Day 2 on Superstar Virgo (2)

So I was writing my day 2 on board the ship and then as I was uploading some photos, my blogpress got cocked up and it crashed on me.

So instead of typing again, I'll put it on point form:

- went swimming with Cantona, Janice and Grace
- table tennis with Cantona, Rudy, Janice, Jacy, Shenal, Ganesh, Bryan
- did a mini photoshoot with Bryan as photographer
- played mini golf with Arvind, Krishnan, Moorthy, Anthony and the others who came by
- went to bella vista for dinner with Cantona, Gem, Janice, Shenal, Bryan and Anthony
- Chilled out at the deck till 3am
- Realized at I spent $100 on drinks just for myself when I won't normally do on land

So anyway, here are some pics to see:
























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Day 1 in Superstar Virgo

Post update of my weekend holiday:

We reached Harbourfront center around 4.30pm only to start boarding at around 6pm. We dispersed into our respective cabins with our designated cabin mates.



I was assigned with Gem & Janice, my two other Pinoy buddies in Innocom.

Despite wanting to rest for even just a little while, we had to get ready for our group dinner at Bella Vista. The stated dress code was 'Elegant Casual'. And so we dressed accordingly after our much needed shower and make ups, headed out late only to be further delayed by being late.

We were not able to locate the right part of deck 6 of the ship that is where Bella Vista is located. After asking and being directed to the area, we walked into the restaurant, only to get head turns and some ''wow'' and ''so dressed up'' comments.

They were hardly dressed closed to 'Elegant Casual'.

Nevertheless, we sat at the next available 4-seaters and made ourselves comfortable. The restaurant's waiters were not at all attentive nor even bothered to make us feel acknowledged that we are there ready to be served.

However, after a moment of asking and calling for them, they provided our allocated meal.



These were our dishes - steamed chicken, stir-fried kangkong, prawns, Thai-sauce fish, and sweet pork, accompanied by meat soup and Chinese tea.

The food was not bad. The fish was awesome in the thai sauce, if that is what is the sauce. It tasted as such. I pretty much enjoyed the Chinese tea. It's a real treat.

After exchanging silent "his" and "hellos" from the others, we received group gathering at our table, consisting of Anthony, Bryan, Rudy and Cantona.

They 'blessed' our food by eating off them complaining that they weren't filled and later left for the decks for a smoke. Cantona stayed with us till we finish our meal.

We joined them again at the deck D for the emergency drill.



The crew showed us where to gather and how to use our life jacket in case of emergency. The drill lasted for no more than 10mins. Then we were free to do our own things. The free and easy part of the cruise started.

Initial group was Anthony, Bryan, Shenal, Cantona, Gem, Janice, and I. Later as we headed to the Piazza, we were all joined by Grace, Ganesh, Basanta, and we saw the others.


Lost count of who came and went with us. But I know that after walking around for a bit, I disintegrated myself from the group and went solo to Bellini for a glass of wine. I got myself a $39 (add 15% Cust service charge for every transactions ok) coupon that gives me 6 drink tabs that I plan to last the 2 nights. I also saw the best present for mum. It's a nice bag, I will purchase it tomorrow and add it in the next post 'Day 2 in Superstar Virgo'.

Later on, I walked around and ended up at the top deck, in hopes to bump into them. After walking around and exploring on my own for some time, I was reunited with Gem and Janice, who were taking photos with Janice's DSLR. After which, we explored the casino areas in hope to find the guys.

Cantona called me to let them know where they are. But darn it I'm going to be charged $10 jus for that 2mins call! So we headed up deck to be back with the group. We found them, sat with them - Anthony, Bryan, Rudy, Shenal, Cantona, Basanta - and then later I floated onto the other group - Judy, Lenny, Derrick, Ck, Andrew (red-faced due to beer), Joot and beau, Fabian, and Richard - they were drinking on and on, with Andrew already tipsy. It was a good laugh with them. Then I floated back with the earlier group.

