage of by getting their 'property' taken away, i get pissed.
so i say this here just in case anybody would dare take any of my properties from me.
i share when i want to share and so far, im happy in doing so.
but then it gets irritating when the person who wants me to share the PROPERTY that i own is so DESPERATE and sooooo UNBEARABLY 'LEACH-ING' to THAT property, even though it doesnt want to be shared at all lah...
(ESP, WHEN I HAVENT LAY CLAIM TO THAT PROPERTY AT ALL LAH.)

ok... haha... i know im being sucha bitch lah.. but too bad.
anyways, im getting quite confuse with Jet.
(who's Jet?? someone. it is a code name fer him.. sisters, feel free t ask..)
i dunno if im getting everything in the wrong way, or is it that it is just the way it should be.
ever since knowing Jet, i realise that there are things that i like about him.
there are things that are too common with us that i really cant stand it...
really it sucks sometimes but i realise that many things just fall into places whenever i talk to him.
there are times when i feel that i wanna spend more time with him, seeing if there is any spark at all..
it has been long since i felt any tinge of spark with somebody.
(and that is really sad)
oh i think im just cursed.. hahaha...
and i dont think that i will even get a guy to go on with this year.
at least not now, i think that it might be time to really concentrate on other things.
and i really do intend to concentrate on OTHER THINGS.
lol. wahahahahhahahaha...

anyways, i still wonder if Jet is someone i think he is...

the results is out

okay, im not happy with the results i got. but i mean i really cant be more relieved that anxiety is over.
i anticipated a better result but i got 25 pts with my science grade helping me in having more course offers to choose from.
altogether i got 159 polytechnic choice of courses. i only fear that i will not get the course that i want. i mean i know a lot of peopl who got more than me and nationwide, i will be lucky enough to get to the course that i choose as my first.
there are many things that i will hope for and just hope that i will achieve what i need.
now i havent really chosen the course that i want. it's like opting for the 12 among the many choices.
i got most of the science courses cos of my science grade but anyways, i think that by tomorrow, i would have to register already. yep yep.
the latest registration is on this forthcoming Wednesday. haaahhz...


i feel sorry fer Nurul but i guess she will have to go for the plan that we thought of already. nurul has landed herself in ITE but she might be going for private diploma at Chatec or at Lasselle SIA. i just hope that she can stand up strong and go forward. i know she will be strong enough. but anyways Nurul my dear, i will always be here. love ya.

im soo proud of Hajar and Hidayah.. they both got L1R4 17 pts before CCA reduction. cheers dear. and if we dont land in the same school then i want you guys to know that i will always be around. love ya both...

anyways, i will put here my potential 12 choices .....

1. Hospitality and Tourism Management (TP)
2. Tourism and Resort Management (SP)
3. Intergrated Events and Project Management (SP)
4. Leisure and Resort Management (TP)
5. Business Administration (SP)
6. Business/Logisctics & Operations Management/Marketing (TP)
7. Biomedical Science (SP)
8. Biomedical Scince (TP)
9. Baking and Culinary Science (TP)
10. Information Technology (SP)
11. Info-communications (TP)
12. Information Communication Technology (SP)

ok, i know i been wanting to go to SP but my parents want me to go to TP. i do agree with their reasons so im putting Tp as my first choice. if it is fated that i go SP.. then so be it... :P

RESULTS MADNESS

ok, after work im like thinking over and over again about my results!
i cant shake it off my mind... everyone says that i will do well but i guess im just too afraid to think about anything about the outcome. i dont want to jinx myself. i have foreseen what i will get but now as it is, it gets muddy. and fucking VAGUE!! i cant stand this.
im afraid to sleep cos im afraid to dream as my dreams have signs what i will get for tmr. how sure i am?? FUCKING sure!!
when i reach home and all, i talked to Nurul and she was feeling so scared as well..
Imran was telling me over and over that i will do fine.. that i should sleep early, but honestly, i cant!!! haha.
im fucking nervous and im fucking anxious about tmr. gosh....

