Yes, i guess it's quite the time to actually relay that i have a new blog.
I will not be blogging here anymore, but i will keep this for memories.
When i get back from the hiatus season, i will release the new blog.
I've started posting there already but i am not really ready yet to release.
Another thing is that i wonder if i should keep the blog away from him.
Oh well, i guess i wont post here my new blog address for now.
I don't want me relaying how i feel and he reading it, making him feel fucked up.
I still love him, yes, but it's not feasible, anymore than we can and have tried.
It's not going to be easy, and i'm not young and naive anymore to find short term solace from anyone or anywhere for that matter.
Despite everything that had happened between me and him, i do love him and i won't deny that i do.
That'll be too proud and too foolish.
There's no point denying how i feel when i'm feeling it.
I have to stay strong and true to my words because that's about the only thing i can hold on to now.
I know he'll get over me and i will get over him, one day.
For me, i guess i'll always have a hard time to do so, because in any case, even if i have doubts about his feelings for me, i will always remember the good he'd shown.
It hurts me to hate him, and the abhorrence i'm feeling about everything about him and his ex just makes me feel stupid. Like i've been made a fool for 2+ years.
I know he still care and he still love me (to at least a mark down what i feel he feels about his ex), but i know i cannot give him the friendship he wants of me.
Why?
I'll never get over him if i remain friends with him. Not till i know and im confident i will never succumb or get stuck to emotions of what i feel for him, will i want to be his friend.
I can't and that's final for me.
Even tho i am tempted to think of his feelings, but truth remains that he didn't think of what i'll feel when he added back the one person who made our rship crumble slowly, but effectively. He didn't think of what i'll feel after knowing how hurt i was about his ex.
Also, to see or hear he'd have someone new or is bedding anyone else for that matter which will be none of my business really, will actually put a very huge pile of shit on me - that is since friends are not suppose to be mindful of whoever the other is seeing after awhile, after the break up
As of now, i guess and somehow i do feel relief that he has stop his pursue of friendship.
I appreciate that.
And despite my want to just run to him to feel better, it will not be permanent cos i will recall whatever hate i have harbored these few days.
I will recall a lot of things, which makes me really doubtful about everything we have had. Sigh.
In all, i do just want everyone to know that he's a good bf, but to the right person, and not just anyone else.
The right person is that someone who he never want to lose touch with and will even disregard anyone's feelings just so he can take care of that someone's feelings.
The right person is that someone who can be the perfect person for him, who can fit the world and who he can never say anything hurtful to.
That right person will be that someone who he can never find the heart to curse or to think so horridly of.
That right person will be that someone who he will respect ultimately with no doubts, who he knows he never have the need to feel insecure about.
Someone he can trust without any conditions and one he can have without the need to seek the comfort of friendship with exes or whoever else he may find on the cyber space.
That someone is that person he'll never be hot and cold with, who knows him deep down completely.
And i guess that someone is that person who is dependent on him, just as how he will be dependent on her.
And i know that kind of someone is just around the corner for him, and the moment he realizes and finds her, getting over me will be history.
Me on the other hand, well, im not so confident.
I'm too fussy and it takes a whole lot of a man to really be my man.
It takes a certain amount of trust, faith, love, responsibility and respect, to be able to really accept me for me.
It must be someone who does not judge straight-away and who will listen to no one (not even his own assumption) but me, because he'd have enough faith to know that the moment i gave my heart and my all, i'm for keeps.
Who and what i can do is something that man will be expert about, and will never accuse me of anything he think that i will do.
That man is someone who need no comfort or even be emotionally inclined to any of his exes, who will be faithful, and emotionally preserved for me.Well, there are a lot more in the package.
But that package no matter how great, must always begin with friendship.
As i've learnt that now, that no matter how long you can last but if the solid foundation of friendship isn't there, the relationship will always be based on the shaky connection of boy-girl relationship.
I know i may not be miss universe or miss perfect so i really don't think i'd find anyone in this world (damn i'm in trouble), let alone this country or continent to fit me completely.
But nevertheless, i know that man need not fit the world to fit me, because in any case, that man need not fit anywhere else but my world.
What i have to offer and what's in store will definitely be worthwhile, especially if we ever come to marriage.
SIGH.
So enough blabber. I'm sleepy...
The final post i will do is the collection of pictures Hidayah had taken for me and him, as a note of farewell of this blog.
There are three things that walk with stately stride–no, four that strut about: the lion, king of animals, who won’t turn aside for anything. - Proverbs 30:29-30
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Another blast/ Uneventful day
It was IT Security Mgmt today and u can pretty much bet that i didn't really made much effort to do the hands-on practical - just not my field of interest -.-
So all i did was understand the concept and take advantage of the knowledge.
Which kind of help, but im sure Deborah was looking for something more than theory.
Honestly, i really cannot be bothered! Sigh
The day got worst when i received a request to meet up.
Yep, the ex text me in the morning and asked to meet.
Honestly, if i'd follow my heart, i will.
But i had to make sure i keep to my mind, and keep in mind what has been done.
The night before, he text me too.
And somehow i thought i'd be better the next morning when i realize that we were in sync with the emotions, but i just can't forget everything. Sigh
Even tho i felt touched and i teared at whatever he text me last night but truth remains.
I just cannot get it right in my head to believe that he really didn't have anything for his ex.
Actions speak louder than words, in the context of love, if not all.
And the amount of effort he had done all through the years just to keep her abreast, makes it all harder for me to believe that his love for me was real.
I doubt everything now and our past relationship. Plus, i really loathe this feeling of hate.
I hate the fact that i hate him now.
I just can't fully function with hate.
Sigh Sigh Sigh
So i told him what i thought about the request, and i told him how i truly felt.
How i loathe the both of them, only i can imagine, and there's no way to relay that to him well.
He's still going to live in denial about what he feels about her.
And he's just going to say that it was not her but it was i who ruined it when i didn't call him first.
No matter what he says against what i've interpreted, i can never believe anything he says again.
It's not just for me, but i believe it'll be for the better, if not the best.
So then he blasted me again with all the hurtful things he always come up with.
The curses and the mean wishes of whatever really just motivates me to just forget about him completely.
And every time he says something, it acts as my fuel to the hatred i feel.
If he'd got the balls to admit everything, i guess i'd forgive him.
But he keeps running his contradicting stories, and it makes it so unbearable. Darn!
Sigh.
Was suppose to meet the cousins today but i ended FYP meeting too late, so couldn't catch 2012 with them.
So headed home and played with Zak.
He makes me smile all the time, lately.
He's the only real source of happiness i feed from.
The power of children... Sigh.
I hadn't done much besides lying around and fight the tears since i got home from school.
Though i end up giving up trying
I guess there's a quota limit to the amount of tears a person can release per day.
But anyway, i still cannot stop this emotional madness, so meeting bestie at central in awhile.
I haven't eaten since morning, and i guess i'd better eat something later... Sigh
So all i did was understand the concept and take advantage of the knowledge.
Which kind of help, but im sure Deborah was looking for something more than theory.
Honestly, i really cannot be bothered! Sigh
The day got worst when i received a request to meet up.
Yep, the ex text me in the morning and asked to meet.
Honestly, if i'd follow my heart, i will.
But i had to make sure i keep to my mind, and keep in mind what has been done.
The night before, he text me too.
And somehow i thought i'd be better the next morning when i realize that we were in sync with the emotions, but i just can't forget everything. Sigh
Even tho i felt touched and i teared at whatever he text me last night but truth remains.
I just cannot get it right in my head to believe that he really didn't have anything for his ex.
Actions speak louder than words, in the context of love, if not all.
And the amount of effort he had done all through the years just to keep her abreast, makes it all harder for me to believe that his love for me was real.
I doubt everything now and our past relationship. Plus, i really loathe this feeling of hate.
I hate the fact that i hate him now.
I just can't fully function with hate.
Sigh Sigh Sigh
How i loathe the both of them, only i can imagine, and there's no way to relay that to him well.
He's still going to live in denial about what he feels about her.
And he's just going to say that it was not her but it was i who ruined it when i didn't call him first.
No matter what he says against what i've interpreted, i can never believe anything he says again.
It's not just for me, but i believe it'll be for the better, if not the best.
So then he blasted me again with all the hurtful things he always come up with.
The curses and the mean wishes of whatever really just motivates me to just forget about him completely.
And every time he says something, it acts as my fuel to the hatred i feel.
If he'd got the balls to admit everything, i guess i'd forgive him.
But he keeps running his contradicting stories, and it makes it so unbearable. Darn!
Sigh.
Was suppose to meet the cousins today but i ended FYP meeting too late, so couldn't catch 2012 with them.
So headed home and played with Zak.
He makes me smile all the time, lately.
He's the only real source of happiness i feed from.