We had a round of Truths and Dare minus the dare, and uncovered crazy things from these colleagues. Good laugh!

After a bit, we went to check out a party at the Piazza, which was not a party at all, more like games night, so we headed up to the Mediterranean Buffet food hall. Along the way, Arvind, Ganesh, Moorthy and Krishnan went with us (minus Anthony and Bryan) and all through supper.

Gem and Cantona respectively called it a day and they retired on their respective cabins, so it was only Janice, Shenal, Basanta, Arvind, Ganesh, Moorthy, Krishnan and I was left.

Headed to casino as Basanta wanted to try his luck, but since Janice couldn't come in due to her DSLR, we left Basanta and Shenal there, and headed to top deck.

Then that's where we all learned dance from each other. We took shots and being the photography enthusiast, I was their photographer!

Richard came to join us and danced with Moorthy to some Hindi song. It was another good laugh (:

We hung out for a bit joining the other group at KTV lounge, just to say hi and we went to Starlight lounge to listen to the liveband but just as we wanted to order drinks, the singer bid goodnight with their last songs so I cancelled my order and without much left to do, we all called it a good night and headed to our respective cabins.

Tomorrow is a brand new day!



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Are we having fun yet?

This weekend will be a bit different. I'm going to join my company for a 3D2N retreat on board a cruise - Superstar Virgo.

This is going to be my first time on company retreat and on board a big ship like Virgo.

I've always loved the waters. There's something about the sea that I find alluring. I always feel at home when at the presence of the sea. So I enjoy the beach, and even just lazing by the shore.

So anyway, I will update when I get back hugs to you all!

Mwahs.

Dream Bedroom (This is only on sexy and girly days)

This Malibu Barbie Bedroom is the bomb man. Makes me think of nice nice things (:
No, i'm not girlie. And it's not because of Barbie that i like this bedroom. Cos this is a harmonious combination of my fave colors - Red (especially) and Pink!

Love it.

Mr Right, please get me this bedroom, and you can expect great things ;)

Weeee~

In Search of a New Heart Beat

I was actually pondering this subject in my head - How come till now i haven't gon gugu gaga (crushed madly) on anyone, that is then worth enough to flirt continuously with in hopes and wish to have him as my boyfriend or my potential hubby? *Laughs*

You know, the kind of budding love that can make your whole life a little bit more exciting romantically? Maybe after being on two long term relationships that didn't last, my excited mojo just died after the recent ex-boyfriend i bide adieu to.

So now, most dates i have been with are due to reasons. They are decent and nice guys who makes me smile.

But is the decency and the nice feeling of smiles worth it to settle compared to being in an up and down roller coaster ride with tons of real love and affection? I don't know much now, but hey, when i get a real answer then i shall thread back to this topic.

Lately, i have suitors who have been asking me out but i'm not saying straight 'yes' to them, with one suitor last month has been given the boot because he reminded me of why i dislike being in a relationship. So what if i date a lot and i get reminded why i dislike being in relationship again. Then what happens?

I'm therefore looking for a guy who makes me see why i preserve and fight to be in a relationship. Even my last relationship of 3 years didn't really put me rooted to the ground. I couldn't find the reason to stay most of the time due to the hurt i felt which he caused, and due to the hurt I give him which i'm guilty about.

In any case, i realize i lost my fighting spirit and the need to hold on to a relationship after my 'first love' spoiled me. I don't know why for him, i stood standing for years. I held on, i persevere, i didn't say goodbye, and i fully compromise. We ended cos of huge miscommunication and misunderstanding. After him, my next relationship started half hearted, but proved to be the longest and most trying one. I loved the guy but the hurt made me all the more uncertain how to hold on to that relationship. but for the 'first love', it's like a different language of love altogether. Maybe it's true the saying 'First love never dies'.

& now it's funny how after 5 years, were back in contact and i found out some things during some times spent that i was really surprised about. I didn't really know how to take it to my hands, so i rode the waves. But then i eventually cannot find the reason to linger...

So i float.

