Well, I am in a mind debate. Why do I want to close the door on him when he still want to care and offer his solace to me. Why push away the one person I actually still love and who might just be someone I can still rely on?
But then, there's always a but.
I don't want to be anyone's baggage. I don't want to lag his process of getting over me nor do I want to reject his offers of help when he can see I need it. Even though I have the conscious of not taking advantage of him, I still feel like I shouldn't allow him to be 'responsible' of me.
I don't like it. I don't want others who don't even know or even bothered trying to know me, to think that I'm just taking advantage of him, because that is and has been the last thing I could ever do.
Anyway, today is apparently 2 months since we broke up. 6th July 2010.
I want to believe that time will heal it all, but now presently, I don't. It's been 2 months, and I'm really still feeling like there can be a miracle, that he'd wake up, accept and come clean off whatever mud he threw over my name. Or to the point, live up to what he calls love.
But then again, let's face it. Maybe really, I'm just not his cut and neither is he? But see I know how great he could be and how much we both could grow with each other. I know how I can still have him if only he is willing, and also if I am willing to stop avoiding love's call.
But then I believe that love shouldn't require you to force a change to your loved one, that you should accept them for who they are and what they can be - isnt that what I've been fighting for in my past relationship with him? Ugh. So maybe, yea I guess it turns out he isn't the guy I fell in love with anymore. And maybe just as well, I'm not the woman he thought he could love.
Sigh.
I bought this for some reason to commemorate my singlehood, and then got home to realize that today was my 2nd month single.
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