My First Ladies' Night since FOREVER

It was my very first 'ladies night' since forever. I usually CANNOT be bothered to go out on a weekday but today Marilyn and I went out for a dinner date with Marvin, one of our cell friend whom we have not seen for ages. He's been busy with work (and perhaps play), but we are glad he's able to join us for a bit of a chill-out.

I introduced them to Nabins @ Sultan Gate.

Source (Click Here)

We had a great talk about EVERYTHING. Teasing especially on the hot topic on interests of Marilyn :)

It's really nice to get to know church friends in the most secular way possible. Away from the holy zone of the church, we get to know just how we all are able to open about our thoughts and views.

It's a wonderful wake up call and something to learn from. Marvin was really insightful in what he shared with us. It has been great food for thought the whole night today. And it's 12.45am, but here i am typing away when i've to wake up at 7am, 6hours later.

Lately, I have been sleeping late. Since Monday that is, but it has been good overall.

On Monday, I enjoyed the Holy Hour with Dapheni, Ninik, Susana, Ranson, Alex and Tim. It is a form of prayer that we enjoy the presence of God in the exposure of the Blessed Sacrament held up by the monstrance.

Source (Click Here)

We prayed before the Blessed Sacrament with regards to our vocations. At least that is what I think Fr. Albert wanted us to do. This month's holy hour topic was with regards to life pursuits. So therefore, we examine what is it that we are indeed looking for. What are we called to do? Marriage or the life of the Religious. I discerned with regards to my job, and also of course my desire to serve, and how is the best way i should do it - with a man He chose to serve beside me or to chose the Great "I AM" who created man? 

We'll see in the months or years to come :)

Yesterday night, I attended mass for the Charismatic Prayer Community 9th Anniversary Mass. I was the lector for the reading yesterday. It was a beautiful experience to be there.

Tomorrow will be a long day for me as I am expecting a LONG LONG meeting at Church on PRE Evaluation & Committee meeting.

So anyway, i shall bid you all adieu for now. Have a great rest ahead! :)

Discernment for Love

Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/love-chmy/3800147894/

It's not really a must to be with someone and to enter a relationship again. It's not mandatory for me to actually think of marriage, thus I'm not rushing into it. I just feel that marriage should really be kept as the 'one and only' phase of life. I always believe that there are that one made for each one, and that marriage will be what make it stronger. I can really see a huge difference now of how I see a relationship now than I see before. And as I see it, I understand why my past relationship that I thought would somehow, one way or another lead to the marriage, had to come to a halt. God is preparing me for something more, something He only know I will be needing.

Don't get me wrong, my ex-boyfriend, no matter how badly we ended, was a good friend, a good lover and a good husband to be, if so to say. However, there have been changes between us that occurred and thus it is where the incompatibility grew and thus the unhealthy defiling nature of human love emerges.The nature of our relationship, thinking back, actually proves to me that if it worked out till marriage, my relationship with God will not be established. And I was foolish because the relationship with God was the one thing that I should have known never to put second amongst other love. So I am thoroughly grateful how God allowed me to 'seek first the kingdom of God'.

Lately, my desire in finding the one is burning. But I'm putting it off, ignoring it, and dousing it with continuous establishment of keeping in mind healthy type of development of love, rather than seeking for the normal 'you like me, i like you, let's go on' kind of relationship. 

Serving in Church gives me the necessity to discern for the one. I've been practising discernment in guys since last year when I was dating Kenneth, my girl friend's guy friend. Where after discerning, God moves me to a 'NO' when I discern faithfully on Kenneth as it comes to the point of dating where I must decide whether to continue further or to stop seeing each other. So I listened to the 'whisper' I believe is God's, and later on in the months, understood why I was happy I ended it.

Then the next guy came, who had the marriage proposal which become the reason why we ended up being in a relationship. He is rich, son of a wealthy family, soft-spoken, spiritual, understanding, of age and we would have made it well, but after 4 months I had to empty myself of him because the discernment period gave me a feeble 'Yes'. So since that guy, I have not been seeing anyone.

