The Love

I never thought it would turn out back to the end again. I thought of all the mistakes I did that contributed to our failures, accepted them and forgave myself, thus being able to apologize wholeheartedly to the one I have hurt.

Despite not doing the initial attack, it seems that my defense was so strong that the attacker fell back and having an injured pride resorted to hiding and as I seek him n held out my hand, after licking my wounds, he refuse to take my hand.

I found myself cheated. How come I could still see the importance and the affection, of the good things he has done, and in turn, he couldn't do so for all the things I did for him.

I did no unforgivable sin that requires such a response. I could think of all the reasons that can get me to go from years ago and never come back, so I feel cheated again, why doesn't that matter when I think of the love I have for him and I can still always come back and love him wholeheartedly?

How come I can come out as the culprit and not even given credit for all the things I sacrificed and did all this times?How come things have to be so complicated with my changing the status of my facebook relationship to complicated, and with that it becomes the basis of decision for the one who claims to love me completely, and ironically and sadly one who is the reason why I found our relationship complicated thus the change.

This is not a badmouth post about my former other half. This is about my feelings. I keep asking myself what did I do to deserve such a response or a retaliation.

In any relationship, specially a failed one, is never contributed by one person. Such is rare and never happens when both person testified of loving each other.

I feel cheated that despite it all, i can sit down and think of all the reasons I may hv contributed to the failure of the relationship, admit it and learn to destroy it.

How come it seems that all this time I'm the only one who was prepared to be true to myself and to come to reality. It helps, to really see what you did wrong, and admit it. It may not do anything to change what has happened, if it completely is over, but it makes you a stronger and much wiser person in the end.

But of couse, it doesn't mean that u admit your mistakes or even take the blames or swallow the wrongs that your other half did and take it as your fault, no that don't cut it cos your not being honest to yourself in the end, and instead of having enough strength to kill your own demon, you find youself haunted by the demon of your other half too.. No not good. It shouldn't happen that way.

If your other half cannot take his own faults in and swallow it and accept it, you will find your relationship alrdy dead - soon you will get the smell of death, a sign that it's too late.

I'm going to mourn this passing of a great love. Well, at least to me it was a great love, worth enough to choose it over anything, and taking the leap of faith instead of letting fear cave me in. This is how I love, and it ended jus 2months before we could enjoy our 36th month.

Well, this is know - I will have to find someone who will love me for me, completely and who gives me the credit I deserve. He will come. I won't give up on love just because of a huge failure - no one should.

And I'm wishing he will find the fit he's looking for, cos all this time, I nvr felt it was me...

"The real way to measure love is to measure how much hate you felt but turn it to love effortlessly." - M Jean