school related

i am currently in a major dilemma which i'm really not diving into right now.
going over to confusion zone and i'm going nutcase with the education path right now.

module selection for year 3 is not doing good for my decision making system right now.
shenath has already settled for this specialization track and indecisive me still want to remain ms jack-of-all-trades.

so far our selection modules has only left us with two modules to choose from as the other two are year 3 core modules.

the two core modules are marketing and business process module.

one of them i have decided on is human resource management information system
and i was thinking of quite a few FCMs (freely chosen modules), but not just any FCMs
i was thinking of doing what is at least relevant to something what i want to do.

then the question comes out - what do i really want to do?

i like working in the creative sector, i like media platform, i like writing, i like doing something to represent something, i like supervising, i like crafts, i like fast-paced work, i like a work that i can chill after each projects, i like creating websites, i like ....

ooh i like a lot of things!

i have to decide soon.

yikes! school's getting on at me the wrong way.
i've never been so grades oriented in school before, it's like i'm bothered i got a B for web application when for a straight 8 weeks, i have been getting straight As.

something weird is happening to me. lol

and i even chided at the comment my new (3rd) web application facilitator made for my day 10's individual comment, the part that he says:
"I had wanted to give you an A but as you came in late I had to give u a B."

LIKE HELLO, DOESNT HE KNOW THAT LATE COMERS ARE ALREADY DOWNGRADED?
AND DOESNT HE LIKE KNOW THAT YOU CAN AWARD YOUR STUDENT AN A EVEN IF THEY ARE LATE AS LONG AS THEY DESERVE IT?

boo hoo... and i wasn't even THAT late...

see what i mean? i'm going paranoid about grades! ugh

untitled

For awhile there i didn't think that weiling will call me for work this week.
for some reason, even though i dislike to really work at the cafe for now, the need and thought of finance just make me see some sense -  

I NEEDED HER TO CALL ME FOR WORK.
oh and she did. phew! yey!

i really disagree about working and studying concurrently now...
it's really tiring and very much of a mood eater. for me, i have a lot of other choices but for bf, he ain't really got a choice cos swissotel let foreign student work as long as it is under the government. also, i have other source of income from my parents so im quite glad that i need not work as much as him. phew...
i don't think i can handle the job he does... 10-12 hours of work. gosh.
well, not as much as a friend of mine, celestine, who can work for 21 hours!
crazy woman. haha... well anyway, lets stop talking about jobs.

today i just want to say that i'm such a good gf. ahha right shenath? ;)

im currently here at paisley and cream, a nice cosy cafe at clarke quay.
i swear i will come here and take bf for a bit of good food soon.. the menu comprise of unique food variety. yum...
most of them are signature dishes that is created as a tribute for some known person.
one of them is issey miyake... err forgot the others.
hmm, i'm currently waiting for shenath to finish work, and whilst doing that, i studied for S.A.D
really interesting topic for S.A.D today...
of course, the more interesting it is, the more complex and big of a workload it is.
definitely.

well, time to pack up.
blog soon.
oh and please forgive the fact that i can't upload pictures aites.
no camera phone/digicam at the moment -.-

p.s. might be heading back to philippines for christmas and new year

yey! it would be nice to feel real christmas and the explosive new year.

but then... it wouldn't be right without him.

even before he goes to his homeland, i'm already missing him. sigh

Smile. Smile. Smile

it was almost a whole month that me and shenath went through some battlefields with ourselves, constantly after each others' blood.
it was a threatening times and yet, love did prevail.. it always do.
after that whole phase, i thought we'll never see happiness again, and yet, here we are -
still standing beside each other, still with a lot of love to give...

i was in love before, but it never felt this strong.
that's what makes me fear all the more... and yet, that's what strengthens me too.
our love strengthens with every weakness fixed, and every weakness falls with the sight of every strength that we muster.

after one big blow, i didn't think that we can survive it, yet he was prepared to accommodate... to at least try... and i'm glad that we saw reasons.

on sunday, we had dinner at teasire as i didn't get work.
had laksa and sze chuan chicken hotpot. twas nice, esp the laksa.
it was such a big portion too! then later on, we went to the beach.
sat by the shore and chatted about things.. and went all lovebirds. haha

yesterday, monday, class was crazy as always in teck ming's(he's my OS facilitator) class.
OS (operating systems) module isn't my thang, but at least i did my work diligently somehow :)
left early tho cos shenath had to book a flight to sri lanka for the december holidays.
reached keck seng tower at 5 and later had semi dinner at lau pa sat...
had chicken rice, and we think it wasn't THAT expectacular.
we were supposed to study for WAD(web appli design) after the booking of tix but eventually dropped.

today, skipped school cos both of us got lazy in the morning.
first he said to go late for school, so i told him to call me when he's up.
then when he called me at 730, i ended up not feeling like going.
so told him we'll meet at lunch instead...
we had nasi ayam penyet at mr teh tarik, then headed to teasire to study.
which didn't really turned out much of studying.. more like reviewing and slacking.

he got sick of sitting there and 'studying' so we changed venue.
so we went to pasir ris park.
decided to head to the swamp area... here are some pictures taken there today.

twas nice seeing the crabs and having a nice cosy time at the tower.
lovely surrounding and environment... quite creepy but the time we went there wasn't really bad, so it wasn't that spooky :))
there were a lot a lot a lot of mounds at the swamp and in those mounds, we saw minimum 7 crabs.. and on every mounds, there were more crabs in total.
so many! good that they are taking care of the place.
it'll be a waste if these crabs or any other swamp animals dies of 'deforestation'

so good job Nparks! at least someone is doing their part for the environment :)

anyway, after the swamp, shenath and i sat by the waterbreaker that was on the shore itself. (more like shorebreaker if you ask me)
cosy, emo, nice time over there... and we wrestled on the sands too. haha
it was real fun, esp when he was teaching me some self defense tactics. cool eh :)
but to me, it's easy... just hit the nuts(if it's a guy)... lol


it was nice spending time with him in peace after a long time on the battlefields.
you people who go through this relationship glitches should know how it feels like...
and this happy times are what contributes to the establishment of success in the relationship...
but yet, i must say that love, if it's for keeps, will always prevail.