I've a guy however, that God seems to be pointing to. BUT, yes a HUGE but is there. I don't think we're compatible. I have seek a extraordinary signs and each time I ask, it's a YES. So now I've stopped asking because I don't want to put Him in a test. Cos even if He points to him, I just don't know how it will all start, begin or even go forth. (Laughs)

I've taken a vow and have promised with my cell members as witnesses that I'm not going into a relationship without the thought of marriage. This is to avoid pre-marital relations, unhealthy mind-set and possession. I kinda, sorta know what I want but I guess it also seems still a bit too young for me that I want to look for a man to marry. Nevertheless, I guess I'd like to see my desires, and to discern for my vocation - if I want to consecrate myself to God or to marriage. I don't think it will be healthy for me to enter Blessed Singlehood as a lay person, so it's either I join the religious or to enter into marriage.

Oh well, I know within the months, I will have my answer. I'm excited actually!

The End of YISS

YISS is the Life in the Spirit Seminar for the Youth, held by St. Mary's of the Angels at Bukit Batok for 8 weeks. It has become a norm travelling from the East to the West for this commitment to learn and be transformed in Christ.

Today was the last week of the YISS, and it talks about the transformation to Christ. What exactly does that mean? No, it doesn't mean that we are made to God, be God and to command as God. The eight-week experience created new ways for us to affirm one another that we are going through the same type of battle in our daily life as a young adult. We employ the chrisms that we possessed and use it. Not to gain power or be prideful, but to be a living testimony of the power of God.

It creates for us the beneficial platform to be certain that there are people like us who loves God and in complete humility, we seek to create for Him glory from the works of our hands rather than to create it for our own use of fame, popularity or ego.

There have been many friends made, fostered connection and renewal of commitment with one another. I got to experience love from the brothers and sisters in Christ who, just like me, seek to fulfil God's love through the relationships we foster with each other. I begin to know in-depth people whom I thought I'd never get to do so. I also get feelings that allows me to discern the need for companionship, countability partners and of course, perhaps, friendships that last to the very end.

In the YISS at St. Mary of the Angels church, I thorough enjoyed the exposure of the Blessed Sacrament, the divine body of Christ at the Adoration placed in the Church. I couldn't stop asking why can't Holy Trinity have an adoration, even though I already know the answer.

(What is an adoration room? It is a place of worship, meditation, and acknowledgement of God's presence. Perhaps it is the room where in layman's term, you "make known your love" to God in the form of adoring the exposed Blessed Sacrament.)

Tomorrow we are having another activity as a youth community - the Tridentine Mass or a traditional mass that uses Latin and each prayers are sung.

I bet it's the unwillingness to bid adieu to the connection made with the Emmaus who organized the YISS. Hehe so be it, I guess :)

Honestly, I can't wait to attend and be a part of the congregation being it a day of Corpus Christi. It's another special day for us Catholics.

Much love to you readers. Mwahs!

Christmas Updates

I know it has been long since Christmas.
But anyway! here are the pictures of my Christmas Eve and Christmas Day :)

xmas_eve_atJan

It was a nice get together, with a family who's really nice and of course at least a filipino household who tries to make it as fun as possible here in another country. It's always nice to have Christmas at Philippines.
You can really feel the spirit of Christmas, what with the surroundings up and about with people busy and happily awaiting the day of Christ!
There are the songs and the decorations and more!
It is where you can never be frowned upon eating more than you can.
And it is the days of keso de bola.
However, in SG, it might prove a little bit inconvenient to really celebrate to the max.
But hey, we do survived it and yea i still had fun.

Although, it feels mundane and thank goodness i didn't really cry this Christmas.
Tears almost dropped, but better than the previous years when i shed tears because i miss the Christmas i spent decade ago in Philippines.

