This is it

I spent my day doing what i really want to do, and i felt good.
I gave some time to my siblings, Ana and Zak, playing soccer with them.
It tickles me at how my brother, who's only 2yrs and 3 months, has learnt to dribble a soccer ball along the long stretch of corridors, within a few minutes of my instruction.
I felt happy at his accomplishment and i felt happier that the three of us bonded well.

The last two days of having stayed in the whole afternoon baby sitting felt really wonderful too.
Like yesterday, when i brought Zak, Ana and her bff, Jannah to the park to ride the bike and run around the big playground.
I fed from that happiness despite having a lot of things in my mind.
They provided me with the strength to keep my head together and i love them for that.

So after spending some time with the kids, i stayed in solitude in my room, till i got the urge to continue with my plan to enjoy the night by the beach.
I took with me my handy scarf so i can use it to lay on the sandy shore.
Before heading straight to the beach park, i headed to the Platinum Lounge.
I didn't even feel a kick though -.- nor even felt warm.

Damn useless and waste of money...
Continuing, i sat by the beach and as songs played in my ears, my whole 2 years plus of relationship flashed before my mind's eye. The memories acted like the smoke against my eyes, and you know the outcome.

I lay on the beach, looking up at one star, then the next star appeared, and then the next thing i know, the sky was littered with more.
I relayed to them through my emotions whatever i've felt and i'm still feeling.
It was low tide so i didn't bother to really 'talk' to the sea...
But the moment the tide starts coming in, i know the sea wants to listen.
And so i told it the same things i told the stars.
It felt nice and i knew the best thing to do next: call tita sol.

I had to talk to her. She'll know the answer i seek.
I didn't need to tell her much besides finally admitting to her that i'm riding solo now.
My clan will know by tomorrow, and i just need to call the grands to officiate it...

Tita Sol relayed to me things that truly made me realize a lot of things and make me come around.
It's really liberating, despite my fears but it gave me the reason to be positive, truly. Cos i know things now that i didn't know or wouldn't know if i didn't call her.

She told me to come to her again to give status report, and she gave me the timeline.
I'm glad to have her and i guess i never truly appreciated her until now because i didn't really take her seriously. But now i had to, cos i accepted her, and what she can do and what part she plays in my life.
We never really truly got along, but when needs like this comes, she always come through.
My entire clan do.
And honestly, i'm strangely amused how they stand to their policy all through despite the many drama.

I have to let go of doing myself damages and she warns me that if i do that, i'll only seek trouble.
It's imminent, and i need to make sure i take care of my well-being or i'll land myself on something nasty.
Therefore, i guess the phase of bad habit truly has got to stop. Best (nurul, my bff) has warned me too.
And i guess it's just about time that as this pack finished, it's going to be the last.

After giving me those advises, she told me to go home and not hang around the beach emoting. Haha

So anyway, I'm going to end it here..
I know you guys are half confused at whatever i'm saying as it is somehow encrypted. (sorry..)

But so to summarize what i'm to do:

I've the strong green signal to really hoist the anchor off my ship, land it to the solid ground, and begin the repair. Then, set sail and let the ship bring me to the land that is rightfully belonging to me, instead of just staying in the wrecked ship, feeling heart-broken and damaging myself with the bad habits i can succumb to. And as i set sail, there's no steering back.

Read between the lines or just take it as it is i guess. It depends on how your brain works really :)
I know Best will hate reading this, she calls this treasure map talk. haha