i want to try to sleep and then get over the hours ahead of me. goodness!!! i really want to just fast forward the time to the time i will be at school... i just want to get the grades that i want. nothing more nothing less.

ok, i shall update u all later when i get it...
= i hope for the best cos i didnt prepare for the worst =

something in mind

yesterday, i stayed home and all i did was clean up my room and then it stretched till night time.
then i felt so bored of cleaning that i went out jogging to clear my mind off things that i have thought of suddenly - my results!!! i mean no matter what my results will be i just hope that i can go to the choice of course that i want. cos if i dont do well for this exam, im flying off overseas, this is inevittable. haiz.

i dont want to leave this country and try to settle down at a country im not really ready for.
i have relatives there but i cannot be away from my mum and my sister. of course, my friends too...
but like i said over and over again, hope for the best, prepare for the worst. i cant pretty much do anything about the results that have been finalised. the moment the examination ended last year, it is already destined that i get the results according to how i did the paper. and tomorrow after 2.30pm shall i be able to foresee my destiny further. but i promise myself that i will be positive. it is funny that at this period of anxiety then people want to think of GOD. i mean i feel ashame even calling out for HIS help when i dont even really do so days and days before. i just hope that HE forgives me. whatever it is, i will try to be positive.

but if it is meant to be that i leave this country for another... of which im not really certain if i'd be going to live the rest of my life in the Philippines or my mum will be sending me to some other country... maybe Timbaktu. haha. nah... she's not soo harsh. but whatever it is, i have foreseen what i will get. it's just a matter of a few more hours to getting the results that i will know if what i have foreseen is not due to the desire that blocks my accurate guard feeling but because it is what as ive foreseen. i pray GOD be lenient. haiz.

anyways, to those people who share the same anxiety that i'm feeling, hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
wells, there are many things that we want to do with our life, there are many things that we want to accomplish in this life of ours. never let this chance be the obstacle of which you stumble on and fall, then never get up at all. i'm sure that even if we get the worst grade of all, we cannot just lay down there and let ourselves go down the pit of insanity. we will have to fight it and eventually, we will still succeed in life.
there are still many options for you people. and for me, if the option is that i go overseas, i just have to make the most of it.. click the refresh button and then start my life accordingly again... but this time, make it be much better as the previous one...

okay, i gtg get ready for work now...

p.s. to the UNKNOWN who wrote at my tagboard, thanks for the advise. but there are other things that im thinking now besides boys... i mean if it is meant to be, the answer should have been given last Sunday already. but apparently, i see it that it isnt meant to be. im sorree to him since that's the case. but he'll always be a friend to me. and i hope that his life is better than it has been lately.... (ok boi??)

movie marathon with Imran

After the whole thing planned, i slept.
Today, i had a movie marathon with Im at his place...
we watched John Tucker Must Die, Tokyo Drift and Ghost Game.
the best movie was the first. the worst was the last.
i had lunch at his place and then we watched all the way from 1pm plus to almost 7pm.
i left his place not long after the 3rd movies. i started to have the flu lah...
Im fell asleep watching Tokyo Drift. i duno how the hell he can fall asleep at a nice movie lah. wth.
hahaha. but we both agree that the first movie was the best and it is!
it was about this damn player who got played out in the end by someone who he fell in love with.
omg... i hope im not a player. but i was last time and im aware of it. haiz.
i think cos i havent met that one person yet.
i dont know if what i did before was playing around though... anyways, i was sorree for them.
i guess i just didnt want to have my heart broken that's why i leave whenever i want to.
or i leave whenever i feel that i may start to love that person im dating.. haiz.
(and i serial date to see how tolerant the guy can be... i noe i noe, im a bitch)

sometimes, it is fated that i dont end up with somone.
really, it's either that if im thinking of going on with somebody, either that day wont happen or something bad will crop out so the plan wont be able to get executed.
hmms. sometimes, it is creepy. =) but sometimes it is for the best of it.