Sigh.
I miss my grandparents and of course the rest of the family as we celebrate these special occasion.

Christmas Day 09

I missed them more when  my parents proved to be Mr and Mrs Scrooges.

So i headed out to meet my gf Eshani for Christmas lunch over at BaliThai.

Twas really nice :))

And then headed home for a small little supposed gathering at the last minute when my parents said that they cooked the usuals.

I was bombed really, and very infuriated but i manage smiles:)

Headed to Laura's in the night, and i was really late.

I came when the main party was over, but in time for sleepover.

After 12 i succumbed to the drinks, and Laura was actually a great bartender if you really want to get drunk.

But a bad one as well cos i had a freaking hangover that lasted me the whole day.

Was so weak and dehydrated despite the amount of water i downed to battle the effect of the alcohol.

But after that i was fine ;))

The coming year would prove to be very busy, but so far really nice and productive.

Today is the Eve and im quite uncertain how my day will turn out, but im definitely praying for a good one ;))

So good luck and have fun people.

Hugs.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

imy baby

i can't wait to see you soon!

Time passes fast

I can't believe it's already the end of the week.
Time pass by fast - for real.
It seems just awhile back that it was Monday, and i have just posted.
Maybe it's got to do with me not sleeping on wed/thur days. Hmm
And now it's Friday, missed another Feature Writing module due to family obligations.

So anyway, from the last post, nothing much really happened.
The biggest event of the week was of course the nice little gathering the Bitchifive had for Nurul's birthday!
Altho it wasn't much of Bitchifive because Jar didn't come.
It was just foursome, Nurul, Lyn, Hid and I over at Mosicafe for dinner.
The ladies shared a Special Mosi Combo with pitta bread, which was mostly chix,
so i had to have a separate dish.. I had fish and chips instead.
And then it was Nurul's dessert treat - M&Ms Moment at Wanna' B.
Got her in that, but hey, she happily accepted. LOL

The album contains of the Tuesday birthday dinner for Nurul.

Best'sBday

Second is the Butter ladies' night. A place i find is rather OVER-rated, but nevertheless twas fun =)
We queued for about 40 mins, and i guess it really is a very popular place.
However, i gotta pass my verdict, that despite i was with great crowd, i'm still loving arena =)

Can't wait to go there the coming Wednesday!
BUT, i'm going to put a MAJOR condition.
That i will not be going for ladies night this coming week IF the days' before are not productive.
Productive being, that i have been studying and making sure i'm completing my fyp duties.
Yes, tough condition, but hey, i've got to instill discipline eh... Barfs.

Alright, so pictures are not in yet, so anytime i get it, i will put it up.
Which i can predict to be out only by next week because Naq is always late to doing that.
It's friday and i'm home, and no plans. Lol

Im actually planning to sleep in. Very tired still.
Didn't sleep after butter cos i got home at 7, just in time to get a shower and head to school.
Yes, i survived. But the moment i hit my bed, goodbye world. haha
The plan for that thursday night was so definitely not meant to happen.


Let's see what happens next week...

Weekend Fun

Saturday

I woke up feeling negative on whether or not my friendship with Jan is actually possible.

So i had to be frank with him, and told him how i felt.

I'm glad to know he still care, and that we need time to work things out.

I went for his production, Dancing Through Seasons, with his mum, brother and uncle.

The show was spectacular, of course, very catty and really bold.
I spotted the obvious great dancers, 1 hot mama and 4 hot gays.
And i was wowed by this break dancer who did a freaking superb headspins for quite a long time.
Jan said his name's Ahmad i think. Haha, name's so old school huh.

I bonded well with Jan's mum and uncle.
Jan's mum and i really don't need to get formal again etc, she likes me and i like her.
No matter the old squabble etc, she understand and we really catch up.
I told her how happy i am that Jan and I are somehow back :)

The album for this post consists of my Fri-Sun happenings...
Saturday was quite omitted because i forgot to bring the digicam when i met Naq.
And my handphone is a lousy camera tool at night in a place without good lighting!
Well anyway, enjoy.

