W/S

work
can i say more.
all i know is i don't take those kind of shit...
i feel everything that i do at work is taken into offense by some idiot
it's like every little thing is a mistake...
oblivious to the fact that YES people do make mistake
and that PEOPLE are not machines...
then i realize that ass is being such a bully... makes me burn inside.
a bully is?
A person who deliberately intimidates or is cruel to weaker people
in this case, i am the weaker people and everything he does is DELIBERATE.
watch me like a hawk, have a conclusion without any supporting detail and he assumes every move i make is a mistake.
i have never met such a person in my life... NOT SUCH AN ADULT.
i bet he had a rough time when he start working before and being such a bully he ensures newbies at work get treated like shit.
no lifer!
anyway, everything that is happening, im taking it quite coolly
i know it pisses the hell out of him more but i am not going to be angry externally.
I'm keeping it deep within and i wish him good luck for making me feel like this.
no one has made me feel like this before and i wish him luck for being the first.
I'm sorry for any mishap he might go through cos the moment i reach my boiling point...
i know i will be appeased in the end.

lately...
i realize that being such being a nice person also makes you the bitch of everyone
why then... id rather be the bitch to everyone
no point being nice nor being such a good mannered person

but no... I'm not reforming for the bad.
i have my upbringing and I'm not sticking to other's principles and ways of doing things..
but surprisingly, people can handle ill mannerism, even revel in it..
even live up to it and even co-exist in it...
I'm not the most well mannered person but mutual mannerism should still exist...

and yes i am talking about almost the same person.

well, i am not so much bothered because i can gladly say that this is not my life path
and i can always find another job.
I'm staying for a matter of time because i want to.
i might leave tho no doubt because i am realizing that i can never fit myself in their kind of environment.
the workload is quite alright but terribly tiring.
but it is the environment... i cannot be with people who says emphasize on some values and then portrays another. very misleading and very terribly put...

despite the whole thing...
slowly i am seeing some things happening that i find quite amusing.
i'm not saying what it is but i do find it quite entertaining.
the more i feel unhappy the more the will find it interesting...
i do feel a little bit guilty but i guess im unhappy enough to rid of that guilt.
soon another thing will come up... haha =)

the only people who might know what im meaning is NURUL and maybe Shenath* =)
* dont know if i told him... hms

anyway, lets not brood over this.
after writing this i feel much better.
today is SUNDAY! =)
i dont know whats so happening about sundays but i got to go.
=)

good day people
and to all RP-ians... HAPPY HOLIDAY!!! =)

Vulnerable

major sadness/depression whatever it is...

im feeling so vulnerable once again and it is such a sickening emotion to feel.
i will try with my all to get thru this... might not be serious but might be totally a lifetime scar.
i dont know.

if worst comes to worst... ima have to rearrange my whole life...
but if it's still great... then WONDERFUL!
i just hope that everything will be fine... i hate worrying.

past important posts will be published when im in the mood again..
for now till i feel much better...

this might be my last post... for the time being.
i need to rest.. good nights.

major drama... (ok fine this is not a real CRYING pic. but it still looks real k. *sobs*)

madness

so last night after posting, i gotten flu - AGAIN!
then have to wait for shenath... took so long.
but i understood ah, cos i feel that he is kinda neglecting his friends.
i dont want that lah. it seems quite wrong.
then turns out my hunce abt this is correct, he told me so.
anw, we have been spending too much time together, so i think it's time to create a schedule.
but then says him, it wont be a problem and all.
i dont know... lets see.

but i seriously have to commend him in his ways of thinking.
he has shown me a great deal of guts and something that i feel is very nice.
in our coming two months together, the worst hilarious moment was that we both mistaken it for another day!
lol 8-8-07 is NOT our anniversary!

he remembers the day, which is THURSDAY - but not the date, 9/8/07.
the worst for me is that, i didnt even remember until i had to look at the calendar.
i know it was during national day, so it cant be 8th! lol
OMG. haha i think i like 8 too much ah.
so note to self : it's 9/8/07 not 8/9/07 8/8/07. lol see wrong again!