anyways, im the type who falls in love at the slowest rate possible.
some say that maybe my heart still belonged to the guy who i last fell in love with...
BUT to me, i havent met that one yet!! damn it!! sigh.. wahaha.. or maybe i have... just have...
but damn it, it is too early to say anything. cos i really dont want to spoil any friendship that i had fostered.
not even with Im. i mean we are good friends.. although like Hid teases here and there, but yes, we are just friends.
=)
and what happened to Boi you all ask? i dont know honestly... he rarely calls me nowdays ever since his hp got confiscated.
the rope that he is catching me with honestly seems to just have been loosen up and i dont feel obliged to just give him anymore answer. i still just want him to be my friend first.
like i said i dont want to spoil the friendship that i have fostered with anyone cos of love.
sigh.
talking about friendships, Jas was complaining to me about how he screwed Daryl up.
to us, he really changed a lot. i dont understand why he really start to become such a real ass.
i mean i know he is but not to this extend.
after i left, it seems like he just went berserk. going on to do what he likes and never thinking about the feelings of others. now he avoids me with the reason that he and i just know.... hmms. and what a jerk he is becoming.
he was such a jerk to Farah. and he deserve to be alone! until he comes to his senses.
he wonders why until now he cannot get girls from his environment now... i tell you all, he will never ever have someone to love him for his flaws and for his greatness until comes a time where he admits his mistake and not just push it off and run away.
how i loathe what he become i alone knows. so as for now, i just extend my pity towards him.

oks.. i want to sleep.... must be a good anak dara kan Im?? hahaha.
+toddles+

BEN N JERRY'S OUTING

i had a very fun day with my dear godsister, Hidayah. we went for lunch at my cafe.
today she was suppose to see boi, but too bad it didnt happened.
so anyways, hidayah had her usual breaded fish and chips and i had roasted chix in demi glaze.
i told her to change her meal but she didnt obey me! she had the same meal the last time we had lunch with Hajar and Dinisha at my cafe.
Im wasnt there when we had our lunch. He was with Salmon at Ezone playing pool.
So, after lunch, we went to find them there. After a few mins of seeing them, they stopped for 'fresh air' and then we continued the game.
Im came back for us and passed me some bucks to pay for their share of the game.
I guess they had been called to the cafe the boss.
We were damn rusty LAH!! goodness, and im beginning to think that im becoming too barbaric.
For the love of goodness, the balls that i shoot in just kept flying off the table.
It was hilarious and all but seriously embarrassing. wahahahaha. i know Hid was...
But we had fun! it was a tie tho... or no.. i won.. 2/3..
i won the 3rd game cos hid shoot the white ball in after the black ball. ahahaha
(hidayah, you made a mistake by stating at our blog that you and i had a tie!)

ok, after the game i had to get some 'fresh air'. Hid was raving mad lah. but then again... she was more teruk last time... !!!
but in a sense, im just doing it for fun. wahahahah..

then NEXT STOP ---> BEN n JERRY's ice cream place.

we were nuts at that place. that day was the day that both of us just poured out our lust!
haha. on the ice cream!! hahaha. we had the MERLIONSTER.
a 6 scoops ic cream with flavours of our choice, 1 brownies and 1 banana.
hahaha. that is how greedy we were that day. like seriously!! wahahaha.
then later on, we kidnapped the packets of coloured markers from the staff there and then we wrote letters on the tissue (i will load the pic when nurul has sent me the pics.)
the letters were for us. i wrote to Hid and she wrote to me. =)
hers was so much better than mine lah. she decorated like WOW. and mine was like ERR?? hahah.
Hid, seriously just have to mention it on the letter she wrote me about the CHOICE of mine!!!!
(i guess u noe what i mean lah huh??)
also, it was here that i told her a secret that i only share with nurul. i mean yes, she has had it in the back of her mind but she just needs confirmation.
she was damn happy lah. HMPH! wells, i honestly think that i have changed my mind about what i told her.
i mean i still do but like something just pulls me away from that... so yeahs.
(sorree if none of the others knows what the hell im like talking about!)

