Major Updates

Welcome me back dear readers! :)

Wow, my 3 month hiatus was worth it. So many things to update, so many new things that happened! The only part I don't like is to recount the entire 3 months of my disappearance. And since so many thing has occurred, there bound to be tons of update and so this post will take a long time to type, and for you, to read. Therefore, I decided to do a summary instead! Covering only the major highlights of the events that has passed.

The last post was my sister, Ana's birthday party. So then the next event would be my birthday on the 23rd August 2011, where I held a "private" affair that ended up still being circulated in FB with pictures of the activity and the fun of it all. However, before I recount that, I have to go in order. So the next highlight would be the Philippines trip from Aug 11 to 21 :)

Aunt Rennie and Laura <3

Roy with hair, before his major make over. haha

So over the clouds and with some wonderful friends, off we travel towards my homeland, Philippines.

We took the most affordable airline, Tiger Airways, which I paid only at $150 (to and fro), where my friends paid a little bit more, with the maximum at $200+.

Then we landed at Diosdado Macapagal Airport (Clarke), Pampanga, Philippines.

The first food we had was Baliwag. Awesome chicken. Yum yum.

Then the day after, we rose early for church trip. We never really know that it would turn out so awesome.

We visited;

1. Antipolo Church

2. Sto. Domingo
3. Black Nazarene, Qiapo
4. The Cathedral in Intramuros

The place of Intramouros was were it was all educational and we really learned a lot. We rode a horse-carriage and the guide told us about the place pre, during and post war. We heard how the Chinese nationals were enslaved and mistreated by the Spanish coloniser. It was a sad story, but in the end everyone, both Filipino and Chinese nationals fought their way back to freedom. How beautiful, the story of courage and love for country.

Intramuros housed all the good schools, the historical sites and more. The Catholic Cathedral stood elegant and against all odds continue to be the central hope for the faith of all Filipinos.

We got back so late that night, and then after which we had a good time at night with everyone. We headed to Tip Top, a private area that has lost its people due to other of others that sprung up over the years in other places. Therefore, that night it was only my family that was there. We sung songs via the karaoke machines and then danced as to how we liked it. We enjoyed being alone in that private club because they'd never dance as we all did if there were other people around :)

The following days we spend was at Daranak and Batlag Waterfalls were we rough it out and we enjoyed the open sky. The tents and the wooden cottage failed us completely so all 20 (or so) of us roughed it out and slept in the open cottages, listening to the sound of the waterfalls. There were other groups there, and of course a horse that accompanied us through the night.

 

 

Yes, we all slept in this type of open cottage!

This weekend trip to Daranak / Batlag falls was because of the message that I had in my heart that Lola want us to commemorate her by. This time at Daranak is something emotional for me somehow as this was the last place we all convened as a family, gathered and had fun. We were complete at that time with her around. So the night itself at around 9++, the time she passed on, we all came together in one of the cottages and then offered up some nice words and prayers which I was asked to lead in. I thank God for the opportunity.

The following days we prepared for the upcoming solemn celebration of lola on 16th August 2011, to remember her death. We looked as it as her 1st year in heaven. We had a good round of praise and worship session, good talks and of course food and such during that day which I am privileged to lead in.

So the next few days we headed to Manila East resort at Taytay Rizal. After which, we got ready to head home. Got together for drinks and more drinks and then... the cigarettes were just soooo cheap we all had a fiesta of beer, ciggs and nice talkings.

We got back on Sunday morning with Lolo and the two cousins, Carissa and Michael. They will be here to study but because the intake hasn't started they're here on visit pass. We hope they can stay till like next year, but i doubt ICA will understand that despite being cousins, these two are like my siblings already. Well, anyway, we are all good :)

So far, i really believe that God provides, From Aug 21st till now, He continues to provides for my needs to provide for the new additions of family members at home. Also, as i prepare my finance to send my cousins to polytechnic here, He continues to give me opportunities and I'm glad that there will be changes in my job front :)

There's more to say and all, but this post will stop here. I'm excited to tell you all more about my special someone <3

Updates

It has been awhile since I posted an entry. I have been busy so much things these few days, and there are more to come when I think about it. It almost as always seem to feel that 7 days a week is never enough.

I've got so many things going on that I tend to question sometimes if I'm able to achieve the week's schedule. How will I catch up when I leave for Phil next month.

Anyway, back a bit. Just this week my sister turned 12 and we had a mini celebration (as it always end up becoming). I praise God for the way everything went. I actually made her a birthday card invitation that made its way to my design portfolio :)

This time I contribute a bit more, I took leave and did what I can to help out and provide. I'm happy with myself but I'm happier when she told me that she was really happy and enjoyed herself.




I got her a professionally-baked cake from one of my contacts. Got to know her from the PRE at my parish. It's really nice!!! Even dad who don't appreciate chocolate cake came for second round :)











The food is unquestionably awesome! Oh yes, I this year the special thing about her birthday is that she got herself good blessings the day before from Fr Ed as she requested to attend mass :)

I think it's beautiful, I hope to attend mass on my birthday this coming month too. However, I will be working on this day tho, but I'm going to throw a bash :)

I've to plan soon, looking for an alternative because apparently the SAF seaview chalets are fully booked and Chevys only have Sundays for bday function. I might need to find another alternative.

But in my current sched now it's a miracle I hardly find the time to even plan for the itenerary for Philly, esp granny's program, and then the beach getaway.

I get emotional lately.. Too emotional in fact, when I think of granny. She's really gone. Sigh.

*One day, I shall see you again. *

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Day out with the Siblings

It's almost a week since I had the chance to see my siblings. So here we are at Tampines Mall playground...




After watching an awesome funny show, Mr Popper's Penguins



It is awesome! Jim Carey is a great comedian, keeps all of us entertained and really hooked on the movie. He has such a candid personality that will keep you wondering what else to expect from him.

Glad Ana and Zak had a good time. It's time to get home now.

Toodles with love for now =)

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My First Ladies' Night since FOREVER

It was my very first 'ladies night' since forever. I usually CANNOT be bothered to go out on a weekday but today Marilyn and I went out for a dinner date with Marvin, one of our cell friend whom we have not seen for ages. He's been busy with work (and perhaps play), but we are glad he's able to join us for a bit of a chill-out.

I introduced them to Nabins @ Sultan Gate.

Source (Click Here)

We had a great talk about EVERYTHING. Teasing especially on the hot topic on interests of Marilyn :)

It's really nice to get to know church friends in the most secular way possible. Away from the holy zone of the church, we get to know just how we all are able to open about our thoughts and views.

It's a wonderful wake up call and something to learn from. Marvin was really insightful in what he shared with us. It has been great food for thought the whole night today. And it's 12.45am, but here i am typing away when i've to wake up at 7am, 6hours later.

Lately, I have been sleeping late. Since Monday that is, but it has been good overall.

On Monday, I enjoyed the Holy Hour with Dapheni, Ninik, Susana, Ranson, Alex and Tim. It is a form of prayer that we enjoy the presence of God in the exposure of the Blessed Sacrament held up by the monstrance.