bimboism is ruling me! lol but gosh...
and to think we both are good in remembering dates!
hahaha crap lah. okay... should be fine.
our 2 months will be next tuesday. but both of us will be busy.
most prob just be seeing him during school time.
eehhh wait, just checked my schedule, im FREE! he's not =((
haiya nvm... he has a race to win! hehe then must think of a reward for him ready.
go shenath! run your best... im sure you can win it!
very nice... i will be covering his event also, cool eh?

im in the reporting crew of this institute-varstity-polytechnic(IVP) sports.
im covering netball which is starting on monday at Singapore Poly.
have to go there... im the photographer! yey.
i hope i wont end up taking pics of myself! =))
and also, like duh, track and field also.
such a waste the crew aint covering Contact Rugby for IVP =((
haha if not can see how shenath plays and can motivate.
the last time i went to watch, he was flying all over the place. sexay! haha

okay im going.
sick sick sick!!! bye

Apathetic

the earlier poem i made
seems to be contradicting me
i feel like i want to let it burn
but a part of me wanna try again

im too indecisive when im hurt
when im slumber lacking
and when i know im right
with my fault admitted

emotions rush to me
something that i cant help
something i wont seem to handle
even if i can id just let this hurt be

nothing seems correct right now
someone says to give him a chance
another says to let it die
but i dont know

at least not now
at least not yet
maybe tomorrow id know
maybe tomorrow id see the answer

so for now
hold tight
and enjoy my emo days
like you've seen my happy ways

updates.

i woke up to the sound of thunder in the late late morning.

ignored it for awhile and then someone called.
she told me to tell my mother that the masseuse will be coming at 1pm.

then i realized it was my aunt so i drag myself off the bed.
such a sleepy pig i am!
so i went to the mum's room, saw Haizak (the malay spelling for the most argued name since ever - Isaac)

he was such an angel and every time i come to him, he smiles.
my presence i felt is very distinguished to him.
he didn't only smile once or twice. he smiled A LOT of times.

my exhaustion left me instantly.
it was like a boost in the system that i can only feel in that weird special way.
my brother... my dearest youngest sibling.

so seeing my lively manner, mum asked me to send off my sister.
i was goofy just now. then came the aftermath of the night.

now im too tired to even psycho myself to get off the bed.
all im able to do is to type away, listen to songs and plainly just pig around.

i must say, my room of this late has been one like a pig sty.
very very much awful to the eyes. i cannot stand it anymore.
i will have to just do the cleaning after bathing.

which goes to say that i official stink of booze, cigarettes and whichever
unwanted smell there was in the club all clinging onto my skin.
to think about it, i am showing signs of barfing...
im horrible sometimes! call myself a young lady. uggh
i think im worst than the boyfriend. hehe

anyway, last night was fun but as a whole, not very much what i expected.
*sobs* i was utterly disappointed how the night went along.
but to come to think about it, the night itself was testing my resistance.
of which i must admit here that i was so tempted.

then again, there is someone who's holding me back =)
desperate idiots who wants pussy so bad would just come around and touch you.
not even keeping to their zone of comfort.

it's a club yes, but i still believe that when the girl is not inviting anyone to her,
those dudes should keep away. dont ya'll agree?

i was tipsy but not enough to let down my guard.
then it wore off cos i feel that Laura needed me to stay sober.
she was gone - totally

in here i wont say what happened.
she was so high i dont even think she remembered what she did.
i am not into judging people, let alone my friends.

on another hand, i learnt what it means by why boyfriends dont let their girlfriends
visit those nightlife areas. unless of course the girlfriend is me...
haha okay. self praises is not allowed here for now.
i feel that i am very proud of myself, of which something i have already informed the boyfriend. lol

i hope that if he even visit the club, no matter with his brother or whoever, he keeps to himself.
look, see but no touching. that's the rule of boundary at the minimal for boyfriends.

you can trust girls but never the guys.
it sound very sexist but i must say that guys are just guys and very much human.
im not saying that all girls are good and prissy but im applying it to the majority of the wrong doers- guys. lol
gosh im sexist. no guys dont take it the wrong way.

im just saying that guys are capable of a lot of things.
especially when it comes to places where loose pussy are available.
why say this? because women has been the source of conflict in the world of man.

look at what happened to the great city of Troy.
The great emperor of rome, Julius Caesar.
the great general of rome, Anthony.

