and i swear to God our lives will never be the same.
well, first off it'll be damn weird cos we love each other damn much and not being with each other will trigger something.
yet, i wonder how things will go for us.
then again, i dont even want to think about it anymore.
we are not over. period.
i felt rather weird initially earlier in the day as i begin my day's plan.
with an honest post "Open and Bare" (previous post) early before the start of my day, it made me wonder how's things over at his side.
is he recuperating or is he making emotional difficulties with himself, that he will vent against me?
i had no clue... his replies to my motion of peace was rather cold.
i didn't know what else to respond when i get the cold and chilly replies, so i decide (as always) to let him warm up.
slowly but steadily, the day progressed and yes, the day heated up.
well, in an intimate but questionable way.
we didn't touch on the previous war and when i wanted to try and pry him open, he just pushes back the lid and put a stop to it.
i dont know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, and i am dying to know what he thinks.
if only i can read hearts and mind...! hmph!
but being human, not gifted with such powerful knowledge, i guess i succumbed to doubts deep within.
i do wonder, of course.
i dont even know why i can think of those thoughts but hell, i think too much sometimes.
sigh.
so as the hours passed by, with the thoughts in my head, i grew weary and cold.
every action or motion he makes, i question. (not directed at him, but at myself)
then again, i guess i utterly just missed him.
really... emotionally, i feel rather distant.
i feel as if im on the shore and he's on a ship sailing by...
i fear that.
i fear distance just as people can fear heights.
i miss him hugging me sooooo freaking tight and when he lets go eventually saying 'i love you'
i miss him giving me butterfly kisses
i miss him telling me he's been thinking a lot about me
i miss him opening up to me
i miss him being spontaenous with whatever we can do
i miss him just holding me, just looking at me with his big brown eyes
i miss seeing him dance (err he & mr actually) ** dont ask who's mr, you guys wont know
i miss him looking at me and just caressing my hair off my face
i miss hearing him laugh like REAL!
i miss him telling me he'll never want me gone from his life
i miss him being emooo
i miss him starting talking about family with me
i miss him telling me he wants to marry me
~yes, over and over again for another day till we get sick of that.haha
i miss the look on his face when he tells me he loves me
~of course he still tells me he loves me, but when i see that look on his face, i freaking fall more than i ever could
i miss him plainly, utterly...
i know he might not notice that he has been overlooking those stuff with me.
i know he might be too busy making money for himself and also for me, that he dont realize he doesn't convey those things ive listed as often as he did even after our one year.
i guess there are things that i have been overlooking to doing for him too, but i try my best to always make it up to him.
he always make it up to me too all the time, but i guess i have to wait for awhile.
i just cross my fingers that he isn't going tasteless on me...i would really dislike that.
err okay, tasteless as in, being sick and tired of always having to eat the same damn thing for over a year +++, you know those kind of feeling? that's scary.
But then again, i guess he isn't that type.
i'm sure he's not those typical sort of guy.
he's the type who savor his picked food...
and he sure hell takes longer than any other girl to eat.
that was an analogy! hope i ain't confusing my readers.. blah!
so anyway...............
i should get ready for bed now, it's rather cold lately....
ugg i wanna add this i really miss his warmth too...
okay okay, i'm being a love diabetic too.
but then again, for almost a month now, i still feel rather emotional. baahh!
good night and sweet dreams.
to mr shenath dias,
i love you.
never fear, you'll the last man i'll leave be.
No comments:
Post a Comment