Source (Click Here)

We prayed before the Blessed Sacrament with regards to our vocations. At least that is what I think Fr. Albert wanted us to do. This month's holy hour topic was with regards to life pursuits. So therefore, we examine what is it that we are indeed looking for. What are we called to do? Marriage or the life of the Religious. I discerned with regards to my job, and also of course my desire to serve, and how is the best way i should do it - with a man He chose to serve beside me or to chose the Great "I AM" who created man? 

We'll see in the months or years to come :)

Yesterday night, I attended mass for the Charismatic Prayer Community 9th Anniversary Mass. I was the lector for the reading yesterday. It was a beautiful experience to be there.

Tomorrow will be a long day for me as I am expecting a LONG LONG meeting at Church on PRE Evaluation & Committee meeting.

So anyway, i shall bid you all adieu for now. Have a great rest ahead! :)

My Busy Weekend

1. AEC div event 2011 on 1st July 2011





2. PRE June/ July 2011 - 30 Jun - 3 July 2011 batch




Children from the children corner for the 4 day event. My brother and sister are there too! :)




Zak and his new friend :)




My weekend this week has been a busy one and yet it was fulfilling. For the whole 4 days I was supporting the PRE in the powerhouse, praying at each sessions. I completed 6 full session, 3 partial session, 1 session I missed out cos I watched Transformers with Ignite!

Honestly, the constant prayers has been very enriching. I get a feel of what I will be doing in my years to come if I enter the convent or joined a form of sisterhood. For now, I'm discerning still :)

Haha let's see. It's not easy you know, but it was worth it looking at how successful the PRE has been and the people are really very awesome participants.

Next sat will be another PRE event I need to run, this time as chairperson. I will need tons of prayers as it is my first time holding a spiritual event!

So anyway, the AEC event was good, it was a good one and of course there are pointers to learn and take note of. I wish my AEC sales team best of luck in achieving their quota this quarter. This event is a definitive boost that they need for their sales achievement.

For now I got to go. Updates further in a bit. Good day!

~ Posted by MJ thru BlogPress by iPhone

Discernment for Love

Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/love-chmy/3800147894/

It's not really a must to be with someone and to enter a relationship again. It's not mandatory for me to actually think of marriage, thus I'm not rushing into it. I just feel that marriage should really be kept as the 'one and only' phase of life. I always believe that there are that one made for each one, and that marriage will be what make it stronger. I can really see a huge difference now of how I see a relationship now than I see before. And as I see it, I understand why my past relationship that I thought would somehow, one way or another lead to the marriage, had to come to a halt. God is preparing me for something more, something He only know I will be needing.

Don't get me wrong, my ex-boyfriend, no matter how badly we ended, was a good friend, a good lover and a good husband to be, if so to say. However, there have been changes between us that occurred and thus it is where the incompatibility grew and thus the unhealthy defiling nature of human love emerges.The nature of our relationship, thinking back, actually proves to me that if it worked out till marriage, my relationship with God will not be established. And I was foolish because the relationship with God was the one thing that I should have known never to put second amongst other love. So I am thoroughly grateful how God allowed me to 'seek first the kingdom of God'.

Lately, my desire in finding the one is burning. But I'm putting it off, ignoring it, and dousing it with continuous establishment of keeping in mind healthy type of development of love, rather than seeking for the normal 'you like me, i like you, let's go on' kind of relationship. 

Serving in Church gives me the necessity to discern for the one. I've been practising discernment in guys since last year when I was dating Kenneth, my girl friend's guy friend. Where after discerning, God moves me to a 'NO' when I discern faithfully on Kenneth as it comes to the point of dating where I must decide whether to continue further or to stop seeing each other. So I listened to the 'whisper' I believe is God's, and later on in the months, understood why I was happy I ended it.

Then the next guy came, who had the marriage proposal which become the reason why we ended up being in a relationship. He is rich, son of a wealthy family, soft-spoken, spiritual, understanding, of age and we would have made it well, but after 4 months I had to empty myself of him because the discernment period gave me a feeble 'Yes'. So since that guy, I have not been seeing anyone.

I've a guy however, that God seems to be pointing to. BUT, yes a HUGE but is there. I don't think we're compatible. I have seek a extraordinary signs and each time I ask, it's a YES. So now I've stopped asking because I don't want to put Him in a test. Cos even if He points to him, I just don't know how it will all start, begin or even go forth. (Laughs)

I've taken a vow and have promised with my cell members as witnesses that I'm not going into a relationship without the thought of marriage. This is to avoid pre-marital relations, unhealthy mind-set and possession. I kinda, sorta know what I want but I guess it also seems still a bit too young for me that I want to look for a man to marry. Nevertheless, I guess I'd like to see my desires, and to discern for my vocation - if I want to consecrate myself to God or to marriage. I don't think it will be healthy for me to enter Blessed Singlehood as a lay person, so it's either I join the religious or to enter into marriage.

Oh well, I know within the months, I will have my answer. I'm excited actually!

What a Day!

It was and have been a challenging week for me. Today, was far challenging than the other days before. It's due too the reason of handling three marketing job functions at a time where I switched between sales, marketing and events coordination within 8 hours of work.

I am feeling the burn. And I am indeed discerning if I should let go of the sales function.
It's not yet time for me to give up I know, but for some reason, whatever I choose to do, it's not what you call giving up. It's making way for rest, better prospects and continuous growth.

I don't want to be tired while at church, and I don't want to be taken advantage of with little pay. Perhaps, I've yet to see the response of the sales function on me. One thing I found out is that I do well in selling our services - trainings specifically. So perhaps, I should stay at that but then again, let us see what God says.

Have a great day ahead!

The End of YISS

YISS is the Life in the Spirit Seminar for the Youth, held by St. Mary's of the Angels at Bukit Batok for 8 weeks. It has become a norm travelling from the East to the West for this commitment to learn and be transformed in Christ.

Today was the last week of the YISS, and it talks about the transformation to Christ. What exactly does that mean? No, it doesn't mean that we are made to God, be God and to command as God. The eight-week experience created new ways for us to affirm one another that we are going through the same type of battle in our daily life as a young adult. We employ the chrisms that we possessed and use it. Not to gain power or be prideful, but to be a living testimony of the power of God.

It creates for us the beneficial platform to be certain that there are people like us who loves God and in complete humility, we seek to create for Him glory from the works of our hands rather than to create it for our own use of fame, popularity or ego.

There have been many friends made, fostered connection and renewal of commitment with one another. I got to experience love from the brothers and sisters in Christ who, just like me, seek to fulfil God's love through the relationships we foster with each other. I begin to know in-depth people whom I thought I'd never get to do so. I also get feelings that allows me to discern the need for companionship, countability partners and of course, perhaps, friendships that last to the very end.

In the YISS at St. Mary of the Angels church, I thorough enjoyed the exposure of the Blessed Sacrament, the divine body of Christ at the Adoration placed in the Church. I couldn't stop asking why can't Holy Trinity have an adoration, even though I already know the answer.

(What is an adoration room? It is a place of worship, meditation, and acknowledgement of God's presence. Perhaps it is the room where in layman's term, you "make known your love" to God in the form of adoring the exposed Blessed Sacrament.)