OOH AND I FOUND THIS NEW TAYLOR SWIFT SONG - Love Story.
Very nice...

ice cold

looks nice doesn't it? just a little bit of a weird design i did.
heart back in a safebox can be very subjective and somehow,
it is a context of the many individual feelings that we tend to feel.
and somehow, it can vary due to the many events that can happen.
yet, we always feel safe when we put our hearts in the safety of our safebox,
hidden in the most secluded part that no one can find.
for now..... good night.

obama//yes we can//mccain

to all who are aware of the new elected president for USA, and for those who might not..

the following youtube videos shows the victory speech for mr obama in chicago and the concession speech of john mccain in arizona, respectively.

Click here for the manuscript of this speech.

this is definitely a historical election ever seen in the whole presidency election of USA.
the FIRST-ever African-American President who won the majority votes from the various cities of USA, and having won over the states that caused victory for the former president george w bush.
and i bet it was due to the 8 years of suffering and horrifying changes that USA and in fact, every other parts of the world, found hard to adapt to.
also, with the many crisis that has appeared during the reign of bush, im sure that people worldwide, not only americans, crave for a new change.
a better leader, one who can ignite the hopes and inspiration of the many people wordwide, and that's no other than the then senator obama, now, the newly elected president of USA.

the wall street crash - financial crisis - and the waging wars in iraq and afgahnistan, are just the main problems that obama promised to change. and as he takes office in January 20, and as he lives through this term(s), can we see what changes he will make for the world and not just for USA.

i guess it has been quite interesting to see who takes the seat of presidency due to the many problems the world faced, in the terms of george w bush.
mccain, well, he seemed to be strong leader. but this year, people craved and hope for changes, and i bet that being in association with bush didn't do well for him, as a good change. as i listen to his concession speech, i must say i respect his gracious acknowledgement of his defeat and has urged his many supporters to route their hopes and loyalty to barack obama.

i may not be an american but i was born onto the land that has been a supporter of america who has helped established indepedence in The Republic of The Philippines.
whose general mcarthur upheld his promise of return.
the famous phrase, "i will be back" will always be etched to the many hearts of people of The Philippines.

From thereforth, it came about the alliance that has long been forged between USA and the Philippines.
and i bet that phrase, that fulfillment of promise, made Filipinos regard America their friend.
And seeing a new change and a positive vibe in the US office, it creates a new view about USA. and not just filipinos or american allianced countries are interested, everyone in this world might even be.

the US president is like the WORLD president, and all of us, are aware of that and we embrace that because so far they have been reputable enough to be the top. and yet, the terms of bush has tarnished that reputation, and so, we all should hope that president obama will steer the world stage to a different location, where promises and good changes will happen, indefinitely.

God bless Mr President.

boredness/BGR talk

i was mistaken and misled about the commencement date of cashmere mafia.

it wasn't today. it will be next week, or so. i ain't sure now. so sad. so wanted to watch!

expense expense expense!

that's all been happening to me.

my salary is diminished due to the many things i need pay for.

it totally sucks big time. i need to alter all this.

i have to. i must.

i haven't been so poor till of the late months and i can't stand it no longer.

it's tiring and it's really devastating.

i want to work and save money. (or even work to buy myself pretty things.)

and not just to work and pay bills. get it?

well, no choice for now.

but it's got to change :) and i have a good feeling it will. 

today, i went to get my ezlink replaced, and then met shenath for lunch.

headed to drive 6 central again. it's becoming THE place.

the food is not only nice but it's quite convenient :)

i am still hoping that whoever took my clutch bag return my ic to me.

haiz. it'll totally suck if i had to pay $100 for that :(

please please please return my ic you culprit.

and im sure you'll be much happier :)

 i'm really quite bombed that cashmere mafia isn't on show today.

i want to see it. and i hope i dont lose interest. haha

so anyway, the whole day after lunch, didn't really do much.

shenath went to work and i stayed home.

was supposed to meet up with nurul dear but i guess she and hafiz really need to talk.

it really irritates me at how she tries to go with the flow...

 i know hafiz is the love of her life and i know hafiz also feels fed up about this and that,

but damn, i hate it when my gf is trying her best and all the time, she's the one at loss.

i mean, talk things out, compromise, promise you won't do the things that made your love one upset, try your best to uphold that promise, and not repeat it again after a few days.

then eventually, what's the point of having the talk of it if nothing ever really happens permanently?

and then both of you pair gets frustrated, pissed and tensed up, when you know all along that you both have failed to fulfill the standards that you guys already put across to each other.

to guys out there, just because you already have our hearts, that doesn't mean that you should play it cool and slack in your standards. 

most guys only keep up in pace with their woman at the beginning of the relationship, but after that, what happens?

you expect your ladies to tolerate you in the name of love? what the hell is that about?

so if you are those guys who pride themselves as the minority, please do yourselves a favor and stop being a jackass and always have your standards. 

i respect the guys who maintain and better themselves in the relationships.  

and that includes my shenath.

often, the pair themselves lose the motivation to maintain standards, and that's when either one should question the other. if no one is speaking forward, initiate.

and sometimes, it helps if you speak out about it. (yes, it really does. i learned that.)

so question it before it turns all sour. try your best to work things out. over and over again.

and i'm sure that if you both love each other for real, it'll work out.

so if you've already claimed a common ground about your fights, don't repeat the bad things you've done. at least try HARDER THAN HARD.

nurul said "we hafta make sacrifices sometimes" and she's right. we all do.

but i must say we ladies should always keep a watch out if our man make us do quite a number of sacrifices more than us. it should be equal, or rather a little bit inclined to you.

i know that may sound bias, but honestly, it's we ladies who loses more than man.

and that is the brutal reality despite the presence of feminism in this era.

we ladies have to maintain our standards and have to make sure we give our man what we can, but in moderation.

to end this post, i would like to say;

if your man gives you the world, give him a kiss.

if your man gives you his heart, give him your hand.