wells, after our cappucino at Ben's, we went to meet Im and his cousin, Fahmi.
we met at Freshbox there though. then we walked around vivo and all. Hid and Fahmi were like almost going to hit it off when Fahmi told her his age. haiz. How sad tho... Hidayah dont like guys too old.
but whatever, i hope that the next time they meet, she will just forget about the age!! wahahaha.
oks anyways, we 4 went back together. Hid and Fahmi alighted at Bedok, then Im and i alighted at Tampines.
I went with him to the mall to get this chain and jeans. He didnt get the jeans though...
so yeahs, after the short trip to the mall, we went our separate ways. He went to the gym and i went to Nurul.
She went to Pasir Ris Park to let her heart out. I reached there by 9pm.
i was so tortured lah cos i wore my boots, after the walks around vivo and all.
then we talked and talked and talked. haiz. i pity both parties lah. theuyy did love each other deeply tho.
and the break up is inevittable. i have forseen this and nothing can be done. though now i foresee another, but i wont say it until it is the right time....

after the consoling session, we went to downtown east for late dinner. i was feeling the hunger lah.
haha... then after that we went home. hmms.
i was too tired to write about this day straight away cos after freshening up i went to bed and talked to Im...
then later my ear bled like shit!! it is damn swollen now.

gosh

(THIS ENTRY HAS A MESSAGE FOR MAHATHIR. NURUL'S EX BF)

im quite sad today , and worried, yeash honestly speaking, cos i was so worried for boi when i got his msg in the morning.
i really hope that everything will turn out well fer him in the end. haiz.
as it is now, i guess i wont be able to chat with boi as often then. it is fine, i just hope that he will be fine soon.
i care for him lah. dun it show?? haha. oks.

but in honest sense, i was disappointed that what nurul and i planned today didnt happen.
and yeas, he didnt kept to his words... but i cant blame him really, things just happened this way fer him.
maybe this planned event should be postponed then... hmmmss...
as planned then, Nurul dear and i went to Pastamania. it was her turn to treat me as she just gotten her pay.
and so she did. wahahahaha. i love her loads. ok like honestly, i love pasta! haha. and so i love it that she treated me there. but yeahs, it ended up that she didnt like the pasta she ordered. yeaps. den she proclaimed that she will never eat there again. wtf! (nurul! u better change ur mind lah girl!)

anyways, then we went to the area near our school, looking for a beauty center as she wanted to do her eyebrows. gosh. then we found one. and guess what!! after chinese new year, i will be gg for a french manicure. it really is quite cheap there noe. so i kinda took their name cards cos they offered me some promo. wahahaha. anyways, later on we went to meet up with the nurul's fren and then we hung out at tampines' starbucks. love it there. haha.. hmms i dunno why i love starbucks but yeahs i do!

anyways, today i didnt really get to talk to boi as he was really in a bad situation. but im glad that he took the time to actually appease my worry. (thanks boi. and im soree that i sounded bad to you... ) hmms. wells, after starbucks i went back home and then i blasted some rock songs. i wasnt in the best mood really. in a way, i guess i felt something that i shouldnt feel about the fact daryl is really not in the slightest at all at even reconciling... and just forgetting the past... i dunno if he's mad at me for letting him go.. or is he just being such an ass. but i didnt do anything wrong apart from like leaving him... (i found that out when today nurul was insistent to see them and i thought ok why not.. but it was Him who was being difficult.. i mean i put the past behind us and there he is still dwelling in it....) haiz. nvm....
whatever! he seriously needs to loosen up a lil. he just spoiled my day more today. (and thanks daryl. gosh.)

anyways, things took a harsh turn on Nurul. i really feel that she needs to have her time alone but i cannot at all let her do what she likes. i mean i noe she's hurt about how her bf- her EX bf, reacted to the way she said that she want to break with him. she said it in a nice manner and all but he just brushed it off and just spoiled the entire thing. she had wanted to meet up for the last time, to accomodate for him and to console him too. but he just spoiled everything. he likes doing that often.. she love him a lot and they could have gone on longer. but he spoiled his chance. i cant accept the fact that he actually said loads of harsh things to her when she was just doing herself a favour of not getting hurt more each day, and also, this favour extends to him.