The power of children... Sigh.
I hadn't done much besides lying around and fight the tears since i got home from school.
Though i end up giving up trying
I guess there's a quota limit to the amount of tears a person can release per day.
But anyway, i still cannot stop this emotional madness, so meeting bestie at central in awhile.
I haven't eaten since morning, and i guess i'd better eat something later... Sigh
Monday, November 23, 2009
Weekend Happenings
Friday was both emotionally trying but thank goodness i managed to pull through.
I got stuck somehow but i am delighted now that i've pull myself out of the rut that the ex lover had almost dragged me into.
Friday was also a big irritating but NICE night out with Naq.
Irritating because i kept thinking about someone in particular, and honestly, it was due to that thought that made me succumb to my impulse expenditure.
Naq and i were like saying we don't want to spend so much, ya-da-ya-da, but then we ended up still spending $30 each to the minimal -.-
All thanks to sisha and the arabian drinks from Nabin! OMG! but the Laban Wardah was awesome! +.+
Since the happening was at night, my Tribe being a useless camera tool didn't help out much. I only manage to take a shot of Naq (enjoying halo-halo), and so the rest of the pictures are still with her. Boohoo!
It was such a nice chill out night with Naq, where we talked about everything!
Like gossips on sex, scandals, gays, guys, and also definitely about ourselves :)
We went home separate and i took a lonesome but nice ride back home.
When home, the ex text asking me to tell him if i was home as he doesn't want to worry.
So alright, i responded and we kinda talked okay, until i got mood out when he kept telling me to quit smoking so much. Blah-blah-blah
Yep, i've kinda started a phase. I call this a phase because i cannot be long-hooked with fags because i dislike it. And so i really don't know why i've picked it up again -.-
I guess it felt like a company of my tears and it kinda make me forget that i haven't been eating.
Well, it ain't a healthy habit and so does everyone says.
I appreciate their support and encouragement, but know that soon i will get over this phase.
But not now, not soon.
I got in bed by 4am and i woke up to a Saturday morning of family day event fun organized by the events company i am doing freelance with.
Met Laura at 8am and thank goodness Darren and Raymond didn't make much fuss.
The job scope was to be game marshal.
My duty was to take down scores and tabulate, but apparently, it had to do much more than stand around cheering the family on -.- I had to run around the muddy lanes.
Here are some pictures :)
I got stuck somehow but i am delighted now that i've pull myself out of the rut that the ex lover had almost dragged me into.
Friday was also a big irritating but NICE night out with Naq.
Irritating because i kept thinking about someone in particular, and honestly, it was due to that thought that made me succumb to my impulse expenditure.
Naq and i were like saying we don't want to spend so much, ya-da-ya-da, but then we ended up still spending $30 each to the minimal -.-
All thanks to sisha and the arabian drinks from Nabin! OMG! but the Laban Wardah was awesome! +.+
Since the happening was at night, my Tribe being a useless camera tool didn't help out much. I only manage to take a shot of Naq (enjoying halo-halo), and so the rest of the pictures are still with her. Boohoo!
It was such a nice chill out night with Naq, where we talked about everything!
Like gossips on sex, scandals, gays, guys, and also definitely about ourselves :)
We went home separate and i took a lonesome but nice ride back home.
When home, the ex text asking me to tell him if i was home as he doesn't want to worry.
So alright, i responded and we kinda talked okay, until i got mood out when he kept telling me to quit smoking so much. Blah-blah-blah
Yep, i've kinda started a phase. I call this a phase because i cannot be long-hooked with fags because i dislike it. And so i really don't know why i've picked it up again -.-
I guess it felt like a company of my tears and it kinda make me forget that i haven't been eating.
Well, it ain't a healthy habit and so does everyone says.
I appreciate their support and encouragement, but know that soon i will get over this phase.
But not now, not soon.
I got in bed by 4am and i woke up to a Saturday morning of family day event fun organized by the events company i am doing freelance with.
Met Laura at 8am and thank goodness Darren and Raymond didn't make much fuss.
The job scope was to be game marshal.
My duty was to take down scores and tabulate, but apparently, it had to do much more than stand around cheering the family on -.- I had to run around the muddy lanes.
Here are some pictures :)
 |
| Showcraft EVN family day Eastman Chemical |
It was overall a fun day! I got home all tired due to the lack of sleep.
And thank goodness for Darren who took care of the staff's welfare gotten us breakfast, else id gone without food the day entire day.
Yes, i forgot to eat my lunch.
Earlier in the day, the ex contacted me, and still talking about his wants of establishing a friendship.
Of which, i was definitely still reluctant.
After Saturday when i consulted with Laura, i've thought that whatever happens, i have to keep away from any other form of intimacy, as it will not be fair for me, being a girl who will definitely get entangled to emotions, and thus will be an anti-catalyst of moving on with my life.
I relayed my thoughts to him that evening and he said that he doesn't want a permanent separation but he'd want to establish friendship FIRST which honestly, we didn't have.
I was like, "WHAT!?".
I kinda have no need for confusion so in any case, i guess i didn't pretty respond to that with any more questions. At that point, i felt my guts backed away. Sigh.
I fought the urges to question him further about his statement and to comment how contradicting he has truly become. He's just playing with my emotions i guess. He tells me that he still loves me and misses me etc. But i keep feeling that somehow he just need me to be his friend to get over me. But i work quite the opposite, i'd want to get over him first and then only i can try treating him as a friend. So how now brown cow?
Sunday was quite alright i guess.
Met up with Juliet, a party props supplier i met over at meetup, who wants me to be her contractor to organize birthday events etc. I'm currently awaiting the events specifications.
It's been quite awhile since i actually organize birthday parties. Hmm, wish me all the best aites! :)
After that met the cousins and my old 2hot peeps who used to work for my aunt's business.
Met at Istanbul area, at this point i've run out of my bad habits and ive asked Bir to get me a pack which he outrightly refuses telling me "It's for your own good".
Well, Azmi couldn't refuse me so i still got my bad habits going... Hmm
After the small reunion, i got home and i just had to know the answer to a suspicion that has been bugging me.
And correct as i can be, the ex has added back on FB the one reason for us to get shaky.
Like seriously, i was mad not because he added her back at the context of friendship with her.
But he totally disregarded my feelings, and not even thinking of my the repercussions to his action.
He knows that we have had problems which is her as a cause and despite having deleted her as a prove that she meant nothing to him, he totally went back on his words.
Come on! It was a fucking wrong move really.
So then i guess i decided, there's no point really.
I was right that he ruined things and he framed me to initiate a break up just so he could add her up again.
Lovely and a very nice itch really. Well, he can say whatever to deny and contradict everything, which he is all that he's good at really, but i will never believe him again. Not ever.
So much for professing his undying love for me. Guys, really cannot be trusted 100%.
Remind me again why i stayed 2+ years with a guy who cheats emotionally? Well, i chose to be ignorant. And as much as i loathe him, i loathe myself too for tolerating his contacts with her when i didn't form solid contacts with the ex before him, who he constantly feels insecure about. Sigh.
He just cannot fathom how much his action totally contradicted his position.
And what's worst? He compares my worth and values to her! Also, he blames me for everything.
I have cried my last batch for him. As much as i can help it, i will never let another one drop for him.
Not for any more guy for that matters.
Today i didn't have school.
I got out of my house and went around Pasir Ris to Tampines to cash out my cheque which as futile, as my boss has closed the cheque so i had to drop it in and get it only after 2pm tomorrow! Yawns.
The fight continued today and lasted till the afternoon, only settling down after he found out i have retaliated by adding my ex-boyfriend who he was obsessed about.
So he can add his and i can't add mine? What a sore loser!
Everything and every little thing he says which contradicts make me really think he's a fucking liar.
And as it is, i'm feeling hatred for him.
I hardly hate anyone my whole lifetime of living, but he and his ex definitely won first place.
I rest my case.
I don't want to have anything to do with him ever again, and i've fully decided on that.
I'm going to keep by my words and i hope that this is the last time i've to painstakingly talk about him.
Even after my trip out of town, i am pretty much settled on my decision.
I don't think i've much reason why not. Unless, i go softie again.
I hate hating people, which is why, i don't end up hating anyone for good. Just not built for hatred.
But i guess this is a different context altogether.
So long, goodbye farewell, Jeanath.
And thank goodness for Darren who took care of the staff's welfare gotten us breakfast, else id gone without food the day entire day.
Yes, i forgot to eat my lunch.
Earlier in the day, the ex contacted me, and still talking about his wants of establishing a friendship.
Of which, i was definitely still reluctant.
After Saturday when i consulted with Laura, i've thought that whatever happens, i have to keep away from any other form of intimacy, as it will not be fair for me, being a girl who will definitely get entangled to emotions, and thus will be an anti-catalyst of moving on with my life.