and if your man gives you his life, give him your soul.

crazy days

well, it gets very frustrating when you and your loved one had nothing but misunderstandings for quite a stretch of days.

but it all pays off when you realize how much you love each other, over and over yet again.
despite the many disagreements or quarells, affection and love conquers and create a certain standard to be fulfilled.

it really is hard to comprehend love.
and yet, we love to meddle with it.
we fall in love like we really love the whole entire package it brings.
i mean c'mon, it takes strength to ensure you get through the horrible things relationship make us go through.
if you think life's a bitch, love is meaner.
only, its rewards doubles that of what life can bring.

i always preached last time that couples should be strong and go through the hardships together.
however, when the time was ripe for me to experience such things myself, i realize that relationships ain't no easy business.
it takes a lot of patience, understanding, open-mindedness, compromises, belief, trust and most importantly the reciprocal nature of what love should be based on.
i always believe that it isn't right when love is one-sided.
i mean yeah, it can happen, but that's not what love is supposed to be.
and i guess i still believe it.

i met shenath and i'm still with him, and if u follow till the end of this post, you'll be led to the number of days we have been together.
despite it being just a year and a few months, it really is a big deal.
remember, it's not the quantity that matters, it's the quality.
however, sometimes, quantity matters when gauging how far you can last the season.
whether or not your stocks of food for winter will run low too early or will it be sufficient.

he's my first real serious steady boyfriend.
ooh and pls, ive seen enough jerks and of course good guys turned mediocre and lacking of standards as time passes on, to be able to gauge where my REAL SERIOUS STEADY bf stands.
and if GOD wills it, i'll marry him and we'll have the dreams and goals we have set for ourselves :)

going back to the said frustration that i have felt earlier, no doubt he might have felt it too. yet, i'm sure it wore off starting monday when we went crazy and nuts with games.
so on monday, it was still quite tensed but a trip to downtown managed to subdue it.
we went to my cafe to get my pay, but weiling wasn't around still.
met jeremy whilst heading down a storey off to another venue.
so it all started at jeremy's workplace, skatesports, when we went nuts playing skateboards, skooters, and essboards.
like gawd... we were like kids with new toys.
it was real fun, i had real fun that night :)

no pictures for show because of the loss of my cybershot

nurul joined us in awhile and then started playing with the equipments too.
so upon getting my pay and j closing shop, we headed down to drive 6 central coffeeshop.
where the boys had baron and the girls had teh peng kahtai :)
twas fun laughing the night till late, where me and nurul kept a constant squirmy view on the gay talks shenath and jeremy were having.
if i wasn't going on with shenath and jeremy didn't go on with lyn before, i would have thought that they are real hardcore gays.
hahaha no offence, i've nothing against gays, in fact, i find them fun =D

i used to have a gay bestfriend? so yeah. 'used to' because he decided to distance himself when shen and i got together in a serious knot

The night ended with a nice sweet warmth of the activities, as we end our day on monday. so nice feeling of finally being soo cool with shenath.
no tense, no worries. period.

then yesterday, tuesday, nearing the end of the day, i got pissed with shenath for altering plans. then finally got over it somehow, despite the fact that i make it sound that i wasn't happy about the whole alteration.
eventually, the initial plan and the altered plan got merged!
wasn't it great?? hehe so nice and happy.
ooh yeah, finally i have a new hp and number replacement for the hp loss.
i guess i wouldn't be using my previous number, 9****784, already.
can't afford having to keep paying for it monthly. and i know i'll blow it off in the end.
so what's the use? im going to try and stick to prepaid cards as long as i finish off my hp bill debts and also, as long as it take me to grow responsible for my own bills and belongings.

i'meyeingonanewsonyericssonphone

well, today had dinner with shenath and we had a nice little chats about lots of little things. and im sure we'll establish a better relationship and togetherness more than this.

also, i guess we'll learn how to ensure each other's happiness more with all the past misunderstandings we have 'fulfilled'

finally, to end my post, i would like to share with you all the new sitcom on show on channel5 at 10pm every wednesday - CASHMERE MAFIA

It's almost like Sex and the City with a little bit twist here and there.

and lucy liu is one of the main stars and to those feminist who believes in the capability of their womanhood. it shows how women balance a lot of areas of their lives and still achieve something that fulfills them. no one says women are ALL-THAT, cos we are after all, just human beings. so watch this sitcom for some adult humor and seemingly nice storyline. 

Season 1 Episode 1 is tomorrow airing in Channel5 at 10pm.

Here are some Sneak Peaks -

well, for better view, just watch and be surprised, turned off, excited, and whatever, with me. nites!!!

God, thank you for today.

worst day ever

the worst day this year, i must say is on the 31st october 2008, halloween night.
wait to come to think about it, it was NOVEMBER 1. hmms
it sucks to the core because there was a lot of event that led to its major worst-day-award.
1. the halloween night didn't turn out as expected
2. the fun in that night was utterly subjective!
3. i had the nagging feeling that something awful was going to go wrong
4. and yes, something did go wrong!

it all started when we were making our way to the last club stop...
when laura lost her camera. half of the night's pictures were stored there!  
and not forgetting her treasured pictorial memories were there too
and that it was her mum's...

so she dropped it when we made our way to the other side of the road to attica.
then somebody picked it up, and it was gone.
all done in splits of seconds... damn that fucker who took that camera!

well, the whole wreck extended to me and bf.
as we made some misunderstandings sound and the night erupted in intensed disagreement.
but as the night proceeded, we it all led to talks of marriage and that we should always work it out. in this we both have the same thoughts.
no matter how much we disagreed each other, tell off each other and loathe each other,
it all comes down to whether we want to spend the rest of the lifetime with each other.
and from there, it all forms the conclusion of making the best out of the shits of life.
that we have to keep remembering that we have to make things work!
why? because we love each other,
and seeing things fall down the drain will be the worst disappointment ever.
love you sweetheart.

