beginning and ending, co-existence

everyday, the sun comes up the horizon and brings light to all.
it acts as the start of a new day and it can never be replaced because the beginning is always essential to every ending.
day in and day out, every ending comes after the beginning.
without either one, there will never be both.
but as i think about it, co-existence is something that everyone undergo in their life.
humans, animals, plants... they survive cos they co-exist with one another.
even with the sun and moon, they co-exist.
the sun can never reflect its own light to produce the night sky.
without the moon, there would never be the period called NIGHT.
also, without the sun, the moon can never ever shine in the night.
scientifically we know that the biggest mirror ever is that moon.
it reflects the sun and thus produces the disc up there in the night sky.
now, i want to deduce this entire paragraph.

basically, im talking about beginning and ending, and co-existence.

about the beginning and ending, i am saying all that because someone i have thought that i have learnt to care for, is really moving away from me.
im feeling the distance that he has put between us.
i am quite used to it. he isnt the first so im not grieving.
i have learnt to let go of that one person who i loved the most, who i sacrificed for a lot.
this time, i will never ever pine for the presence of someone who motion this distance due to something that i have sought ammendments for.
the previous loved one whom i just mentioned i learnt to let go didnt accept my motion for reconcilation too.
he seem still wounded from all that has happened between us.
he still harbour hatred and anger against me.
me who isnt the cause he and i have to break apart.
it was he who made me do so.
i was the one who lost out a lot in our relationship.
but then there comes co-existence...
you see, without him being that way to me, i would not be strong as i really am now.
i have always been strong but not in terms of fully recovering from a failure in the love department.
the previous loved one has made me realise what i should be, what i can be.
i thank GOD for that experience with him because another guy whom i have quite recently started liking is moving away from me because of something i did.
i was in the wrong, i admit.
but partially, it was his fault too.
he didnt make me feel that i am something more to him.

anyway,
this recent guy, he mirrored me.
i felt his existence in my life made me realise how the guys feel whenever i mistreat them.
it made me realise that a simple gesture can stir guys' emotions.
as always, even if i am out with somebody i see quite special, i will be on the phone, either answering smses or just attending to a call that can be delayed.
i didnt see that it is something hurtful or it can even stir some uneasiness until when i met this recent guy.
i appreciate it... GOD i thank you.

in my own possible insane way, i have been recently leading a life not base on my principles.
but it is based on my experiences.
especially in the love department...
i have somehow forgotten to commit and to date one person at a time.
i admit recently i have been serial dating.
everyone is doing it, i know.
however, i still feel that GOD has given me too much signs to abandon that new ways.
after the part that recent guy moves slowly from me, i realise that i should just see one.
i am doing that now. so it is a motion to a start of the old new me.
i hope that heaven shines down upon me with sweet smile.

with love and hope... i deny deceit and betrayal...

love love,
mary jean