somethings people cant change

i have been very ungrateful of the many blessings GOD has given me.

thus leading to taking it for granted.

i am ashame and morbid at my realisation.

but i know that many things will fall to places.

and that no matter what shall happen now.

it will be fine next time.

at least i'll be much happier.

whole-heartedly.

nevertheless, i am happy now and as usual i lead my life the way i want.

but i lead my life not on my own need.

wells, there really is a big difference between WANTS and NEEDS.

i havent really thought about what i need.

all this time i have been thinking of what i want.

as i realised there are things in my life that i already have and that's what i need.

also, there are things i need that i lost and im not sure if it will ever be back to me.

but i have started to come to terms with everything that happens now.

'to make choices and come to terms with it'

someone i deemed dear live up to that.

and he has earned my respect.

until now, i still look up to him.

but there are some things that i can never change.

like him not being around anymore.

but i know he is, deep within.

in any real sense, i now seem to be living up to that.

maybe it is real that GOD introduce people you.

to enter your life, impart values and teach you something.

and maybe yes, that's just that.

when his moments of imparting whatever shall be taught,

he have to go.

also, i know i may have been the one who make people realise things in their life.

i dont know how to really define but i know whenever im in the mood to open up,

my friend talking to me will tell me 'you made me realise something'

and somehow, i realise that i too realises something.

im the worst adviser to myself.

and im not ashame to admit that.

because it is true.

but when i advise some other people.

i just end jacking myself up.

haha.

my close ppl knows that.

im fucking stubborn and the more im controlled,

the more i wanna rebel.

so i think it's just me who can control myself.

which i find a good point.

in any fact, even though i have my wild moments.

i still consider myself a good person.

plus, im proud to say that my temple hasnt been damaged.

heeh.

to those who are closer (sshhh : it's the secret garden)

hahaha. lol.

okay ppl. i gtg bathe.

my cousin's coming over.

we going to have movie marathon.

haha.

mei ling and bf joining too.

-love love love-