I relayed my thoughts to him that evening and he said that he doesn't want a permanent separation but he'd want to establish friendship FIRST which honestly, we didn't have.
I was like, "WHAT!?".
I kinda have no need for confusion so in any case, i guess i didn't pretty respond to that with any more questions. At that point, i felt my guts backed away. Sigh.
I fought the urges to question him further about his statement and to comment how contradicting he has truly become. He's just playing with my emotions i guess. He tells me that he still loves me and misses me etc. But i keep feeling that somehow he just need me to be his friend to get over me. But i work quite the opposite, i'd want to get over him first and then only i can try treating him as a friend. So how now brown cow?
Sunday was quite alright i guess.
Met up with Juliet, a party props supplier i met over at meetup, who wants me to be her contractor to organize birthday events etc. I'm currently awaiting the events specifications.
It's been quite awhile since i actually organize birthday parties. Hmm, wish me all the best aites! :)
After that met the cousins and my old 2hot peeps who used to work for my aunt's business.
Met at Istanbul area, at this point i've run out of my bad habits and ive asked Bir to get me a pack which he outrightly refuses telling me "It's for your own good".
Well, Azmi couldn't refuse me so i still got my bad habits going... Hmm
After the small reunion, i got home and i just had to know the answer to a suspicion that has been bugging me.
And correct as i can be, the ex has added back on FB the one reason for us to get shaky.
Like seriously, i was mad not because he added her back at the context of friendship with her.
But he totally disregarded my feelings, and not even thinking of my the repercussions to his action.
He knows that we have had problems which is her as a cause and despite having deleted her as a prove that she meant nothing to him, he totally went back on his words.
Come on! It was a fucking wrong move really.
So then i guess i decided, there's no point really.
I was right that he ruined things and he framed me to initiate a break up just so he could add her up again.
Lovely and a very nice itch really. Well, he can say whatever to deny and contradict everything, which he is all that he's good at really, but i will never believe him again. Not ever.
So much for professing his undying love for me. Guys, really cannot be trusted 100%.
Remind me again why i stayed 2+ years with a guy who cheats emotionally? Well, i chose to be ignorant. And as much as i loathe him, i loathe myself too for tolerating his contacts with her when i didn't form solid contacts with the ex before him, who he constantly feels insecure about. Sigh.
He just cannot fathom how much his action totally contradicted his position.
And what's worst? He compares my worth and values to her! Also, he blames me for everything.
I have cried my last batch for him. As much as i can help it, i will never let another one drop for him.
Not for any more guy for that matters.
Today i didn't have school.
I got out of my house and went around Pasir Ris to Tampines to cash out my cheque which as futile, as my boss has closed the cheque so i had to drop it in and get it only after 2pm tomorrow! Yawns.
The fight continued today and lasted till the afternoon, only settling down after he found out i have retaliated by adding my ex-boyfriend who he was obsessed about.
So he can add his and i can't add mine? What a sore loser!
Everything and every little thing he says which contradicts make me really think he's a fucking liar.
And as it is, i'm feeling hatred for him.
I hardly hate anyone my whole lifetime of living, but he and his ex definitely won first place.
I rest my case.
I don't want to have anything to do with him ever again, and i've fully decided on that.
I'm going to keep by my words and i hope that this is the last time i've to painstakingly talk about him.
Even after my trip out of town, i am pretty much settled on my decision.
I don't think i've much reason why not. Unless, i go softie again.
I hate hating people, which is why, i don't end up hating anyone for good. Just not built for hatred.
But i guess this is a different context altogether.
So long, goodbye farewell, Jeanath.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Blog Anew
This is a new blog to cater to my singlehood after jeanath of 2 yrs 3 months.Due to it (jeanath) being a mixed name of both me and my ex bf, shenath, i decided it
would only be good having a separate blog account now that we are not together.
The transition of friendship is still quite shaky.
I don't know how i can be friends with him, although i have liked the thought because really, we're just dying staying in the relationship.
However, the way words exploded that just got me in pain and every time i think of them, i just don't want to ever see or speak to him again.
He explained himself and we talked things out, but honestly, it ain't good enough for me.
There is a tinge of hate that i really need to release, and i have to do it.
Nevertheless, it's fine. I will need to get out of Singapore for a few days hiatus.
It will be fun and it will relax me i hope.
There are a lot to do at the rest house and also, there are some other towns to see at Malaysia.
The next posts will consist of the consolidated events i have attended or some social bonding of the late.
So welcome www.bookof-mj.blogspot.com
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Issue about blog name
Okay... here lies Jeanath 7 August 2007 to 18 November 2009.
As for now, i'm not really ready to part with this blog yet.
But i will, very soon after i come back from my scheduled trip out of town.
Yes, i've to leave for awhile, as for the time being, i just cannot fathom handling all the hatred i'm feeling.
I need to breathe and so that's what i've got to do.
I want to release my hatred and anger at whatever he said, and come to terms that this is for good.
I don't need to be angry and disappointed for months only to realize i still want him.
I'd have to learn to stop loving him, and he'll do a jolly good well i'm sure.
Besides, i'm not his fit.
And in this case, neither is he my fit.
I don't know how long id be gone, i've scheduled a 4-5 day hiatus, but it might be gone longer.
When i'm back i'd be well synchronize in living my life to the newest perspective i can muster.
As to better put it, the separation is for good, and i want nothing to have to do with the other party.
I guess he's right when he said we can never be friends, as we were only made as lovers.
And so it's true.
I don't even want to see him, nor speak to him anymore.
I want to thank everyone for their sympathies and the comforting words of "i'm here for you".
I'll be better in time.
Good night!
As for now, i'm not really ready to part with this blog yet.
But i will, very soon after i come back from my scheduled trip out of town.
Yes, i've to leave for awhile, as for the time being, i just cannot fathom handling all the hatred i'm feeling.
I need to breathe and so that's what i've got to do.
I want to release my hatred and anger at whatever he said, and come to terms that this is for good.
I don't need to be angry and disappointed for months only to realize i still want him.
I'd have to learn to stop loving him, and he'll do a jolly good well i'm sure.
Besides, i'm not his fit.
And in this case, neither is he my fit.
I don't know how long id be gone, i've scheduled a 4-5 day hiatus, but it might be gone longer.
When i'm back i'd be well synchronize in living my life to the newest perspective i can muster.
As to better put it, the separation is for good, and i want nothing to have to do with the other party.
I guess he's right when he said we can never be friends, as we were only made as lovers.
And so it's true.
I don't even want to see him, nor speak to him anymore.
I want to thank everyone for their sympathies and the comforting words of "i'm here for you".
I'll be better in time.
Good night!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
It's not over
It's over.
I've cried.
It was hard tears, i feel as if my heart will pop out.
Hard tears that made me feel as if id stop breathing.
There was a pull at my heart while i cried that seems as if every gasps of air was my last.
It was hot tears.
Angry, disappointment, regrets and more.
I detest the feeling.
I dislike feelings... Never really liked it.
I'd rather really be heartless so i won't feel anything.
I'd rather be alone so i won't get hurt.
Well, i guess now i can live that.
Yes, now i'm going to lead life lone.
Which will be good i hope for now.
So i can focus on the many things i should be doing.
To study well and do whatever.
Oh damn i'm tearing again...
Guess i really didn't need help from bestie to remind me to make sure i
feel fucked up now rather than 2 months later.
I just cannot understand how everything ended like that.
But i guess, unknowingly we shared THE last hug goodbye.
So be it i guess.
Goodnight.
P.S. I cant type anymore, im blinded.
I've cried.
It was hard tears, i feel as if my heart will pop out.
Hard tears that made me feel as if id stop breathing.
There was a pull at my heart while i cried that seems as if every gasps of air was my last.
It was hot tears.
Angry, disappointment, regrets and more.
I detest the feeling.
I dislike feelings... Never really liked it.
I'd rather really be heartless so i won't feel anything.
I'd rather be alone so i won't get hurt.
Well, i guess now i can live that.
Yes, now i'm going to lead life lone.
Which will be good i hope for now.
So i can focus on the many things i should be doing.
To study well and do whatever.
Oh damn i'm tearing again...
Guess i really didn't need help from bestie to remind me to make sure i
feel fucked up now rather than 2 months later.
I just cannot understand how everything ended like that.
But i guess, unknowingly we shared THE last hug goodbye.
So be it i guess.
Goodnight.
P.S. I cant type anymore, im blinded.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Consolidated Happenings
Decided i'd just stay up a bit longer to do this post, besides, been a few days since i did one.
And it's the truth! Oh the food is great too :)
On Sunday, didn't go out despite having the plan that me and nurul will be heading to town.