Mahathir, if u ever read this... im soree to sae this, but SHAME on you. and dont ever think that i will let my godsis crawl back to you.. and i will see to it that she keeps her words as long as it is necessary. your possesiveness will get you nowhere. and soree if im sounding harsh. so yeahs. this is just a frenly advise. and since you hurt my sister and still dare to compare ur own hurt with what she feels, I SWEAR U WILL EAT UR WORDS ONE DAY MAHATHIR, SHAME ON YOU. SHAME ON YOU.. AND THEN U WILL BE THE ONE WHO WILL CRAWL BACK TO HER. AND I WILL PITY COS SHE WONT TAKE U BACK, AS LONG AS IT IS NECASSARY. sorry.

hehe

WORK.

as usual, either my day at work is ok ok or really bad. today, is ntg special really. i kinda feel that today at the cafe itself sucks but overall though, everything was ok. although, food were out late, but i hope the customers understood the fact that we service front do what we could to make them feel happy with our service. it really sucks sometimes when everything was turning out great for the floor staff when out of a sudden, due to the late arrival of the food, everything just turns sour between us and the customers. well, i must say that the ang moh and the chinese couple got the worst cos their order got misplaced and so they just sat waiting for a non-existing order. i extend my apologies to them in my heart, but with honest fact that things like that do happen. esp when the cafe is on FULLHOUSE anyways, but the highest tip we got today was $10.
sucha happy and generous lady she was. may GOD bless her. that even though our service aint that perfect, that they waited like the many others, they stayed patient and even gave tip to the best that we serve them. yep.

i hate today also because i had the worst gastric ever! after sucha long time since i ever experience it.
i was so touched when gary fixed for me bread with cheese. i know it was a small gesture of kindness but that just sweet of him. =) anyways, the food came and all. after eating a proper meal and drinking warm water, i felt much better.

all of us went back home together this time. i got to find out that Imran, who got out of confinement 'inside', was already out and is working today. i was glad to see him after such a long time although we were just mere acquaintance. he portray himself a nice guy that's why maybe he left a good impression on me. also, i got to find out that he live at Tampines. Azmi and I thought he live at the west side like most of the others but yeahs i guess now we know. We three had many different topics that we talked about. like everything. then after that Imran and I were left alone as Azmi alighted at Bedok. As i see it, he is a good friend really. As we talk i couldnt ignore the fact that i see him as a nice quality kind of guy =)

when i reached home, i was like so half dead of boredom. boi is out, clubbing tonight. i really hope that he dont get drunk lah and totally sleep the whole day later and forget about our meeting.. if he does, then i guess from that i have to replan the whole event that is suppose to be up fer tmr.
haiz.. hope he will be fine...

oks then... im chatting with Imran now. hmmss.. boi oh boi... i hope u keep ur word.

video

another song that i love . haiz. ok... hidayah reminded me of it but anyways, whatever.

