~ feelings

i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you

baby, im feeling cold.
come and warm me up, for there's nothing else better.

i love you and you love me,
nothing matters whatever...

darling, your warmth i always long for
come on please let me not be cold.


for honey, you are my salvation..
you are the one i can lean on
 through thick and thin, through watever it is


- jean bautista

for some reason, i'm feeling emo. -.-
i do miss shenath despite the fact that i actually just saw him last night...lol
but so what if i actually just saw him last night?
doesn't mean i can't miss him can i? -.-

okay. ciaos for now
nothing else to say but my weird emotional story.


toodles!

Recuperating.

It gets very disheartening to be caught in a sickness that makes you feel confused.
Confused in a sense that you don't know if you're actually better or not.
I hate this feeling of being up and about with good well being, but the next second, i'm tired and in need of a long rest again.
It's really sickening too.

I dont know how much more i have to endure not feeling this headaches anymore, i dont know if they will ever bid me adieu.
I just hope that soon, i will be back on track again.
Well, so far, i haven't threw up again contrast to the last two days of vomit fiesta -.-
sorry to those who just had their dinner


My main source of motivation will have to go to my bf, my family, my friends and of course, my studies.

I am rather into the modules im doing this semester, and it get more irritating when i want to go to school and i can't due to this illness.

Specialist appointment will be on this 14th october.
I dont even know how the whole thing will go.
The consultants told me it is nothing serious such as a tumor or whatsoever, however i need to cure my tension headaches before it turns chronic.
I really do not need that.

Also, i need to get back to working.
I'm all tight financially for months already and i really need to pay my bills.
Parents are rather out of the pictures in terms of asking for financial aids.
I guess i really am on my own, cos i really cannot afford to lean on my bf for finance wise.
He himself has his own bills to pay. And he has already spent enough on me.

I also want to get back to dancing.
It's sucha pity that i might not be able to perform for Reflections '08 MUSE -.-
It was my motivation on staying and trying hard for modern dance, and then i'm watching myself slipped from that opportunity.

It is really saddening, but there's pretty much nothing i could do but to just rest more.
To those people who have been concern with my situation, thank you so much.
Shenath, Nurul, Lyn, Jar, Jeremy, Laura, Classmates, Teachers.. etc
Thanks so much for the concern (:

Anyway, i will go now..
Good Night.
HUGS

Sick Much

okay, been like forever since i even bothered to blog -.-

if not for this horrid horrid illness i'm currently recuperating from, i would have been celebrating my 100th post, but sadly, that has to be delayed ~.0

it's sickening to just lay wasted on your bed, awaiting the day that you will feel good again.
it's sickening to just count the days not knowing exactly what day it was
it's sickening to keep telling people that you feel better when it turns out a false alarm
it's sickening to burden your loved one
it's sickening to ....

okay, i'll just stop whining now, cos it won't do any good to me anyway.
i'm just happy, that since yesterday, signs of being rather well is around (:
yet, i was still rather weak to come to school today, so slept in again.
missed SAD and MIS so far, i have already planned to miss WAD cos i don't want to have to handle coding stress right after being off my illness.
anyway, being up and about, i have to remind myself that i still need to rest proper.

specialist appointment will only be on the 14th october, 3 weeks from now.
which i really hope someone will cancel their appointment and thus push me forward.

so lately, nothing's been up.
except for the vids i took of elijah dancing retro in class, my brother's candid blunders and yeah, that's all.
which i will try to upload pronto (when i get the chance aight)


today, something horrible has happened.
quarreled with mum again, for like the millionth time, which nevertheless brought me down to tears (yes midst of being sick, that's why i said it was horrible)
all the things i couldn't shake off provoked me as always, and it was pride that made me have to retaliate.
i cried till i caught the flu.. (which now invokes headache yet again ...)

called my salvation(s) ~ my FAITH and my Boyfriend

bf was real nice, made me smile and treated me lunch cos i'm ultimately broke.. yet again
so after that we sat at the all-too-familiar seashell park to catch some fresh air.
it's real nice to have someone to run to. thanks honey, i love you

sometimes, nothing really mattered but the love you bring

despite the fact that things get rather tasteless after a long time

yet somehow, you still are there for me

you give me so much of what love is supposed to me

and yet, you asked for nothing but my committment and love...

for that, nothing compares to you..

okok love note over...
i'm going off now, good night :)








hms, there are things i feel and i'm hoping will not happen.
and yet, i know it wont even if it threatens to.

song dedication

was just back from out.
went to sony ericson service center at east point in simei,
then lyn text me saying that she, j and neesa will be at pasir ris.
was reluctant to meet anyone else today cos i'm so not in the mood.
twas really freaking irritating that the usb that i exchanged today was not working too.
i dont know what to do with the driver for my laptop. it's so blood sucking!!

the four of us went to the playground. did some swings and it was fun
very childlike and i felt very nice.
remembered the old times when i sat on swings, careless and free.
it was so nice to be a child, but then again, i didn't have much of a childhood,
i wanted to grow up fast.
nevertheless, i still think that the child in everyone of us will wake up once in awhile.