Tomorrow we are having another activity as a youth community - the Tridentine Mass or a traditional mass that uses Latin and each prayers are sung.

I bet it's the unwillingness to bid adieu to the connection made with the Emmaus who organized the YISS. Hehe so be it, I guess :)

Honestly, I can't wait to attend and be a part of the congregation being it a day of Corpus Christi. It's another special day for us Catholics.

Much love to you readers. Mwahs!

God wants you just as you are

We are all sinners.
No one perfect, no one flawless.

No one is good but God.

Not even Jesus, God in Flesh, proclaimed of His goodness because as human, He is limited.

Nevertheless, Jesus Christ did His best to reside as a mere human, yet of course, able to perform miracles and show His divinity. But with complete reliance on The Father.

I was reading the bible earlier and I found a writing by St. Paul to the people of Corinth, 1 Corinthians 7:20

"Each of you should remain as you were when you accepted God's call."

God calls whoever, whenever and whichever state of your life you are in.

Jesus Christ accepts you just as you are, be in fellowship with Him just as how He has called you.

Many of us think that God will not accept us when we have put so much filth in our heart, mind, body and soul. However, we should always remember not to belittle the 'living water' that has enough power and strength to clean us. That we don't need to change ourselves on our own, but by the grace of God we are changed, and the things we use to not be able to say no to, we are able to do so in the name of Jesus.

"In the name of Jesus, we got the victory."

Remember that brothers and sisters.

We are victorious when we call upon Him. As He calls upon you then, fear not. Don't think you're inadequate, young, too old, too incorrigible, circumcised or uncircumcised, it matters not.

For when He calls you, He already paved the way for you. Be glad and rejoice.

The only catch? Be open to the works of the Holy Spirit. He will guide you to your calling. Have a good night.

Amen.

Transformation in Christ

There have been many changes in my life which I give complete credit to Christ. No matter how different, how difficult and how little by little the changes is made obvious to many, I know that the Lord has been preparing me for years, for this. And I'm utterly grateful, that despite everything that has occurred in my life, I stay in His midst. Despite all my iniquities, I am welcomed, blessed and given the grace to be made worthy to serve Him.


So far, the learning points of my life still make up the wounds that are seemingly still fresh. That no matter how much I try to assure myself how strong I am, I falter at near proximity of sin.


I fall at near proximity of recounting and recalling the things I've done, and the things that I've failed to do in the past. For my grandmother, for the rest of my family, for my relationships, and friendships. I do my best to secure a place of serenity by keeping busy. 


But it's when I enter the Holy Day that I recount all my failures in trying to establish good relationships. I learn from my past to ensure I don't put down my armour, that I don't trade my views, my faith, my family for anyone. Yes, suffer but be happy and gracious to take on suffering, just as Christ did.


We humans are not God, neither can we even try our best to be. For no matter how good we are, we are never even going to be close to Him until we realize that love is what will keep Our Father who art in Heaven assured that we are worthy to be His Children.


Christ came to summarize the 10 Commandments to 2 set of powerful (and very difficult) commandment to sum up the latter:

 ³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’^[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

To love one another doesn't just proceed from superficial actions, words, deeds. For God sees what's in the heart. Even though we say good words to our brothers and sisters, we sin too when we don't love them from our hearts. Sure, there are difficult people we encounter, however the judging is done by Christ, and not us.

I lead the view, "Bless those who blesses you, and pray for those who curses you". It's a difficult and bitter medicine to take in. If there is one thing I don't think I can ever remove from me, it's the need to complain, whether or not I mean it by heart. Most of the time, I just need to share my complaints to someone, to make someone understand why I'm feeling like this, and to make sense why exactly do I feel as such.

The love of Christ is exercise the more I accept insults, curses, blames and criticism, graciously. However, being a normal human being, it's VERY VERY VERY difficult. Only through His Grace are we able to reflect the lives of the Saints, we Catholics honour and hopes to live by. But the moment He lets you be showered with Fortitude, you will be taken aback. Yes, you will instinctively react according to your human nature, however it's His Grace that will enable you to fight against your own human nature.

It takes a lot for me to call unto Him straight before going for the KILL.

Nevertheless, whatever happens, it's not the perfection we have that glorifies Him. It's the constant tries and number of ways and means we try to get up from our fall. For we are made in sin and so in sin do we live by. But in Christ, we denounce sin. And as we denounce sin every moment of our time, we acknowledge that we are weak on our own, yet always and forever strong in Christ.

Continue to get up after each fall. Keep away from where you feel you will sin. Always choose Him above all else and you will realize that whatever and wherever He leads you, it's the right path... the ONLY path to real happiness.

Have a wonderful time ahead! God Bless!

New Purchases!

Yesterday evening I got my cheque, went to the bank and cash it out. The pay raise that ought to be enjoying had to be deducted due to lateness.. Yet again.

{I never understood that late fee policy. I mean I always finish work on time, and I do OT to make sure that I finished it}

Nevertheless, I know it's time to make an investment :)

I got myself a new laptop, and bought some pans for mum. Haha

{Initially she thought that I bought her toilet scrubs to clean our toilets! LOL}




Altogether, I got myself a decent i5 processor, 4GB RAM, 500GB disk space, 1GB NVIDIA graphic card, MS Office Home n Student for 3users, and Norton Anti Virus one year retail license :-)

{Oh yes, hurry down now to your nearest IT vendor and buy a 3-user MS Office Home n Student for only $199 and get a $20 cash back from Microsoft.

Oh please remember that MS Home n Student only has Words, Excel, PowerPoint and OneNote.}

So far, my new laptop is at minimal usage. I've not signed up for a wireless network. I will be doing so, soon once I make up my mind which provider should I settle with.

{Starhub lost. Not going to sign up from them. Most prob going to do so with Singtel or M1}

Anw I got to go for now =)

Parish Renewal Experience

What: A 4-day retreat that gives participants a good avenue towards reconciliation. A place where they can be welcomed in the community, to feel God's love not just in the direct relationship with Him (vertical spiritual relationship) but also to promote the relationship with Him through His Body, the church with their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ (horizontal spiritual relationship). This is where one door opens to many more within it.

When: It happens 4 times a year, and it will take place again from 30th June to 2nd July 2011.

Where: Holy Trinity Church @ Tampines, Singapore

Who: For all Roman Catholics who are 18 years old and above. If you are a baptized Catholic*, we hope that you are at least 3 years in the faith*.

* It is necessary so as to not put the non-Catholics, though are Christians, questioning and being unfamiliar with our ways, might not fully understand the context of our subjects. Remember that there are many other programs that are open to all denominations and even, all other religions.

Why: Because God has chosen, and He is calling you to a renewal.

How: See us at our booth in church every weekends during the mass timings :)

Ok I'm excited for this upcoming PRE. It will be beautiful once again! This will be my second PRE serving under the committee as one of the spiritual coordinator, and in publicity team as well. I have felt how this PRE made an impact in my life. It was and will always be beautiful to me and many others who attended this.

This July, I will be chairman for a spiritual event. Pray for me and wish me the best, so as to give the right type of spiritual event for the past participants of the PRE Family :)

Thanks in advance, readers. Mwahs

Catching up and being a sister

On Monday - 23rd May 2011 @ Pastamania, Tampines




Been awhile since I met with this aspect of my Diamond.