so anyway, the day couldn't really do good for us.
guess what?? i lost my clutch bag!
it all contained my ic, ezlink, handphone, keys, cosmetics.. gosh :(
so we had to head down to the nearest police station, which felt like 2km of walk.
how i lost it?
i really don't know.
and that's the worst because sooner or later it would have dawn on me where the f* i left it.

the worst thing is that we weren't even drunk -.-
also, what makes it the worst of all things i lost is the replacement cost i have to face.
altogether i lost around $400 worth of items.
and that sucks. for real.
because till know i don't even know where to blame my stupidity to.
it's like if i'd known where i put it or where i know id most likely put it on to, i would feel rather better in a way about losing it, because i can blame it to the stupidity of leaving it on that certain place.
but this loss is like, i dont even know where the hell it went to!
it sucks big time.
till now, as i walk down the memory lane of the entire places that it might likely be at,
i can't think of a possible place it might have landed.

and the thing is if it dropped outa my grip, i would know!
it isn't a small clutch you know.
uggh...

well, to that fucker who has my items now, pls just return my ic.
or if they aren't ball-ess enough, well, it's okay. enjoy the stolen goods.
i'm sure you'll get stained by it... it's cursed things now they're holding. so good luck!

for me, i'm over it.
i need to face the replacement costs now, and have to learn from this shit.
i'll never carry anymore clutches.
nah uh. never. ever.

oooohhh and school's starting tmr!
i can't be sure that im happy about it now that im all lazy to do anything.
lol hopefully i'll get back the mood of studying.

hugs! cioas

looksee

i dont know if i had in-built caffeine in my bloodstream, it really gets irritating i couldnt even get to a sleeping mode.
so here i am, decided to blog and finally my usb device has worked for my hp, so means i can upload all the pictures i took today.
which was actually my rehearsal day for tmr's minor BIG event.
in due 12 hours or so, i will be up and about, getting ready for the halloween celebration.
and i just realized that i cannot, yet again, upload the pictures i took today over at blog.
lately, blog picture uploads been really sucha piss off.
can't even upload ONE. wth is happening, i know not!

well, i guess my readers will have to make do with the words written over at this blog.
in this case lately, i dun really know how much readers i have.
despite my last attempt to even bother, i realized that it is futile to even care.
why? cos eventually i will just end up moving to another blog type or url.
which i so often done in my blog years. lol
however, im keeping jeanath.blogspot.com because i want to :)
not because i want to be flooded with readers, both wanted or unwanted alike.
jeanath - the combination of my name and his' - is actually quite nicely put.

soooo anyway, reverting back to the picture upload woes, i found a better alternative.
also by google... picasa web album! yey, so here are the pictures of what i might be looking like for tmr's halloween extravanza! hihihihihi (an imitation of a hag's laughter ;))

in ascending order of preparedness (:

well, more pictures coming up soon.
for now, i think i'm getting sleepy.
need to wake up early for shenath's (quite) big day tmr!
im sure you'll do fine darling (:

love diabetics bid adieu
darling, i know it's still quite far...
for us to sit and relax.
i'm sure time will pass fast,
and we'll we fine soon at last :)
love u honey darling.
despite the amount of frustration we feel,
i know that nothing can top how much we mean to each other.
i may turn cold and you too, but love conquers all, and it will always
melt the ice that may surround us.
i love you. always.

love is never enough... or is it?

creep down the motion of nothingness,
calmed the surrounding sadness
it didn't occur the strenght of such test,
that things can dwindle by nature's jest.
what can one say when white turns stained,
is it always enough when love is faint
the smile on a face can make the sun shine,
yet how bright will it be till darkness intertwine.
a joker is seen holding up his act,
yet how can one know how much a joker lack
is it seen by eyes or felt by a heart,
or is it understood by only one art?
happiness is sweet yet subjective,
what makes one cry can make one's objective
nothing can save reality from fate,
nor a game of chest when the king is checked-mate.
then come the final truth we all know not,
that no matter how much we know of a dot
nothing can make things better,
when love is left scorned and bitter.
smile upon the sky so bright,
as the lord heals you with his might
it gets better in time we all know,
that bitterness and hurt will do go.

and yet, love is responsible for all that.

it's responsible for the happiness,
the pain and emotional gain,
the way we see things that makes us squirm,
the way we endure and hold on so grim.
it makes the day grow brighter,
or makes it gloom all day.
so what else can't love do?
but we always have to question,
is love ever really enough.
may i know, you will answer...?

~mj

this is the most retarded poem i've ever written.
lol i dunno how i pieced all this together in trance, but
then again, who cares?
good night.

well, nothing special nor exciting has been up with my life.
i'm rather bored but the thought of bucks coming in soon is making my boredom and tiredness of working bearable.
so far, i haven't had a huge problem of staying in for work for almost 10 hours.

and guess what? i never spent that much time on an fnb job because to me, i never want to!
but lately i guess i haven't got a choice so it's either i have bucks or no bucks at all.
well, dad's cash in is never ever enough and i know i shouldn't rely on that either.
it's a little bit out of the question for me to actually settle for the monthly allowance i'm getting, being on the know of things to pay...
it sucks horribly and i never felt so money minded as i do now, in my whole 19 years of living... ;(

nevertheless, it's okay (:
i'm rather enjoying myself at work because my colleagues are nice people.
as well as my supervisor, my boss and the chefs.
altho some colleagues, esp the new ones, can honestly suck the life outa me...!
it's been okay working at the fnb line, much better than retail, cos u dun need to talk too much, you need not push too much sales and best of all, you're not getting too many bossy customers.
and yeah, the boss ain't sooo paranoid. lol

love diabetics you can leave now
i want to convey how much im pining for mr beloved.
both of us are rather into getting our finances right.
inflation, great depression, financial crisis, or whatever u call it, has befallen us.
and there's no saying how long it will really last, but we have come to an agreement that next month, it will be elevated.
(*crossing fingers*)

honey baby i'm longing for you,

and i know how much you're feeling it too;

we need our space to do our things,

then we'll treat each other like kings and queens.

the time will come i sure,

this trial is what we have to endure;

nevertheless we'll get thru this,

with smiles on our face after a warm kiss.