A LOT of changes of plan and so both of us ended up deciding not to meet.
But change of plan again, so we met at night at central.
I had to wash off the disgusting taste of maggie noodles in my mouth (the outcome of having it straight in 2 days to avoid chicken)
So i had char kway teow... NICE NICE!
We talked about Jar and Safwan's latest 411.
Like seriously, i am utterly disappointed. And to think i comforted him thinking that it was Jar going wild again. UGGH
Talk about being judgmental, and for that, i made known i was sorry.
Nothing much else to talk about except for complaining of school, exams, each other's boyfriends etc...
Well, i am envious of Nurul's new phone! But i'm still on the upperhand cos my hp is QWERTY! :-P
Tomorrow will be my first day back to school, and i will be having IT Security Mgmt,
after that will be Business Finance test and then? FYP meeting for coding! DAMN.
School life sucks of seniors -.-
Alright, so picking up from last Thursday then.
Did i mention that the whole week, i absent myself from school?
Partially on hiatus and partially due to family obligation.
Well, i rather enjoyed the small break but now i feel really reluctant to face school.
Because with it comes FYP = Programming, and although the modules are bearable, my first come back to school after the week's break, i'll be having Business Finance test.
Boohoo!
(for some reason, i love this pic. i see love in his eyes)
Friday, was a nice chill-out session for Jeanath.
That's tequila chill-out session to say the least :)
We stayed the night at the beach and thank goodness for the shelter, because it rained!
It was really nice spending time with him at that moment, and at the right temperature too.
The feeling of wholesomeness bode a little bit too much for keeps - as it is it seems to last until the weekends only... Sigh!
Nevertheless, i am hoping that we get out this rut, 'cos really, it's been too long.
It expends the good emotions and both just get left out half insane.
I cannot really say anything anymore, i just feel that everything is so contradicting.
Nevertheless, i'm trying to be patient. Let's hope the heavens have better plans.
On Saturday, had a nice catching up with Jar.
It was kind of impromptu actually, both of us seems to be thinking of the same destination - ORCHARD!
Well, i had to collect my orders, she wanted to do window shopping.
So we met - same place, same late =) Haha, yes! As always, Jar's late...
Anyway, here are the pictures of the night!
Brought her to Lucky Plaza as i needed to collect something from my landing shop.
Then i brought her to the Pinoy Cafeteria i recommended in my past post.. and she loves it!
Her facebook caption on the picture above when she's enjoying the dessert was :
"pilipino dessert : halo-halo, so much better then local ice kacang"
And it's the truth! Oh the food is great too :)
On Sunday, didn't go out despite having the plan that me and nurul will be heading to town.
A LOT of changes of plan and so both of us ended up deciding not to meet.
But change of plan again, so we met at night at central.
I had to wash off the disgusting taste of maggie noodles in my mouth (the outcome of having it straight in 2 days to avoid chicken)
So i had char kway teow... NICE NICE!
We talked about Jar and Safwan's latest 411.
Like seriously, i am utterly disappointed. And to think i comforted him thinking that it was Jar going wild again. UGGH
Talk about being judgmental, and for that, i made known i was sorry.
Nothing much else to talk about except for complaining of school, exams, each other's boyfriends etc...
Well, i am envious of Nurul's new phone! But i'm still on the upperhand cos my hp is QWERTY! :-P
Tomorrow will be my first day back to school, and i will be having IT Security Mgmt,
after that will be Business Finance test and then? FYP meeting for coding! DAMN.
School life sucks of seniors -.-
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Toilet Paper Control Suggestion
I was passing through Downtown East Resort, Pasir Ris a few days back.
It was the day baby and i had some chill-out session over at the park as i have mention within one of my previous posts.
So before heading back home, i had to use the toilet.
The toilet was the one just by the Macdonald's, opposite Wild Wild Wet water theme park.
It wasn't the first time i used this particular P toilet but some thing only caught my eyes now.
It brought me to realization that i approve so much about how the management has opted for such a toilet paper dispenser. It disallow, if not completely, stop unnecessary excessive usage of roles of tissue unlike the function of a normal tissue dispenser.
It gives users control over the number of sheets they need to wipe whatever they need to.
I think it is a very good way of at least reducing production of paper.
With advantages comes disadvantages, of course. There is the need of a quicker turnover of new tissues.
As you can see the dispenser is quite small in size, therefore only able to house a decent amount of sheets per one quarter of a day, if i'm not mistaken.
Maybe Kimberly-Clark can create longer dispensers that extend upwards on the wall of the toilet dividers.
In due to that, they can at least cater for half-a-day usage, if not more.
Anyway, these are just suggestions.
I do hope that more company or public toilets adopt such measures taken by Downtown East Resort.
Kudos to both Downtown East Resort and of course, Kimberly-Clark.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Sideline job and food galore!
Rushed down to Hilton Singapore for one-day-one-hour sideline Polaroid photography temp job. It's for the events company i'm still working for weekly during school day off.
I was paid a not-so-bad amount really.
Actually, i have asked silently to Him if a monetary opportunity can happen because i really need to pay off some thing. I truly thank God that something like this happened.
All i had to do was wait for the crowd to increase in number, get them snapped and just hand them their Polaroid takes. Really simple! Not much effort done, eventually the images do turn out pretty fine. I guess everyone actually enjoyed being photographed.
I spoke to the event's photographer, Nick, who shared with me how much is market pricing for photographers. I was really brought to realization at how low i was actually charging for my portfolio shoots. Then again, i find that i still needed more experience and practice. So in December when baby will be busy and "away" from leisure's reach (due to his further studies), i will busy myself with upgrading and increasing my knowledge in photography and graphic design.
I haven't been in tune with these lately and i have hopes to ensure i stick to these passion :)
Baby met me at town today after his FYP meeting in school. We met up at Far East Plaza.
Memories gushed at me the moment i neared the mall, entered it and windowed shop.
Damn i missed my girls. The then bitchifive, who are always together, always greatly connected. Sigh
With that, along came the ache of not having been able to shop. It's like being a woman but not having your blessed parts of womanhood - quite alike for men who are but lacks the vital organs of what proves them men.
There are just some things students like me lack in doing now.
And the worst thing? I saw a pair of peep toe flat boots, canvas material at the first shoe shop at Far East Plaza B1. Going for only $29.90.
It's not even expensive, and yet i have to keep frugality in mind! (breathe... one, two, three)
Baby pointed out that the shoes might not be good enough a material. I agree.
Partly thinking of ways to feel better and partly because he might be right.
So, negativity out and hello food!
Baby suggested going to lucky plaza, pinoy cafeteria for dessert.
I opted for dinner too. Hungry!
So we had the items in the picture above.
We shared a 2-dish meal of Pastel Chicken and Beef (Apritada or maybe something else).
For dessert, we had Ube, Bread and butter, and Ube + casava cake.
Yum Yum.
Baby love pinoy dishes, and the dessert too. If you're in the mood to try something different, you can head down to Lucky Plaza, Orchard. Go up to fourth floor and turn left from the escalator, downwards you'll see Ayam Penyet restaurant. Just along that lane, further down the left, all the way to the end you'll see a very informal cafeteria.
Don't expect formal dining there.
Ask for budget meal costing $5
It includes rice, with two dishes and a can or bottle of drink of your choice.
If you're in the mood for cold dessert, i recommend Halo-Halo.
You'll never regret it. It's awesome! :)
It was nice spending time with baby but there were things on my mind still.
A part of which wonders if he's enjoying himself too, another part of which wonders if i can just let loose of thoughts.
~next food galore venue, Taj Lanka for sri lankan meals!
ive tasted some already, just can't wait for the formal introduction to baby's cultural food
Monday, November 9, 2009
Misdirection
Have you ever felt so sure of you the day's outcome, and then within a minute, it has vanished?
Have you spent a nice time with your loved one, ignoring a nagging feeling that - maybe - they might have not enjoyed the day like you did, so that you can carry on feeling happy having spent that day well - or thought so?
Have you ever felt so misled by the day's happening, that it just makes you all foggy and misty, thus causing the alarm system to go off.
Rrrrrriiiiiiinnnnngggg!
And the next thing you know, the vaults and the walls to your priceless possession starts shutting down again, even before it starts to fully stay wide open.
If you haven't, tell you what, think of the time that you thought yourself the most happiest, and then while walking home, you got run over by a huge lorry. Everything else was intact except that you saw one of the most vital organ missing - (No not your balls, nor your bosoms) your heart.
~id rather have a bad day than have a happy day that turns out to be a bad day~
but then again, what does it matter to an already beaten soul.
Have you spent a nice time with your loved one, ignoring a nagging feeling that - maybe - they might have not enjoyed the day like you did, so that you can carry on feeling happy having spent that day well - or thought so?