 [photo source]

okay, so today the main purpose of this entry is for song dedication

to my beloved hubby bf. 

the best song i can give to him is one of my favourite love song by jennifer lopez

baby i love you, baby i need you

i got to have you, can't live without you

to my beloved diamonds (see pics on my links section)

we haven't seen each other as a group and i haven't heard news from both jar and hid!

so how come, we dont even talk no more,

we barely keep in touch at all... 

to myself ((:

for some reason, i have in my ears this song...

I take a couple uppers, I down a couple downers
But nothing compares to these blue and yellow purple pills
I've been to mushroom mountain, once or twice but who's countin
But nothing compares to these blue and yellow purple pills

due to censorship it was renamed purple hills, enjoy the video

it's very entertaining

esp if you find eminem hot

((:

okay i have to get ready now, going to meet baby hubby bf at clarke quay
he was suppose to go for bundi's party tonight and leave for home tmr morning.
he was undecided because he wanted to go due to friendship.
but for some reason, he said he wasn't going...
so i'm going to meet him, yey! (for some reason i can't wait to see him) LOL
okay, i got to go... ciaos!

Random

So i spent my day in school, learning about operating systems concept, and also cracking up once in 5 minutes either cos of my classmates (which is rather normal) or my facilitator.

i was rather put off by him in the beginning, but hell, it didn't stay for long.

the next minute, he was the best joker of a facilitator you can actually have.

we really enjoy his class, and not just cos it was TGIF.

it wasn't even TGIF for me, i was having some random sickness that came up.

so pissed when my eye grew red (see pic later), it was like so horrible can!

then later on like as if it was all tied up together, i felt flu-ish..

the day couldn't have been better, i assumed!

then again, i was wrong man!

when tek ming (my facilitator who has a rule that we must only call him by his name) gave me and elijah cadbury chocolate for guessing which item he contributed for the 'old gadgets' museum, i somehow felt better.

it was like the chocolate actually helped.

i was at the verge of actually leaving straight after presentation.

the module isn't difficult... yet..

oh yeah, about the 'old gadgets' museum.

it wasn't even a museum for GOD'S SAKE! it was like i a run down lab.

they could have done better because the old gadgets are rather fascinating.

then again, i doubt anyone else would really be into those equipments.

was suppose to work today, but then again, i guess it is time to call it quits.

i have to find another better paying and better working hours job.

to those reading this and knowing some job offer, feel free to let me know can

thanks! much appreciated!

GOD knows what i will be doing tmr, hmm actually today. (saturday)

i have no plans, no activities, no hope of even making one

and obviously, not a clue if i should be hunting for job or having my bed rest.

hmmm however, i have something important to do, which is to change my damn usb cable for my sony ericson phone, it creates an error message when my laptop detects the usb.

i thought it's just the hardware prob for my laptop, but then again i wasn't.

i got xiao yan to check the usb cable connection on her laptop

it didn't work

so might do that tmr.

but i need to find job, let see how it goes.

tmr night i wanted to have an activity because bf is also having one

he's going for a Bundi's birthday party and they are celebrating it with booze

at wadda's place.

i don't pretty much agree for him to stay the night over other people's place

but i'm trying to trust my bf

which as always is quite hard to do with guys.

but just as i am hoping to get over with my trusting issues, reason being my bf loves me so much and that he can never live without me. hehe yeah i'm exaggerating... lol 

i am really hoping not to get personally bothered that he will be so called partying the night away

but i'm sure bf knows his place and he knows his ways :)

jean jean jean learn to trust  

my bf is so lovable can

haha so far lately i have been really magnetized by him

and i'm really glad that even after all what's happened, we are still standing strong

actually, he was the one who stands strong all the time

me, on the other hand, is a little bit shaky

but with time and with motivation that i see from him, i am beginning to hold on well

i love you shenath thomas dias

i will marry you anytime you want

but pls do it the right way k ;) 

ermz got carried away a bit

haha okay anyway, phone just rang, twas him!

i just realize how late it was

he called to bid me good night

i'm going to 'join' him in awhile

at the mean time, i have to put up the pictures here

so pictures coming right up!

