and then!

then there are the times that i lie on my bed thinking how will things happen.
things that i dont even think will even develop that way that i think it will.
sometimes if i have a stick, i will smoke it although i know that it will not bring any good.
sometimes i wonder if i end my life, will it be better?
will my life be much happier?
but no, im much too optimistic to even brood about calling death to me.
im much stronger even in face of many problems.
i turn problems to dust with what i have around me.
family, friends and many more.
sometimes, i get so tired of everything that i just want to lie down and just lay on my bed till everything pass me by.
yes, it is something really nice to think about but then i hate being lazy!
im not lazy by nature but it is really eating me up.
if i even think of my old me last time, i will admit that i have really grown lazy.
plus! i procastinate a lot more than i used to.
tsk tsk tsk.. horrible.

anyway, i really appreciate that i have bounced back from some recent events that had me so heavy burdenned about.
for two days i thought it over and over.
then it hit me that it is inevitable...
so i really just have to accept it. i have to learn once again to just let a special being go.
i have adapted to it already so i am not surprise that it only took me only a day to console myself and really just close my eyes, breathe deep and smile again.
i have tried to make ammends but it didnt help so i guess i just have to make sure that a distance between us have to be established.

now, i cannot wait to jump start my gear for school!
i have told as over and over that i really cannot wait to start school.
he was like wth. i know that later i will somehow be so bored of it that i will tell him that i cannot wait for the holidays!
yes yes. but i really am more looking forward to the enrolment next week!
my dad will be purchasing a laptop for me!
i really cannot wait. i really hope that i do get what i want this year.
i have solemnly promise to myself that my studies will come first this three years.
three years will pass by and i know that i will really be successful.
i have to be, i must!
my future depends on it. i cannot afford to be distracted and emotionally stressed.
emotional distress can kill my enthusiasm. so totally no-no=))
but i really just want a nice companion.
im really quite lonely lah... haha. but i really hope that if i ever get someone special this year.
i will only really go on if he can guarantee me that he will never give me stress!!
hahaha. well, well...
im late for work. so cioaz for now.

love love love!