Have you ever felt so misled by the day's happening, that it just makes you all foggy and misty, thus causing the alarm system to go off.
Rrrrrriiiiiiinnnnngggg!
And the next thing you know, the vaults and the walls to your priceless possession starts shutting down again, even before it starts to fully stay wide open.
If you haven't, tell you what, think of the time that you thought yourself the most happiest, and then while walking home, you got run over by a huge lorry. Everything else was intact except that you saw one of the most vital organ missing - (No not your balls, nor your bosoms) your heart.
~id rather have a bad day than have a happy day that turns out to be a bad day~
but then again, what does it matter to an already beaten soul.
The Southern Vampire Mysteries
Did i mention before how much staying in (home) too long might drive me nuts?
Top it up with programming an online mathematics tutorial and i can really end up a goner...!
So lately for a month or so, i haven't been working in the weekends.
I have taken a big risk actually, but hey, i'm still surviving (financially) - with frugality in mind.
But it's the boredom that's killing me!
Anyway, due to boredom as well, i have succumbed to reading, watching movies and the inevitable life of programming.
Reading was most fun actually. It's a pastime i'll never outgrow.
And i have a great recommendation actually!
Author: Charlaine Harris
Books: The Southern Vampire Mysteries / Sookie Stackhouse series
Genre: Romance / Fantasy Fiction about Supernatural beings, centered on Vampires, Shape-shifters (interpretation of were-animals), telepaths, fairy and more
Accompanying TV series: Trueblood on HBO
The setting is very much fictional but it is present time and not so much on futuristic era.
It indicates how supernaturals, mainly the Vampires, have come out and exposed themselves to co-exist with men after a Japanese discovery of Trueblood - a synthetic blood - that can sustain and give the nutrients Vampires needed to survive. It reduces or eliminates the need of having to feed on humans.
The author has creatively spun a nice web of romance and fantasy, on the account of perspective of Sookie Stackhouse, the protagonist of the novel. Charlaine Harris should have been discovered earlier, but i'm glad i found her just in time! She's still under contract of writing for 2-3 more books - which i really hope to catch up with - provided i find it in the library.
If you have time and really want to pick up on reading, this series of novel is the best way to start.
All the best! Enjoy!
The list of the books to source out:
(taken from wikipedia):
Top it up with programming an online mathematics tutorial and i can really end up a goner...!
So lately for a month or so, i haven't been working in the weekends.
I have taken a big risk actually, but hey, i'm still surviving (financially) - with frugality in mind.
But it's the boredom that's killing me!
Anyway, due to boredom as well, i have succumbed to reading, watching movies and the inevitable life of programming.
Reading was most fun actually. It's a pastime i'll never outgrow.
And i have a great recommendation actually!
Author: Charlaine Harris
Books: The Southern Vampire Mysteries / Sookie Stackhouse series
Genre: Romance / Fantasy Fiction about Supernatural beings, centered on Vampires, Shape-shifters (interpretation of were-animals), telepaths, fairy and more
Accompanying TV series: Trueblood on HBO
The setting is very much fictional but it is present time and not so much on futuristic era.
It indicates how supernaturals, mainly the Vampires, have come out and exposed themselves to co-exist with men after a Japanese discovery of Trueblood - a synthetic blood - that can sustain and give the nutrients Vampires needed to survive. It reduces or eliminates the need of having to feed on humans.
The author has creatively spun a nice web of romance and fantasy, on the account of perspective of Sookie Stackhouse, the protagonist of the novel. Charlaine Harris should have been discovered earlier, but i'm glad i found her just in time! She's still under contract of writing for 2-3 more books - which i really hope to catch up with - provided i find it in the library.
If you have time and really want to pick up on reading, this series of novel is the best way to start.
All the best! Enjoy!
The list of the books to source out:
(taken from wikipedia):
- Dead Until Dark (2001, ISBN 0-441-00853-4)
- Living Dead in Dallas (March 2002, ISBN 0-441-00923-9)
- Club Dead (May 2003, ISBN 0-441-01051-2)
- Dead to the World (May 2004, hardcover ISBN 0-441-01167-5, 2005, paperback ISBN 0-441-01218-3)
- "Fairy Dust" from Powers of Detection (October 2004, ISBN 0-441-01197-7)
- "Dracula Night" from Many Bloody Returns (September 2007, hardcover ISBN 0-441-01522-0)
- Dead as a Doornail (May 2005, hardcover ISBN 0-441-01279-5, April 2006, audio book ISBN 1-4193-3730-0, paperback ISBN 0-441-01333-3)
- "One Word Answer" from Bite (2005, ISBN 0-515-13970-X)
- Definitely Dead (May 2006, hardcover ISBN 0-441-01400-3, audio book ISBN 1-4193-9326-X)
- All Together Dead (May 2007, hardcover ISBN 0-441-01494-1)
- "Lucky" from Unusual Suspects (December 2008, paperback, ISBN 0-441-01637-5)
- From Dead to Worse (May 2008, hardcover ISBN 0-441-01589-4)
- "Gift Wrap" from Wolfsbane and Mistletoe (October 2008, hardcover ISBN 0-441-01633-2)
- Dead and Gone (May 2009, hardcover, ISBN 0-441-01715-0 / ISBN 978-0-441-01715-7)
- A Touch of Dead (October 2009, hardcover, ISBN 0441017835 / ISBN 978-0441017836)
- Dead in the Family (May 2010)
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Oh Darling!
Lyrics | We The Kings lyrics - Check Yes Juliet lyrics
Oh darling, i love today. Despite having better days, i think today was extremely special.
I will remember this day and i hope you do too.
It's not an official day to remember, but i think that today (6-7th November 09) we told and displayed to each other how we felt.
From the time at the pantry to the time at the park, i have never really felt you the way i have today.
Either i didn't appreciate you enough or i succumb to whatever dislike i have felt for you.
You're someone i know i should trust and rely on. But i guess not now, at least not fully.
I trust you enough but with limitations simply due to the reason i have told you.
I know you understood and you see my view, i thank God for today giving us such a wonderful time and a good conversation.
It's not easy to swallow something that is very awful, but i guess you're right - we either work it out and move on or we don't until we are both pissed and decide that we have had enough.
I realize too that in a relationship, despite one being at fault, it doesn't mean that the other did not play a part.
In any case, as long as both are in the relationship, the fight is caused by the mistakes of both party.
I guess darling, we need to instill in us something like an apology session for the mistakes we have done.
I've guided you through about that, and i hope it gave you a nice feeling? :)
No matter how big or how small the mistake it, sincerely apologizing might abolish more negative emotions than expected.
There is more to us than just the turbulent moments, and as the days passes by, i find myself falling more and more for you. I do try to fight it but darling, i'm not winning.
You're someone i cannot fathom without despite me insisting i could.
I know how much you love me darling. Oh, i do.
And thank God that we have found each other.
I love you, very much.
<3 shenath thomas dias
Friday, November 6, 2009
It's not over
I just cannot fathom life without you.
I can tell you how much i can do without, or even run away for a long time.
But i cannot really keep you off my mind.
No matter how much i think i can hate you, it just get crushed to nothingness.
There are some things i can never swallow and a few injury that still hurts.
It caused me to bleed, and i feel that this hemorrhage will never cease.
I want to tell you so much what causes me to feel as such.
But i can't, simply because i have been hurt far too many times.
No point to vocalize, no point to be emotional.
Ironic isn't it? I'm emoting now.
I can't help myself.
~it's not over~
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Lake Louise, Alberta
Another reason why Canada is such an enticing place to be.
Really lovely!
Picture from flickr by jurek d.
The photo is named "Soaking"
Really lovely!
Picture from flickr by jurek d.
The photo is named "Soaking"
Interesting Quiz Results
Didn't attend Business Finance mod today.
Surprisingly, i slept like a baby til 2+pm, and i still wanted more.
(12hrs of sleep, damn that's a record for me lately.)
Nevertheless, i had to get up some time soon to do up my Social Behavior article, which finally is done.
So that means i can sleep well again tonight, just in time for tomorrow's editorial mod!
Anyway, just wanted to share two quizzes i found really hit me well. Like WOW.
Quiz #1 - What kind of mask do you wear?
I never thought a quiz on FB can actually hit me on the right spot.
~swallowing broken emotions.... slower than expected~
Surprisingly, i slept like a baby til 2+pm, and i still wanted more.
(12hrs of sleep, damn that's a record for me lately.)
Nevertheless, i had to get up some time soon to do up my Social Behavior article, which finally is done.
So that means i can sleep well again tonight, just in time for tomorrow's editorial mod!
Anyway, just wanted to share two quizzes i found really hit me well. Like WOW.
Quiz #1 - What kind of mask do you wear?