for now we'll wait to that nice nice day,

when we can do anything our way;

we'll head off to nice nice place,

and bring more money just in case! =)

*emo

last night got a text from supervisor, asking if i'm coming at 12 today for work.
if i'd known that i would feel rather into being lovey dovey with my bf today, and if only i had known that my folks will be outa the house to bring my bro and sis to zoo, i wouldn't have want to work.
i would have had half my day with shenath -.-
but then again, i never listened to my intuition...
oh well..... i guess i'd just make do of other days to spend time with mr love.

i dont know why i'm in this mood today. sooo emooo -.-
hopefully he'll drop by my workplace, for a hug or so. hehe
which i don't think he'll have time cos he have to finish up his PP poster.
ooohhh yeah, mine has already been printed out, and it's ready for collection, first thing on tuesday!
for now, i just need to take note of what i'm going to say that day :)

to the sisters who bothers to look see this blog anymore, my holidays has started, so feel free to go out (:

it's been so long since we all gathered, which of course i will understand why we haven't really done so for a long time.
 although, i would always disapprove of not having been talking to each other for ages.
at least just to ask "are you still alive?" or "hey girl, i'm still alive. how about you?"..
if not to call, at least text? hmms then again, who can blame anyone right?
i just hope that things will fix itself.
cos i'm starting to think that everyone has forgotten everyone.
and even if we retort in refusal, there's not much backing for us to even really do so.
so to all out there, pls don't forget the people who were there for you in the past just cos you are now always with another bunch of friends...
make sure you even ring them up or text saying hi... cos it won't look nice if the next thing you know, that someone might be gone forever...
for me, i'm still waiting.... and i'm getting sick of it.

sooo anyway, i have to go and get ready.
good day (=

UP-DATE-YA

A change of mood comes a change of color.
A change of color comes a change of blogskin.

It ain't that hard to switch to another blogskin really.
Now that i am actually good at looking for codes.
So far, i'm glad that i have a hope of actually claiming a 4.0 GPA for my Web Application Design Module.
6 straight weeks and i have been attaining As.
I must say that i can barely code from scratch, but it gets better in time (:

The other modules i'm taking are rather alright, not bad...
I get most As from Systems Analysis and Design too though, but i've mostly been degraded due to my impunctuality.

More about modules, my PP assessment is drawing near.
Wednesday, it is.
I need to get my A1 posters printed out, bucks are going to get wasted big time.
Going to have to spend $32 bucks (and this is actually a low price already! =.=)

Anyway, put a stop on school madness.

today i was in such a horrid feeling, gave me no mood to even be kind to mr love.
he tried to woo me over to the brighter side of the day, but to no avail.
in the end kinda felt guilty over it, so i'm actually typing it here how heartless i was today.
went gym-ing also... twas rather fun honestly, but i'm still not going to convert.
tho it might not hurt to come to gym once in a blue moon. haha

oh yeah, saw jan today.
didn't really see his face but i guess shenath's comment was enough to put it to my head the face jan has whenever he was in scorn.

the same haughty face that i befriended him for. shucks!

and to think, he was a damn close friend, and when i smiled, i guess it wasn't worthy enough to be reciprocated.

like who has not got up and moved on? him or me?
err just fyi, jan's not straight so i meant that as a ex-friendly kinda thing.
hmms,  long story.
i just didn't think that we'd end up in this kinda of thing.
and i thought only lovers fall in this kinda end.
uggh, friends too!
like helloooo!! it was sooo long over and done... like someone, you can just try to forget??
and like uhhh since i was at least something in his life on the friend's list, like try and be more polite.
haiz then again, i guess he was really hurt.
sorry, i guess i didn't say that before...

okay! moving on..
work was rather okay lately, despite the effing boredom that always seem to crawl on my skin all the time at work, it was ok
worked a full shift yesterday and i'm dead tired now after gym-ing.
wanna get into bed.
tmr will be S-A-D (systems analysis and design)
oooohhh yeah, fyp (final year project) proposals are on...
wonder if i should think of any bright idiotic ideas to propose for -.-



love diabetics... leave now.

dearest you!
i know i can be sucha pain, nevertheless
you can be one too.. hehe
i guess this is one thing we have to keep doing.
be patient.
our moods sucks.
but you know i love you right baby?
hugs.
mwahs.

-DONT EVEN KNOW IF HE READS THIS BLOG ANYMORE.
LOL LIKE WHAT'S THE USE? WE SEE EACH OTHER EVERYDAY

Excited

Well, i went to Neurology Dept at TTSH in the morning.
Missed MIS module today also, but can't skip school throughtout cos
i have WAD understanding test 1 -.-

So anw, Laura had purchased the halloween tickets. YEY!
i am rather excited over that cos it will be my first time celebrating halloween the fun way.

In Philippines, when i was younger, 31st October and 1 Nov, is 'celebrated' in cementaries.
Like, we have to visit our deads and just have some kinda gatherings. Yeah, but it was fun.
In all aspects i'm very happy that  i'm going to celebrate it the fun way this time.. yipee!

Today, we're going camping!
yey :)

Buzz in the head...

School & work($) are two bad combination.
but in this era, it's not such an unusual thing.
Teenagers nowadays are much more exposed to these lifestyles.
Last time, only the really poor teens are out there working, but now, it's the next big thing to do.
Even the rich kids are working their ass out even though they are from really rich families.
But some poor people (like me, haha) have to change their mindset and start WORKING!

Lately, life has taught a valuable lesson of being thrifty and working hard.
Also, it has shown me that you really reap what you sow.
It is really ironic that when i was young, i wanted so much to grow up and be able to stand on my own two feet.
Then when it's coming true, i am really hoping it slows down a bit.
But then again, it's inevitable!
I can't stop time from bringing me forth (and much nearer) to my destination.
Along the way, age will definitely be the only thing that people should battle.
I don't want to grow old, the same old thing that i have been dreading.
I want to stay here, at this age... 20 or better, 21.
Then maybe, i can really be FOREVER 21. hee

Well, i guess not right?
I need to focus on the priorities of my life, and there are really quite a few.
But so sum them all up, i'm just hoping for a good present, better future, BEST lifetime...
And so does anyone out there right? But it all depends on how all of us manages it.