ALL SEDUCED AND RUINED BY WOMEN.

it has all been this way ever since Adam and Eve's time.
most conflict are resulted by women.
we, women are meant to be kept and treasure by one only.

being a person who cannot pass off as a saint, i admit to own wrongdoings myself.
because i wanted to test my power over certain dudes, i guess i didn't even realize that
the attention im getting are from guys who themselves are 'happily attached'

i have bad experience of being the third party before.
and i vowed never to fall under that again.
i am turning over a new leaf. actually i have been for the past months.

only now it's maximize cos someone said to me that i have him to hold on for.
and that no matter if we work out or not, only at that time we'll know.
and to you, i thank you.

well then lets get back to the updates for last night.
nothing special really.
i saw people who i know..

at CM - cheeky monkey - i saw someone who told me not to say i saw her there cos her bf doesnt know. lol hehe naughty girl...
at MOS i saw the long lost best guy sister, Jasvender...
he was still looking BIG as ever. bouncying and all.
so nice to see him after like months and months.

After some nice semi sober time at MOS we went to Gotham penthouse.
the source of Laura's 'downfall'... lol
then this i have to tell boyfriend later when we have longer time to talk.
AT GOTHAM : there were Whites and Hispanic dudes doing some performance.
and they were stripping up. showing hints of Man G-strings.

hot hot hot... noting to self : look but dont touch. hahaha
this is the way Gotham treat their ladies in the house.

it was fun all through till the ending time. twas irritatingly and horribly hilarious.
Laura was blabbering nonsense.
Jas was shaking his head.
Laura's boyfriend came down to pick her up. sounds kinda pissed...
wish them all the best...
on the phone, he told me to send her to his place and so i did.

the cabfare was major bomb! but it was expected.
good thang i have my cards. if not id have to seduce the driver to let me go. lol
okay just kidding... uggh id rather seduce the boyfriend.
hahaha

so in the midst of all the hype and the disgusting ways of clubbing.
the camwhore in me reigns strong!
so here are pictures!!!! hehe

and one video at GOTHAM. lol

On the way to Clarke Q - cab


ATTICA drinks - Cosmopolitan - i swear it did something to my system.
Cosmo did something to our system. came out of Attica a lil bonkers.

Now at CM a bit bonkers...
To MOS
Laura Ashley...
Aren't I great in photography?
Some peeps we made conversations with. took their pics and we left.
retarded pics lah. haha
okay. this is cos im tipsy. haha
The lady with the sash is having her Bachelorette Party at Gotham. haha. Happy wedding!!
then THE PATRON of tequila served us REAL tequila FREE. just to do what?
TAKE HIS PICTURE. and us drinking it. uggh talk about retardations.
wasted Laura hate tequila. but i was tipsy enough so after i sip, i didnt take anymore.

then now see what happened abt the tequila. haha.this is on purpose okay.
not lesbian when im tipsy.
this one is totally FREAKY!!!
i was too tired to open my eyes. plus the FLASH was horribly bright!
one..
two, three... wheeee!!

this is what frustration and alcohol to do me.. horrible picture ever.good photography? hehe

last but not least. the most retarded picture ever.
it's kinda obscene and if boyfriend complains, im taking it down..