Your mask is purity. You are always trying to be true to yourself. You don't care what others think is right or wrong, you always use your own judgment to decide. You often ignore the millions of rules people are trying to place on the way you should live your life, because you know they are meaningless and that you are a good person. Your intentions are usually pure, whether it's wanting to do something nice for someone, or just take some time for yourself. You understand that pure isn't perfect. You get angry, jealous, mean, sometimes stubborn, but you are who you are, and your mask isn't trying to hide it; it's just helping you get by the life you love and enjoy. .
Quiz #2 - What's your biggest weakness?
You envy others, but you are also confident about yourself. But sometimes you wish you could be confident about yourself without the masks. You clean before people come over, even though you are typically a mess. You dress up or wear revealing clothes, show off your tan, tattoos, and body, because you feel like it will get attention and make you feel worth something. Sexiness is something you value, but you really want to be admired for your heart. You want someone to see through the masks and love you for you, but you sometimes don't know who that person is and you fear opening up to someone because you don't want to be hurt. You wish you could be like someone else, trade places just for a day, to see what it's like to be perfect. You like lists and getting things done, but you rarely finish them. You want to be loved, so badly, for who you are and you're just waiting for the right person to show you that it's okay to rest in who you were made to be, and not who you are always trying to be.
I never thought a quiz on FB can actually hit me on the right spot.
~swallowing broken emotions.... slower than expected~
Bruise, Cowardice, Embrace
Anyone who can touch can hurt your or heal
Anyone who can reach you can love you or leave you
"I bruise easily" by Natasha Bedingfield
Everyone can pretend they are great, they can wear a mask to hide from the world's prying eyes.
We can go day by day always surrounding ourselves with people to feel less lonely, but is that really the motive of being around people?
Or are we all just cowards who need presence of others to stop tears falling from our eyes.
Do we seek others' company so as to feel stronger, feeding off them unknowingly.
Are we really strong people we hope the world to see?
I'm sure we can go day in and day out disregarding the presence of the mask that help us go through the day with unscathed emotions and indifference.
Over time, the mask becomes us and it takes a special type of people who have been around you or who are patient and observant enough, to understand why we wear such masks.
Are you like this? Can you openly admit to someone you are, if not to yourself?
If you can't admit this trait to yourself, you're a coward.
What is much worst is that you are a coward to deny that you are indeed a coward.
A pitiful state to be in.
I know i have led this life.
I'm going to have to lead it again.
To prevent hurt, pain and the reality of suffering.
All i have to know is that i always need to be practical and reasonable to myself.
Leading such a life again doesn't mean i'm going to stop loving or whatever.
Leading such a life might actually avoid unnecessary negative vibes.
Embrace your cowardice act, get in touch with it and eventually, learn to deal with it.
~riding the low with style~
Anyone who can reach you can love you or leave you
"I bruise easily" by Natasha Bedingfield
Everyone can pretend they are great, they can wear a mask to hide from the world's prying eyes.
We can go day by day always surrounding ourselves with people to feel less lonely, but is that really the motive of being around people?
Or are we all just cowards who need presence of others to stop tears falling from our eyes.
Do we seek others' company so as to feel stronger, feeding off them unknowingly.
Are we really strong people we hope the world to see?
I'm sure we can go day in and day out disregarding the presence of the mask that help us go through the day with unscathed emotions and indifference.
Over time, the mask becomes us and it takes a special type of people who have been around you or who are patient and observant enough, to understand why we wear such masks.
Are you like this? Can you openly admit to someone you are, if not to yourself?
If you can't admit this trait to yourself, you're a coward.
What is much worst is that you are a coward to deny that you are indeed a coward.
A pitiful state to be in.
I know i have led this life.
I'm going to have to lead it again.
To prevent hurt, pain and the reality of suffering.
All i have to know is that i always need to be practical and reasonable to myself.
Leading such a life again doesn't mean i'm going to stop loving or whatever.
Leading such a life might actually avoid unnecessary negative vibes.
Embrace your cowardice act, get in touch with it and eventually, learn to deal with it.
~riding the low with style~
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Work and Love (updates)
Since last Tuesday, i have been working under the cold calling group of Showcraft EVN, an events company handling various types of events such as Gala Dinner, Dinner and Dance, Product launches and more.
They have serviced Starhub, LG, Prime Minister's Office, Supreme Court and more big names in various types of industries.
My job is rather simpler compared to most telemarketing job.
How i market and handle consumers are really different, however, this is no saying that i do an easy job.
It gets tougher as the day goes by when you haven't find the right person to talk to, and there are receptionists who just love making your life much difficult.
There are also company personnels who are usually in a rush and have no time to communicate and you are forced to drop them an email instead, which you know will never be able to reach them the way you can do verbally.
My job scope does not require me to sell products or any ideas really. My job is to look for appointments with companies who practices Dinner and Dance, or any form of events really, inform them that Showcraft EVN is intrested to render their services and attain information required by our events producer(s).
In all, remarks of companies matter!
Also, LUCK!
Pay is really not bad. It's per shifting, roughly above $6 per hour, more than any other job that i have taken up. But the paper work is very tedious too, definitely.
In all actually, everything is fun and to think about it, it is really an eye opener to the events company in Singapore. This is the first time i have worked in this industry and line, and when school reopens, let's just hope that i will be able to do events coordinating for their upcoming events on weekends:) It should be fun!
Since last week, Shenath and yours truly, were never on the same page and has always been on each other's neck. A lot of misunderstandings and fault finding really.
Gets really tiring but despite it all, i guess every couple need to ask if you want to better the situation or do you want to remain this way.
Of course there are the good and bad, the happy and the sad, but there's always be just love.
Idealistic or so it seems, love need not be perceived negatively and with unwillingness or doubts.
Love itself is not what makes the relationship a good or bad thing really, do you know what it is?
I think i do.
It's your action that creates the impact of how love is supposed to be.
It is you who determines if you want the negative or the positive side of your relationship. Really.
And therefore, i shall stress that positive thinking and a little bit of hard work on being nice and thinking positive will bag you a nice day with your other half.
Try it and believe.
After work today, Shenath picked me up from work and we headed to where the fun is.
It was a nice time spent and we enjoyed whatever outcome of it all, of course the cozy and warmth feeling you get when you are with your loved one just increases and heighten your emotions.
After that, we headed to downtown east chalet for Lyn's bf, Aaron's birthday.
We stayed for an hour, saw a St. Hilda's schoolmate who exclaimed non-stop how toned down i am and how much i have changed - drastically.
LOL i really guess it was cause she was used to the dramatic aspect of me. HAHA.
After these, shenath and i had a really great talk. Communication was profoundly great and we are hoping more of it to come.
I love you darling. Mwahs!
finally, something to share.
They have serviced Starhub, LG, Prime Minister's Office, Supreme Court and more big names in various types of industries.
My job is rather simpler compared to most telemarketing job.
How i market and handle consumers are really different, however, this is no saying that i do an easy job.
It gets tougher as the day goes by when you haven't find the right person to talk to, and there are receptionists who just love making your life much difficult.
There are also company personnels who are usually in a rush and have no time to communicate and you are forced to drop them an email instead, which you know will never be able to reach them the way you can do verbally.
My job scope does not require me to sell products or any ideas really. My job is to look for appointments with companies who practices Dinner and Dance, or any form of events really, inform them that Showcraft EVN is intrested to render their services and attain information required by our events producer(s).
In all, remarks of companies matter!
Also, LUCK!
Pay is really not bad. It's per shifting, roughly above $6 per hour, more than any other job that i have taken up. But the paper work is very tedious too, definitely.
In all actually, everything is fun and to think about it, it is really an eye opener to the events company in Singapore. This is the first time i have worked in this industry and line, and when school reopens, let's just hope that i will be able to do events coordinating for their upcoming events on weekends:) It should be fun!
Since last week, Shenath and yours truly, were never on the same page and has always been on each other's neck. A lot of misunderstandings and fault finding really.
Gets really tiring but despite it all, i guess every couple need to ask if you want to better the situation or do you want to remain this way.
Of course there are the good and bad, the happy and the sad, but there's always be just love.
Idealistic or so it seems, love need not be perceived negatively and with unwillingness or doubts.
Love itself is not what makes the relationship a good or bad thing really, do you know what it is?
I think i do.
It's your action that creates the impact of how love is supposed to be.
It is you who determines if you want the negative or the positive side of your relationship. Really.
And therefore, i shall stress that positive thinking and a little bit of hard work on being nice and thinking positive will bag you a nice day with your other half.
Try it and believe.
After work today, Shenath picked me up from work and we headed to where the fun is.
It was a nice time spent and we enjoyed whatever outcome of it all, of course the cozy and warmth feeling you get when you are with your loved one just increases and heighten your emotions.