But no matter how much we fuss over it, i still say that there is that force around us, that drives us to what ways we take to reach the pit stops of our lives and finally, the final stop.
The final stop, the key to afterlife.....
Where we ascend to achieve to be the highest or the lowest being in the universe, which of course depends on how we hold on to our principles.

For now.........
I guess i have a good grasp of what i need to do to achieve what i need in life.

Random

Halloween is approaching.

WOOOOOHHHHOOOOOOO!

Then again, PP assessment is also coming up!

Before the fun, joy and laughter of the celebration,
i have to make sure that i get good vibes pertaining my PP assessment
OR im sure that i won't have the mood to have fun

There are a lot i need to battle.
MONEY PROBLEMS are really starting to wear me out -.-
How i wish............. sigh.........


if sure things will get better in time.
alright, i want to go for now..
going to sleep soon after some nice movie.
good night

100th Post

To commemorate my 100th Post for this blog, i will be publishing the top five pictures i love, of the people in my life, including myself.

Let's categorize the people in my life;
1. Love
2. Life
3. Leisure
4. Longevity

In the first category, the love of my life - shenath thomas dias - will be  shown first.
So here are the top 5 pictures that i love of him -

~ the goofy prince of my heart.

~ bimbo looking love of my life

~ cutest boy of my life

~ the cutest of the cutes

~ i love this the most cos the hat looks darn cute on him!

2. The for life, these are the five people that makes me...

~ i can never live without my grandparents, the raised me till i was 9

~ of course, i wont be alive if my dad didn't impregnate my mum right?? haha
even tho he's not around me now, he's always there to ask how i am when he can (:

~ then to fill the father area, my step dad tries his best to fill that.

~ of course, my mum will always be the best and the worst of my life. haha
then of course, the brother is making it all better :)

~ then of course, i'll be living my life with the love of my life in years to come.

3. Leisure are the bunch of people that are part of how i enjoyed and still enjoying

~ the group that are active when necessary! active to drink and live the night away!

~ the best club partner you can go all crazy with.

~ the best club chick to be good friends with.

~ the best gay friend you can ever have. this was when he was fat. now he's damn thin. haa but yes, he's one you can turn to.

~ the groupie since secondary school life, where hormones are unpredictable.

4. Longevity are the people who are still close with me and who are currently with me and still are with me, and who i can see will still be around in years and years to come!
- if u are not in doesnt mean you arent going to last in friendship with me, these are the top five people.

~ the only sister i know of 10 years and running, and we've kissed like 5 times already. yikes! haha (this pic is not exactly a real kiss. look closely.)

 

 ~ my walking journal. love her. 6 years and running.

 ~ the reliable person to always be there.

 

~ the fruits of the pillars of my life. i need to lead them the right way. love them

~ the best man to have hold on to me and my heart. my heart will always be with him.

That's all folks!
HUGS

~ pictures are fun!

Last tuesday, i was so mad cos i was broke and cotton on was having sales!
like mad mad mad mad sales! which starts from $5!
it's soooo cheap.
i am on budget role so stopped myself from splurging away the last few bucks i have.
however, i will not let such good deal go off!
so i bought a skirt, which cost only $5. it's yellow, and nice. weeee!
going to wear it tmr to school (unless i change my mind)

i am still learning to keep my spending on the minimal.
it's hard but somehow coping -.-

so anyway! so at night, met up with laura and the rest of her peeps.
who were either related to NUS or goes to NUS.
also, there are those who are already working.
i felt sooo young over there, it's weird cos im usually with peers of the same age or younger.
however, that didnt form wet blankets, it was real fun!
went to settlers cafe that day and played good games of taboo, jurassic something, and a card game like heartattack.
it was real fun... ~~~wee!

here are some pictures that we took! (=

~ this is at boat quay area, some thai chinese food house. must go there eat phad thai again! yummy!

 

~ to settlers! but up to second level, which has really freaking doorway up.

 

 ~ jazz@southbridge (left earlier for home...)

 

so anyway, it's nice! (=
wanna hang out with my usual group soon.
i think the date would be during the haloween period.
so for now, no nightlife for me -.-
wanna recover fully.

ciaos for now!

Miss-ing

As i ended off sadly with a final note of question if i shouda have just let him go, i realized that it is possible disaster.
and i swear to God our lives will never be the same.
well, first off it'll be damn weird cos we love each other damn much and not being with each other will trigger something.
yet, i wonder how things will go for us.

then again, i dont even want to think about it anymore.
we are not over. period.

i felt rather weird initially earlier in the day as i begin my day's plan.
with an honest post "Open and Bare" (previous post) early before the start of my day, it made me wonder how's things over at his side.
is he recuperating or is he making emotional difficulties with himself, that he will vent against me?
i had no clue... his replies to my motion of peace was rather cold.
i didn't know what else to respond when i get the cold and chilly replies, so i decide (as always) to let him warm up.
slowly but steadily, the day progressed and yes, the day heated up.
well, in an intimate but questionable way.

we didn't touch on the previous war and when i wanted to try and pry him open, he just pushes back the lid and put a stop to it.
i dont know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, and i am dying to know what he thinks.
if only i can read hearts and mind...! hmph!

but being human, not gifted with such powerful knowledge, i guess i succumbed to doubts deep within.
i do wonder, of course.
i dont even know why i can think of those thoughts but hell, i think too much sometimes.

sigh.
so as the hours passed by, with the thoughts in my head, i grew weary and cold.
every action or motion he makes, i question. (not directed at him, but at myself)

then again, i guess i utterly just missed him.
really... emotionally, i feel rather distant.
i feel as if im on the shore and he's on a ship sailing by...
i fear that.

i fear distance just as people can fear heights.

