to fyzah

they say that feelings that are real can never be avoided.

feelings that are avoided consumes.

feelings is exquisite. it makes us be who we really are.

it shows us the path of life, and it simplifies every complex details of life.

when we have or give our feelings to another person, so to speak, we have taken fancy of them.

so if that comes in conclusion, we can say that it should be wholesome if reciprocated.

if it isnt, then it is a non-wholesome feeling.

that is, if we like someone but that someone do not return it.

in some context, the problem doesnt lie in that kind of situation...

it lies in fickle-mindedness and the whole availability affair.

also, it lies in the words coming out all wrong.

we tend to misjudge people. the way they interact with us and the way things happen.

it is just up to us if we pick up the signals they provide.

sometimes, we get the signals wrong.

e.g. we think that they like us back when it is not so, or we think that they dont when they do in real fact..

sometimes, we get the whole idea all wrong, up till the point where we find out the real truth and so make ourselves freaking stress up all cos of the miscommunications...

with miscommunications, friendships go haywire and everything just fall to pieces.

but life is good because there are people who looks to friendship as a very important relationship.

i am a strong believer of friendship. i know without friends you can REALLY rely on, you have nothing.

cos what makes you think that your romantical attachment is someone who you can really rely on more than your friends? how confident can you say that relationships will last.

and when you're not happy in your relationship, who do you turn to?

arent they whom you call friends?

that's why i dont really believe in girlfriends fighting over a guy.

or bestfriends getting angry at each other cos they like the same person.

the thing is that, the guy or girl who is the peak of the triangular affair should make his choice!

the two parties shouldnt fight at all cos if the guy end up leading both on, what's the point?

the GUY's not worth it!

so unless the guy makes up his mind, make it clear to the other, everything will be in havoc..

no what if the peak is fickle-minded.

what if he/she cannot make up his mind who he wants?

what if he/she thinks he/she likes A when actually it is B he thinks about most of the time?

"what if?", there really are a lot of what ifs and nothing is solved with just 'what if' ...

okay, i have a good guy friend and a good girl friend. i like guy and we are really close and we yeah, it was all great, until somehow he got to know how fickle-minded and insatiable i am.
we arent hitting it off because i have no intention of getting emotionally trapped again.
no no no. my experience with daryl was enough.
i dont want to be hurt deeply again.
i dont want to lose anyone special again.
never. i lost daryl due to our relationship breakdown, and it trips the hell out of me.
i never want to lose another one who has the potential of being special to me too.
so then girl end up liking guy.
girl didnt think that i knew way before she even form it in her head that she does.
dont ask me how i know. i JUST know.
so from then on, i was ready..
i observed, i analysed.
i saw what was coming. i anticipated it.
then when it was finally clear to me, when i am positive that it is true that girl has confessed.
i wanted to know what guy said.
guy told her he do like her... but in a way, it's his mistake he didnt get it clear what he meant.
that's what i wasnt happy with him about.
in fact, i was much unhappy with guy than i was with girl.
then until a part where it hits me..
is girl evil enough to actually say nasty things just to get him?
is she is, SHE WILL NEVER EVER BE MY FRIEND ANYMORE.
okay, anyways, fate turns the table to me.
fate destroyed the wall of where all this secrets hide behind.
fate ; it is something that is never alien to me.
i met fate when i met daryl. that's the truth.
so fate will always be ready to help me. that, im sure.
when the chaos starts to build due to the secrecy and lies that guy failed to tell me.
i completely moved back. what kind of good friend will lie to his/her good friend?
when both of us have said long ago that we will be honest with each other...
then guy pulled me back, explained himself and i listened. cautiously...
girl thinks that im angry with her. i say im not. why should i be...
when i meant it when i say that NEVER EVER GO TO EYE CANDY (her otr dude) IF YOU DONT WANT HIM.
but girl did. if you did that cos you think you're guilty and you dont wanna hurt me, then im sorry because i bet you just have hurt yourself.
when i hardened my emotion, even if i see someone die right in front of me, my tears will never fall. so tell me, do you think that i have enough sympathetic feelings to be sad for?

to whom this may concern,

yes, a good friend tell but you're a human and you dont know me well yet.
i understand that you cant control your emotions.
everyone is entittled to like somebody, i just hope that in order to have hIM,
you didnt say anything nasty against me.
GOD knows gal, so you dont need to explain to me.
i can never tell you to stop your feeling for him.
i can just tell you that you had stepped on my toes.
i let you go cos it dont hurt as bad as you think.
i even told him, "since she want you, go! and IF you want her, go!"
and that's what i tell you now.
i dont ever want to come in between.
even him and HER, i told him the same thing.
now that you're with edi. good luck.
and take care loads.

good nite to you.

mj.