After that, we headed to downtown east chalet for Lyn's bf, Aaron's birthday.
We stayed for an hour, saw a St. Hilda's schoolmate who exclaimed non-stop how toned down i am and how much i have changed - drastically.
LOL i really guess it was cause she was used to the dramatic aspect of me. HAHA.
After these, shenath and i had a really great talk. Communication was profoundly great and we are hoping more of it to come.
I love you darling. Mwahs!
finally, something to share.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Tropical storm ketsana/undoy
(courtesy: abs-cbn news online)
I didn't expect how grave the situation in Manila will be what with the tropical storm reaching just signal 1.
I was frustrated really, as mum and i watched the news on our premium cable channel TFC, we can't help but wonder together with the news anchor:
Where are the rescue teams?
What is taking them so long?
How come the response is very inefficient?
How come only the family men in the country are shown in the footage to be the only ones doing the rescue?
How come there was no officials, and how come only have helicopters TODAY only?
There are various other questions that puzzles us and im sure the filipino expats here in Singapore will feel the same when i see the footages.
It's quite disheartening that it seems as if the were not being efficient.
But as the situation's gravity increases, only then do we get tons of response.
I must say, however, that it is great that the rich and the famous are doing their best to help the government and the media to increase the efficiency of the rescue.
Some lend their speed boat, life jackets, rubber boats and the stars contacted their endorsers to provide food and drinks to the casualties.
However, it still feels very saddening to hear text messages saying that they need help, that they are trapped, their loved one lay dead on the kitchen and is unmovable as the water is not receding.
Another story yesterday, a group of kids dropped into the water when the bridge they were passing over gave way, and i wish their souls to rest in peace.
Also, there was a pregnant women who gave birth today, apparently who has been trapped from yesterday.
I am still worried however, i cannot contact my family in The Philippines.
Im sure my clan is okay cos one of the officials i contacted assured that my subdivision has no death and only experienced but i'm not sure about my dad and my extended family, who lives by the valley.
The worst thing is that even the former governor's residential, who is a family friend and who lives somewhere near my dad, is reportedly submerged.
The entire town has submerged and i just hope dad and my half siblings are okay and so those family friends.
I just hope that even if dad is with the MMDA officials, he'll be okay rescuing those casualties.
I've never really felt so panicked as i have felt today.
But honestly, i hope that the Philippine government and local town governments to increase their efficiency and increase the speed of their process of rescue in any disasters.
It gets really frustrating, and if im already feeling like this, what more those casualties.
Nevertheless, the Filipino media is commendable in reaching to various helplines, the rich, the famous, the government officials etc. It has always been the media in my country that presses all these officials...
Kudos to abs-cbn, but of course to the various relief group.
Sympathies goes to the casualties, the dead and of course the rescue officials that have been recovered dead just awhile back today.
Links about the storm:
Link1
Link 2
To filipinos, you can hear all the updates here.
DZMM
To pinoys who want to help:
Click here
I didn't expect how grave the situation in Manila will be what with the tropical storm reaching just signal 1.
I was frustrated really, as mum and i watched the news on our premium cable channel TFC, we can't help but wonder together with the news anchor:
Where are the rescue teams?
What is taking them so long?
How come the response is very inefficient?
How come only the family men in the country are shown in the footage to be the only ones doing the rescue?
How come there was no officials, and how come only have helicopters TODAY only?
There are various other questions that puzzles us and im sure the filipino expats here in Singapore will feel the same when i see the footages.
It's quite disheartening that it seems as if the were not being efficient.
But as the situation's gravity increases, only then do we get tons of response.
I must say, however, that it is great that the rich and the famous are doing their best to help the government and the media to increase the efficiency of the rescue.
Some lend their speed boat, life jackets, rubber boats and the stars contacted their endorsers to provide food and drinks to the casualties.
However, it still feels very saddening to hear text messages saying that they need help, that they are trapped, their loved one lay dead on the kitchen and is unmovable as the water is not receding.
Another story yesterday, a group of kids dropped into the water when the bridge they were passing over gave way, and i wish their souls to rest in peace.
Also, there was a pregnant women who gave birth today, apparently who has been trapped from yesterday.
I am still worried however, i cannot contact my family in The Philippines.
Im sure my clan is okay cos one of the officials i contacted assured that my subdivision has no death and only experienced but i'm not sure about my dad and my extended family, who lives by the valley.
The worst thing is that even the former governor's residential, who is a family friend and who lives somewhere near my dad, is reportedly submerged.
The entire town has submerged and i just hope dad and my half siblings are okay and so those family friends.
I just hope that even if dad is with the MMDA officials, he'll be okay rescuing those casualties.
I've never really felt so panicked as i have felt today.
But honestly, i hope that the Philippine government and local town governments to increase their efficiency and increase the speed of their process of rescue in any disasters.
It gets really frustrating, and if im already feeling like this, what more those casualties.
Nevertheless, the Filipino media is commendable in reaching to various helplines, the rich, the famous, the government officials etc. It has always been the media in my country that presses all these officials...
Kudos to abs-cbn, but of course to the various relief group.
Sympathies goes to the casualties, the dead and of course the rescue officials that have been recovered dead just awhile back today.
Links about the storm:
Link1
Link 2
To filipinos, you can hear all the updates here.
DZMM
To pinoys who want to help:
Click here
Monday, September 21, 2009
heal the world.
I wanted to post about my weekends, but something egged me on to go to youtube and typed in 'heal the world'
and then of course Michael Jackson's song 'Heal the World' was at the top of the list.
So i clicked it.
I watched it.
& then i teared.
From the start to the finish.
and yet, the world is still not safe.
the world still needs peace, and we are all fighting for it.
what if no matter how hard we try, it'll never going to be healed?
in the first place, who are the main culprits that damaged it?
who or what?
or is it always meant to be like this?
i hope not.
& for Michael Jackson, rest in peace.
despite the charges put on you, nevertheless, you and your songs always have a place in our hearts.
with love,
MJ (Mary Jean)
and then of course Michael Jackson's song 'Heal the World' was at the top of the list.
So i clicked it.
I watched it.
& then i teared.
From the start to the finish.
and yet, the world is still not safe.
the world still needs peace, and we are all fighting for it.
what if no matter how hard we try, it'll never going to be healed?
in the first place, who are the main culprits that damaged it?
who or what?
or is it always meant to be like this?
i hope not.
& for Michael Jackson, rest in peace.
despite the charges put on you, nevertheless, you and your songs always have a place in our hearts.
with love,
MJ (Mary Jean)
Thursday, September 17, 2009
what a day.
i know it's late, a quarter to the witching hour actually, but my brain is still active, and is eager to convey the day's event.
nothing spectacular really, but what made it worthwhile was the fact that Jeanath had a nice day out.
that no matter the entirety of the day's happening, whether we had to travel to school to return a damn hard disk, which as a matter of fact, is weeks-old overdue,
and that we had to bus back down to town,
and having enticed by The Cathay, we missed our movie timing for Gerard Butler's The Gamer, over at Cathay Cineleisure, because The Cathay looked and felt nicer.
We also had to sit in for the Final Destination 4, despite being reluctant, we just sat in and watched the movie.
Then Shenath understood the reason why i didn't want to see another Final Destination series again.
So how i found it?
SAME SAME.
SAME PLOT.
SAME GORE.
SAME ADRENALINE RUSH.
Any difference?
NOT REALLY.
IT JUST GOT GORY.
TO ATTRACT AND SELL THE 4TH SERIES OF THE -
SAME PLOT
SAME GORE
SAME ADRENALINE RUSH
I swear if they make another movie from this, i'm going to flip.
Can't they tweak the damn story line?
What if someone did find the way to trick Death.
C'mon! My life's been threatened like a few times already, so why am i still alive now?
From birth i was supposed to have died, and so why hasn't death come for me?
Yawns. (note to death: im not asking you to come for me k. it's just my thoughts of the movie.)
Oh well, MOVIES!
just freaks the hell out of you.
Okay so after the movie, we met up with Boon, one of Shenath's networking classmates.
But we en route to Sakura for dinner - thai fried rice for me again! (:
I think i'm really going to develop MLM phobia.
and how now brown cow are we going to be polite and turn down monday afternoon's appointment.
first Venture Era, now... Amway.
Oh my oh my.
& eventually, the fight and test of my friendship will Laura was conquered.
i'd thought that it was it, no more friendship, but then again, i guess i do mean a lot to her, just as she does to me.
i guess we are just entering a phase in the friendship department, just as how fights can bring couples closer, it does help to know the bad parts of your friend and if your friendship is good enough, acceptance is in order.