PICTURES

these pictures are the collected ones from yesterday to today

here are some 'photographic images' i took with my cybershot ((:

okay i dont know why i used that rubber band as my model

this is taken today randomly in my room
you can actually get a glimpse at how messy my room is
and that is only the other part of my room... lol













two of the things i like (dolphins & red)



oh this is one of the things bf bought for me from long ago
so cute right!

anyway, continuing with pics from yesterday

okay this is today's at the so called museum

and that dude is elijah, class joker no. 1

oh! and this is xiao yan (always high and running about)

here are some of those old gadgets

"this is donated by ming (the gigantic basketballer of china)" - tek ming

just because the damn mouse is huge! OMG

oh ohh, my poor eye... :(

and yes, this is what i won from the guessing game

yummmm... and bf didn't even get one bit!

wait! i remember him saying he'll buy me chocolate

have to remind him tmr, hehe 

well, will only get it on sunday IF i'm meeting him

let's see

OKAY PEOPLE

CIAOS

GOOD NIGHT

Just in school

for some reason, i felt suddenly tired and there was this unbearable pain i felt on my temples, and the followed by a cramp on my neck.
couldn't take it, i just had to get seated and abandon all hope of getting a workout.
didn't get to finish the warm up today, just had to rest.
messaged bf who is away to gym, he himself isn't feeling good.
but he is waiting for me, wonder where he is now -.-

so here i am sitting on the studio's floor, typing these.
oh and while i was watching the girls do techniques, i took some pictures.
(but sadly wasn't able to upload from my phone, bluetooth and usb failed me!)
i am quite interested to learn photography but i think it's just a fad that i usually run into.
can't stay committed to something for long, except for the essential things (:
and so, i'd like to call those temporary things my 'interest' syndrome (i'S)
so far, i think my i'S has in its radar are,
1. photography
2. picture editings
3. web design (might be permanent)

so yeah, i been really irritated lately, thanks to my on and off migraines -.-
today, i had a nice time with bf at the pantry ... :D

 

oh and yeah, i love this pic.

tho my arms looks like a whale -.-

still love it. hehe

day out with bf

N O T I C E! pls click on the second orange bar

shenath was having a bad hang over.
dont know what's wrong with him and beer now.
so today was rather random, we didnt have plans at all.

well me and plans are rather best friends cos im the type of person who MUST have a plan.
whether or not it end up as planned or not, but i MUST have A & B plans.
geddit? but as always, i am rather a random person -------- [yes, contradicting]

mr bf was rather tooo random than usual.
out of a sudden, he wanted to have the half chicken & pita bread at al tazzag.
[erms we were supposed to be saving money $.$]
which i had to tell him that we can't cos i thought nurul was pissed if i cancel plans with her. plan was to study with her. she's going to have a paper tmr.

then ended up i got all her tone mixed up.
so canceled on her in the end, the me and bf headed down to haji lane.
been taking buses lately, due to the bus concession.
soon, i can be a bus directory! i've seen so many places i haven't seen in singapore know.
hee.. you guys should try long rides (hate it but it's kinda nice watching the buildings, esp the housing.)

so we went to haji lane, ended up got disappointed cos al tazzag was close!
headed to mosi cafe.
couldn't have the moroccan roast chix, cos the chef aint around, so we both had chix shawarma.
(lately have been quite unlucky, the both of us. boo hoo)

then later, he was saying we should head to esplanade, then when we got to the bus stop, he changed his mind.
then we headed to pasir ris then ended up not doing anything but head for home.
randomness and mr bf do not work cool together. gosh!
but let him off even tho i soooo wanted to go to the beach cos he didn't feel well!

[boo boo, hope you'll be better tmr k. LOVE YOU]

okay, pictures!

























then did some edits on the pics...







that's all folks.

anyway, gtg tmr will be having S-A-D stands for SYSTEMS ANALYSIS & DESIGN.
need to pack up and get ready for bed ;)

Untittled

 

  

this were all the pictures i took while waiting for darling to come back from collecting his weekly pay

and guess what, it was really damn boring!

after a 961 ride from woodlands interchange that took us 69 stops, one wouldn't be fit to wait up another long wait

and 15 mins of wait will turn to 150 mins

so the ride took us from 

woodlands

 to bukit timah to dunearn to farrer to queensway to bukit merah to eu tong sen st!

this is what you get when you have bus concession & saving money the wrong way

LOL

69 bus stops - it really worn me out!

  

 

so sick of travelling, i insisted on walking!

walked from clarke quay to cityhall

wanted to eat at sakura

but it was reserved for those people who will be breaking their fast

and we could only come by after 7.30pm

so no way we waited, we walked to the other side of the building

ate at magic wok, another thai-chinese cuisine

  

 

i had pineapple rice and bf has his reservations on pineapples

so not his taste, thus the look at the picture above.

  

so he had thai belacan fried rice

the following pictures below are taken during the night of drinking at mr teh tarik coffeeshop

  

  

  

  

oh and fyi!

i am officially serious of quitting drinking!

:)

i took the following pics below today, as i woke up at 830 in the morning!

  

  

  

love my bro

he's having fever now

hope he feels better soon

his still happy and running around tho so should be fine :D