DEC4-6

Hung out with Naq to have lunch after the production.

Billy (naq best friend) and Yvonne (her gf) came down too cos they fetched Naq from work.

I had lunch with Naq at Tong Seng, which i never realized had a second floor.

We were there chatting and chatting, hmm mostly making fun of Billy.. Making him come out of the gay closet.Haha... alright, he isn't gay, just that we girls wana think he is. LOL

After Tong Seng, headed to sisha... Sigh

I don't know why the hell i had to go to Al-tazzaq man.

At first i was just having nice times making fun of Billy and talking kinky with Naq, and smoking sisha madly...

But after awhile...


BOOM!

memory bomb went off.

Naq was raving about her love for *someone* and i, well, i was listening to sad songs thinking of you know who. Haha


BAD VIBE man.

Crazy shit.

I scolded Naqiah for even allowing me to go there. LOL

I guess goodbye Al-tazzaq for the time being... Damn.

So we headed off to Wanna' B, stopped to see scarf here and there.

Got the 2 vendors from 2 different shop excited for goodness sakes why,

and telling me they'll sell me the $10 scarf for $6 and $5 respectively instead.

Since i was out of bucks, i declined despite the great offer.

At Wanna' B's we had M&M moments.

Superb dessert for sharing! Try it..! (see the only ice cream i took picture of in the album)

Headed home after that...

The effect of al-tazzaq lasted through the night too... Sigh.

I hate sleeping alone when it's cold.

Sunday

Headed to church and the sermon was all about making way.. moving along and ahead... forward etc.

I took that as a sign and i listened well.

It also contained that i should release the junk in the house(heart), the hate, the grievance, the offense etc...

So that God can come in and reside in it...

I aim to do that by new year... and by then i should have gone on ahead, steered clear of the dark clouds and making the journey right.

I have more or less new year resolutions done up in my head.

This time i'm going to write it down so that i will remember them!

Afternoon

Meet up with Eshani for pinoy lunch...

I don't want to keep thinking about it, but it just seem to come to my head. 
Sigh... just can't believe it... oh well...

We ate like pigs and crazy.. haha!
I mean u can see the amount of desserts we got. Damn...

Later on Sandu came and we three headed to cineleisure for a movie.
Nothing was really great to see but we settled for Zombieland.
Twas funny and disgusting! Haha
Sandu was cute... She's worst than me in terms of screaming and the adrenaline rush. And i thought i was bad. LOL

Later aft the movie, she had to leave so we dropped her off to the bus stop.
Then Eshani and i headed to TF where she got the cute flowery top in the album.
As a present, she got me that little black dress. It was all on sale! Lol
Thanks sweety...

After walking around Orchard Central from TF, we headed home.
65 was quite fast and i guess since i dozed off i didn't die in the bus... hate bus rides really.
I turned in later after supper and then felt guilty i haven't studied for ITSM exam on Tuesday! Yikes!

Will do it today, just want to nap first, mug and then sleep till the afternoon, and go to battle.
After that, dinner with the Bitchifive! Loves.

I'm back and living.

Hello everyone!

I'm back! (actually since tuesday.. just didn't have the time to post.. heh)

Here is the album(s) containing the 700 (or less) pictures!

Segamat - Nature Getaway

Segamat

I feel restored and honestly, i have had a rude awakening these few days.
It feels ugly really, but i guess whatever knowledge that came to me, i guess it's a good catalyst.
I felt really disgusted at what i'd learnt, and hurt, yes, but nevertheless, i guess i'm good.
And i know i'll be better.

Starting today!

I cannot imagine that despite what i'm feeling, happiness just slammed me in the face.
Jan Rick Mascarina and i have hopes of rebuilding our friendship.
I've always hoped for this day that we'll be back again, and finally after a long hard struggle, he's given the green light to be cool with me.
I didn't expected him to 'run' to me and hug me. It all happened so fast, i was only brought to realization that Jan hugged me after it happened.
And i can't help it, i just needed to hug him again, and he do too! Awww!
And well, i didn't just let him off like that, heh.