i miss him hugging me sooooo freaking tight and when he lets go eventually saying 'i love you'
i miss him giving me butterfly kisses
i miss him telling me he's been thinking a lot about me
i miss him opening up to me
i miss him being spontaenous with whatever we can do
i miss him just holding me, just looking at me with his big brown eyes
i miss seeing him dance (err he & mr actually) ** dont ask who's mr, you guys wont know
i miss him looking at me and just caressing my hair off my face
i miss hearing him laugh like REAL!
i miss him telling me he'll never want me gone from his life
i miss him being emooo
i miss him starting talking about family with me
i miss him telling me he wants to marry me
~yes, over and over again for another day till we get sick of that.haha
i miss the look on his face when he tells me he loves me
~of course he still tells me he loves me, but when i see that look on his face, i freaking fall more than i ever could
i miss him plainly, utterly...

i know he might not notice that he has been overlooking those stuff with me.
i know he might be too busy making money for himself and also for me, that he dont realize he doesn't convey those things ive listed as often as he did even after our one year.
i guess there are things that i have been overlooking to doing for him too, but i try my best to always make it up to him.
he always make it up to me too all the time, but i guess i have to wait for awhile.

i just cross my fingers that he isn't going tasteless on me...i would really dislike that.
err okay, tasteless as in, being sick and tired of always having to eat the same damn thing for over a year +++, you know those kind of feeling?  that's scary. 

But then again, i guess he isn't that type.
i'm sure he's not those typical sort of guy.
he's the type who savor his picked food...
and he sure hell takes longer than any other girl to eat.
that was an analogy! hope i ain't confusing my readers.. blah!


so anyway...............
i should get ready for bed now, it's rather cold lately....
ugg i wanna add this i really miss his warmth too... 
okay okay, i'm being a love diabetic too.
but then again, for almost a month now, i still feel rather emotional. baahh!


good night and sweet dreams.


to mr shenath dias,
i love you.
never fear, you'll the last man i'll leave be.

Miss-ing

As i ended off sadly with a final note of question if i shouda have just let him go, i realized that it is possible disaster.
and i swear to God our lives will never be the same.
well, first off it'll be damn weird cos we love each other damn much and not being with each other will trigger something.
yet, i wonder how things will go for us.

then again, i dont even want to think about it anymore.
we are not over. period.

i felt rather weird initially earlier in the day as i begin my day's plan.
with an honest post "Open and Bare" (previous post) early before the start of my day, it made me wonder how's things over at his side.
is he recuperating or is he making emotional difficulties with himself, that he will vent against me?
i had no clue... his replies to my motion of peace was rather cold.
i didn't know what else to respond when i get the cold and chilly replies, so i decide (as always) to let him warm up.
slowly but steadily, the day progressed and yes, the day heated up.
well, in an intimate but questionable way.

we didn't touch on the previous war and when i wanted to try and pry him open, he just pushes back the lid and put a stop to it.
i dont know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, and i am dying to know what he thinks.
if only i can read hearts and mind...! hmph!

but being human, not gifted with such powerful knowledge, i guess i succumbed to doubts deep within.
i do wonder, of course.
i dont even know why i can think of those thoughts but hell, i think too much sometimes.

sigh.
so as the hours passed by, with the thoughts in my head, i grew weary and cold.
every action or motion he makes, i question. (not directed at him, but at myself)

then again, i guess i utterly just missed him.
really... emotionally, i feel rather distant.
i feel as if im on the shore and he's on a ship sailing by...
i fear that.

i fear distance just as people can fear heights.

i miss him hugging me sooooo freaking tight and when he lets go eventually saying 'i love you'
i miss him giving me butterfly kisses
i miss him telling me he's been thinking a lot about me
i miss him opening up to me
i miss him being spontaenous with whatever we can do
i miss him just holding me, just looking at me with his big brown eyes
i miss seeing him dance (err he & mr actually) ** dont ask who's mr, you guys wont know
i miss him looking at me and just caressing my hair off my face
i miss hearing him laugh like REAL!
i miss him telling me he'll never want me gone from his life
i miss him being emooo
i miss him starting talking about family with me
i miss him telling me he wants to marry me
~yes, over and over again for another day till we get sick of that.haha
i miss the look on his face when he tells me he loves me
~of course he still tells me he loves me, but when i see that look on his face, i freaking fall more than i ever could
i miss him plainly, utterly...

i know he might not notice that he has been overlooking those stuff with me.
i know he might be too busy making money for himself and also for me, that he dont realize he doesn't convey those things ive listed as often as he did even after our one year.
i guess there are things that i have been overlooking to doing for him too, but i try my best to always make it up to him.
he always make it up to me too all the time, but i guess i have to wait for awhile.

i just cross my fingers that he isn't going tasteless on me...i would really dislike that.
err okay, tasteless as in, being sick and tired of always having to eat the same damn thing for over a year +++, you know those kind of feeling?  that's scary. 

But then again, i guess he isn't that type.
i'm sure he's not those typical sort of guy.
he's the type who savor his picked food...
and he sure hell takes longer than any other girl to eat.
that was an analogy! hope i ain't confusing my readers.. blah!


so anyway...............
i should get ready for bed now, it's rather cold lately....
ugg i wanna add this i really miss his warmth too... 
okay okay, i'm being a love diabetic too.
but then again, for almost a month now, i still feel rather emotional. baahh!


good night and sweet dreams.


to mr shenath dias,
i love you.
never fear, you'll the last man i'll leave be.

Bare and Open

i lay awake in bed, unknown to the time i will doze off.
as always with the same situation, i never really get much sleep cos my mind is too much alive.
too alive to even feel hibernation is a must.

my mind was filled with all the things i said, all the things that made things worst, all he said, all the things he feels and how i couldn't bring myself to comfort him at that point.

also, my mind filled with regrets because i might not be really making him the happiest.

all the things that he said of me, he thought of me and my actions against him, make me think, "hey biatch, you're just not good enough for him, let him go. maybe he'll be happier".

my mind was filled with a lot of things from how to make it better to how i can live without him, and was it the right choice i made when i set him free.

it hurts me more to always say that i wanna set him free.

it always hurt somebody who loves you too much to let you go to even say it, but sometimes due to the fear of not being able to satisfy you, we'd rather leave you to find your happiness and suffer the hurt of leaving you.

he never thought that all the time i hurt myself having to say that, and it hurts more that he left me to my own decision (which as a matter of fact, never was concrete.)

i never was concrete in my decisions of leaving my loved one, because i know no one will replace me. no one can be me...

i am damn confident that when i love someone, no one in this world can top that love.