I'm now seeing this guy lately. We met at one of my favorite club joints. I don't usually like seeing guys i meet at clubs but he's different. He dance and he's very respectful. I guess he's one of the guys who goes clubbing just to dance and enjoy, instead of the typical.

We're at the moment friends, with the benefits like those who date - head out for dinner, chill out, hugs, kiss, hold hands - but with no commitments, or even talks of such. The last talk we had was we found out that we 'like being single' and that's that.

There's just an aspect that makes him really different - he respects. So all the warmth and care i get from him, they're all full of respect, full of 'if this makes her happy, it's enough' kinda respect.

There's no force, no expectations, no hopes... Just fun and company.

---
However, if there is that one guy who still seem to make my heart beat so fast, it's *him* despite the many volumes of my love stories. And i can never understand why...

Maybe cos "It was only just a ..."

God spoke to me!

Mark 1:14-20

After John was arrested, Jesus went into Galilee and began preaching the Good News of God. He said, "The time has come; the kingdom of God is at hand. Change your ways as believe the Good News."

As Jesus was walking along the shore of Lake Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Ndeew casting a net in the lake for they were fishermen. And Jesus said to them, "Follow me, and I will make you fish for people." At once, they left their nets and followed him. Jesus went a little farther on and saw James and John, the son of Zebedee; they were in their boat mending their nets. Immediately, Jesus called them and they followed him, leaving their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired men.

Sermon highlight:

To immediately leave everything behind to follow Jesus is ideal; in reality, our following of Jesus happens in stages. We receive the call, we follow, and yet we also return to our former way of life. Then, the call comes again and once again we respond to follow Jesus is not something we do once and for all, but ab on-going process, life our life. Following of Jesus is not static. It is not a goal but a process.

This sermon highlight made me cry for it has totally spoken to me. And it is only in my heart did I sound my doubts and fears in what if I stray back to my old ways, of frivolous enjoyment - drinking, smoking, night life and forget Him.

As of, my weekends hold great happenings in the social sphere, but I'm always afraid what might happen to my religious life, will I lose God's calling.

And so with this, I totally understood that God doesn't hinder me. He is the premium addition to a much controlled enjoyment.

Thank God. I was not worthy of His message, comfort and love, but He heals me when my burdens grow heavy. He heals me and I'm able to receive Him.

Amen.





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First Wknd of the New Year

It's Friday night!

People like me will be out partying on premium invites to one of the hottest clubs around, sipping free drinks, heading to the dance floor and be the life of the party. And then meeting other people who also fly in the same flock just having fun, passing the night away.

Even the transport back home is taken care of. Safely, and clean. No dirty business because you know you can pay whoever and whatever just to make sure you're safe home.

Yeah, but that was half a decade ago.

Now, in short my Friday has become more meaningful over the years :)

And also, it means I'm not well off (brat) anymore, nor fly with the 'cool' and 'live for the moment' people anymore. Which then becomes either a gain or a loss - to me a loss is a gain - subjected to your own mindset.

I don't fit with them anymore, the ladies who spend their life on parties, and men who's just living it out for the moment.

I think I outgrew the whole idea of being a party animal but that doesn't go to say that I don't have fun anymore.

Of course, I also cut down being in the limelight, what with me being off dance for quite a bit. Usually, what makes me the life of the party is that I become the only girl who can battle and win, even getting free drinks as a form of applause from the ones I bit.

Well well, bidding adieu to that party memory now.

I have my own party ways as it is. Not so frivolous, yet not so rigid either :)


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Back to work

So I took leave from 23 Dec to 4 Jan, to spend Christmas and New Year away from office.

I wanted to travel out to some undecided destination, have an adventure, maybe meet someone interesting and stay interestedly distracted for some time.

But two group of people interfere, and One Divine Will told me I shouldn't go out of the country. So I listened and I stayed, and eventually as I looked back, it was really for the best.

I got to spend time with my siblings, bestfriend, cousins and of course take a rain check on everything I need to do to better my financial securities and personal relationships.