THE BOYFRIEND HAS PASS HIS JUDGMENT
HE SAYS TO PUT THIS PICTURE DOWN.
&he says i look like a stripper

and so the night ended.

i hope it will be better next week.
and i hope the boyfriend can go too =))

pictures and updates.

boo hoo! im sick again.
this is sooo crappy.
anyway, i just want to post the newest and retarded pics that jan has taken for me.

so jan is getting cockier. his ideas, not mine.

just after i kinda stop having a runny nose.

random.

this is where jan screamed the loudest when a moth flew to his face.

well, like i said, not my idea.

me and jan, and, me and shen, has talked about our free times.
Shen and i are getting along fine. nothing much. but im happy that my friends find it alright... have heard of mira's opinion... nurul too, in a way, as well as hidayah and mei ling. hajar, not yet really.
but just want to reassure you my ladies, that everything is under control.
i know i know... =))
last night we did have a talk somehow and i did tell him more about my thinking.
i hope he's cleared. he too has voiced his opinion =))
it was good.
so for now, nothing to worry about.
also, our situation is very much based on spontaneity.
whatever happens, happens... que sera sera...
plus, our situation is very much under control.
nothing really special yet.

also, i must say that the past with that bastard is very much still coming forth in my head.
of which and from which i dont know how why and how.
it gets irritating sometimes.
it is a good thing that Shen is soo different from him.
kinda make me more happy.
imagine me having crushes on people who is like that bastard.
*fine id drop the bastard - i'll call him by his name; daryl.

okay, i wanna go.
im dying to rest again...
hope to see Shen tmr tho... see how it goes =))
oh and he just message!
toodles.

updates

so (1st August) went with ABC to City Square.
first time i went over the custom to JB with friends!
it was really fun and retarded at the same time.
fun because ABC is fun, retarded because Cody is part of it and he irritates the light out of me.
okay, diverting back to the updates.

it all started with late lunch.
[apologies] sorry for being one and half hour late, uber sorry
anyway, after getting fags, we all decided to go for some late lunch at the VIVO.
it was alright there basically but everyone thought it was not.
after the meal, we went shopping!

after that we all ate AGAIN..
yihao intro to us Portuguese egg tart - super nice.
so was the chicken! yum yum.
anyway, after such a long and tiring day going in and out of the custom, it was still really fun!
reached home at 1230am - if im not wrong. haha
my memory is getting poorer by the days - that is ubber sad!
shucks, anw ABC planning to go another round to City square.
I WANT TARTS!

okay anyway, 2 august.

we all went to school and then decided to skip after the second meeting.
surprisingly, i still manage to clinch a C - hehe
we had some lame conflict where to head to.
at first we settled to go to changi and then all these and those.
eventually, we went to Hougang Mall, to get Cod's laptop skin.
for some apparent reason, he cant wait to get it for nuts.
and for some another apparent reason, he seem to enjoy rubbing me the wrong way.
then after like shutting up, i exploded on him.
hahaha he deserve it anyway. :P
okay okay, i wont be mean anymore k.
as long as you dont piss me off.

well, ABC thanks for accommodating me yesterday.
loves.

yawns. im soooo sick lah.
damn dizzy from just now.
i think it's the migraine or something.
well, ABC has more planned.
just not sure if it will happen - im not sure if i can skate tmr.
i feel damn fucked up, uggh.
anyway, i am quite looking forward to bringing ABC to party...
:D

well well, im also looking forward to meeting my bitches.
i dont know when we all can meet up though.
some stupid conflict still seem to be around for some particular reason.
okay hidayah, im apologising, since you think YOU'RE CLEARLY not in the fault.
im sorry, for the fault that i may seem to have done.
for whatever reason for you just be so wrong at reading my comment, im sorry.
besides, i didn't post that to ignite some fiery flames that you seem to have been keeping or something.
i appreciate you speaking up but sometimes you have to see other's motives before you 'dedicate' such surprising posts.
anyway, im tired of everything really.


that's why i appreciate close people who gives at the least of their time for me.
or at the least our friendship.
because if it was me, i will, whole-heartedly.
and that is why i thank ABC and of course JAN RICK MASCARINA.