I told him i want to head to JB and i want him to come! Heh.
We have to sit down and really have a full heart to heart.
I miss him a lot and i'm glad that he's back, and not in the withdraw outer space from me.
I know that this time around if we ended up together again, no matter who im going to be with, he's not going to be sacrificed.

Okay, fyi, jan was - and im still hoping, is - my bgf.
We have had a falling due to my relationship with thomas, and i regretted it deeply.
I just hope that this 2nd chance will help us well.
I can't wait for us to hang out!

I hope this ain't a dream  -__-

Anyway, i celebrated Syak's bday in a little unique way..
I got him that designer dessert over at Artbites, got a candle on the ice cream cake and let him blow out the candle.
The ice cream cake was totally unique because it's apple or peach coated, the real fruit i guess, and then inside is the ice cream cake. Awesome really.

I realized that he's the first person i bought that cake, when all these times i'd have wanted to buy thomas that.
Well, whatever i guess.

I'm still in school, though i didn't go to class.
I caught up with a lot of other people, and i'm actually going to be tight about my fyp now.

WE HAVE NO MORE TIME!
like death is coming to consume me thinking about it.

H-E-L-P!

Next big event: BEST's bday!

Night(s) of Fun

To get my mind of him i had to do something (to get out or get busy) to feel occupied.
Despite the fact that he does still hover around, having fun with my gfs are a good way of actually eliminating his undying presence. (Sometimes, it still went futile, but hey, i did have fun.)
Well, i can't help it. It's just been a few days since, no, it's a week already! Damn.

Well, on Wednesday i went for Ladies' Night with Naq.
We club hopped around Zirca, Rebel and Arena.
Naq has doubts about Arena but hey! She's a convert after that night!

Well, i promised fun. So i must deliver! :)

It was really fun because i kind of tested my self, and the fun analysis doesn't require random guys.
In fact, i was rather indifferent if guys come and dance up. Hey, been there done that...
So i know the best way to ignore them ;) Actually, it doesn't take much.
I find myself rather more magnet to the ladies on the dance floor, who are as much as i am wanting to have fun the best way possible.

That night, we were joined by 4 batches of ladies who find us rather unique and intriguing.
Hmm it must be the dancing :)
I can't wait till the next wednesday as we visit Arena again.
The All Stars are still rocking the house down and really, it's great.
The music, the steps and the songs!
It's wow, and so wow that Naq is taken! :)
Supposedly she need to reach home by 2am, she ended up reaching later than that.
Over at Arena, i met Heidi, the new singer, who looks like Janet Jackson, just slimmer.
Janice introduced her and we were dancing together, and goodness know why they poked my butt and wonder in amazement.
Flattering, but my face burns. Duh!
Haha, they're hot and they're checking and appreciating out my butt.
That's gotta count for something :) Hee

Here are the pictures of the night:

Naq+Jean1stWed

Arena beats Zirca and Rebel hands down.

I bet Naq enjoyed Rebel though.. Haha

There she danced up with this "cute" guy, and the "cute" guy has a company and he's itching to dance me up.

Well, i don't like that for now and honestly, i didn't like his look, so i ended up turning to the next girl behind me! Haha, and she was hot! :) And of course they got the clue.

Naq told them i'm not interested in guys, or something. Hahaha!

Alright, i'm not lesbo-ing k, i just find it rather fulfilling when we ladies dance together on the dance floor. And make the guys suffer just cos they can just look and not touch. Don't you think that's fun? Well, i do! :) Back to my old tricks, honestly, i'm loving it.

We went back and forth from Zirca to Arena, to finish up our drink coupons and then we settled at Arena actually. Naq gone crazy with the cutest guys she can find, and hey! it's my job for the night to hook her up..