It was only my second day at work, and I was already looking forward to the weekend. Honestly, work felt like an ocean these past days as I keep swimming and the land in the horizon is still rather far.

However, as the day ends I know that I've only left one more day to bid adieu to my frivolous lifestyle and holiday feeling. It's about time I straighten up and get to work as the second week of the new year enters.

Thank God for the Divine assistance he's been giving me because despite my distracted and holiday mood still majorly present, I still manage to ascertain my job well done with my boss giving positive feedbacks at my supposed second-standard works :)

I badly want the Marketing Supervisor title already, and a pay raise because I cannot be left stagnant in my current pay and title when I know I deserve an acceleration.

Employee appraisal has been held, and I await good news by end of this month.

Pray and wish me well.

God bless!




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A New Year!

Wow.

As i checked my last post, i am very ashamed how i have abandoned this blog.
I love writing and yet, i haven't updated much about the happenings of my life since July's post regarding my 2 months being single.

Well, as it is the butterfly ring had more in store for me.

You see in the past, old wives tale, even my parish priest, Fr Albert, says that butterflies symbolizes spirits of the dead. In this case, it symbolizes my grandmother.

Shortly a few weeks later, my grandmother fell ill and eventually the sickness, which was rather minor, took her away from me.

Regrets and complete heartache befell me.

I had already planned my trip to Vietnam by July 30, booked and paid for my 4d3n stay in Ho Chi Mihn City during my birthday week on 21-24 as i took a one week leave.

I don't think i really took the seriously the situation of my grandmother, i never even fathom that my grandmother will leave me one day, and never at all did i see nor feel this coming.

I usually do when something bad will happen. But this couldn't have been bad i guess, because it never went on my 'something bad will happen' radar. I actually took to heart more the pain of having lost my 3year boyfriend, because i know it's already going, gone, gone. The only moment it felt real was when I went back home in the midnight with my mother and sister with bloodshot eyes crying.

I cannot believe she was really gone.

My world was definitely 100x crushed comparatively to having broken up with my 3 year bf.
Because i know i can never hear or speak with her again. Never.

So anyway, i eventually flew to Philippines to take care of her burial rites and everything.
I'm blessed to be the one to be functioning still, to take care of everything. Although it was hurting like an intentional cut of the knife on the flesh, i still had to be the one to arrange it all.

My grandfather and I.

Well, i guess we both are the ones who had the most regrets in life pertaining to her so it's only just right that we help each other redeem our conscience.

Another aspect of my life in 2010 that becomes a highlight was that only at the loss of my grandmother did i realize that I don't know much about Catholicism, nor any type of religion at all. It also awakened my age-long question of religion. I have been caught in between two religions for the past 13 years & so here i am, already decided.

I embraced my faith as a Christian again. To affirm the calling, i was called to join a 4 day Parish Renewal Experience (PRE).

Laura joined with me and we took a journey to renew our faith together. As it is, we are serving still, under the Youth Ministry. I took another responsibility under the Charismatic Prayer Community in IT assisting in the powerpoint slides coordination. In the Charismatic group, i never fail to actually remember that granny must be happy i'm following her footsteps, serving in church.

These are one of the things that i promised to her at the foot of her grave. She is the only pillar of Christianity in my cradle Catholic family, and i guess she has chosen me to follow where she left off.

I felt really good about everything as i embraced my faith. No longer do i rely on my own wisdom, knowledge, strength, or positivity. No longer do i get exhausted chanting in the morning, "Today is a new day!" with no form of divine request of assistance. No longer do i rely on my own will. I feel like I'm backed up by faith.

Faith in oneself is nothing compared to having faith in God - because i have always had and relied on self-faith, and so i know the difference.

The only thing that eventually still poke at my scars is the loss of grandmother.

As months passed, i decided to completely forgive and forget the hurt i felt with regards to my recent ex. I hated him, but i guess i can never ask for God's love if i have hatred in my heart. So i removed all the hate i have had about him, then i uncover the amount of love still present for him.

