BITCHING?

what im going to touch on is purely a sensitive issue that i would like to be known to public. this is a LONG ENTRY. BUT I PROMISE JUICY CONTENT.
as someone felt that i was publicizing it and i was not really, so i think i should just do so...

now let me begin by saying that when a person has considered you as a friend,
after having forgiven you for talking behind her back with a concrete request of letting her know if you are unhappy in anything that she might do in the future, YOU DON NOT GO AROUND DOING things like those, even the likes of it... and u have to UPHOLD that request.

today, i felt a stab in my heart and i find myself thinking over if it's a sign something horrid was going to happen.
and then it occurred... i was dumbfounded, taken aback, surprised, shocked, whatever...

i did not in my wildest imagination that this will happen at all. let me be clear by starting this...

since in the morning i was at the normal talking term with this friend.
nothing was amiss, nothing seemed wrong at all...
we were laughing together. i was quite quiet though at some time of the day.
that is because i was getting so worn out as my energy level is not at the peak these few weeks.
and then by the mid afternoon my msn window of that person's lighted up.
i did not pay mind to it at first as i was doing some downloads. so i delayed it...
then when i clicked at it, i saw the message and i thought that it was a joke she want to pull at me.

it states "i think i dun like jean's att and jean and i no longer close animore and i think she doesnt like me too =D"
i was oblivious as to why she would say as such. so of course i asked her in the way of a normal "huh?"
i was prepared if it was a wrong delivery of message.
true enough it was. so i have her explained to me what she meant.

she came up with reasonable things at first as in, yes, we are not as close as before. i do understand that, and i feel that we are not. but i protest at the part of her sentence saying that i dislike her.
i told her before that if i dislike her i will tell her myself and she will be the first to know.
im a very transparent, straight-forward, polite person.
if there was anything wrong you find in my action you can definitely be safe in telling me.

so then i asked her what about my attitude that she dislike. so she said that no it was not my attitude, she said that it was just that today, she found me rude IN THE MORNING.
being concerned that i have acted in ways that is impolite to her, i asked her, what did i do?
and she said that she cannot remember.

**can i please emphasise - this wrong message delivered was in the afternoon. recipient of this message was her closest friend in the class, someone i hang out during breaks with.

if until at that point of time in the afternoon, she was keeping her cool about something rude that i did to her, she should have it imprinted in her mind, heart, spirit - whatever, about what i did wrong to her.
and when i asked SHE CANNOT REMEMBER. any logical explanation?

i told her that if she dislike me in the first place, why apologize to me last time of backstabbing me about something you misjudged? why befriend me?
she said that no she dont dislike me... but let me quote to you again "dislike me TOO =D" with a big " =D "
consistent story? u be the judge, because im concluding it all from this judgments.

so continuing with the issue, she defended herself saying that she cannot remember what is it i did rudely on her because she do not have a computer memory or some sort.
so she judge my attitude overall upon something that she is concrete in telling me?
i am surprised actually at how she discriminate her choice of disliking my attitude.

i did not give up, i told her to tell me. i insisted, im far too practical to feel sensitive about this issues about her being straight-forward with me will hurt me or something. i told her before, JUST BE STRAIGHT-FORWARD.
and then the next thing i know she was trying to convince me that it was just the TONE of my voice.
then of course i insist of knowing when and what is it i said that seem so harsh?
she said that she could not remember.
so tell me people, consistent?

i cannot remember anything that i find myself rude at her for something.
all she said was "there were other things in the morning also"
and let me quote her "i found the way u talk to me in the mrng was rude.and i dun rmb how u talk to me but yea"
okay, i dont know if she suffer from amnesia or something, but i believe that such a complaint about me will let you forget what i did is BULLSHIT.
and if i recall clearly, i was not even in the talking mood today...

