5 REASONS: BDQ ISSUES

in response to your tag and to your very well dedicated post,
i must say that im going to be very honest here now okay?

i flared for one, is because im not feeling your sincerity in trying to meet up and all.
besides, you're not the only one who have the right to 'not feel it'
i cant and it is stupid to keep being content with a second priority.
i appreciate everything that you and the rest have done.
im not selfish in giving you all appreciation and rewards of course, you know me by now.

but then you failed to comprehend that im not selfish in giving you the chance to not give in to me.
i am selfish however when i think that im in the right.
so too bad for you my dear that you have to let me know that im not.
no one knows their wrong unless someone out of the box has spoken to them.

and to correct you, this has not drag double-sidedly.
to you it may so have dragged but to me,after i said what i wanted to say, it's over.
i cant be bothered if you wanna let it drag or what.
because like what i said to hajar, it's up to you to talk - i didn't say that i wont now did i?

another thing to let you think on.

is it WRONG(as you so boldly and 'blatantly' put it) to be angry at the fact that i am trying to pull us together, because apparently, im the only one who has made the effort in giving you people a once-a-fornight if not a once-a-week call.
i think that if not me trying to pull us back together, there wont even be any other meetings whatsoever.

and also, is it WRONG to emphasis how you have always left me hanging?
remember the other time when the gathering went berserk?
i felt the most affected, if not adding nurul, why?
because im the one who wanted it so badly for us to even give THAT one day to have each other.
then again, it went wasted.

okay the final thing.
imagine this and put yourself in my shoes

you so miss hanging out with everyone, so you call em up.
so some say, 'oh sorry, im a little tight with my schedule already. maybe id meet up with you soon'.
and then another says, 'ohs see first k?' - i repeat- 'see first'
(which one would you so gladly accept?)
so then you feel these 'see first' people are leaving you hanging when your on that verge of excitement to meet.
then being a human, you felt as if, you have to force them to turn up.
when in the real fact, they pledged themselves to this friendship and whatever it is you had with them.


and for two, i flared because you went outrageous saying that im being childish in getting so over-reactive over this SMALL matter? then you went on having some 2 way conference with someone you know you too AREN'T happy with either? so now was that suppose to be mature?
you and i both agreed to talk to her about it when we were talking in the bus on the way to my house, and now you had a 'conference' with someone we were suppose to have a talk with too!

for three, i flared because i couldn't help but force digest what you said about me thinking im always right? well i am feeling right.
so correct me if i am wrong, NO ONE, especially NOT ME, told you to swallow everything i say or do.
you, at the least as a friend, who've claimed to know me deep down, SHOULD KNOW THIS BY NOW - that i give you the right to tell it to me face front.
YOU AND ME - if it doesn't work out - ALL OF THEM
also, I DID NOT TEACH YOU or impart values of a TIMID to you that you yourself have to stomach things that you are not so keen about.

for four, i flared because YOU FAILED to realize that THIS IS 100 000 000 times that you left me hanging.
NOT JUST WITH YOUR all time 'see first' but also with your unreturned phone calls(of which is not an issue).
and you have the guts to tell me that IM WRONG in telling you all those things i said.
if i dont tell what im feeling, who the hell will?
dont you know me by now? that if im not happy, i will tell you?
then why do you come so close with me? you should know..
i dont care if you blow up a whole continent or the entire world as long as i tell you what i feel and how you have so wronged me or the importance of our friendship.
and also, you failed to keep in mind how understanding i can get...

for five, i flared because i love you.
i didn't feel enough support from you anymore.
in dance or in class events, you have always been there.
you have always been the one to remember the dance steps that i make (that you know i suck at remembering)
and then i feel sad that im not being remembered by you anymore.

you have always been my bitch no matter how retarded our stupid quarrel seem (remember the fight about that stupid dog.)
i told you im sick and tired of your 'see first' not because im having PMS or whatever.
but it has been long overdue.
understand that.
LONG OVERDUE.
sometimes, you got to try to let me in to what you're so busy with.
tell me the truth what is burdening you and whatever you are caught up with.
and not just a plain and stupid 'see first'.
you always tell me your stupid shits and hand me your dirty laundry to wash for you, why not these simple VALID reasons?
do you think that i will get pissed off if you tell me that YOU HAVE ECONS, POM(whatever the hell is that), TONS of project?, i duno just shoot.
i give you the right. i give all the right that even my BFs dont get.
why? because you and the rest of them are important to me.
i get the effect because i feel that none of us will be in this FIVESOME if not for me.

and you realize that i gave FIVE reasons.
that's because, you bitches are important to me.
ONE BY ONE
and after this whole chunk of EMOTIONAL-POUR, we're going to have sex!
ERR... as in honeymoon okay.

i love you so much.
and please arrange a call back time for our TRASH session - with mei ling of course on the line...
she wont me meeting us for two months.