She's all grown up and away from me, with a good loving boyfriend and making her own decisions.

{Lol, I sound like some mother}

But I guess I do because I care a lot for my sisters. I consider her a sister because she's one of them who saw me.. For me.

Amidst the strengths, she saw my weaknesses. Amidst the weaknesses, she admires my strengths. Amidst the crazy, wild child a phase of my life I was, she saw me holy and spiritual. And amidst whatever horrid things I can do, she knows I have a clean heart.

So it's vital that she must be one included in the list of 'protected' (family) member because of her love for me.

No matter how long we have parted, we both understood that through it all, were still there. And so to prove I am there for me, I am going to help her :)

I'm going to be around when she needs me because her life shouldn't be empty of a person that actually understands her, knows her for herself, doesn't agree to her all the time and one who ensures that she sees two part in any aspects of her life.

It goes the same to my best friend and sisters; they know who they are ;)

And of course it goes the same for my sister, my mother's daughter.




The best way I can at least try, or we can try as sisters to our younger sister is to be ourselves.

To show the right thing, the way things go in life as we have seen, and most important of all, to ensure that they see us as a role model not just for our school achievements, good habits, strengths and goodness, but we must emphasize spirituality.

It's not easy with my sister, but I know I have a huge influence on her.

With much love, I wish to lead my 'sheeps' to the right path.

<3

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Beloved Grandma ( A letter as if from an Insane grand-daughter ;))

Dear Lola,


Today you would have celebrated your 72nd Birthday with us but I guess the Lord wanted you to have a grander celebration up there :)

Usually, you will hear from me calling you from Singapore but I guess I've to 'screen' louder while singing you the birthday song.

I miss you greatly. You should visit me in my dreams soon, because I miss you. As we both agreed when you were here, don't appear to me bluntly because I'm afraid to see ghost, you should know.

Thank you for being with me last night at the prayer meeting, I swear your smell never changed. You smell great as always :)

I love you and I can't wait to see you again soon.

Much love,
Your beloved apo :)



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Unconditional Love

Isaac - God's Laughter.

My beloved, my dear brother.



This is love in it's purest form. The best unconditional love I've ever felt is this daily event when I'm not expected to give anything, yet I give him my love.

Because thru this unconditional love, I show my love to Him. Him who created me to be who I am from birth. Him who never and will never and shall never let me go.

Him who believes my love and faithfulness.

This is the week of change. Everything I ask He gives and He is ever faithful and ever sure of His love for me.

Seek first the Kingdom of God and all will be given unto you. So therefore seek His love above all things and people of this earth. Never exchange the norms of this life and trade the values of your morality for temporary happiness.

Love one another as He has loved you. Despite the difficulty in life, He delivers me that even a scratch I don't get, that wounds I've incurred didn't turn to scars but has healed.

So love Him first above all. For only then you'll know your worth and what He has reserved for you.

Amen.

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Breaking the right way

There's never the right time, way nor motivation to end a relationship. Period.

Whether or not it's the right way, time, motivation, but a break is eminent when both couple won't and can't compromise mutually. Yes, there's major attraction, euphoria of love and desire, but building bonds to marriage consists more than that. Compromise becomes the key role into creating a solid base of foundation in a serious relationship. Of course, that's not all there is.

Compromise extends to more meaning than just its surface.

Also, it's curious to think that there might not be anything to break in the first place if a couple has not enough commonalities nor base foundation on each other, because a relationship doesn't really mean label, it's the connection or the bond that binds the couple to be in a relationship. It's the public acknowledgement of that 'label' by the couple that grants them to be an official item in the eyes of family, friends, and others. So without the bond in the first place, logically speaking there's no relationship shared between the couple that ties either one to each other strong enough for either one to feel bad if either one sees other people.

Verbal break up in this context just becomes what people do the 'it's over' lines followed by explanations, as form of formalization.

{Ok I hope you're not lost}

I'm trying to explain that I am on the verge of not continuing the relationship with my boyfriend. And it took me this long to realize that no marriage proposal, thoughts or aim mutually discussed will ever be more important that His Voice in my heart telling me to let this one pass.

For divine reasons, I'm in the final stage of discernment with regards to my current beau. Despite how wonderful, how awesome, how solid and stable he is and has on my future, I guess I'm going to have to let this fall through.

I have the courage to do this despite my inclination to him because this time I know I'm breaking up with him the right way.

As I end this, I want to share one of my favorite quotes from the bible I so loved since young;

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33

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Woman of God

Plans for a writing portal is starting soon, and I'm ecstatic! It's going to be a marvelous theme and I've got perfect writers on alert when it kickstarts.

I can't wait, but patience is a virtue.

The website should be coming soon, I just need to book 'The Webmaster' to aid me in the site. I hardly have the time proper to set up my own site, plus it's been awhile (since I did my own site).

I can edit and alter a site dramatically given my time now but not create it from nothing.

It will be beautiful. I'm excited! Ahhh!

Ok well diverting from the madness, I am pretty mad myself too. I'm dying missing my siblings, but I'm getting the rest and good time alone I need that my family is away to Malaysia till Tuesday.

So at least I've time to formulate ideas and be exciting about something.

Work starts again tomorrow but I bet it'll feel like a Friday so oh well. At least in done with corporate item designs that Management has been chasing me for.

My life is beautiful, I can't really complain. And I thank God for it, how He freed me from the things that I thought was essential part of life and love.

I feel free and free enough to not be tied down to anything. I can demand what I need and want without having the worry to be judged and be shunned away due to lack of understanding.

Ok I'm rambling, I'm sleepy and I need to go now.

{I miss you, honey. I hope to see you soon}





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Mispronounciation

This happened last weekend while I was home baby sitting. Btw this is my dearest and beloved brother. Oh how I love him.




So the ice cream man rang the bell downstairs as he hope to ignite craving of the children and adults alike for his wares.

Knowing my siblings will want to have ice cream that night I ready myself that they will request. True enough Zak did saying, "I want ice cream" and when asked to define the flavor he wants, we (Ana and I) bursts out laughing...

Zak: I want NIPPLE

*Laughs madly* Zak looked at us in wonder. So I continued in hopes to get his pronunciation right.

Me: Zak, say RIPPLES

Zak: NIPPLES

*Continues till he got fed up of repeating*

Cute kid :)) But a messy eater *.*




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Grandmother dear

There's someone I truly missed
One I hold in my heart so dear
It hurts still when I think about it
That she has gone far away

I wish I could have been there
Said goodbye to all things for her
But I never did
And so now it's due too late

I never thought she'd leave so soon
I thought she'd be with grandpa to walk me down the aisle
Yet as I see it will only be grandpa
For she has gone only to watch me from up above

When I see little children holding hands of their grandmum
I reminisce about her
I wish I could turn back time
But I sure know I can't

The only thing left to do is continue to love her
And through that love I will do her proud
Apart from the Lord, she's the source of my motivation
She's the only mother's love I could truly adore

Happy Birthday & Mother's Month Mrs Elvira Hovita Bautista.