also, to those old friends who is still a part of me until now.


thank you.

okay, emotional much! stopping right here, NOW.
well, i can say that quite recently, i think i been having some tinge of crush on someone.
hahahaha. i think so anyway.
for people like me, it would just be a passing fad or something.
i seem to have tinge of crushes that last like a day or even just half.
goodness gracious. i think it's 'cause of my past flings or my past longest emotional damage. lol
i developed a way of not feeling anymore emotions. lol
been long since i really go lovey dovey anymore. haha
i think it's inhuman already.

okay i got to go.
my dizzy fiesta is starting again.
ciaos
loves

SORE AND TIRED

dead sore and tired.
came home, slept and woke up.
cleaned my darling's hutch and then off to bed again.
and now on my bed typing this while lying on my side.


checked my friendster comments and i found this!





Janny
Posted 21/07/2007 05:41
next week's to-do list:
1. the yi hao thingy
2. bugis for camera charger
3. haig road for that thing we owe your friend
4. avoid the canteen
5. come early by bus to school everyday
6. lunch with nisha and jo(i know it spoils #4, but whatever I miss her)
7. jogging/cycling trip






for part of #4, i know he's so gonna screw it! *sniggers*
well, i hope to comply to the list but knowing me and janny, we'll end up screwing the damn plan. *slaps*

-pop up-
[funny moment]
darling (unknown to me) was in my room when i came in and slept like a pig.
the moment i woke up, he ran out of my room straight, hopping madly.
i bet he's thinking, "omg, i was stuck in her damn room in the dark. happy to be out! yipee!"
-pop up exit-

i cannot believe that i happened to help out at clinique as a flyer distributer.
just to kill time!
me and my bitch was like so tired.
she has done flyers before - i have never! and i dont think i will again.
[altho, the guys are the ones who took the most - hehe]

the fun part - major -
1. i can wash eyes (hot hot hot!!!)
- u can imagine how much i enjoyed looking at hot dudes. hehe... but twas only for fun, to take off my mind from what im doing. there was this guy(uggh forgot to tell jaja)who kept passing to and fro and looking, he's sucha waste.
why? cos for someone so cute, he did the most retarded thing - he just looked, walking back and forth with this other guy friend. uggh... barfs -

2. i saw marcus! (freaking gave him like 1/2 of my flyers and 1/2 of jaja's.)
- u can see how fast we finished the damn thing. within like an hour and a half, we were almost done!!! lol

3. i gave out quite fast, cos i happen to give sweet smiles with it *ermz ermz*
- well, i promise to myself, IF I CANT AVOID EVENTS FLYER DISTRIBUTORS, I WILL TAKE THEM TO LIGHTEN THEIR LOADS.

4. I LEARNED VALUES
- *matter-of-factly* i serious felt how tiring it feels giving them flyers for my first time.
it was really tiring. i did it only for 2hrs, i felt as if i worked all my life! that's damn sad.

5. got to spend time with my bitch
- been long!! twas quite fated she did work with me instead of roxy bitch. she will kill me,
cos today, they gave us a G2000 cream-colored sleeveless tanktop.

major hates - groans madly -
1. sore
2. tired
3. cramps
4. SORED BADLY

okay, im going.
wanna fING sleep.
*muahs*

hypo-bitch

tired from work - i hate being sickly really.
my health is really deteriorating.
i really want to do yoga now! or maybe that trip to Italy!
but like $60,000 worth of medical health insurance, for a short trip?
if i were millionaire then i would just so do it.

LEMME FEATURE A TOPIC: HYPOCRISY, BACKSTABBING, RUMORS, FOUL-MOUTHING

anyway... hypocrisy is so like high school - in this case secondary school and
RUMORS, uggh, that comes along with it.

so i decided to gather some words of advise to people who are being victimized by this.
actually there is a simple reason why people tend to be hypocrites...
there are the good and bad side of it. but i'd be talking of the bad here...