*** hear this song (after the Background song) ...

candle flames

i sit hanging around the entire forbidden city, never ever thinking that i will still be a shattered piece.
that no matter what had happened between us, you still hold a spark in my heart.
whenever things turned dull for a moment, i look back to our memories together and im fine.
but as things get too much and that i just had to fall into more pieces, shall i realise...

there are many of those i pull back from because of the hurt i got from you...
i stayed in denial not wanting everything to fall into pieces more often than i should...
i always go back to the past tho i know there is a vast future right in front of me...
i have a hard time trusting anyone who says he loves me and even tho im a strong girl,

i can be the weakest and most vulnerable.

i then ask myself will this be how i am forever as it seems.
i gave you my heart and although you break it unnescessarily, i stood strong cos i know u need me.
i lay there beaten most of the time, fighting every sorrow and lonely moments i could.
i loved you everyway i could and i still walk down memory lane even though i shouldnt.
we seemed to be the couple that a lot of people had hoped will last the longest.
we were that couple who give each other what we need.
never had you ask something you know i wont give.
never had you ask me to do something that i wont.
but there are things that makes you such a heartless piece of shit.
when the time came that you told me that i was giving you a hard time, didnt u think im worth it?
i know you know i am, that's why you choose me above others girls, but did u ever think why i chose you?
because i thought you were worth it.
but we didnt turn out to be what others expect of us...
dearest love, you because of you i learnt to love.
and because of you i learnt to fear of love.
sigh.

as the flame dies, i let it ....
after moments in the dark, im beginning to see without the lights.
but as it gets longer, my eyes get strained.
the lighter has been offered to me by the ALL-KNOWING lord, he knows i will need it one day.
although i fear that the flame might burn my fingers, i am willing myself to just put my hand to the lighter.
so that if ever it is the time that i choose to light the candle of my heart, it will be easy.
but nevertheless, i know i have to realise that the fuel in the lighter will never be there forever.
so im counting days in my thoughts, should i light the fire or should i continue within the dark serenity??

to light or not to light... it all depends on me...

candle flames

i sit hanging around the entire forbidden city, never ever thinking that i will still be a shattered piece.
that no matter what had happened between us, you still hold a spark in my heart.
whenever things turned dull for a moment, i look back to our memories together and im fine.
but as things get too much and that i just had to fall into more pieces, shall i realise...

there are many of those i pull back from because of the hurt i got from you...
i stayed in denial not wanting everything to fall into pieces more often than i should...
i always go back to the past tho i know there is a vast future right in front of me...
i have a hard time trusting anyone who says he loves me and even tho im a strong girl,

i can be the weakest and most vulnerable.

i then ask myself will this be how i am forever as it seems.
i gave you my heart and although you break it unnescessarily, i stood strong cos i know u need me.
i lay there beaten most of the time, fighting every sorrow and lonely moments i could.
i loved you everyway i could and i still walk down memory lane even though i shouldnt.
we seemed to be the couple that a lot of people had hoped will last the longest.
we were that couple who give each other what we need.
never had you ask something you know i wont give.
never had you ask me to do something that i wont.
but there are things that makes you such a heartless piece of shit.
when the time came that you told me that i was giving you a hard time, didnt u think im worth it?
i know you know i am, that's why you choose me above others girls, but did u ever think why i chose you?
because i thought you were worth it.
but we didnt turn out to be what others expect of us...
dearest love, it is because of you i learnt to love.
and because of you i learnt to be fearful of love.
sigh.

as the flame dies, i let it ....
after moments in the dark, im beginning to see without the lights.
but as it gets longer, my eyes get strained.
the lighter has been offered to me by the ALL-KNOWING lord, he knows i will need it one day.
although i fear that the flame might burn my fingers, i am willing myself to just put my hand to the lighter.
so that if ever it is the time that i choose to light the candle of my heart, it will be easy.
but nevertheless, i know i have to realise that the fuel in the lighter will never be there forever.
so im counting days in my thoughts, should i light the fire or should i continue within the dark serenity??

to light or not to light... it all depends on me...

my day

only after i had posted the previous day's entry can i post this.
1 feb 2007 it is.