I decided to fight for it.

Then again, i was 7 months too late.

It was me who wanted to end it, it was me who pushed it all away, it was me who rejected him, and so eventually he saw no reason anymore not even the love he felt for me, just because he feels that I've already ruined the view of his family and friends on me, by the amount of hurt he has incurred.

Well, the only defense i had for that was that i know that his family and new/old set of friends also knew that i was someone he was totally happy with. And all the hurt he incurred was self-inflicted because it was not even half the pain i incurred from him. Nevertheless, he's a good man. Just maybe, not the one for me.

So here in 2011, he doesn't seem as if he existed besides the fact that i recall great moments still. Esp some traces of memory at my place, and places we usually hang at. But someone's presence actually makes everything of him seems distant.

I am full of question actually, as to why of all people, he's still the one who can console me from deep within.
It's like his very presence in my life becomes the antidote to my heartache - without even trying, without even the full force of comforting.

But there's always something i'm afraid of about him.
All this times apart... How can it actually still be possible?

--------

With our eyes closed, we go on with the pretense that we know nothing.
But language of flesh did the talking, the momentum of things started.
And yet it has to stop... before more things occur.
I now stand aware, how things are still there left to bare.

--------

I said to myself and to everyone before, never again. Never ever will this thing occur.... and yet it even to the minute scale of it, something did, and as i can see if we, or i, don't fight it, it will continue.... on and on and on and on till it's too late to drop it and go.

2months

Today I was specially squirmy. It started from yesterday and I went by the days without a clue as to why the waves of emotion sets in. It is a horrible feeling, even though I've been surrounding myself with positive things - family, friends, work and quotes - I still find it hard to really move my mind off of him.

Well, I am in a mind debate. Why do I want to close the door on him when he still want to care and offer his solace to me. Why push away the one person I actually still love and who might just be someone I can still rely on?

But then, there's always a but.

I don't want to be anyone's baggage. I don't want to lag his process of getting over me nor do I want to reject his offers of help when he can see I need it. Even though I have the conscious of not taking advantage of him, I still feel like I shouldn't allow him to be 'responsible' of me.

I don't like it. I don't want others who don't even know or even bothered trying to know me, to think that I'm just taking advantage of him, because that is and has been the last thing I could ever do.

Anyway, today is apparently 2 months since we broke up. 6th July 2010.

I want to believe that time will heal it all, but now presently, I don't. It's been 2 months, and I'm really still feeling like there can be a miracle, that he'd wake up, accept and come clean off whatever mud he threw over my name. Or to the point, live up to what he calls love.

But then again, let's face it. Maybe really, I'm just not his cut and neither is he? But see I know how great he could be and how much we both could grow with each other. I know how I can still have him if only he is willing, and also if I am willing to stop avoiding love's call.

But then I believe that love shouldn't require you to force a change to your loved one, that you should accept them for who they are and what they can be - isnt that what I've been fighting for in my past relationship with him? Ugh. So maybe, yea I guess it turns out he isn't the guy I fell in love with anymore. And maybe just as well, I'm not the woman he thought he could love.

Sigh.





I bought this for some reason to commemorate my singlehood, and then got home to realize that today was my 2nd month single.

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My week (end June-start July)

Monday brought me to a gathering that I have planned to support as its organizers are my close couple friend.




The idea is to meet like minded people to share their thoughts and opinion about a particular raised topics and it becomes a platform where everyone enjoys and be a part of something, to get to know more people and to network, meeting people from different walks of life and work in various industries.

Tuesday was home session. I decided to get home early, spend some time with the family and get to be earlier to recover from my growing tiredness. It wasn't really helpful. I didn't get to sleep early as I wanted.

Wednesday I met up with the ex and having talked and exchanged thoughts, I realized then that I'm not ready to face him as I still love him, but nevertheless what he affirmed was something that I know really changed my hopes. It's not a bad thing. It hurts but it's really very helpful.