Forever I love you, and I wait only to see you once again.

Because of you and the Lord, I don't fear death. I can take it anytime just to see you once again. But alas, I've work here left to do.





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I love you

I miss saying this to a man and actually mean it.

Nope, my boyfriend haven't won these words from me. It's not easy for me to say it if I don't feel it. I mean I do love him, and people, but there's a huge difference in how people say it.

Some people fake it so well they believe they're in love. And others fake they're not in love, till they themselves put huge blockage in how their relationship could have blossom.

Tragedy.

Just like Bones' Dr Brennan & Agent Booth, or even NCIS's Ziva & Tony.

Lol ok I sooo love these characters. Romance could never be so intense compared to them.

Ok diverting back to 'I Love You'.

There were times that maybe my definition of love differs greatly from my boyfriend. That's when trouble comes.

Two people in a relationship can be bipolar different. But if their definition and perspective to love matches, well, to heck with the world.

Soulmates? Hmm maybe. But there's a part of me that still believes what I always believe that soulmates do exist, it's not fairy tale, but it will take everything of the couple - sorrows, love, heartaches, bond etc, dig up wounds and cover it up with salt, in order for soulmates to really find each other. Not easy.

Even I gives up easily. So what then?
I don't know, for now, the Lord sustains me.

I love Him alone, till comes the time that He takes my hand and led me to my prince.

For humans can never love unconditionally, only through the love of God will love be possible. Therefore, a man and a woman's common love should and only be God. (Amen)




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Beginner's Luck or Flare

It sometimes hard to measure which is the case for me in the current task I'm set. So far I've received $200 worth incentive in cash for deals that I've sealed. And tomorrow is a new day as I look forward to another deal to close.

I then realize somehow that more is to come. Today I've already experienced a minor glitch regarding delivery of hardware goods and service under maintenance contracts.

There's two difficult persons that I'm really hoping I can understand and keep my respect for that creates obstacles. But that's the challenge! Now I see it. My life doing sales in the company should not be all smooth and candy floss. It must have spice in the form of 'spicy' people that makes me intimidated or possess the characters I question.

They are good people no doubt because they don't add on to the two blacklisted people in the company. Sometimes, I try my best to be neutral, despite hearing things, I try to keep an open mind.

Cautious yes, but not with angst anymore. Thank Goodness, they found me not their match do step on. My work standards is still awesome, thank God for blessing me an awesome mind and management skill. Despite being tough on my colleague, I know I make amends proper and they don't view my toughness on them personally. Which makes them more awesome colleagues.

Praise God. I'm never able to stop praising Him. There's so much lately that He's done for me. Deals after deals after deals I close so easily.

I've hit my 4x(of my monthly salary) quota, hitting onto 5x. And Now it's barely the end of the week but I've only another thousand or so to reach my 4x quota. I'm amazed.

This is God's way of affirming me that I made a good choice. (Amen)


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St Francis' prayer

This Franciscan prayer was prayed by Mother Theresa of Calcutta as according to the prayer said by St. Francis:

Make us worthy Lord to serve our fellow men throughout the world,
who live and die in poverty and hunger.
Give them through our hands, this day, their daily bread
and by our understanding love give peace and joy.

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace.
That where there is hatred I may bring love,
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness,
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony,
That where there is error I may bring truth,
That where there is doubt I may bring faith,
That where there is despair I may bring hope,
That where there are shadows I may bring light,
That where there is sadness I may bring joy.

Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort that to be comforted,
To understand than to be understood,
To love than to be loved.
For it is by forgetting self that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven,
it is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.

Amen.

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First time since uncountable weeks!

Finally met Bestie!







We've been weaving in and out of shoe shops. I kind of lost my mojo for shoes at the moment. It's all beautiful but my eyes are for other things at the moment - like bags and tops!

My eyes are not only on bibles if you must know. Hehe

Being a girl, i still have my vanity notions. But of course, it ain't so bad as before :)

I'm seating at Charles and Keith, Tampines, writing this not at all interested with whatever shoes there are on shelf. Maybe I just don't feel well.

I need to rest more. Been overworking. I need a holiday soon. Hopefully boyfriend is still a one after standing him up last Thursday and not talking to him for days.

Being knowing him to be the leading man, it should be fine between us. In all context, I'm not really bothered - if it works out it works out but I need the holiday soon!

And I can't wait till Phuket in June... A pre-holiday Holiday must be done soon. Too bad Bestie can't come.

Oh well. Ciaos for now!

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Work and Church

1. Work

It's been so far one of the major focus I've in my recent months and days. The dedication I been pouring out has seen tremendous approval, compliments and thumbs up from the management. My colleagues, mainly the sales team, sees my pushes not as threats and indication of pride but I know that they try their best to accept my instructions and what I need of them.

I'm not 'qualified' to be authoritative, yet I move freely with management's blessings, to initiate and to ensure the job they asks me to carry out is met. I can never be more thankful at the cooperation of my colleagues.

Recently, I've taken up a new challenge from late March, and I'm put to probation for a month till last Friday, 29th April, on my performance.

I've hit my quota (4x of my salary) Yes I took up sales - Training sales to be precise. And just two days back, I took a independent move to sell hardware and services.

I must be going mad, I thought to myself, off to do sales while I am in charge of marketing for Autodesk, Adobe, other various parters' products, and not to omit, I am fully in charge now of ALL marketing events (except principal's event). Yes, even Microsoft which was initially run well in an iron fist by my asst manager. She has now moved on to another part of work for the company.

As of I am still in charge of marketing collaterals, sales and marketing return of investment measurements, handling the follow ups of customer satisfaction survey, creation of new leads and now because I'm doing training sales, I'm getting webbed in the planning of the company's training centre.

All these I'm able to do, and manage to finish up my day with a smile, I believe is because I have given the works of my hand in His honor.

2. Church

Most times, one will find me in church most days in the week. And I thank God that I can manage to give time amidst my work demands. As of I am serving in the Charismatic Prayer grp (CPC) that meets every Tuesday at the chapel, Parish Renewal Experience (PRE) committee that have ensure that Thursdays are made for it's meeting, round ups and such, IGNITE Youth Grp that meets every Saturday, Intercession for Community by the CPC on Sundays after mass.

Most times I commit on weekdays but find it hard to commit on weekends except for at least twice a month, because mum works part time now. So I've to babysit. It's beautiful to be in His midst and serving Him through being a steward to His people.

I thank God for the many blessings He has bestowed upon me. And for the many more to be received. (Amen)

Have a goodnight, thank you for reading.
God bless.


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Happy Easter Season!

Many times we find ourselves separated from our Lord in the midst of our daily lives. The following is a prayer you may pronounce when you feel that you need to connect yourself with God in every part of your days.

God bless!

---

Dear Holy Spirit, my God pls come to my assistance in this Daily Journey toward eternity.

Let me see earthly pleasures according to their true values, without expecting too much from them.

Forgive me when my mind wanders in prayers and grant me interior strength to avoid unneccessary distractions.
Showme how to recollect my thoughts and control my senses, and let me forget worldly things when I am united with You in prayer.