Well, nothing much really, all she want is to take pictures with them. Haha!

So anyway, almost closing to the time we had to go.

There's this nigga fella, who looks like T.I., who came up to me ask me to dance, then pulled at my hand to motion his intention.

So i pulled back and i said i needed to go to the ladies.

He let go and apparently he waited...

cos when we came out again, he ran towards me and asked again. Poor guy. Haha!

He's really not the "once bitten twice shy" person. Hmmm

So goodbye nigga fella. Besides, i dun think i'd even feel comfy dancing with you. Perhaps if you'd have been Janice or Heidi. LOL

And that night, i drunk dialed.

Woke him up apparently, but he didn't seem to mind.

I don't know what he was thinking about me calling and stuff.

And i don't know what i was thinking and stuff, calling him. My guard was down.

I found out some news from him and honestly, it made me wonder why the hell was i still not guy-interested.

But he said that it was nothing.

Oh what the hell.

But despite that, i felt that i was calm, despite having known so.

And i realize that it's just a calm before a rain.

Because the next day i woke up, i felt like fuck.

Haha. Crazy and mad, i know.

I replied whatever he text me after our midnight convo, and i guess i spoke my mind.

So i asked him of his motive and if he badly want me to get over him, vice versa.

The playground is not going to be easy but hey, if it helps, why not.

But he refused and he did give good points as to why.

So i was relief that he didn't want it badly.
But for some reason, i smiled after i realized we spoke for 50+ mins on the phone.
Rare occasion.

I woke up late and i took my time. Didn't go to school Thursday (yesterday), which is horrid really! Damn.

Haha. At night i met up with Jasvin, to have sisha cos today i will be going off to my rest house in Malaysia.

It'll be a good experience. I promise pictures! :)

There should be a lot to do there - fishing, picking fruits, riding, hiking and stuff!

A good way to spend the weekends and who knows how many more days! :)

Here are the pictures i took with Jasvin over at Nasrin's:

Jasvin+Jean - Sisha Night - Thurs

I guess due to the smoke of the sisha, i felt damn damn damn sleepy and too headache.

I was fighting it all the way till i cannot stand it, we wen't home.

Thank goodness Jasvin's bf fetched her after that.

While sisha-ing however, he messaged me.

He asked me eventually if we can meet before i leave town.

I was reluctant and he was enthusiastic about it.

He persisted and so i gave in.

In a way, i guess the seeminly better convo we had for the week, made me accept seeing him.

So we met, i waited for him at Wanna B's.

That's a new food joint to chill out in. Good music, and good service.

The menu shows enough delights to tell myself to visit the place again.

Meeting him yesterday, i realize that i must till keep away.

That i'm not ready to really face him and pretend to want to be friends, no matter how our convo went earlier in the day.

I still take personal some things, and i know that things he says still seem to itch me up.

Like which type of girl he will settle down since after us.
"Going back to my roots" - ST

It got me thinking, that even though i think that yea maybe his people are the best fit for him, I just cant fight the urge to just not accept that.

We spent years building our dreams - a family and a marriage like no other. And more..

So i guess being the girl, i find it rather harder to release the personal note of being attacked?

I don't know if you know what i meant but then again, maybe you do.

Hmmm...

So closing to his stop, he told me to take care and he planted a kiss on my head, and then silence altogether after that.

It was heartbreaking, in a non hurtful way.

The emotional analysis done in the meetup is actually a realization.

I have to know that being good friends with him is still definitely not something good for now, but it is possible.

Maybe in due time, maybe months/years, it will come.

So let's see how things go... meanwhile, i guess hi-bye is enough.

Or even better, keeping away from him to the maximum. (can't do it altogether because i'll still see him in class for psych... =.=)

Friday:

Heading to malaysia via ktm express.

Should reach the rest house in 5 hours.

Alright people, i've to get ready.

Leaving at 4pm! Ciaos! See ya the next post!