Thursday still rather injured due to the meetup with the ex, I decided to try something new and really just go to a meetup in this art studio. I brought my bestie and we did a painting together. Rather horrible but really nice feeling to have had so much fun.

Friday was movie date with bestie. We watched Knight and Day... It was freaking hilarious, tho I find some parts rather monotonous and boring, I still give it 4 stars because bestie and I had fits of laughter that lasts for long minutes!!



Saturday spent time with the family doing groceries, lunch treat and some games at the archade. After which I joined my current best gal buddy for a business opening launch of her colleague - The Traditional Javanese Massage.









Now I'm home lying down in bed typing this, fighting the urge to sleep cos I don't want to miss the length of Saturday. I've got nothing much to do but to wait for the rain to stop and see if I'm meeting bestie again later. I've to tutor lil sis first tho.

Tomorrow is Sunday and I know that it will come to an end fast and begin another long week this the weekend - which I do anticipate :)

Don't get me wrong, I love and still am loving my job. I just feel less motivated lately cos I'm still waiting for confirmation and the hope in the rightful income I should be getting... And till now 4 months passed and im not informed if they increased my probation period and cos of what?

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Songs

Songs is an art derived from the emotions. The words from the songs which we so often missed are some of the most beautiful art that could even surface from the elaboration of our emotions.

<3


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To the point of breakage

I'm strong and I know what I want and need now. What breaks me apart is the thought that he's not going to be a part of me anymore.

He had grown into me as much as I have into him.

It breaks me.

But this might be for the best.

It is and for the sakes of our happiness individually, I guess this is it.

I don't think I'm the cut at the other line of his soul and heart.
I don't feel that im the perfectly imperfect soulmate meant for him.

Idealistic as it sounds, I know that we all have that one person who will never be perfect to the eyes of everyone, but it's the feeling of acceptance that you know they are the perfect one for you...

Love is not about the general definition anyone else can form about, it's about how the couple make it according to their own ways/rules etc.

I still love him and I won't regret having him a part of me. I don't deny it. But as long as he don't acknowledge all the good things I did for him or own up to all the mistakes he did to me and our past rship, he'll never have the complete happiness he seeks, even with other women.

I know what he wants and what he seeks(or at least I used to), I can give that to him but not till he don't grow his own backbone and form his own needs and wants according to his own heart, away from influences whatever - As an individual, not as a race, a representative of a community.

As it is the phase of acceptance that were over is coming through.

I wish him well and my sincere apology I can't act as a friend cos I still have thoughts that we could make it perfect but it will definitely take a miracle.

And miracles don't happen in real love and life. At least not like this... It takes years of building the character that fits each other.

I'm still young and I know what I want and need... I always work hard to achieve it.

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The Love

I never thought it would turn out back to the end again. I thought of all the mistakes I did that contributed to our failures, accepted them and forgave myself, thus being able to apologize wholeheartedly to the one I have hurt.

Despite not doing the initial attack, it seems that my defense was so strong that the attacker fell back and having an injured pride resorted to hiding and as I seek him n held out my hand, after licking my wounds, he refuse to take my hand.

I found myself cheated. How come I could still see the importance and the affection, of the good things he has done, and in turn, he couldn't do so for all the things I did for him.

I did no unforgivable sin that requires such a response. I could think of all the reasons that can get me to go from years ago and never come back, so I feel cheated again, why doesn't that matter when I think of the love I have for him and I can still always come back and love him wholeheartedly?

How come I can come out as the culprit and not even given credit for all the things I sacrificed and did all this times?How come things have to be so complicated with my changing the status of my facebook relationship to complicated, and with that it becomes the basis of decision for the one who claims to love me completely, and ironically and sadly one who is the reason why I found our relationship complicated thus the change.

This is not a badmouth post about my former other half. This is about my feelings. I keep asking myself what did I do to deserve such a response or a retaliation.

In any relationship, specially a failed one, is never contributed by one person. Such is rare and never happens when both person testified of loving each other.