HYPOCRISY : Insincerity by virtue of pretending to have qualities or beliefs that you do not really have

most of us people are hypocrite in a good way. but also, a lot of us people are doing it the bad way.
(i wanna emphasize that this has nothing to do with the previous post. i have forgiven her.
we are friends AGAIN. i love her again- friendly speaking!)

this is some of them...
1. SPREADING TO OTHERS UNTRUTHFUL STUFF ABOUT SOMEONE
2. BEHAVING AS IF YOU ARE AN (GOD-DAMN-U) ANGEL IN FRONT OF OTHERS WHEN UR A DEMON-CHILD
3. YOU HAVE THE LOWEST SELF-ESTEEM
4. YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF OTHER PEOPLE
5. WHEN YOUR INSECURITY LEVEL EATS YOU UP INSIDE OUT
6. WHEN U GOT NOTHING TO DO

anyway, there are people out there who are doing just about everything you did not expect them to do behind your back.
going at it about you just about to everyone who have ears that your this and that.
they dont care what time is it, where it is, how it is done... they just do it..
they feel that just by bad-mouthing you, they can make themselves feel satisfied about their own insecurities.
they feel that by the every downfall that they cause other people, they are elevated in the society.
it is like as if they really must go on about their victims and if they dont, they will just die.
not to forgetting to mention that these people are those who have something against you completely and the fact that they are the ones who do not know you.
they are the pretenders.
the ones who pretend to be your friends and when you think that they are likely to push it behind your backs, they just shoot you down from the back.
the only symptoms is that the people around you are the ones pulling away from you.
the other friends who are innocent minded and are easily instigated on are the ones who just sit there and takes in whatever this bad-mouther says.
they are what i call backless or should i just say spineless.
well, the only thing so spineless about this is that the spineless let these demonic shitheads to rule over their minds.
they let themselves be manipulated and therefore causing hurt to others even though they do not know the truth.
well, then again. i might be wrong.
maybe these spineless are the bitchers too. whatever...

but put this in mind people or victims:
this people spread rumors that are untrue about you when like all the time
because they see the things that they lack in you... whatever personality that you have that they want, those kinda things.
everything that comes out from their mouth is just their made up shit about you, because they are dying to blind people from seeing what you're really about.
so advises?

1. never stoop as low as they are willing to - uphold ur dignity
2. never be the one to be really affected - let them go at it about you, it's not true anw.
3. the most important advise - KEEP A HIGHER SELF-ESTEEM.

:) ive been bitched at. (accidentally or purposely) whatever, so i know how you people feel.
not just these previous days, but the last 18 years of my life, i know i have been bitched at.
so it dun really matter to me cos i know that the truth always come up.
just that if it dont and if matters come to worst, i handle them. HOW?

OH YOU'D BE SURPRISE.

so to whoever is fanatic about me, whether u are a potential or already an expert...
just go at it... just continue doing so... maybe u can add this

1. I AM THE B.I.T.C.H you can never be
2.I AM THE FOOL you cant fool
3.I AM THAT IDIOT who will be your salvation**

* TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY *

credits to you(u know you who are) =))

anyhoo, to you dear gal...
i hope that nothing of those things that happened previously will happen again k?
plus, uphold ur promise. this is the last time im forgiving you..
muahs.

sick

so today i still stayed so sick - the fever got worst
lucky by now, it has subsided. hopefully it will stay this way
i had head, face and neck massages already and yet it hasnt helped!
this fatigue is getting on to me - i knew i should have rested after that ladies' night! uggh
anyway, it's too late for regrets, besides i dont really wallow in regrets whatsoever.
it isnt gonna help at all.
oh yeahs! ive finally done cleaning my room! - thanks to mum and sister
ooohhh i feel sooo loved.

nothing much to say, just been at home - with all of em wishing me well
thanks to those who did, i shall be up and about very soon.

okays so ciao for now!!
loves

=))