Nostalgia Weird

i woke up without my left hand,
it got stuck somewhere in between the world of dreams and reality...
of which to say i lay on it and thus causing it to numb.

Metaphorically, id like to think that my hand got stuck in another world;
another neighboring plane(dimension)

Panic struck me! as it always does...

Each time this happens, i felt the same pang of adrenaline rush-
the same momentous fear..

The numbness i felt made my poor hand jelly-like,
as much as it seemed lifeless, bone-less, gone, detached...
lost in time... frozen in time...

Minutes later as i became more aware, warmth rushes back to the frozen region of my arms and hands.

I shook it gently, then i hugged it closer to me.
I willed it to warm and evoke the horrid numbness.
Then... start went my day...

The day was rough in the beginning,
irritable moments threatened to spoil my mood...
It succeeded but the encouragement from the man in my life made it hard to keep myself mood out.
No matter he be with me or not, he's able to make me feel better.

Last year - Singapore Idol 2006

On the way to work, i saw the one person i had thought i will never see anymore...
Azim, The player turned Illusionist...

When i saw him, memories flooded me.
All the childish pranks and the entire memories of the coolest group in my alma mater.
We exchanged stories and news about the old members.
We recounted and recalled memories that lead to me, azim and his friend, bursting into fits of laughters.
Also, there came the all-time controversial event in the group, even in the school.
the Shaistah-Azim-Hajar relationship.
Then Azim stopped to recall Shaistah saying, "Mary she's damn beautiful right?"
I dont know whether to call him an asshole or to just mock him dry really...

Anyway, more info can be found about my old clique at my past post - NOSTALGIC ME
Our conversations went from exchange of news to the entire past of our clique, even our carpark tag.
it was really retarded. i miss every moment of it

but then he has to alight, sad to part but maybe all of us can meet once again.
at least before i die or something... haha
Then as he left, the laughters over the memories forced a smile on my face.
left like an idiot smiling to myself, but i know it only shows through my eyes...
It lingered there for quite awhile and then back to reality.



at work, i was visited by Nurul darling.
I totally miss her... so wonderful to see her... my walking diary
then something made me squirm inside.
SHE'S OFFICIALLY ATTACHED!!! like wtf haha...
and then came that sickening feeling i always dread.
after she told me, i know i have to be careful... i have to...

this is something only she and i know.

in the cafe today, something moved my heart.
Love.


Yes, L-O-V-E...
there was this couple that i served tonight.
the man appeared normal at first glance, but the second look gave away his mild disability. physical disability
he has apparently suffered stroke.
a strong one, enough to ensure it is evident.
the lady with him stood by him, still looking protective and proud with the man she is with, no matter how physically wrong he is.
i give my respect and of course i honor her.

it shows how much she love him.
how much she is there to stick to him, to be with him.
it shows how much love is under rated in the midst of the 21st century.
21st century's love is infatuation that has imitated itself like love.
only that this infatuation last a certain length of time.
that only when something goes wrong after weeks or a month, they'll know that they aren't in love enough to give their 100% nor their willingness to try.

i am amaze at how much i have life knowledge by looking at others.
sometimes i fear looking at my own ways and life.
i fear that by looking at myself, i would end up hating myself.
i would end up hating the way i am... i did before but i went past that phase already.
just that, what if,only what if, something comes to surface and i cant fight it anymore.
and thus spoil the relationship i have.

it doesnt matter.
time will reveal itself... it time spin it's yarn...

but now, just see the beauty of the moon