I feel cheated that despite it all, i can sit down and think of all the reasons I may hv contributed to the failure of the relationship, admit it and learn to destroy it.

How come it seems that all this time I'm the only one who was prepared to be true to myself and to come to reality. It helps, to really see what you did wrong, and admit it. It may not do anything to change what has happened, if it completely is over, but it makes you a stronger and much wiser person in the end.

But of couse, it doesn't mean that u admit your mistakes or even take the blames or swallow the wrongs that your other half did and take it as your fault, no that don't cut it cos your not being honest to yourself in the end, and instead of having enough strength to kill your own demon, you find youself haunted by the demon of your other half too.. No not good. It shouldn't happen that way.

If your other half cannot take his own faults in and swallow it and accept it, you will find your relationship alrdy dead - soon you will get the smell of death, a sign that it's too late.

I'm going to mourn this passing of a great love. Well, at least to me it was a great love, worth enough to choose it over anything, and taking the leap of faith instead of letting fear cave me in. This is how I love, and it ended jus 2months before we could enjoy our 36th month.

Well, this is know - I will have to find someone who will love me for me, completely and who gives me the credit I deserve. He will come. I won't give up on love just because of a huge failure - no one should.

And I'm wishing he will find the fit he's looking for, cos all this time, I nvr felt it was me...

"The real way to measure love is to measure how much hate you felt but turn it to love effortlessly." - M Jean

Love

It takes a few instances to know that love is more than the sugar coated moments you have with your partner.

It takes a few unwanted events to be stable and come out stronger. Your bond with your partner is defined when you know that you will not leave them alone and helpless.

Love happens through many ways possible. But it takes one way to really express it. That one way is...?

There's no one way.

This is the paradox of love and life. It takes for you to know who you really are to be able to say what way is the best for you to keep love and be strong.

So keep moving and keep going. Things will fall into place eventually. At least that's what I think.

My life update: A summary

I started my job as a Marketing Coordinator, taking over the job roles of my former Marketing Supervisor.
It has been a month plus since i started and i must say that my personal evaluation of my job is great!
I feel fulfilled and i always have this job as a source of motivation that i have a good stand in my career path.

Eventually, i still want to own a business and this path is what's going to take me there :)
I find that my job at Innocom is a mixture of all that i actually like to do. The fact that my Director is open to my suggestions and she gives good input on what to think about gives me a better gauge of how to do my own things, but accordin to what makes the management happy.

I am free to do what i like and source for good options, and what's left is the approval from Management, which most of the time i feel does not hinder me. What hinders me is the machines at work. I kind of hope that i can convince my Director to share the price of a laptop with me so i can use it for both work and personal use.

I need a laptop too actually but i've to wait out another two months to get my very own cos my mini acer laptop will go to Ana.

So anyway, today, i'm moving out of my parents' house. The room i've rented is a share room with an Indonesian lady who seems to be ok. Well, i don't intend to socialise anyway, i'm just there to have a place to stay and only give face for the little hours i might have to face my housemates.

There are altogether 6 ladies in a house, no males allowed which i'm relieved for because even if i don't bring shenath over, i don't have to be evicted if my roommate's guy comes over. I feel secure somehow because there is a camera in the common area. The house is free to roam unlike other rental flats.

Why am i moving out? Well, i think it's about time i do so. To those who knows are nodding by now, to those who knows me and is wondering, well, it's just time that i muster whatever courage that is left and leave the house that constantly don't give me the belonging i have been seeking for years. It's not because of everyone in the house, just one person.

To save our relationship, i decided this is the best move to do. I don't hate her, im just numb.
I love her a lot. I know and appreciate the level of things she has done for me, but for everything else, i think i just cant expect anymore.

I don't know what to feel.

I've to refresh. It should turn out better.

Midnight blabber

OMG..!

I have been selected by the Marketing Director of Innocom Technologies to be the Marketing Coordinator. I received two offers from the first two companies I have gone for an interview with.