Whatever leads me away from You is worthless and dangerous.
You are my greatest treasure. In all my activities I desire to be aware of Your nearness, so that I may live my earthly life in union with You.

Amen


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Love

If a person wants to be in your life, they'll make all the effort to do it.

Not simple.

Honestly, even if I want to prioritize my relationship to seek the right to be a priority, I can't seem to do so.

It's either he's not free, or I'm not.
It gets ugly when we both know it, and I get stuck thinking if we'll work. While feeling so, as a man with a stronger and better experience, he don't find that it's something we should completely focus on.

As long as we're in the heart.
But i'm having a problem with that.

I want him, God knows. And I know he does too. But faith comes to question when I think of our feasibility.

Just the other day, I read a sign on my current relationship:

'Its the unknown that tests our faith. It's when we are not sure where the direction is heading to that we call upon our faith to sustain us'

That's how it's like, I'd I can deliver the right words correctly. Hmm

I've tried to bid goodbye, but he seems to show how he can see it coming because he doesn't have the time for me, and yet he gives solutions. I've grateful to have him, but maybe our time is not now?

I question.

But as much as I want to dive to so much thoughts about him, I find that I myself have to really give the time that I commit to give him.

Give and take theory.

Still not simple.

Discernment continues....


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God calls anyone, whoever and whatever you are:

I found this story shared by a Kurdistan man posted on a blog at www.pedson.blogspot.com

It's a bit of a read but it is worth it:

It all started in late 1980’s when I was detained by the Iranian police for no reason. They thought that I had some connections with Kurdish political parties that were opposing the Islamic Republic. I did not have any connection with any political party or anything of that sort. Months went by without them even letting my family know where I was. Finally, the day came when I was brought into court. The Judge asked me three questions that were asked of many people:

What is your name? -- I said Zana.
What is your ethnicity? -- I said I am a Kurd.
What is your religion? -- I said that I am a Sunni Muslim.
I was taken out of the court, thrown back into my cell and I was beaten all night. Next morning, they put me on a bus headed back to Mahabad, my city in Kurdistan. On the bus, I was sitting next to a man. He opened his bag and took out a sandwich which was wrapped in newspaper. I was very hungry since I had not eaten regular food in almost six months. I did not want to look at his food but I just couldn't stand the smell of the kabobs. He turned around and asked me if I would like one. Without hesitating as we usually do in Iranian culture, I asked for one. Instead of one, he gave me two out of the three that he had with him. I asked for his name and he said that his name was Yacub. I had never heard that name before. So I asked, "What kind of name is this?" He said "Hebrew". "Ahh, so you are a Jew?" I asked back. "No, I am a Christian", he said. I had heard a lot of negative things about Christians in the Quran so I did not want to get into a conversation about Christianity. But something inside me made me wonder why he believed in it (Christianity)? I asked if he believed that Jesus was the son of God. The answer was yes. How could God have a wife? How could God have sex? He started explaining that to say that God had sex with Mary is the greatest sin. But rather Jesus is the son of God in a spiritual way and not like the way we are born. And we never say that God ever had a wife, we believe in a holy God. I wanted to stop the conversation and begin a different subject. I could not think of any other subject, so I asked him why he was going to Kurdistan. He said that a friend needed some help with something. I asked for his name he said Zana. That was my name. But I thought it was a different person. He opened his bag and very quietly gave me a Bible. He put it in my bag. He knew that if someone saw him with that book it could cost him his life. I asked what it was. He told me that I would find out later.

We got to Mahabad and I got off the Bus before he did. I got my bag and was waiting outside for Yacub (Jacob) to come off, but the bus was empty and he still had not come out. I went to the driver and asked him where the man sitting next to me had gone? To my astonishment and confusion he said, "There was no man sitting next to you." Was I crazy or what? I said maybe I was dreaming. But I still had the taste of the sandwich in my mouth. I still had the book in my bag. What was Yacub? Who was he? Why didn't he go to his friend's house? Then I remembered that the friend's name was Zana and only then realized he meant me. I went home and found my mom in the house crying. She was so surprised and happy to see me. I asked what had happened since I had been gone. I found out that soldiers were looking for me and that she was raped by a Jaush (Kurdish for "traitor"). When I heard that, I felt like somebody was hitting me in the back with sticks. I went to my room and wept like a baby. I could not believe that this really had happened.

That night when I asked for my older brother Hasan at dinner, they all started crying. They told me that he was hanged. I felt like the food was going through my back. I could not eat. I got up and went to my room for some more weeping. I felt like the whole world was on my shoulders and I felt like I was carrying the rocks. I had nothing to do, so I took out the book and started reading. After reading the first chapters of the book of Genesis, I went to read the Injil. I started reading the book of Matthew. I was surprised. I had never seen anything like this. I stopped at chapter ten and just went to bed. I still could hear my Mom and sister crying downstairs. The neighbors came to cheer them up and talk to them. Next morning life was normal, so I went and visited my brother's grave. Life became normal again until one night in my dream Yacub appeared and told me that I must leave my country. I knew something was up so I went and hid at a friend's house. I did not want to leave the country; I loved it.

Sometime after, I sneaked back to my house at night and discovered that soldiers had been in my house and they were looking for me. Now this time, it was my sister that was raped by the soldiers for no reason. My brother who was executed had some ties to the Kurdish political parties. But what had I done wrong, or what had my sister done wrong? Is this what they call an Islamic Republic? All I could think of was suicide. But I would now leave so many people behind. If it was not for my family I would have killed myself. I knew that Yacub was telling me something. But what? Help me Yacub; what do you want me to do? I went to my room and packed whatever I could because I was going to leave the country. I took the Bible with me and headed for the mountains crossing the boarders into Iraq. I stopped in the middle of nowhere for a rest. I took out my book and read in it. When I came to Matthew 11:28 "Come to me all who are heavy laden and weary and I will give you rest," I was shocked and did not know what to think because the book kind of read my mind. It had what my heart longed for. I found what I was looking for. I found what met my personal needs. Right there in the middle of the night I gave my life to Jesus Christ. I couldn't believe the changes that were happening inside of me. I felt a kind of peace that could not be expressed by words. I was relieved. I could feel all of the weight that I felt on my shoulders coming off. I now understood God and what he was like. It was a good thing that I did not commit suicide. The Lord had a plan for me. I now knew who Yacub was -- an angel. It was very hard to believe. I myself found it hard to believe. But an angel would be the best answer.

I now forgave all of those that done wrong to me. Instead of cursing, I prayed for the salvation of the people who had beaten me in prison. I am grateful for having such a wonderful experience. My sincere prayer is that God Almighty will show you the truth. I am willing to help you find the truth.

I can be reached at the following address: Masihim@yahoo.com

"God has His ways to show you salvation - that is through Jesus Christ." MJ

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Heaven or Hell; Political or Religious Joke?

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck
and dies.

The Senator's soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter . "Before you settle in, it seems there is a
problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not
sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.

St. Peter says, "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll
do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose
where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules", replies St.Peter.

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down,
down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf
course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his
friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his
hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the
expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and
champagne.

Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time

dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he
realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, u! p, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is
waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven," St Peter says.