No one in this world can make my loved one feel like i make him feel.

i may never be the World's Best Girlfriend or World's Best Potential Wife but i know i will always be the best in his heart... no matter how bad he seem to always think of me...
 

but despite all that i am always ready to sacrifice my heart's condition to his happiness.

it's been my way ever since i can remember, so i really don't know if i can change always being ready to set my loved one free if he chose.

shenath thomas dias.

i always have tried to make him feel special but i never knew why there are still doubts about my past and potentially what i will do against him.

i have always been proud of the love i give him.
he's a good boyfriend who's always been there for me, always ready to be without nothing but me.
he's always ready to sacrifice his happiness for me.
and always ready to go with my flow no matter how unreasonable i can be sometimes.
he's always there when some glitch come up.
he's always there to tell me his whereabouts, make time for me and do all sorts of things to make me happy.
i know no one will be worthy of my love but him.

AND i have always been sure that no one can ever sway me from him, apart from his own actions and words of me.

yet, i have hurt him.

and yes, i do admit that most of it was my fault.

most of it i find is not an issue, it shouldn't be an issue, but it happens to be.

i couldn't blame him.

i never really entirely do... 

that's why as always when i am questioned what are the things i'm unhappy with him about, i totally forget it.

because it isn't important anymore cos what matters was i love him and his love for me.
all the time, all the things he's done for me are very much appreciated.

that's why diving into those negative traps of nasty words are never my forte...

since young, letting out nasty, mean words are not to my liking. i hate it.

i watched people say things that break families and ties off, kills love and affection too.

i hated that.

so i always erase those minor things that made me angry earlier because there's no point bringing it up anyway.

that's why darling, i never say things that can totally hurt you. cos i never am that way.

i am just human, i also make mistakes but i also try to make it better.

just as he does.

at my last message he called, i was half choked in my tears.

i wanted to hear his voice potentially for the last time.

i responded to his question and i bid goodbye, then hung up.

it hurt me more that he just called only to ask me pertaining that subject.

then the phone ring again.

i was reluctant to pick up, but i did.

then he asked me if i really wanted to set him free.

so we talked about things for awhile, then the next thing i know it wasn't over.

and he messaged me saying,

"in the end ur not going anywhere without me. love u good nyt" 

i never want to.

but i find myself still thinking... should i have just let him go?

Bare and Open

i lay awake in bed, unknown to the time i will doze off.
as always with the same situation, i never really get much sleep cos my mind is too much alive.
too alive to even feel hibernation is a must.

my mind was filled with all the things i said, all the things that made things worst, all he said, all the things he feels and how i couldn't bring myself to comfort him at that point.

also, my mind filled with regrets because i might not be really making him the happiest.

all the things that he said of me, he thought of me and my actions against him, make me think, "hey biatch, you're just not good enough for him, let him go. maybe he'll be happier".

my mind was filled with a lot of things from how to make it better to how i can live without him, and was it the right choice i made when i set him free.

it hurts me more to always say that i wanna set him free.

it always hurt somebody who loves you too much to let you go to even say it, but sometimes due to the fear of not being able to satisfy you, we'd rather leave you to find your happiness and suffer the hurt of leaving you.

he never thought that all the time i hurt myself having to say that, and it hurts more that he left me to my own decision (which as a matter of fact, never was concrete.)

i never was concrete in my decisions of leaving my loved one, because i know no one will replace me. no one can be me...

i am damn confident that when i love someone, no one in this world can top that love.

No one in this world can make my loved one feel like i make him feel.

i may never be the World's Best Girlfriend or World's Best Potential Wife but i know i will always be the best in his heart... no matter how bad he seem to always think of me...
 

but despite all that i am always ready to sacrifice my heart's condition to his happiness.

it's been my way ever since i can remember, so i really don't know if i can change always being ready to set my loved one free if he chose.

shenath thomas dias.

i always have tried to make him feel special but i never knew why there are still doubts about my past and potentially what i will do against him.

i have always been proud of the love i give him.
he's a good boyfriend who's always been there for me, always ready to be without nothing but me.
he's always ready to sacrifice his happiness for me.
and always ready to go with my flow no matter how unreasonable i can be sometimes.
he's always there when some glitch come up.
he's always there to tell me his whereabouts, make time for me and do all sorts of things to make me happy.
i know no one will be worthy of my love but him.

AND i have always been sure that no one can ever sway me from him, apart from his own actions and words of me.

yet, i have hurt him.

and yes, i do admit that most of it was my fault.

most of it i find is not an issue, it shouldn't be an issue, but it happens to be.

i couldn't blame him.

i never really entirely do... 

that's why as always when i am questioned what are the things i'm unhappy with him about, i totally forget it.

because it isn't important anymore cos what matters was i love him and his love for me.
all the time, all the things he's done for me are very much appreciated.

that's why diving into those negative traps of nasty words are never my forte...

since young, letting out nasty, mean words are not to my liking. i hate it.

i watched people say things that break families and ties off, kills love and affection too.

i hated that.

so i always erase those minor things that made me angry earlier because there's no point bringing it up anyway.

that's why darling, i never say things that can totally hurt you. cos i never am that way.

i am just human, i also make mistakes but i also try to make it better.

just as he does.

at my last message he called, i was half choked in my tears.

i wanted to hear his voice potentially for the last time.

i responded to his question and i bid goodbye, then hung up.

it hurt me more that he just called only to ask me pertaining that subject.

then the phone ring again.

i was reluctant to pick up, but i did.

then he asked me if i really wanted to set him free.

so we talked about things for awhile, then the next thing i know it wasn't over.

and he messaged me saying,

"in the end ur not going anywhere without me. love u good nyt" 

i never want to.

but i find myself still thinking... should i have just let him go?