So anyway, i would like to end off this post with a short lovey dovey message for my dearest boyfriend, and words of encouragement for my bestfriend.
darling, i love you as i have been loving you for these two years, and counting.
there are times we can never see eye to eye, but we gotta accept that we are for each other,
down and always around.
it's hard to accept sometimes, and it's hard to fight the tidal waves of negative emotions,
but i know i can see you as my husband.
we need to grow on our own pace and respect each others limits and also celebrate each others' strength.
i love you, always, and more.
and to a couple that might be over, i just hope u both take a deep breath and weigh the situation.
don't always assume that the other is wrong all the time, ask yourself your fault and not push the blame on each other over and again. eventually, ask yourselves, do you love each other? and do you love each other to give each other a rest when everything is suffocating? do you love each other to make sure that love prevails?
easier said than done, but hey, i have done it. we, jeanath, as a couple has done it.
and so why shouldn't you? any of you?
i'm sure it's just a test.
you guys can't see how much you love each other, but i know you guys do.
A LOT.
so don't give up. but jeanath suggest to keep calm and have a breathing period so you guys can think on each others' shortcomings.
and hey, when you both have fresh mind, it'll be worth it to come together and make up.. then make love. haha *winks*
best regards,
Jeanath
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Everyday is a NEW day.
So yesterday, it wasn't eventually such a great day, due to a sudden stumble in the love dept.
But i guess thinking positive creates the magnet for positive events to occur in my life.
I have a strong belief in the power of the mind, as well as karmic balance of individuals.
I also believe in aura and the philosophical nature of life.
That's why sometimes, quote-of-the-day phrases can inspire me.
It can get to me and create a form of drive, for real.
I try to find the gees and mechanism of these quotes, and how they are formed, made popular and actually create a form of significance to me, and many others.
I'm not really posting this to talk about quotes of the day, or of philosophical matters etc.
I just wanted to share with you all that you should welcome these aspects in your life, these positive thoughts, aura etc, if you seek comfort and a new form of peace within (:
First step: Breathe in, breathe out.
Next: Think that you want the good outcome from the day
Next: Think positive
Next (most important): Practice positivity.
Last: Thank the higher power, God, nature, etc.
Finally, i want to share with you that if you have been feeling that change is in the air.
Be it in economy, politics, environmental, health, and your personal life.
There is an astrological reason for this really.
Believe it or not, i think astrology is a study that shouldn't be taken lightly nor with the regard that it is nonsensical.
Sure those psychic fakes, those daily horoscope that say you will be the luckiest person today or the otherwise, can be disregard in credibility, but i'm saying the real studies of planetary movements and the astronomical aspect of astrology.
Oh and to come back to my point, the reason that amazes me is this:
"Saturn and Uranus will be exactly opposite each other again on September 15, forming what is known as an 'opposition' in astrology -- two planets positioned 180 degrees apart. This is the third of five such oppositions that started on November 4, 2008, and it will continue until July 26, 2010. These oppositions always come in a cycle, and happen approximately every 45 years. The last time these two planets formed oppositions was 1965 to 1967, and before that from 1918 to 1920. The Saturn-Uranus opposition that sent us on a roller coaster ride last fall and earlier this year returns for an encore to evoke more major shifts, both in your personal life and globally. Think back to November 2008 and February 2009 - what was happening in your life back then?"
Think of these changes:
1. US appointed its very first African American President.
2. Japanese ruling party failing to get votes and support after many years of being in power.
3. Health peace changes: discovery of bird flu and then swine flu, and the potential threat of having these two virus combined.
4. On the lighter note, Facebook clinched majority usage in Singapore from Friendster within these timings, dun you think? :D yey for facebook.
of course there are more, even within your inner self, your family, your loved one, everyone.
there is this call for change that seems very appalling, yet needed.
and to think, there's a particular force that ensures this.
think on this.
enjoy!
But i guess thinking positive creates the magnet for positive events to occur in my life.
I have a strong belief in the power of the mind, as well as karmic balance of individuals.
I also believe in aura and the philosophical nature of life.
That's why sometimes, quote-of-the-day phrases can inspire me.
It can get to me and create a form of drive, for real.
I try to find the gees and mechanism of these quotes, and how they are formed, made popular and actually create a form of significance to me, and many others.
I'm not really posting this to talk about quotes of the day, or of philosophical matters etc.
I just wanted to share with you all that you should welcome these aspects in your life, these positive thoughts, aura etc, if you seek comfort and a new form of peace within (:
First step: Breathe in, breathe out.
Next: Think that you want the good outcome from the day
Next: Think positive
Next (most important): Practice positivity.
Last: Thank the higher power, God, nature, etc.
Finally, i want to share with you that if you have been feeling that change is in the air.
Be it in economy, politics, environmental, health, and your personal life.
There is an astrological reason for this really.
Believe it or not, i think astrology is a study that shouldn't be taken lightly nor with the regard that it is nonsensical.
Sure those psychic fakes, those daily horoscope that say you will be the luckiest person today or the otherwise, can be disregard in credibility, but i'm saying the real studies of planetary movements and the astronomical aspect of astrology.
Oh and to come back to my point, the reason that amazes me is this:
"Saturn and Uranus will be exactly opposite each other again on September 15, forming what is known as an 'opposition' in astrology -- two planets positioned 180 degrees apart. This is the third of five such oppositions that started on November 4, 2008, and it will continue until July 26, 2010. These oppositions always come in a cycle, and happen approximately every 45 years. The last time these two planets formed oppositions was 1965 to 1967, and before that from 1918 to 1920. The Saturn-Uranus opposition that sent us on a roller coaster ride last fall and earlier this year returns for an encore to evoke more major shifts, both in your personal life and globally. Think back to November 2008 and February 2009 - what was happening in your life back then?"
Think of these changes:
(hotlineoncall.nationaljournal)
1. US appointed its very first African American President.
2. Japanese ruling party failing to get votes and support after many years of being in power.
3. Health peace changes: discovery of bird flu and then swine flu, and the potential threat of having these two virus combined.
4. On the lighter note, Facebook clinched majority usage in Singapore from Friendster within these timings, dun you think? :D yey for facebook.
of course there are more, even within your inner self, your family, your loved one, everyone.
there is this call for change that seems very appalling, yet needed.
and to think, there's a particular force that ensures this.
think on this.
enjoy!
Monday, September 14, 2009
changes.
I am glad that finally, i have had a change of blogskin.
It has been quite a while since i actually liked something from blogskins.com, that i need not edit much.
Of course, before this, i was actually stuck to two different types of skin, and thank goodness i found this.
It's hard to find a simple but nice one.
Well, it's 1.57am.
Not asleep yet, due to this blogskin changes, facebook, and nevertheless, a sudden outburst of yet another, FIGHT.
Sometimes mundanity is quite better than the sudden fluctuation in the day's event.
But then again, a part of me begs to differ.
There's this itch in me that go against this sudden notion of a mundane type of life.
Oh hell, i will rather have the ups and downs of life, than get stuck still in the day-in-day-out activities.
But then again, i guess i say this out of tiredness.
Anyway, i haven't blogged lately over here really, and this has a good reason really.
I am currently building my portfolio, my aspirational line of work, that creates endless possibility in the creative industry.
I am rather enthusiastic about this endevours, and needless to say, i am hoping to put my best into this, and who knows it might get big and eventually become a form of establishment of my career.
I always love the idea of being my own boss, but i know that requires A LOT.
A lot of sweat and labor, which i am prepared really.
So please wish me all the best for my aspirations, as best as i can wish you all of yours.
All of us has aspirations, and i would like to share this motivational quote;
If you follow your passion, success will follow you.
It has been quite a while since i actually liked something from blogskins.com, that i need not edit much.
Of course, before this, i was actually stuck to two different types of skin, and thank goodness i found this.
It's hard to find a simple but nice one.
Well, it's 1.57am.
Not asleep yet, due to this blogskin changes, facebook, and nevertheless, a sudden outburst of yet another, FIGHT.
Sometimes mundanity is quite better than the sudden fluctuation in the day's event.
But then again, a part of me begs to differ.
There's this itch in me that go against this sudden notion of a mundane type of life.
Oh hell, i will rather have the ups and downs of life, than get stuck still in the day-in-day-out activities.
But then again, i guess i say this out of tiredness.
Anyway, i haven't blogged lately over here really, and this has a good reason really.
I am currently building my portfolio, my aspirational line of work, that creates endless possibility in the creative industry.
I am rather enthusiastic about this endevours, and needless to say, i am hoping to put my best into this, and who knows it might get big and eventually become a form of establishment of my career.
I always love the idea of being my own boss, but i know that requires A LOT.
A lot of sweat and labor, which i am prepared really.
So please wish me all the best for my aspirations, as best as i can wish you all of yours.
All of us has aspirations, and i would like to share this motivational quote;
If you follow your passion, success will follow you.
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