okay then we go to the part as to why she is confiding to the other girl.
I CLEARLY SAY INITIALLY THAT i used the word CONFIDING.
so i ask her why confide in someone else when i told her way back that she can be s.forward with me.
so as quoted "LOOK.i wanted to confide to *girl ,if she was to tell me u werent really rude,and if i realise i was wrng..i wouldnt have done anithing about it. dats me,i ll ask my friend den il see if im really right or wrong. if i still felt dat i was right after talking to *girl,i would have came n talked to u about this "
*not her real name

how can *girl decide for her when she didnt have a scenario to tell *girl?
remember people, she said clearly "i dun rmb how u talk to me but yea "
this is then when i start labeling this a BITCHING.

then later on when i told her that that dont sound like CONFIDING and i asked her if she was BITCHING.. she said "i just really found the way u talk to me like rude,and i tot u dunlike me or wad" after saying no she wasnt bitching

then now let me direct your attention to my previous post, right before this post.
now you tell me why should she feel that i was publicizing her deed and why irritated?
i didnt put her name... i didnt say YET what happened. and i did not say things LIKE FUCK HER OR SHIT HER OR any profanity.
and then she felt irritated? about what? reading about me saying that i have been bitched? why the guilt?

anyway, what is a blog?
BLOG: A shared on-line journal where people can post daily entries about their personal experiences and hobbies ( pasted from wordweb dictionary)

today was an experience... such a fateful way of finding out something by ACCIDENTAL MESSAGE DELIVERY IN MSN- i repeat, in MSN.

at night before i decided to write this, what fueled me was this.

"can u tell ur friend to stop publicising to the whole world.and look,DOES SHE KNOW THE MEANING OF BITCHING AND TALKING.I DID NOT TALK BAD ABOUT HER OKAY.I KNOW YOU WILL GO AND TELL HER WHATEVER I TOLD U.UP TO YOU WHO YOU WANT TO BELIEVE. I HAVE A LIMIT TO MY PATIENCE"

she is damn right in telling our friend that he will tell me. he was not siding anyone.
and then i told him the ways i think. he himself suggested ideas that fits the bill.
AND TO DAMN HELL tell that girl I SHOULD BE THE ONE SAYING "I HAVE A LIMIT TO MY PATIENCE"
DEFINITION OF PUBLICIZE - to make something generally known or known to members of a particular group, typically by advertising

(Microsoft® Encarta® Reference Library 2005. © 1993-2004 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.)

BITCHING: Complain, say mean things. (so you werent bitching?")

"i never talked bad about her okay.i said what i felt,i felt dat i din like her att. i din go n say things like she is stupid or wadsoever.i tahan tahan,she talk to me i tahan.she post in her blog i fucking iritated.eh,look uh,i got better things to do okay.i duno wad to say to her oreadi la.got no comment. like she or anione else never go to their friend and say they dun like their att or smth.."

now u see the bold words i highlighted? SHE SAID IT WASNT MY ATTITUDE, IT WAS JUST ABOUT TODAY'S RUDENESS! consistent? u think for yourself.
*tahan - relaxed/ calm ( what was she *tahan-ing for when i was the one who was steaming up MORE)
AND THE THE POST(the previous one) she was irritated for what? find anything to be irritated about?
oh and something more... I APOLOGIZED TO HER for WHATEVER it was that i did wrong to her you know? i really feel like laughing. i mean i shouldnt have, but i have to.
i dont remember it so if i so happen to do so, then i did apologize.
but it was INCONSISTENT all along - next time come up with a CONCRETE EVIDENCE HOW I WAS RUDE TO YOU.
(even i agreed to WEN that i didnt like her. she settled things with me HONESTLY and she isnt even that close to me. BUT YOU ARE... oops, you WERE.)

anyway, im going off. to those who might ask questions as to why im not talking to her or im ostracizing her personally, this is the reason.
i think this way when im evaluating what people say. this is how my brain works...
so people if i was too observant and whatever, i wont apologise, this is the way i think.

to all, if you were to get this kind of thinking, wont you think that it was a cock-and-bull story?

to you: if you are dumbfounded at this post. THIS IS THE MEANING OF PUBLICIZING - IM THE TYPE WHO WRITES HONESTLY. so too bad for you... you accused me of PUBLICIZING, THIS IS ONE OF THEM. you asked for it. this is it...

**but i still consider her lucky, cos her name wont be out here. i still believe in women protecting women. so yeahs.

ciaos
goodnight