He

This post titled He is meant to record my recent realization on how I feel about someone. He's the reason why my dating life is rather flaccid.

He has spoiled me for other men. My expectations on men has soared higher than I wished to imagine due to the desirable traits I see in him. I believe that if such a man like him still exists, surely, there would be someone of the same caliber as this one does (i hope).

I couldn't believe that I am actually, possibly, in love with him (oh no).

I've been consistently meeting him for the last 2 years and never could I really imagine that I would end up in this situation where I have reached the point I cannot put a stopper to my bottled feelings any longer.

And it's too late so I've nothing to do about it.

He's now confirmed on his feelings for another and is due to be acting upon it. He told me before that she doesn't know of his feelings for her and perhaps when it's time then he would either man up or just drop it.

I thought he'd already drop it, having heard nothing of a relationship blossoming. My plan was to get to know him first, to really befriend him to know what kind of man he is and size up if I do like him more than a friend.

Maybe I took a long time to do so.

I guess I did because now, he told me that he's ready to man up and work on his relationship department. This time, he said, he's ready. So bummer!

Just to cover up my (uncertain sadness), I gave him an advise that I learnt just recently - not to take too long, otherwise he'd be like me. Of course he doesn't know how I felt for him. I merely told him about my being dumped by this guy I was dating because of my lack of attention.

He seemed confident that the girl will either have him or no one at all.

So now, I have to face the truth. I am no longer going to be enjoying my 'school-girl' moment I feel around him.

This 'school-girl' feeling may actually speak something deeper actually, to come to think of it.

• When I'm around him, I'm infected with smile-virus. I smile not only on my face but deeply in my heart too. It's crazy.
• I get butterflies, and their wings ever constantly slamming onto my stomach walls.
• He makes me want to be a better person. Heck, I don't smoke when I'm out with him. In fact, I didn't need to quench my slight addiction. Simply put, he takes my mind of it.
• Being around a Godly man like him, I feel more closer to my faith because many times our conversation involve God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
• We serve in the same community and he's a perfect spiritual lead, a perfect head-of-the-family. That girl would be so lucky. I hope she treats him well.

Anyway, it's good that lately he gave in to my nosy self so he said that it would be good to update each other on the progress of our prayer intentions or to-do lists for 2014. So let's see how his ready heart proceeds to claim his place beside her.

For now I know what I have to do. I have to start seeing him nothing more than a friend, and be truly happy when he finally steps up his game. I cannot still retain this feeling and be truly happy for him with another. So the best way for me to be purely happy for the one I love is to let it go.

Whatever it is, I pray for his happiness.

Now...on to the next attraction. (no, just kidding)

I can't believe I was in denial for so long that it takes the recent meet-up with him for me to confirm exactly how much I feel for him.

To you reading this. Have you been harboring strong feelings for someone? Don't end up crushed, find every means and ways possible to tell him/her how you feel. Don't wait, do it now. Otherwise you'll end up only having an emotional flash card, similar to mine, that speaks something like this -