another lazy day

not that the day itself was lazy, its TGIF damn it.


but yours truly haven't been feeling upbeat lately and just as i was actually feeling rather better, i became so detonated to the point of actually feeling sooo blue.
(altho i must say im still rather alright.)

i never felt this type of emotion for quite a long time, but the time frame of things happening at the same time just stirred up the wrong way!
yikes! im a walking detonated bomb.
i just hope i dont explode at the wrong time, im trying my best to treat shenath right.
i at least owe it to him for being still here and trying his best to cheer me up.

nevertheless, i can't just sulk about things for long right?
as for my thank you to nurul yesterday, it was due to her offer to be with me for christmas.
shenath has been telling me to actually come to terms with the fact i do have good friends to be with, that he's sure they wont leave me to rot and die in christmas.

when Christmas is over, New Year celebration will come.
and the only person i will want to share the new year kiss with is not going to be around :(
not even on the first day of new year itself.... so eating me up right now.
i dont even want to think about this now, i just want to think of one occassion per se.

so far, this is indeed the potential worst end to my year 2008

i want to be positive and im somehow just letting be things go
then again, i am uncertain how far Dubious-Jean-Within will dampen the optimism level that i can actually try and front with.

for now, i have thought of a nice christmas night >>
...christmas mass
...christmas dinner  
(still contemplating if to cook or to just have a lone dinner-out at the cafe)

if nurul will be coming with me, then i guess it'll be appreciated.
but im quite prepared of a lone christmas tho.
going to have to get used to it, shenath might be taking the liberty to have his christmases spent over at his homeland. then my parents might just keep leaving me out...
boo hoo... -.-

ugggghhhhhhh
i dont know how things will go.. but im just hoping for a bit of nice christmas.
the only good thing? i will have a new handphone and a camera to camwhore with!