So, 24 hours pass with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving
from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and the

24 hours in heaven passes by and St Peter returns.

"Well, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now which will you
choose for your eternity?" St Peter asks.

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers, "Well, I never would have
thought it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be
happier and better off .. in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land
covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in
black bags as more trash falls from above.

The Devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was
a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and

danced and had a great time. Nowthere's just a wasteland full of garbage and my
friends look miserable. What happened?"

The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning..

Today ..you voted."



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Relationship

Never easy.

Especially for me.

The only thing that keep this relationship going is that we understand each other's schedules, and of course, common views.

There are times I really need him to be there, well, mostly for idle pleasures or leisure habits. And times come when i really want to be my own single woman.

Ok in my relationship context with him, it's so easy to succumb to think that I'm still single.

But of course, maybe I'm just used to having guys going all over me, staying with me almost 24/7, penetrating or infiltrating my every schedules, making them my world, proving their undying love, making me feel so taken by their love etc.

Then again, I've had those and it didn't work out. It's like sizzling in the beginning, then crumbles after weeks, months, and worst, years.

For now, all I've got to ensure is not be tempted to sway.

But how could I?

His fixes are wonderful ;)

Simply put, he's just about the only man who can fit to my schedules, who doesn't make *much* fuss if I can't spend time.

Because it goes the same ;)

I can't wait to spend time with him again < 3

We'll see how this works out. I'm big on 'que sera sera' and 'dont force things, let it happen'

But soon, I'm gg to think a lot of this relationship n its feasibility. Hmmm

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A Secret Keeper / Lyricist

Maybe I've found my calling.

I think it's going to be a huge and contradicting gift, being one who is outspoken and majorly public.

It's not the first time I've encountered people who met me or spoken to me for the first time and then immediately wanting to reveal something that they think I could keep.

However, it's only tonight that I saw this when this lady seek for my number and told me, she wants to share something with me in secret.

It amazes me how God has blessed me with meekness, despite prideful ways I been brought up.

Another revelation happened last week.

Apparently, I'm a natural lyricist.

And now, Bro. Aleson and Bro. Davis has become my adopted and willing mentor.

Two talented musicians in my parish and a newbie who's good with words got pulled into each other, and the first ever get music gathering is this Wednesday.

I'm learning keyboard now actually, my goal to learn is by this Sept 2011 :)

Meet my new baby:




Got it off eBay for only $120 off an Auction Bid which I won due to quick sealing of the price deal.

eBay's becoming a good friend. Goods are awesome :))

Anyway, got to go sleep. Goodnight

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Two adults in a relationship

I don't know how our relationship will proceed, I leave this wonderful feelings to God.

And my wonderful man, I will lift up to Him in prayer.

I think that maybe, most probably, we can really work out. Let's see how things go after earlier <3

The message I got the other day, "The only way to keep love is to give it space and care to grow". I believe it tells about my relationship with him.

I've no intention of grasping actually. Never. I'd like to have him have his own choice to have me, love me and care for me.

Were worlds apart, our backgrounds but I don't know why it feels as if I find him familiar, his warmth, his everything...

It's as if I've met him before, or I've had the chance to know him.

I always believe things happen for a reason, that God doesn't lead people into your life just for fun. He has a reason to put people in our lives for our benefits. And when they're done, they go and allow us to grow.

So I'm letting it go, completely in hope of resting in the will of God to tell us why of all people, our paths met, and how does our relationship benefits us.

So little time, so much thoughts.

It's late, I have to go.

Goodnight ;)




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A kiss ain't jus a kiss

I smiled to sleep and I woke up smiling.

That's what his lips did to me.

Ok, as I type this and I recount about us, I smile more.

{what the heaven is wrong with me?}

It's a simple, light but wonderful, innocent kiss. It's simplicity is simply lovely.

Oh yes, I brought honey to one of my favorites. A tower overlooking the whole city at bugis ;)

Ahhh!

What I'm amazed was the level of comfort I have with him.

Usually, i'll be squirmish and felt uncomfy of closeness. He's a gentleman, period.

{and it's about time I gauge my comfort level with him. Bestie thinks that he's the slowest advancing boyfie I had - but we both like it. hehe}

There's no rush and pressure at all, besides, with our plans already almost in store, we can choose to take our time. We have all the time together to enjoy each others' company :)

For now, this hearty and simple innocent of a kiss will do.

{I want more of this, jus this type of nice light kissing}


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Me; Reality

Many people know me to be the happiest, the bubbliest, the one who always have a smile on my face. I make the most of happiness because it's meant to be appreciate to the fullest.

There are people however who thinks that if you allow yourself to be too happy, there is a hidden motive that life has, which will later ensure that you are sad.

But as I see it, you are first sad then you know happiness. For how can one know happiness when one doesn't know sadness. These two come hand in hand.

I've always been seen strong, tough, manly, unemotional, and I like that. No kidding. Yet, I appreciate thoroughly those people who welcomes the opposite of what I portray.

Yes, I've emotions too.

I have the downfalls, the moments of tears and contracted chest, to the point of inability to breathe.

Many a time, I avoid being alone, because I keep remembering how I've completely let my grandma down. For over past 6 months now, I still cry about the same regret; the same pain that causes me to lay bare on my bed, hoping that I can turn back time.

If only I could, and do what I should have done at that moment of time. I'd be much at peace having to let her go. But now, I don't think I can ever...

{Until the time we are all raised up to Christ, and maybe only then, then only can I be complete}

I miss her, and I'd have given half of my life now to turn back time.

And the other half of mine, to seek God's permission to let my grandpa live long; long enough to see me married, have kids, and fulfilled the promise I've given to his wife, my dear grandma.

{I've already have that granted, and I've claimed it sweetly}

--

There are much to thank for, and I'm happy actually. Despite the tears, the happiness comes in much increased abundance.

I have a relationship that I can understand, and with whom surprisingly knows, and says, what's in my mind.

He's has passed the top criterias that grandma told me a long time ago, and I didn't realize so till just recently.

Therefore, it's been affirmed that I didn't just 'stumble' upon this relationship for nuts.

Still, more to come. There's a big challenge I see though, but knowing him, if there's a will there's a way. That's what I love about him.

{Honey, I hope that you're the half of the sacrament I've been seeking}

--

This August 16, 2011, is grandma's first death anniversary.

I'm going back for 10 days, and plan a program, and hold a peaceful distribution of heirlooms & will.

Let's hope that I can find peace after her one year, as I seek to reconcile with this regrets.

{When I think about going back, I get angry with myself too because I make fuss of ensuring I go back, and for what? When she's already gone? But I've to always remember my grandpa is still around}

In all, I now promise to myself that I will do things even if I might regret it, than regret not doing it.

{Love you, Lola.}



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My definition of Love

Love holds different meaning to different people. It can mean different, start, blossom or even end differently.

For me, love is something like this now:

"Love is not about two people looking at each other, but of two who are looking towards the same direction."

Honey and I have an altogether different but functional relationship. It doesn't really consist of constant assurance, of 24/7 report status, of enforcing loyalty and of fearing we are going to lose each other constantly.

My relationship is something I have always desired. My bestfriend saw it.

