to daryl

sometimes, i would wish that i never left that time.
i would wish that you are never apart from me.
i would wish that we still are together now.
i would wish for a lot...
but then it would mean that i just want to run away from all things.
all the things that are consuming me.
the things that are so itching me the wrong way.
i have to say that no matter what i do, i still have you in my heart.
that can never be taken away from me.
no matter how much you pull away.
no matter how much you control yourself.
but everything is done and no matter how much i try, i can never change the situation.
yes i met new people, i develop new ways and i have new habits.
and still i havent drive that feelings i have for you.
i like someone new but you are still the one who lives in my heart.
tears that drop have your name written in it.
all the memories that i cherish are you in it.
why are you so hard to forget even though you have hurt me so much.
then i think maybe it is because of all the things we shared.
of all the times that you were there for me.
of all the times you are ever ready to choose me over anyone.
i really miss you.i really really do.
it's hurting me that you are so so so out of my reach.
yes, being together is an impossible goal for you now.
but why cant we be just normal friends?
it hurts more not having you in my life than having to pretend that we can be really good friends.
im so so sorry for leaving.
i meant to do so, i just had to.
we need space to grow.
but yes, i know that i should have explained to you.
ive said goodbye loads of time, but failed.
i should have taken that hint that we should never say goodbye.
i didnt because i so wanted to prove to you that im capable of doing so.
but then again, im wrong.
as always.
you know i can survive without you, but always not for long.
im just foolishly in love and stuck on you.
i admit that to you and to my readers now.
but get this, im just letting out what im feeling now.
im not saying that you should consider being with me again.
no no no.. i just want to say, that my heart is aching for you...
for your friendship, for your presence.
im just so so sorry for the past...

**to the one who is still in me. the one who gave me so much pain and oh so much love.