when i awoke to go for my appointments and then to work, i was told eventually that because i will be late, someone had been called to replace me.
it was ok lah, at least i get to rest.
yesh, although i was at home chilling, sleep just refuse to just beat the light of me. i cant sleep after i awoke. this is unfair. i need a better mattress. err like literally man! i think i should demand that of my parents. and maybe i shall do some decorations for my room. (cos apparently, im not ready to move out now that my heart gets close back to my mum and sister.) so there isnt any point of moving out this year as i have always planned. okay, nvm about that. i dont think i can abadon my mummy now that a HAPPY NEWS has arrived - of which i will only announce after confirmation =)
anyways, i was mostly either surfing the net or on the line with nurul or boi. it was MEILING's birthfay tho. haiz. i really didnt have the real time to celebrate with her. (i promise that i will make it up to ya dear) hmms. anyways, as was planned i had to meet boi.... know where????????????? JURONG EAST.he told me that he was going to show me a place and some thing. i was like, what the hell is there at Jurong East lah.
he obviously reached first and he patiently(i hope) awaited my arrival. (sorree boi)
then we met his friend, Baba, who ended up asking for my number. like duh, i didnt give. gosh. haha. anyways, we made our way to Teban Gardens. i didnt know that Teban is a place. lol. all my life in Spore, i seriously dunno where the hell is Teban. I heard Solo and Boi talk about it lah but i thought that it was a coffeshop or something. (BOI dont u laugh when u read this) and yes, Jas laughed at me lah when i told him that i didnt know that Teban exists. Nurul oso dunno lah. confirm the other sisters oso dunno!!!

okay, we went to Teban Reservior. Boi told me that it was a childhood place of where he and Solo go to when they were young and that it is a place of which he lets out frustration whenever he has problems. i was really touched at the fact that he shared with me a place that he holds dear to him. okay, lemme describe the place with one word... NICE. haha. it was windy and if only there werent any clouds, the sky would look ultimately beautiful. the rocks against the water created a much cooler atmosphere at that point of time. that should you close your eyes, the wind seems to just sing you to sleep. then Boi sat diagonally opposite me, and then he told me that since he has brought me to the place, then he has to show the THING. haha. i had no idea whatsoever what the hell it was, so i didnt planned to guess.

honestly, i was excited about something first time after so long... wells, like after the trip i had to BUKIT TIMAH with dude last year. yeahs. okay, let's not go into that.
Boi got me to close my eyes and then he step off the rocks to the sandy pathway and was doing something behind me. all i heard was plastic wrapping getting torn open and then something scratched on the sand.
then when he was done, he sat at his original place and then told me some things WHICH I WILL NEVER TELL HERE. (wahahaha)
after that i was allowed to turn behind...
when i turned i saw the sweetest thing yet a guy has done for me...
he laid out tiny candles on the sandy pathway to the shape of I HEART U. and i was amazed at his capability to surprise me. i didnt think that he is full of such gestures. ( u surprised me, boi and dont stop the surprises cos i love it )

wells, my touched emotions only lacks that one thing of showing him that i REALLY am touched. and honestly, i say it here that he had deserved a peck on the cheek. hmms what do ya'll think..? okay, anyways, maybe at the next surprise lor. wahahaha. and i think that i really am a MANEATER. u sisters are right. but u sisters are ASSHOLES! aahaha. esp HIDAYAH AND HAJAR...
after the whole talk we had at the windy reservior, we went to the ONLY roti prata shop at Teban. then i had my late dinner there. i had nasi goreng pattaya though. later on, Solo joined us. After which i had to go cos it was getting late. yeahs, it was...
i was exhausted after i reached home then i rested before surfing the net and calling Boi. yeahs. okay, i had to stop here. eyes' getting strained... wahahha..

** current song fave : Lips Of aN aNgel **
i know nurul loves this song.... so hear ye, hear ye... (after my beyoncé song yeah??)

** THIS IS A VIDEO COMPILATION ABOUT LOVE ** QUITE CUTE. BUT I PREFER SEEING HINDER'S LEAD SINGER LAH... wahahahahah..

new pics

stupid hidayah... take a blooper pics lah... lol
no no no. my hair is no this colour anymore!! wahahaha. look like ah lian. lol. wahahah.
im bhb. lol.