She commented, while I was kinda suddenly falling into a doubt, that "isn't this exactly what you wanted?" and ever since, I realized that there's a reason why I said yes to him. And the reason is because he respects the space I need, and he appreciates me thoroughly because I do too.

It's lovely. Simply lovely.

With him, I don't have conditions set before me. I don't even need to watch what I say, who I talked with and act accordingly. Cos no matter what habit I hold on to, I stopped or continue, he tolerates.. And eventually leading to acceptance.

Wonderful.

But of course, to be successful in this relationship, both of you must be happy on your own. Fulfilled by your own company or the company of others. Limited to nothing, but only loyalty.

He's a simple, understanding, wonderful, rational and straight forward man, who meets me halfway. Who I can talk straight to without actually have the need to worry or be shy to.

Do I worry about the usual guy instances that he might end up cheating if I don't have time for him? Or woman instances that I'd cheat when he doesn't have time for me?

Probably im prepared, but I'm not worried. I want him, and he wants me. That's enough for now.

I can't wait to see him again <3

We been too busy with other things lately. Boohoo.


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Hospitality

The means of being hospitable gets muddled into commercialized aspect that has got to do only with serving.

As many people in the service line are taught to be hospitable, there comes a concern in me that these people lack one valuable reason on hospitality.

The functional world revolves around making money out of everything. That people have to pay huge amounts to learn to be hospitable, in polytechnics or private institutions.

Little did we know that despite learning all these commercialized form of hospitality doesn't make us any more hospitable than we were before we enrolled.

Yes, there are techniques to be learned in the commercialized hospitality industry. However, it doesn't teach you that Love should be the reason and outcome of hospitality.

There's not one technique that tells people to serve with love.

However, you will find that people who have a hospitable background tend to serve others better than those who have had no familiar hospitality background while growing up.


Sometimes however, hospitality may be derived from the second family of the person. Second families consists of relatives, extended relations, and of course, (parish) community.

To be hospitable we must be willing to offer these three things at least;

1. Food &
2. Drink
3. A place to sleep

Of course it doesn't stop there. Offer these without the heart served with it is a piracy of hospitality.

I attended a seminar regarding (Christian) Hospitality last weekend, and what moved me was the best hospitable act to give / show our visitors etc is our presence.

The way we talk, the way we look at them, we listen good and we respond with realness of ourselves.

Now that wraps up hospitality.

You may not offer food, drinks and a place to stay because maybe you don't have enough of these, or none at all, but you offer your presence and that sums up all.

And this I write from the opinion of my heart <3

Feel free to second this or to beg to differ :)

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Bible Quote

Thank you for viewing my blog, readers.
I appreciate the time you all take to read my posts, no matter how boring.

Would like to share with you a verse that grows in me:




"I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, he bears much fruit; for without me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me, he shall be cast outside as the branch and wither; and they shall gather them up and cast them into fire, and they shall burn" -John 15:5-6

Sharing:
Last year, I felt the difference of relying on myself and having a powerful God, so divine, to intervene in my life.

Many times before last year I know I've experience the difference, but last year was truly my awakening.

I'm a strong willed girl who even to a fault doesn't allow moments of happiness pass. So I don't let myself get bogged down by negativity. I'm stubbornly able to lead the way to what I want. I expect a lot but I also expected to not receive (it's always at the back of my head).

To the point, I'm strong.

No matter how difficult, I just needed a little push of inspiration to get me going. But I could feel my elasticity almost going to give way to breakage.

And just as it was going to, He called me to walk with Him.

From March to May, my home life took a huge crash as financial disagreements rose. From May onwards, my almost 3year relationship ended. July came, and August came and the events felt as if someone ripped off your still fresh scab,
dig at it and poured in a bottle of alcohol in the open wound.

My beloved grandma passed away.

But when she left me here on earth, she gave me the best inheritance any daughter or grandchild could ask for - love, faith and hope - God.

And I'm happy. For all the things God has given me and made me to become.

I will give him the glory He rightfully deserves.



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My heart Smiles

It's funny how you never expected to feel something wonderful but you actually do.

I've conveyed to mum and well, she was concern but all was good when she asked me something and she saw I'm happy. She was trying to catch a glimpse of what I feel, that I might not know about.

I honestly didn't think that my face expressed what is in the inner part of my heart. (even if I'm afraid or shy to admit)

Haha I'm not saying I'm soooo in love, but it will get there, given proper time and connection I know I will.

For some reason, I still cannot find a bad thing to pin point in him.

But maybe, who knows it's true that maybe someone is made just for you, perfect in your eyes and soul.

We are two adults seeking something stable and of love.

So may God bless our souls.

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The New Beginning?

I decided.

I'm excited and it's really funny how things led to something serious such as these.

I've to share with mum soon.

She'll definitely be full of questions, and even skeptical, just as how concern my best friend is due to this.

I don't blame her. This is not how my relationship starts but honestly, it's real funny how my life goals matched his.

We'll have to simmer things down, actually accept the incredible story.

I think even he and I still find things incredible.

I've never felt more adult than I ever thought I could feel. Wow.

I'm looking forward to see him again :)


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Love, Salvation, Trust

Human's love is imperfect no matter how sincere or perfect it may seem. It is selfish, and it is full of shortcomings. But with God, Human's love is made perfect.

Why? Because...



And the most evident product of His Love is His providence of our salvation:



When you learn to



Even the most scary fall, you will not fear because you know His Hands will catch you, firmly and securely.

So come on, it's time to fall into His arms.



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Generous heart

Mother Theresa said to give till it hurts. That only when we feel a pinch do we know that yes, we are actually giving ourselves along with what we give others.

It goes with regards to money, but of course the intangible things like love, help and the likes too are counted.

In which case, I thought that maybe it suggests that Love NEED to hurt.

So I was thinking that it's when were hurt that we learn to appreciate the love, and when we give till there's none much left that we understand the meaning of being generous.

I have been examining my conscience with my ability of being generous.

Am I being generous or am I being a show off?

With lately been provided by a good cash-flow, am I lending, giving and loaning to people because I want to be a help that makes my friends glorify God for my help or is it to increase my ego and glorify myself?

Honestly, this year GOD's providence is really abundant. Even when I don't have much anymore, even to the point of complete dry spell of money, one way or another, I get a windfall.

Experiencing God in this way makes me understand how blessed I am.

This year is one of the most challenging just yet: two of my younger cousins will be coming with grandpa. They'll be studying here and I'm going to be their lifeline.

So many obstacle so far with documentations and as I think of the cost of them living here, I praise the Lord for letting me tap from His strength.

Also, im not going to lie that I need a human man offer me the warmth and moral encouragement I need.

But I will not settle for just random man with false intent and insufficient warmth to support.

He must be a God-fearing man who honors and respect a woman in all ways, in hopes of allowing her to be holy.

Idealistic? Yes, but ideas divine are ideas that will be made real by God.

Believe.

This year, I've an offer to take that can truly be a blessing. If it is His Will, I gladly accept it.

P.S. I've already made peace with Thomas. That means that emotional baggages has been cleared. We are happy for each other.

Praise God for today's opportunity. Amen.


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