I had to decline an earlier offer that pays $1500-$1700 due to Innocom's promising job position. I am indeed happy that I listened to my guard feeling not to accept ECS's offer yet without hearing from Innocom. Besides, I am working at the times and am very occupied so I guess it wasn't meant to happen with ECS. I feel bad though for the inconvenience I caused them.

But I am very much elated at both of the offers these two companies have given me. That I was wanted to be a part of them. I declined ECS because the position that was given to me is not exactly what I wanted to do. Yes it has growth opportunity but honestly, I don't really like having to do sales. (And the line I was posted to is not really relevant to the degree I wanted to do. ) I did sales before and I don't really have a good outlook of having to do it.

I am really happy that Innocom gave me this opportunity to be a part of them ( purely marketing and no sales..!)

I can hardly wait really.

I begin on March 1st, just as I have aimed for from a month ago. I truly feel blessed that not only did I get the position I wanted, I can sense new knowledge forthcoming.

So as Monday approaches, I have a lot of things to learn until the coming 2-3 months. I aim to strengthen my knowledge on the company as soon as possible and therefore cover my job scopes well and proper.

And blessedness ain't being given to me alone.
Shenath has been asked to come down for a second (or finalization) interview with an IT co.'s HR personnel. I really hope he can start by April, or better mid March..? Heh.

I'm sure he will be appointed the job..!

For today until Sunday however, Im out of town..! Heading down to tioman for a short getaway. Let's hope my route planning is foolproof.

Malaysians be nice to us people.

So readers, goodbye for now..! Will be back with photos =)

Goodnight.



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Murky waters

I don't really know what has happened and how it came to the point of me considering to move out of my comfort abode.

I just feel that this year is not just any other year and my leaving my 21st year is bringing me somewhere that is testing.

Let's see what's to happen. I only great mark for me now is that I've got a job as a Channel Telesales Executive with a relatively good pay. I can't wait for the other interested company to let me know if they want me, because I'm afraid I'd let go of a good opportunity who has marked me.

For now, may God bless me.

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Blabber of Midnight

It's 2.30AM.

Deliberately sleeping late as I have plans to avoid the matriach tomorrow morning, so I'm going to sleep in. I'm so tired of having to tolerate her constant passive agressive tactics of getting to my last nerve about jobs and its salary offer.

Sometimes, I hate having to be burdened by a tradition of breadwinners.

I dislike, yes, but I'm still proud of my roots because I'm a pro feminist and personally, I dislike having to seek financial aid from my partner.

I'm not a freak of a feminist. I appreciate feminism as it runs in my blood. But I realize that there is different types of feminist in my bloodline. And I realize I fit nowhere near the matriach's expectation.

Therefore, it seems that this is one conflict I can never hide nor run away from - at least not now. Let's just hope matriarch do not get in between me and my aspiration.

Sometimes, I feel matriarchs are not meant to be mothers. Sigh. Well, there are different mothers around in the world. But forever, daughters are and will always be in debt to their mother.

Sigh.

On a lighter note, Shenath and I have called a truce :)

And over a spring chicken!

YUM YUM!









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Dust it off

Having spent the whole day of Wednesday in a duel with Shenath and continuing on to cold war yesterday, I found myself restless and tired.

Partly in the need for love and partly still having the stupid need to hold a grudge.

Then again, I hate being angry with him and I dislike holding grudges.

It's 4.20AM of Friday and I'm still up. I've moved some of my blogs over to wordpress.com in favor of their pages and interface. However, blogger still beats wordpress hands down when it comes to the ease of uploading multimedia items.

Also, you can upload as much as you like with the huge amount of data space picasa offers. Oh well, cant have everything.

So going back to Shenath. Well, in less than 8 hours, it's a truce. Let's hope the truce is mutual.

And let's hope I'm in the same mood I am now for later.

Most probably I will be cos I miss him already.

Let's hope he wakes up nice and well, so when he picks up my call, I'd be more encouraged to give him a treat ;)

Goodnight for now.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone